His face spread with surprise as if that was not the response he expected.
“Malik, I didn’t plan that. It just happened. But I can promise nothing will happen with me and Brian again.”
He twisted his lips in doubt.
“I mean it, Malik,” she said with as much sincerity as she could. “I’ve met someone and I’m not willing to risk this relationship.”
It took a moment, but he exhaled. And smiled. “Okay.” He paused. “So, who’s this new guy?”
She waited a beat. “Hosea Bush.”
His smile was gone. “Oh, no, Jasmine,” he groaned.
“Malik, this is real.”
“How can this be real? Last week you were in love with Hosea’s father.”
“I wasn’t really in love.”
“I know that. But I couldn’t convince you of it.”
“Look, you were right and I was wrong.”
“And now you’re wrong about Hosea Bush.”
“I’m not. Malik, when I met Hosea, I didn’t have any idea who he was. I like him because of him.”
“He’s not even your type.”
“You don’t know my type,” she said, trying to hold back her anger. “And anyway, I’m not doing the pursuing. He came after me.”
Malik stared before he asked, “What can I say to get you to drop this?”
“Nothing.”
He exhaled a long breath.
Jasmine said, “Malik, Hosea is different. That’s why I know nothing will happen with me and Brian again.”
He rolled his eyes and she could imagine his thoughts: Reverend Bush, Brian Lewis, Hosea Bush. If she were outside looking in, she’d be thinking the same thing. But she knew her heart. It wasn’t that she was in love, but she was certainly—after yesterday—in deep like. And her heart was open to much more.
He sighed. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”
“I do.”
“I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“I won’t.”
He stood. “I made a promise to your dad that I would take care of you. That’s all I’m trying to do.”
“I appreciate that.”
“You’re a hard one.”
“I’m not trying to be.”
He left her office without another word.
Alone, she exhaled. It was careless, the way she’d handled Brian. But it was certainly a great warning. If Malik could find out, then one day, Hosea could too. There would be no more risks. From now on she had two missions: Hosea and Rio. And both missions would be accomplished.
Chapter 24
Jasmine felt like a five-year-old.
She stomped into her apartment, threw her purse onto the floor, kicked off her shoes and tossed them across the room.
“This isn’t working,” she screamed and punched one of the pillows.
She didn’t remember a time when she couldn’t get a man to do what she wanted. But Hosea wasn’t susceptible to her womanly wiles. He was moving this relationship forward his way, like this was his plan.
From the outside, it looked like the two were in the center of a whirlwind romance. For the last four weeks, even though Hosea’s schedule in preparation for his September premiere was as frenzied as hers, he always found moments to steal her away for quick lunches, romantic dinners, or just strolls through Tribeca, SoHo, and Harlem.
Even in those in-between moments when they couldn’t spend time together, Jasmine had no doubt that she was close to his heart. He showed her, through the single rose that waited at her door when she returned home from work at midnight. Or by the voice-mail messages that were on her machine before she even arrived at the office. Or even with the lunches that he had the caterers from his set deliver when he suspected she wouldn’t take time for a break.
And then today, he’d shared one of his favorite Sunday adventures with her.
“New York street fairs are the absolute best,” he’d told her. “You’re going to love it.”
So, after church this morning, she’d rushed home, jumped into jeans, and then they’d spent hours wandering up and down thirty blocks on Second Avenue, browsing through old books, tasting a bit of every kind of food, shooting hoops, and shaking their heads at the long lines that had gathered around the psychics. They laughed at the street clowns entertaining the children. They cheered as young performers sang and danced across the center stage.
To her, today had been one of their best times together—until the cab that carried them home stopped in front of her apartment.
“Hang here, chief,” Hosea said to the cab driver. “I’ll just be a couple of minutes.”
“Fine, but the meter will keep running.”
When they were standing on the curb, Jasmine put her arms around Hosea. “I had a great time, just like I always do with you.”
“Glad to hear that, darlin’. But let me get you inside before I have a forty-dollar fare.” He nodded toward the cab and laughed.
She dropped her hands to her side. Stood straight, as if her stance would help. “I want you to send him away,” she whispered. “And then…come upstairs with me.”
First, he stared. Then, he sighed. And she was reminded just how many times she’d extended—and he’d declined—this invitation.
“Why do we have to talk about this again?” he asked.
Annoyance was in his tone, but she didn’t care. Her irritation was far beyond his.
Jasmine said. “Aren’t you attracted to me at all?”
He rolled his eyes. “What do you think? I’m not blind.” Although he lowered his voice, he stayed stern. “But this is not just about me. This is about you and me and the way God wants us to live.”
She took a breath to stop from screaming that she was sick of God being his excuse. The Lord couldn’t possibly expect celibacy from grown folks in today’s times.
But she’d told him all of that before. Tonight, she was ready with new ammunition. “Okay, I understand your view, but what about the other side?” She took his hand and led him away from the blare of the passing traffic. “Aren’t you curious? What if we’re not compatible?”
He frowned. “Not compatible? We’ve spent almost every day together. We’re compatible.”
“I’m talking…sexually.” She’d lowered her voice, even though there were few passing pedestrians. “Suppose we go through all of this and then we’re not compatible in bed.”
He’d kept his voice as soft as hers. Placed his hands on her shoulders. “If we believe God and trust Him, and if He tells us we’re supposed to be together, then He’ll make sure that we’re compatible in every way. God knows what He’s doing. He doesn’t make mistakes, Jasmine.”
“Hey, buddy, are you coming?” the cab driver called.
“Yeah.” He turned back; kissed her cheek. “Trust me, Jasmine. You’re going to see that I’m right.”
He dashed to the cab, and she had smiled when he waved. But in her head, she’d called him a fool.
Now, as she sat in her apartment, she wondered what she was going to do. This was why sex was so important. If she had bedded him by now, she’d be picking out linen and selecting a china pattern. But with Hosea, no sex meant he had the power.
She stood and walked to the window. To this point, her plan was flawless. He was falling for her; he’d told her so many times. Neither had used the L word, but she knew even that wasn’t too far away.
It was an ideal relationship—except she needed sex. She needed the release. She needed the control.
Somehow, some way, she was going to get Hosea into bed. Because if she didn’t, no one could ever hold her responsible for what this madness might make her do.
Chapter 25
The sand tickled her toes.
Jasmine and Hosea sauntered, hand-in-hand, along the Fire Island coastline. She inhaled the ocean’s scent and then sighed.
“You okay, darlin’?” he asked.
“I’m better than okay.”
He smiled his approval, and they cont
inued their stroll to the rhythm of the water’s waves.
Today had been another one of Hosea’s surprises. He’d called this morning and told her they were going to spend the day celebrating Rio’s upcoming opening.
“But it’s not all good, darlin’,” he’d said. “I just found out that I have to be in Philly Thursday and won’t be at the club with you. So, I’m doing a little making-it-up-to-you now, and I’ll have a little somethin’ for you when I get back next weekend.”
She’d been disappointed, but she couldn’t stay in the sadness for long. Not when she looked back over the past weeks and all that he did to make her feel wanted. He did everything—except satisfy her sexual needs.
Jasmine still hadn’t been able to change any part of his mind—or persuade any part of his body—to have sex with her. And she was still trying to find a way to be content with that. She told herself that she didn’t need his physical love when every day, he lived his love for her. She had him—emotionally, spiritually, mentally. All she needed to do was believe, that was enough.
“Are you ready to eat, darlin’?” he asked, nudging her from her thoughts.
She nodded, although she could have stayed at the edge of this paradise forever. On the boardwalk, they rinsed the sand from their feet, then strolled to the waterside restaurant Tête-à-Tête. They were seated at a booth that faced the ocean and where a sandy-haired, surfer-looking waiter took their orders. For the next hours, they shared their food, a calamari salad and a seafood stew. And shared conversation, their dreams and goals.
By the time Hosea escorted her into her apartment building, she was ready to beg for his hand in marriage.
She kissed his cheek. “Thank you for another beyond fantastic day.” She turned toward the elevator, but he held her hand as if he couldn’t let go.
“Jasmine,” he started and then hesitated.
“What’s wrong?” She wasn’t sure what was behind his stare, but his intense gaze made her heart thump.
He said, “I can’t end this day without letting you know how much you mean to me.”
She opened her mouth, but he placed the tips of his fingers on her lips, stopping her.
“Just saying your name makes me smile. I don’t know when it happened, but you’ve stolen my heart.” He’d turned her hand, kissed her palm, let his lips linger in the center of her hand. And then he left.
Jasmine stood in place, watching him as he sauntered away. She stayed right there until she couldn’t see him anymore.
Inside her apartment, even though the sun had set hours before, she didn’t bother to turn on any lamps. She didn’t need light as she stripped from her clothes and sank into bed. His words were still with her when she closed her eyes, and it was his words that lulled her into a heavenly sleep.
Chapter 26
The club was bustling with the sights and sounds of last-minute preparations.
The staff rushed around, security completed their walk-through, and Jasmine shouted out instructions to all. In less than an hour, Rio would be open.
She walked to the center of the space that just twelve weeks ago was nothing more than four walls of cold concrete. But now, Premiere magazine called the two-level club “the jewel of downtown,” and declared that tonight’s opening would be “the best celebration in lower Manhattan post 9/11.”
Jasmine had worked hard for that review. The last weeks had exhausted her. Contractors, designers, and planners had hounded and pounded her until there was little left. But what work had taken away, Hosea restored.
Days had passed since their time on Fire Island, and still, she kept the words he’d spoken in her heart, pulling them to her consciousness whenever she needed to be reminded that she shouldn’t do anything to risk winning this prize.
“I’m getting so close,” she said to herself.
“Uh, oh. I’ve been working you too hard if you’re talking to yourself.” Malik strolled toward her. “You look fantastic.”
She grinned. This was only the second time that she’d worn the dress that Hosea gave her for her birthday.
“You don’t look bad yourself.” She straightened his tie. “So, are you ready for your big night?”
“Tonight belongs to you too.” He glanced at his watch. “We don’t have much time before the doors open.” He watched as staff still hustled through the space. “Are we ready?”
“Definitely. But even if we weren’t, we still have time. Only the countriest of country folks would show up right at nine.”
“What’s up, my people?” J.T. swaggered toward them with a woman hanging from his arm that Jasmine knew was not his wife.
Jasmine glanced at her watch, then looked at Malik and smiled. “Showtime,” they said and laughed together.
The music was blaring.
Jasmine climbed to the second-level lounge. This may have been an invitation-only event, but both levels of Rio were packed as if it were New Year’s Eve. Still, the upper floor gave her a bit of a reprieve from being the welcoming hostess. Her cheeks ached from her smiles that greeted everyone and her mind was bored with the useless chatter that came from every guest.
Still, she was pleased. Three hours into the night, drinks were flowing and food was devoured as if Rio were already a first-class night spot.
She glanced over the rail and watched the couples on the lower-level dance floor, before she turned toward the bar.
“Hey, Stu, I’ll have a Coke, no ice, please.”
“Sure thing, boss.”
When he returned with her glass, a voice behind her said, “I got that.”
Her heart raced and the memory that belonged to him rushed back as if they’d been together yesterday.
When she faced him, she said, “Put your wallet away, Brian. I’m part owner, remember?”
He grinned, nodded, and then looked at her as if she were naked. Without taking his eyes from her, he said, “Nice club.”
She sipped her soda, and, wished that this time, her glass was full of ice. “What are you doing here?”
He shrugged. “I hadn’t been to New York in a while and when J.T. told me about the opening, I thought I’d surprise you.” He paused. “And I know you’re surprised since you forgot to send me an invitation. My feelings were hurt.”
“I’m sure that’s not true.”
He leaned in close and when she inhaled, the smell of him reminded her of the feel of him. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’m sure,” she paused to clear her throat, “that’s not true, either.”
“Where are you staying?”
Her hands began to shake and she rested her glass on the counter. “At my apartment,” she said with as much steadiness as she could gather.
“Where do you live?” he whispered even though the music blared loud enough to make the walls vibrate.
“I can’t—”
“I know you can’t…leave right now. But we have all night.” His lips grazed her ear.
She took a step aside, needing the space between them. “Brian, I’m involved with someone.”
He finished what was left in his glass. “So am I. By the way, Alexis sends her good wishes.”
Jasmine knew that wasn’t true and she wondered what was his game. Why would he mention his wife?
“Enjoy the rest of your evening, Brian.”
He chuckled. “Oh, I plan to.” He rested his hand on hers and a charge surged through her veins, igniting a fire within her.
Even in her four-inch stilettos, she dashed away, praying that distance would be her medicine. Cure her of the thoughts, the memory, the desire.
Downstairs, she mingled with the crowd, but she couldn’t hide. Brian stayed with her, in her mind. The way he talked, the words he spoke. The way her skin tingled at his touch.
Her stomach churned; her head ached.
“Jasmine, you don’t look so good,” J.T. said. “Don’t tell me you’re sick again.” He chuckled.
She stared at him and then glanced at the two w
omen who held his arms. “I’m just tired.” She peeked at her watch. It was almost midnight. How was she going to share the same space with Brian for four more hours?
“Hey, I’ve been looking for you,” Malik yelled over the music. “This is going great.”
She nodded.
“Jasmine’s not feeling well,” J.T. told Malik.
He frowned and Jasmine knew he was remembering the last time she’d told him that.
“This time, I really don’t feel well, Malik,” Jasmine said, now feeling nauseated. “I’m going to check on everything and then get out of here.”
After a moment, his face creased with concern. “You’re shivering.”
She hadn’t noticed; she didn’t know why she was shaking. She certainly wasn’t cold. She could still feel the heat of him. “I think it’s just all catching up with me. The long hours, no sleep, the music—” Her fingertips massaged her temples.
“Well, there’s really no need for you to stay. Gabriella is working with Stacy and Tina is here too if we need any extra help. Where’re your things? In the office?”
She nodded.
Within minutes, he returned with her jacket and purse, and then walked her to the front door.
“Jasmine,” Stacy stopped them before they stepped outside. “We’ve run out of—”
Malik held up his hand. “I’ll handle it.”
“They need you in the kitchen,” Stacy said.
“Go ahead, Malik,” Jasmine said. “I’ll catch a cab.” She peeked through the glass. “They’re lined up out there.” She waved good-bye, then once outside, welcomed the fresher air. Already she felt revived. This was all she needed—to get away. Leaving now was going to keep her happily-ever-after alive.
Jasmine motioned for a cab. When the yellow car stopped, a hand came from behind her and reached for the door.
Please, God. No.
“Want some company?” the voice whispered.
She couldn’t look back. Didn’t need to. She could smell him, feel him as he pressed against her. She slipped into the car, hoping that he wouldn’t follow, then praying that he would.
A Sin and a Shame Page 15