“I know you feel bad, Mags, but that guy is a loser. Never smiling, always with that shitty look on his face. I don’t know why you were hanging out with him in the first place.”
I nodded, but my heart wasn’t in it. We wouldn’t be hanging out anymore. Not ever again, so Bink needn’t have worried.
He reached out and grabbed the lapel of his jacket that was still over my shoulders, fishing around for a second before pulling the pint bottle from the inside pocket.
“Would the lady like a pinch of liquor?” he asked, in what I assumed was his attempt at a British accent, but failed miserably and ended up sounding like Arnold Schwarzenegger. He waved the bottle in front of me and I reached for it, but then shook my head no. As mad as I was at Mac, he was right about one thing. Less control over my powers was the last thing I needed, and I wasn’t about to make it worse on purpose. I was already tipsy enough for both of us, thanks to Rafe.
“Cool, are we pretending we’re from Austria?” Libby asked breathlessly, rushing up to the bleachers from the darkness.
Bink rolled his eyes at her, but his grin got wider as she approached. “What would that even sound like? The only people who can do an Austrian accent are people from Austria. That was my English butler accent. Get with the program.”
She waved him off and eyeballed me hard. “You okay? Your face is all red.” She came closer and sat down on the bleacher in front of me, fluffing her gown around her like a queen.
“Yeah, I’m just a little drunk,” I said with a wobbly smile. I felt strange though. I knew I was sad and mad and stressed since Mac had dumped all over me and broken my heart, but I was seeing it all through a hazy, wildish fog. “Rafe spiked my punch.”
“Asshole!” Libby started to turn like she was going to kick his ass and Bink stood up, but I waved them both down.
“It s’kay. He told me he was going to,” I said, too buzzed to feel guilty for the lie. It was for the safety of everyone involved. The last thing I wanted was for Bink or Libby to get hurt. “Let’s just enjoy the rest of the night together.” I widened my mouth into what I hoped was a grin.
Bink held my gaze for a beat, then sat back down, held up his bottle of JD, and shook it at Libby.
Libby shook her head and pointed at him. “You first.”
Bink took a deep breath, held the bottle to his lips, and threw back his head, his throat working as he sucked down a shot. He swallowed and gave me a watery grin. “ That wasn’t so bad.”
His cheeks had gone a little flush, but he handled it a lot better than I probably would have, so I stuck my pinkies into my mouth and let out a low, appreciative whistle.
He bowed then held the bottle to Libby.
She seemed to consider it for a few seconds but eventually shook her head. “I think I’ll pass; that way I can drive us home in a little while. You go ahead, though. We can get your car tomorrow.”
After all the begging and pleading, all the coercing and whining, now she couldn’t wait to leave early? I thought we’d have to beg her to go. “What gives?” I held her gaze, and she shifted, clearly uncomfortable with that line of questioning.
She shrugged one shoulder and glanced away. “I’m just not having as much fun as I thought I would.”
I couldn’t tell if she was telling the truth or just trying to save me from the misery of watching Mac and Ella together, but either way, she didn’t have to ask me twice.
I was out of there and away from Mac, and that was a good thing. Falling for a guy who was leaving the second they found someone to replace him was a bad idea. Falling for a guy who had a girlfriend was a terrible idea.
And falling for a guy who didn’t feel the same was the worst idea ever.
I grabbed onto the cold metal bleacher, and it went hot under my hand.
“Mags? You okay?” Libby asked, stepping closer to reach out for me.
“Yeah. Fine.” Not. All of Mac’s words came rushing back to me.
Spoiled.
Hotheaded.
Child.
And he was right. What was I thinking even coming here tonight? Short answer, I wasn’t.
“I think I’ve got to go home right now.”
Bink and Libby exchanged a look, and she nodded. “Sounds good to me. Bink will help you across the field while I pull the car around.”
In true Libby fashion, she raced off while Bink grabbed my arm and hauled me to my feet. I rocked and leaned into him, my legs feeling like jelly.
“I love you, man,” I muttered, my words coming out about as clearly as they had been in my head, which was not at all. Damn, I felt even drunker than I had before, if that was even possible. The lack of food combined with all the stress and the sleepless nights must have caught up with me.
Bink just laughed and pulled me closer, half carrying me off the bleachers.
“You’re a peanut, so I figured you’d be a lightweight, but a couple glasses of spiked punch and you’re slurring. That’s an embarrassment, dude.”
It was three, but I didn’t correct him. Instead, I let him maneuver me across the field and tried not to hurl on my pretty gold shoes.
“He hates me,” I whispered on a sob that I hadn’t even known was still locked in my throat.
Bink slowed and turned, steadying me until I could look up at him. “Why does he hate you?”
Good ol’ Bink didn’t even have to ask who I meant. That was lucky. I didn’t think I could say his name out loud.
But full of booze, with Bink staring down at me, his familiar face full of concern and his baby blue eyes locked with mine in the moonlight, I couldn’t keep the truth from spilling out.
“Because I’m bad.”
His golden brows drew together, and he shook his head. “Nope. Not even close. You’re one of the best people I know, Mags. If he hates you, that’s on him.”
I lurched forward, my heart so filled up with love for my friend. I wrapped my arms around his waist and squeezed. His giant arms closed around me like a blanket, and I cried.
We stayed like that for a few minutes until Libby’s headlights shone in our direction, and then he scooped me up and carried me to the car.
He was my frigging hero.
And then I cried some more. I’d soaked the front of his shirt by the time we got to the lot, and Libby ran around the side of the car to open the door. He set me gently into the seat and came around to the other side and climbed in the back with me. I slumped onto his warm shoulder and closed my eyes, letting his warmth seep into me, letting pain and the sadness fall away as I slid into oblivion.
I don’t know what jerked me awake, Bink shrugging me off him or the blast of energy that poured into me. I sat bolt upright in horror as a feeling…a thought curled around me.
Pure love. God, Libby is so beautiful. So fucking smart and funny. Why would she ever like me? I’m about to find out. Tonight. No more fucking around.
But those weren’t my thoughts.
They were Bink’s. I was feeling Bink’s feelings and seeing Bink’s thoughts from earlier that night. Even now, through the confusion and terror, I could sense the infusion of power. The high.
In my drunken sleep, I must have latched onto him and the emotions closest to the surface. Only this time, I hadn’t just peeked at memories. I’d stolen something. Something precious and sweet.
I’d stolen Bink’s love for Libby.
I stared up at him in shock, and he looked back at me, puzzled. “I think that shot from before just hit me. I feel really weird.”
His voice was dazed, and I wanted to grab his hand. Comfort him, but I was afraid to touch him. God, what if I hadn’t woken up? What if I had taken more? I could’ve physically injured or even killed him. Panic swamped me, and I crowded toward the door. I was going to throw up.
“I need to get out of the car,” I whispered furiously.
We were still half a block from my house, and Libby met my gaze in the rearview mirror.
“What the heck are you talking
about?”
“Stop. Right now. I’m going to be sick.”
She slowed and that was enough for me. I fumbled until the door opened and all but fell out onto the street.
“Jesus, Mags,” Bink yelled.
His energy and my own hysteria had given me a burst of strength, and I used it to start running. I cut through the Callahans’ yard and up my front steps, gasping. I still had the wherewithal to open my front door quietly and slip inside. I couldn’t face my mother right now.
All was quiet save for the pounding of my heart, and I slunk upstairs. Once I was in my room, which was far enough away that Mom wouldn’t hear me from hers, I let the tears come.
What had I done? What had I just fucking done to my oldest friend? An image of Libby’s face flashed through my mind as I realized that my crime had more than one victim. I was a monster, just like Mac said I would be.
I sank to the floor and sobbed, rocking, babbling, praying. My whole body quaked as I tried to think of something, anything, that might fix this mess. I grabbed my buzzing phone from my pocket, hit ignore on Libby’s incoming call, and punched in Mac’s number.
He hated me. He never wanted to see me again. Too bad. I needed his help and whether it came with more hate and a nonnegotiable invitation to the Council or not, I was willing to take it.
The phone rang six times before going to voice mail. Then it started buzzing again. Libby. I tossed the phone aside and stripped off my clothes. Sobriety was priority one if I had any hope of figuring out what to do next. I stumbled into the shower, gritting my teeth before turning the faucet to straight cold water. I barely held back my scream as the icy spray shot out.
Good. I wasn’t sober, but at least I was alert.
I stayed there as long as I could stand, then dried off. Once I was dressed in my nightclothes, I tiptoed down the stairs, relieved to find the kitchen empty. I popped a pod into the Keurig and brewed a cup of coffee while I forced down a dry piece of bread.
By the time I got back to my room, I was feeling just as miserable but a whole lot clearer. I’d hurt two of the people I loved most, and I needed to fix this, whatever it took. I eyed the stack of books for a minute and then dove in. Maybe there was something in there that could help.
But two hours later, I was exhausted, numb, and no better off than when I’d started. Dozens of books were scattered around me like soldiers on the losing side of a war. I rubbed my bleary eyes and stared, unseeing, down at the last of the ones I’d thought might help. But they hadn’t. All reading them had done was confirm that what kardia Aphrodite took, they took for keeps.
I’d stolen Bink’s love for Libby, and I could never give it back.
Chapter Eighteen
“Mags?”
I stirred at the quiet voice calling my name through some sort of filter, but that hurt so I stopped moving and stayed perfectly still. And that hurt, too.
“Mags, come on.” The quiet voice got wicked loud, and my head split in two.
“Jesus, stop yelling,” I choked out through my dry-as-sand throat. The bed creaked and dipped, taking my stomach with it. The world went wobbly and the pain in my head intensified.
“Why are you doing this to me?” I pleaded with the voice.
The covers over my head disappeared with a snap, and if I could have mustered up the energy to scream, I would have. Cold air blasted in from all sides, and I stiffened.
“Come on, you’re never going to feel better if you don’t rehydrate. I brought you some Vitamin Water.”
Now that I knew my mystery guest was Libby, I could cease my repeated failed attempts to open my eyes in the face of the sun glaring through my window.
“I’ll shut the shades,” she murmured. The bed shifted again, and a second later the room went blissfully dim. Another second and my cocoon was back in place as she shook the blankets over me and covered me like a child.
“You have to sit up and drink something.”
I couldn’t argue there, since my tongue felt like a sock, but I sure as hell wasn’t drinking Vitamin Water.
“What else you got?”
Another sigh, but I knew my girl, and my brattiness was rewarded. There was no way she thought she’d actually get me to drink that stuff so she definitely had backup. “Strawberry Nesquik. But seriously, the other stuff is so much better for you.”
I stuck my hand out from my fort and waited.
“Fine, it’s your funeral.”
It sure as hell felt like it. What had happened last night? My fingers closed around the bottle, and it all came back to me in a rush. Saliva pooled in my mouth, and not in a good way. It had me reconsidering the Vitamin Water, but when the nausea passed a minute later, so did the urge. I could feel Libby’s eyes on me, but I couldn’t even look at her.
My throat ached with unshed tears. What was I going to do to fix this mess?
It took a few minutes, but I managed to drink half the carton of milk and wash down four Advil with the other half. Libby sat by quietly, making soft, comforting sounds until I finally stuck my head out.
“Better?”
I went to nod but even the thought sent my head splitting again. “Yes, thank you.”
“Good, then tell me why you jumped out of the car last night like a psycho and why you didn’t answer your phone. I was worried sick, but I didn’t want to call the house and wake your mom up and get you in trouble.” Her voice shook a little, and I realized I should have thought of that last night. It had just been mistake after mistake, hurting people in a dozen ways, over and over.
I opened my eyes and met her bleary hazel ones. She probably hadn’t slept a wink.
“I’m so sorry, Lib.” I had already decided not to tell her about Bink. At least, not until I talked to Mac to see if I could fix it. “I came into the house and got sick, then I passed out.”
“And you couldn’t send me a quick text?”
“I was totally wasted. I barely remember coming into the house.”
She let out a shaky breath and straightened the bow in her hair. “Still, seems like you would think to call your best friends to let them know you were okay.”
“I know and I’m so sorry. Please don’t be mad. If it helps, I never plan on drinking again.”
“Promise me.” Her tone was as serious as a suicide note, and that surprised me. She’d watched me do a lot of stupid things, and lately, had chosen to stop watching me do stupid things and make herself scarce, but she’d never tried to talk me out of something before.
I gingerly pushed myself up into an almost-seated position and held out my pinkie. “Promise.”
She slid her little finger through mine and we shook on it, which was as good as a blood oath, to my mind.
“How was Bink after I left? Okay?”
She looked away and shrugged. “He seemed okay. Not like you, that’s for sure. He was a little weird when I dropped him off, though. I thought…” She trailed off and pushed a handful of blond locks away from her face and my heart gave a squeeze. “It doesn’t matter.” She shouldered her way farther onto the bed and laid down next to me. “So talk to me. What happened with you and Mac?”
I considered faking narcolepsy because that subject was no better than the last, but the weight of Libby’s stare was enough to make my whole body start hurting again.
“He’s mad at me for hanging out with Rafe. He feels like I could have gotten myself into trouble. He doesn’t like or trust him.” All true.
“Why not?”
She seemed really interested, and I wished I hadn’t mentioned it.
“I’m not sure. But he has a girlfriend anyway, and I have no interest in Rafe, so none of that matters.”
“So what now?”
I didn’t want to think about that, or what I was going to say to him when I called him. If he ever answered his phone. But I was determined. For Libby. For Bink. If he didn’t answer, I’d stop by his house. He couldn’t be gone yet. After what I’d done yesterday, surely they would
n’t leave me unchaperoned.
I made a vow to myself that, no matter how scared I was, no matter what the punishment, I would find Mac today and tell him what had happened. It would be wrenching to see him again after the night before, but this wasn’t about me anymore. This was about fixing what I’d broken.
But first, I had to go see Eric. I’d missed Saturday because of Swirl prep, so I’d planned to go today. I wasn’t about to let my reckless behavior the night before get in the way of any more of my responsibilities. Especially since the odds of me having my powers stripped and my memories erased had just gone up a thousand-fold after what I’d done last night.
“If you want a ride to the hospital, get ready to go,” Mom called from the bottom of the stairs.
Libby stood and, after extracting a promise that I would call her later, left. I got dressed, taking a second to tuck Mac’s ring in my back pocket for courage, and we headed out. A few times on the drive over, Mom tried to start up a conversation about the dance, but she realized quickly that it hadn’t been the stuff teen movies were made of, so she stopped and turned on the radio.
When she let me out in front, I was still feeling slightly dizzy and a little off, but my mind was clear and my resolve was strong. This might be the last time I could visit for a while, or ever, and I needed to make the most of it for Eric’s sake.
I stopped by the front desk and said a quick hello to Claude, then headed down the long corridor, mouth-breathing it the whole way. The astringent smell of sterilizing agents mixed with a wicked hangover almost had me heaving again.
I stopped by the second floor on the way up to pass by the nursery, taking a minute to peer in at the newborns. I’d never been one of those girls who’d dreamed about her wedding or who spouted off stuff like, “I’ve always wanted to be a mommy,” but something about those red-faced, fat little babies wailing in there made me feel…hopeful. Or something. Like even though I was there to see Eric and his situation was dire and almost paralyzingly depressing and everything in my own life had shattered, seeing the newborns gave me the little kick I needed to get the rest of the way down the hall and do what I needed to do.
Chaos (Kardia Chronicles) (Entangled Teen) Page 24