“And I don’t want you to.” Langdon deserved to have his father in his life no matter how hard that would be on me. Langdon needed his father. I didn’t need his letter to Santa to get that, but he didn’t understand what he was asking for. He didn’t understand the dangers it could bring with it.
“But you don’t want me in your life?”
“You’ll be in my life if you’re in Langdon’s.” That was crystal clear.
“Then you don’t want me in your bed.” His words sent a thrill through me remembering exactly what it was like being in bed with him, but I could resist him. I didn’t need a man in my life. I was strong and independent, and I would never rely on someone else again. Ryder may not have been the man to break my heart, but he could do it just as easily. I’d made the mistake before, and I’d never make it again.
“I don’t want anyone in my bed. Don’t take it personally.”
He laughed dryly. “Trust me, sweetheart, no one else is going near your bed.”
“Wait.” I held up my hand to stop him before he said more. “If I win our little game, you have no say over who’s in my bed.”
“You just said it yourself. You want no one there.”
“Doesn’t mean I won’t change my mind one day.” I wasn’t planning on it, but I wanted to make sure he understood no one was going to control my life.
“Whatever you say.” He smiled slightly, which worried me.
“Do the two days start now?”
“Yes.” He nodded.
“Ok. Let me call Nancy and tell her when to expect me back.”
“Make sure to tell her you won’t be alone when you return.”
“I will be.” I could resist him for two days. Couldn’t I?
“I wouldn’t be too sure about that.”
6
Ryder
I wouldn’t lose. Whether she knew it or not, I did. I’d seen the way she looked at me. I’d felt the way she kissed me. She wanted me, but she was afraid. I’d push her fear away and make her understand she belonged with me. I would make her see it wasn’t weak to let someone take care of her.
“How is he?” I walked over as soon as she hung up the phone. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to hear my son’s voice, but first I had to convince his mother that we belonged together.
“He misses me, but he’s having fun.”
“Speaking of fun.” I smiled.
“Yes?” She put her hand in the back pocket of her jeans. They were jeans I couldn’t wait to take off her.
“We need to make our plans for the evening.”
“I thought I was stuck here.” She pointed to the floor. “In your house.”
“And that’s why it’s going to be so much fun.”
Her stomach growled. I’d have to take care of that.
“Ready for dinner?”
She shook her head. “I’m not hungry.”
“I just heard your stomach growl.”
“I have no appetite.”
“What are you in the mood for? I don’t have tons in the house, but I can throw something together. Or we can order in.”
“I don’t need much.” Her stomach growled again.
“This isn’t about need. It’s about want. We can get to your needs later.” And I would definitely be taking care of both her wants and needs.
“I don’t have any needs in that department either.”
“Only wants?”
“Neither.” She crossed her arms.
“I’m making you uncomfortable.”
She looked down, noticed her arms, and quickly uncrossed them. “No. I’m just ready to go to bed so time will move faster.”
“You don’t actually mean that.”
“I do.” She raised her chin.
I closed the distance between us. “You don’t.”
She stepped back. “I do.”
She wanted to play hard-to-get. I’d go along with it. “Ok. I’m going to make myself dinner because I admit I’m hungry.” I turned and headed down the hall to the kitchen.
She didn’t follow. I didn’t need to look over my shoulder to know that. That was fine. She wasn’t leaving the house. She was too proud to give up this quickly.
I opened a few cabinets and the fridge and made a decision: I needed to leave. I hadn’t gone grocery shopping in weeks, and I knew exactly what to make her.
I found her seated on the couch. “I’ll be back in twenty-minutes.”
“What happened to not leaving the house?” She looked up at me through her big brown eyes.
“You’re staying here. I’m going out to buy us provisions for the weekend.”
“Provisions. Right.”
“You have something against being prepared?”
“No, but this whole situation is a bit crazy. I should already be on my way home now.” She sighed.
“You think it’s crazy for you?” I walked over to where she sat. “How about for me?”
“I’m sure it’s all a little bit surprising, but…”
“Surprising?” I kneeled down in front of her. “I just found out I have a three year-old son. A child I’d given up the thought of having. And the mate I’ve been craving. All of my dreams are now a reality.”
“Except the mate thing isn’t a reality if you mean me.”
“Of course I mean you. How could I possible mean anyone else?”
“Don’t pretend what happened between us was the first time for you.”
“It was the first time.” If she meant the intense connection.
“You’d never brought a girl you’d just met back to your hotel room?”
“No. I’d done that.” Not that I was proud of it. “But what happened between us was far more than a hook up. We both know that.”
“You mean since you got me pregnant.”
“No. That’s not what I mean.” I leaned close. “I mean the connection between us.”
She leaned back against the couch. “There’s nothing special about us. We found each other attractive and had sex. The result was an amazing little boy, but that’s the end of it.”
Listening to her write off what we had irked me to no end, but getting angry at her wasn’t going to help. “And that kiss?”
“What about it?” She crossed her arms again.
I reached out and moved her arms to the side.
“Why does that bother you so much?” She frowned. “They are my arms.”
“Because I want you to be comfortable around me.”
“That wasn’t one of your conditions, was it?”
“It was without me having to specifically list it. If you aren’t comfortable, you aren’t really giving me a chance.”
“Who said I was going to give you a chance?”
“I did.” I leaned in toward her. “You’re afraid. I get that, but eventually you have to let go of that fear.”
“I’ve been here an hour. You act like it’s been days.”
“It’s been years.” I put my hands on either side of her face. “Years. Don’t you think it’s time to move on from the fear?”
Her eyes locked on mine. “I’m not who you really want. You think you want me because I had your son. But once that excitement wears off you’ll be tired of me, and then you’ll break my heart, and then what? I’ll be stuck seeing you all the time but know you never wanted me.”
“What?” I couldn’t hide my shock. “Is that what you’re worried about?”
She shrugged. “It’s what’s going to happen. I’m not special. You talk about us both knowing things. We both know that. I still don’t know why you picked me that night in the bar when there were easily half a dozen women interested, but you did. I couldn’t believe it, and it’s why I was stupid enough to leave with you. In the end it worked out. I got the greatest gift ever.”
“I haven’t slept with a single woman since you.” I laid it out there hoping she’d understand how little I agreed with her. “And you are special. You are the most special woman in the
world as far as I’m concerned because you were meant for me. You were born to be my mate.”
“That’s impossible. It was possible our paths never would have crossed.”
“That’s how fate works. Doesn’t it?” I’d been so angry at fate—four years of searching and hoping I’d find her again had filled me with anger. “Human or shifter—paths need to cross in order for two individuals to find each other. The difference for us is I never could have settled for anyone else. It had to be you. Only you.”
“How can you be sure?”
“I felt it. I suspected it the moment I saw you, but I was afraid to believe it. I couldn’t deny it once our bodies connected. And now that I know you’ve had my pup, it’s impossible to deny. You couldn’t have done that otherwise.”
“You expect me to believe that the only girl you could get pregnant is me?”
“The only girl who could have my pup is you. For he is a pup. Not a human boy.”
“This is all too weird.” She turned her face away. Her stomach growled again.
“I’m running to the store. You’ll be here when I get back?”
“Do I have a choice?”
“Yes. But not one that makes sense for Langdon.”
“Did you have to say that?”
“Yes.” I nodded. “And I’ll be back before you know it.” I kissed her on the forehead and got up. The sooner I left, the sooner I’d be back.
7
Alexandra
I sat in the same spot on the couch long after Ryder left. Had I really just admitted all of that to him? If he hadn’t already thought I was pathetic, he did now. But my concerns were real. If I hadn’t had his child, he could have cared less that I was back. All of his mate stuff was crazy. It had to be.
I’d fallen for a man’s promises before. I’d opened my heart up, I’d taken a chance, and it had left me broken and alone. The last time I’d been practically a kid, only eighteen, and I’d destroyed my relationship with my family for him. It had been the biggest mistake of my life. He’d left me when he got bored and moved on with my cousin. I refused to ever feel that vulnerable and lonely again. It was that devastation that made me reckless. It was why I’d gone home with Ryder. In the end my recklessness had given me the greatest gift at all, but it was a one-time thing. Ryder and I had no future. We only had a past.
I sent Nancy a text to check on Langdon. Everyone ok?
Great. Stop worrying. How are things going with your wolf?
Don’t call him that.
It’s what he is.
I know. I heard a key turn in the lock. Talk later. I stuffed my phone back in my pocket.
“Honey, I’m home.”
I tried to bite back the smile at Ryder’s corny words. “That didn’t take long.”
“I told you twenty minutes or less. I meant it. When I tell you something, I’m going to deliver.”
“That’s a good trait.”
“You ready to admit you’re hungry?”
He’d gone all the way to the store. I might as well get something from his efforts. “Yes.”
“Good.”
“You didn’t ask what I wanted before you left.” It was too little too late, but it surprised me. He was so big on making me feel comfortable.
“You’ll like what I’m making.” He grinned before heading into his surprisingly spacious kitchen.
“Can I help?”
"Do you want to help?” He placed the paper bag of food on the counter.
“Why else would I have asked?”
“To be polite.”
“Does it appear I’m making a huge effort to be polite right now?” I’d been pretty rude actually, but considering the situation I assumed it was acceptable behavior.
He started unpacking the bag. “You never know. I don’t want you to feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to do.”
“Except to stay here.”
“I said to do anything you don’t want to do.” He crossed the room and stood next to me.
“I know what you said.”
“And you still contend you don’t want to be here?” He put his hands on my hips.
A thrill ran through my body, reminding me of the kiss and the previous nights we’d spent together. “Yes.”
“Really?” He leaned in. “So that means you don’t want me to kiss you right now?”
“I…” What did I want?
“Alex?” His lips were inches from mine. “Is that a yes or a no?”
“Yes.” The answer came without me consciously meaning to say it.
“Yes, you want me to kiss you?”
I nodded, hyper aware of how easy it would be for him to kiss me. He was so close.
And then it was happening. His lips were on mine, and his arms were around me. I opened up to him immediately, needing him, and wanting so much more than one little kiss. My hands tangled in his hair as he pressed me against him. I could feel his hardness, the evidence he wanted me as much as I wanted him.
In a whirl he picked me up and set me down on the counter. I wrapped my legs around him, pulling him as close to me as I could get.
He broke the kiss and locked eyes with me before slowly unzipping my sweatshirt. He tossed it onto the floor beside us.
I reached over and started to pull off his t-shirt. When I couldn’t reach any higher, he took it the remaining way and let it fall on top of my sweatshirt.
I ran my hand up his chest, marveling at the muscular plains that seemed even more toned and defined than I remembered.
He slipped his hand underneath the hem of my t-shirt. His warm fingers ran over my stomach in small circles that moved up my skin slowly. He ran his lips down my neck, finding my sensitive spot and giving it the most attention.
His hand continued to move up my body, hesitating just below my bra. He slipped one finger underneath the elastic, as if teasing me about what he was about to do. I turned my head to the side, letting him know I loved what his lips were doing to my neck.
Instead of slipping his hand under my bra, he unhooked the back first, giving himself easier access. He took one breast in his hand, running his finger over my nipple, slowly and teasingly.
“Are you ready to admit you want to be here?” He breathed into my ear.
I nodded, ready for his lips to return to my neck. Or my lips. Or anywhere else on my body they wanted to be.
“Say it. Tell me you want to be here.” He thrust against me. Reminding me of his desire and my own.
“I want to be here.” I was in a fog. A Ryder fog that made rational thought impossible.
“I was hoping you’d say that.” He pulled off my t-shirt and bra, tossing them on the floor before lowering his mouth to my breast. He grazed my nipple with his teeth. “I’ve missed you, Alex. I’ve missed you so much.”
He was the only one to ever call me Alex. And I liked it. I liked that he had a private name for me no one else used.
He bit down lightly on my nipple, and I yelled out. It had been years since a man had touched me, and the last man had been Ryder. It almost felt like picking up where we left off, but my body was different now.
I wondered if he noticed the few extra pounds. That thought was sobering. What was I doing? I pushed him away. “Stop.”
He stepped back. “What’s wrong?”
“We shouldn’t be doing this.” I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to cover my bare skin.
He pushed my arms down, far less gently than he’d done before. “Why? What changed in the last few seconds?”
“I set the pace. You told me I could. I’m setting it.”
“You do set it, but you’re going to answer my question. What changed? Was it something I did? Did you not enjoy having my hands and mouth on you?”
“No. I enjoyed that.” I wasn’t going to lie. Besides, from what I’d heard, shifters had better senses than humans. He probably already knew how aroused I was.
“Are you sure?” He leaned forward. “I mean I thought yo
u did. I know you liked this.” He ran his lips down my neck. “And this.” His hand returned to my breast.
“Yes.” I closed my eyes.
“So was this the problem?” His mouth returned to my breast. With one hand he squeezed my breast hard while at the same time he bit down on my nipple again.
I moaned.
“Are you going to pretend you don’t like that?”
“Oh. I like it.” I tried to calm down, but I was so turned on it was impossible.
“Then why are we stopping again?” He unbuttoned my jeans and slid two fingers inside, running them over my panties. “Are you ready to tell me?”
“Hmm?” I mumbled as his fingers moved further down.
“Alex, you’re supposed to be telling me why we shouldn’t be doing this.” He slid his fingers inside my panties. His lips returned to my neck. “Alex.” He whispered my name as his fingers started to slip inside me. “What was it we’re not supposed to be doing? Was it this?” He slid his fingers further inside.
I moaned as he found my spot.
“What was that? I didn’t hear you, baby. Why shouldn’t we be doing this?” He added a third finger. “Tell me. I’m waiting.”
“I.” I couldn’t speak through my heavy breathing.
He nipped my neck with his teeth. “You what? I can’t hear you. Tell me. What do you want?”
“I want you.” The words flew out.
He removed his lips from my neck and slowly pulled his hand out of my jeans.
I watched in shock, trying to contain my breathing while he buttoned my jeans.
“What? Why are you stopping?” I was pretty sure my jaw was on the floor.
“You’re the one who said we shouldn’t have been doing that.” He pointed at me.
“Yes, but I changed my mind.”
He grinned. “Only when my hands and lips got really persuasive.”
“What do you want?” I covered my breasts. If he was going to leave me feeling that frustrated, he didn’t get to see them. “What do I have to do?”
He pushed my hands down and left small kisses on each of my breasts. “You are going to explain to me why you asked me to stop to begin with. I want the truth.”
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