by Cindy Stark
She searched his eyes, looking for something to tell her she'd really heard what she'd always longed to hear. Part of her was afraid she'd imagined the whole thing.
Then the reality of what he'd said sank in, and her frustration returned. "But you did walk away from me. You pushed me away."
He agreed. "But can't you see it's because I care about you? My life is contaminated with death and fear, and I don't want you anywhere near it." He touched her face. "You deserve so much better. I wanted to give you that."
Her throat grew thick with emotion. He loved her. She leaned into his strong chest, sliding her fingers up the back of his neck and into his hair, loving the feel of him. She should be angry with him, but all she could think was he was there, in her arms, and he loved her. At that moment, nothing else mattered.
She tugged his head down to hers. When his lips were less than a breath away, she whispered, "I love you, too. I love you so, so much."
He claimed her with a fierce kiss that lifted her off her toes. He crushed her in his embrace, sending tremors through her that rivaled the exploding thunder outside. She wrapped her arms and legs around him as he leaned back against the window frame.
A knock on the door ruined their perfect moment. Jase pulled away and set her down. He caressed her bottom lip with his thumb. "Hold that thought."
Allie laughed as he stumbled into a coffee table on his way to the door. Once Jase opened the door, she could see a young man in a courier's uniform, his face set in a frown.
"I'm so sorry, sir. We tried to get your request here sooner, but the rain's pouring down, and traffic's a mess."
Jase pulled out his wallet. "No problem." He glanced back at Allie. "Tell you what, I'll give you two hundred if you take them away and bring them back tomorrow morning." He slapped two bills in the kid's hand and shut the door.
He hurried back to Allie with a smile on his face that left her feeling giddy. "Was that my clothes?"
"Maybe." He took her chin in his hand and kissed her. "But don't worry, if it was, you won't need them until tomorrow."
"Jase." She laughed as he leaned her backward over his arm and placed a possessive kiss on her lips. Then with his free arm, he scooped her up and turned to the window seat. He laid her down softly and followed her until he was on his knees in front of her. He kissed her again, and she wondered if she'd ever get enough.
He ran a thumb over her cheek. "I don't know how you can love a monster like me."
How could she possibly explain how happy it made her just to be with him? "I do love you, Jase. I don't know why you think you're a monster." She placed a soft kiss on his lips. "I think you're perfect."
He scoffed. "Hardly. I'm a man who willingly lives in a world filled with hate, murder and revenge. Why would you want to have anything to do with me?"
Before she could answer, the power went out, intensifying the darkness of his words.
Allie reached out and found his face as her eyes adjusted to the loss of light. "You're just lost in all the madness. The death of your family. Revenge. I think you know it's not a good place to be."
He snorted. "Yeah, well, it's the only place I know. And it's not a place I want you to be."
Lightning flashed, and she caught a glimpse of his tortured face. She was not going to let him push her away. Not again. Not now that she knew he loved her.
He'd once saved her. Now, it was her turn to save him. And she'd do it in a way so he'd have no chance of stopping her.
She pulled him down to her, finding his lips in the dark. "I don't want to talk about me leaving right now. You've just told me you love me, and I want to bask in that for a while." She tightened her hold on him. "So shut up and kiss me."
He, apparently, had no trouble complying with her request. His kiss was no longer demanding and possessive, but had switched to a much slower tempo. As he kneeled next to the window seat, he moved his lips over hers, slowly, softly, and when she tried to deepen their kiss, he pulled back. "No," he whispered. "I want to savor this."
Somewhere inside, she couldn't help but think he intended to make this the last time they'd make love. If so, he was dead wrong.
She shivered as his kisses moved from her lips, along the side of her neck, stopping near her collarbone. He paused, and then slowly pushed the edge of her robe down over her shoulders. Her breasts still lay beneath the fabric, but they were so close to being exposed. The act of not quite baring everything was more seductive than she could have imagined. His fingertips grazed over her bare skin, giving her chills, making her ache for his touch in other places.
The lightning flashed. "Jase," she whispered, suddenly scared of the intensity of her feelings for him.
"Hmm?" he whispered in return. He kissed the curve of her shoulder, his tongue like white fire as he licked her skin.
A rush of nerves flooded to her core. "I've missed you, Jase. Missed this."
"Oh, God. Me, too, Allie." He kissed her bare skin, down along the edge of the robe, tempting and teasing her. He was close, so close, but not nearly close enough.
She fumbled with her sash, loosening it, letting the fabric open to her waist. His groan of pleasure and searching fingers sent shivers rocketing through her. She could feel more than see him. He kissed along the tops of her breasts, his fingers barely grazing underneath. The sensations were too much.
She ran her hands across his spiky hair and held his head. Arching her back, she angled her nipple toward his lips and gasped when he sucked it inside. The feel of his hot, moist mouth tugging on her sent her over the edge.
"Oh, God, Jase." She panted and tried to catch her breath. But he didn't back off. Her pleasure only seemed to add fuel to his fire. He sucked and tugged, and a moment later he captured her other breast. Allie held him there, savoring each shockwave that rippled through her.
His hands tugged at her sash until it fell completely away.
She laughed, the sound of it breathy in the darkness. "What's the matter? Are we going too slow for you now?"
"Mmm..." His mouth captured hers, pulling her into his intoxicating world. "Much too slow," he said against her lips. His rough hand stroked across her belly, giving her goose bumps. "You're so soft." He kissed her belly button. "I love that."
Her humor deserted her when his hand bypassed her stomach and slipped farther down her body. Her senses tingled as he traveled across her sensitive skin. She waited for him to find her center. When he did, she inhaled sharply, and he let out a soft chuckle.
He stroked her with a finger, bringing her closer and closer to the edge. She pulled his head to her, desperate for his kiss. There were no soft and gentle expressions of love this time. His kisses were hard, demanding, and she answered them with equal demands of her own.
She arched as he slipped a finger deep inside her, giving her a taste of what was to come. It had been so long since a man had touched her there. "I can't wait anymore." She pushed him away and swung her legs over the edge of the bench, joining him on the floor.
Their hurried fingers collided as they both tried to relieve him of his clothes, and Allie thought she might die from anticipation when Jase paused long enough to run to the bathroom for a condom.
Then he was back and everything was right again.
She tugged him down to her level, their lips meeting as though it had been years instead of moments since they'd kissed. She'd missed him so much.
She exerted a little force, and he allowed her to claim the top. Her heart thundered as she straddled him, enjoying the strength of his body as she caressed his chest with her fingertips.
His hands were hungry for her hips, her behind, her breasts. She leaned forward, letting him suckle her into his mouth until she gasped with pleasure.
He groaned when she sat back. The strength of him pulsed against her. She positioned him against her opening, but didn't take him inside her. "Jase?"
He lifted a little, but she held back. "You're killing me with this torture."
"I ju
st want you to know I've dreamt about this every night since the last time." She leaned over and kissed him.
He gave her a fierce kiss. "God, me, too. Every night. I wondered if I'd be tormented my whole life with thoughts of never having you again."
"You won't." She knew it was an unfair thing to do at that moment, but she had no intention of losing him a second time. "I want you to promise me, right now. Promise me you won't push me away again."
"Allie."
"Promise me." She pushed down against him, barely taking him inside before she pulled back again. "Don't take this away from us. Please."
He hesitated only a moment. "I promise."
She had her promise, and she intended to hold him to it. "I love you, Jase."
She slipped around him and sucked in a breath. This was where they belonged. Making love with Jase was something she intended to keep in her life forever. Whether he liked it or not.
She knew he loved her, and he couldn't take back those words. She smiled as he rolled them over, covering her with his beautiful body.
* * *
Jase woke with a feeling of dread choking him. Dark clouds still hung over the city, echoing his mood. He and Allie had made their way to his bed sometime during the night, and now Allie lay curled against him, her arm over his rib cage, her leg resting between his thighs. The soft rhythm of her breathing confirmed she was still asleep.
Damn. How could he have let his guard down with her? He knew she was a potent force. He also knew that by telling her he loved her, he'd put her in danger again. Promising he'd never push her away? If he kept his word, he might as well sign her death warrant.
He turned his head, burying his nose in her soft hair. She smelled like him. Like his shower gel. He'd never be able to use it again without thinking of her and the wild, amazing night they'd spent together. Their storm had raged just as furiously as the one outside.
How the hell would he extricate them both from the mess he'd entangled them in without leaving deep scars? He couldn't stand the thought of hurting Allie again. If he pushed her away once more, he knew it would be forever.
But he couldn't let her stay. Things were more dangerous than ever. With the new information he'd received about Max, it looked like his best friend might have turned traitor. There was just the one picture of him and Benny Trasatti together. Shouldn't be a big deal. Jase paid Max to keep tabs on the Trasattis. But it was the way they both had looked so relaxed in the photo, not on guard with each other, which made him suspicious. That, and the fact that Max had never mentioned meeting with Benny. Something about the whole situation stuck in his gut like a dull knife.
Jase also couldn't forget the fact that Max had never stopped talking about finding Allie. The rest of his men, hell even the Trasattis had quit inquiring about her years ago. She wasn't safe anywhere near Chicago.
He glanced at Allie who looked so innocent, so untainted, even after all the violence that had saturated her life. His chest contracted, stealing his air. It was that simple. It was a choice. He could choose Allie over revenge.
He should choose Allie.
So what the hell was wrong with him?
He threw a hand over his eyes as though the action would block the memories of his dying family. His sister. God. He could not get the image out of his head of her gasping for air as her blood pooled around her. His parents had died immediately. But not Charlotte. She'd struggled, begged for help, while her murderer stepped over her like she was trash.
The worst part was, he hadn't done anything to help her. His injuries hadn't been fatal, but he'd been too frozen with fear and shock. He'd never forgiven himself for that.
As usual, a junkie had been arrested and confessed to the crime. The police had ignored Jase's insistence that they had the wrong man. The district attorney had gotten his man, a conviction, and that had been enough. Lazy, political bastards.
Shit. He needed to nail the Trasattis so he could finally put everything behind him. That was the solution to all his problems. With the Trasatti organization destroyed and Franco and Bones Trasatti in prison, Jase's family could rest in peace. And maybe then, he could live in peace.
He slipped from beneath Allie's leg. He needed to get up, away from her, so he could think clearly. There had to be some kind of solution.
He lifted her hand from his chest, not wanting to wake her. It was hard enough to think around her when she was awake. As he slid away from her, he pushed her shoulder back toward the bed as delicately as possible. She rolled onto her back with a sigh, revealing a familiar tattoo on her breast.
Jase choked while inhaling a shocked breath.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Cool air caressed her skin, waking Allie from the most wonderful slumber. The delicious hours she'd spent making love to Jase had carried over into her dreams. If the reality hadn't been better than the fantasy, she'd never want to wake up. But Jase was hers now, no doubt about it.
She reached a hand across the cold sheet, searching for his warm body, ready for a replay of the previous night. When she didn't find him, she forced her eyes open. She was alone in a tangle of soft cotton sheets, but not alone in the room.
The sight of Jase sitting nearly naked on a chair next to the bed startled her. He had a notepad in one hand, a pencil in the other, drawing as his gaze shifted from her body to the paper.
"What are you doing?" She tried to sit up higher in the bed, but he put a hand on her bare stomach, stopping her.
"Wait, I'm almost done."
"Tell me you're not sketching me naked." The thought of him drawing her while she slept was a little unnerving.
"Your tattoo," he answered absentmindedly. He drew a few more strokes and then switched his focus to her face. "I can't believe it," he said, as he held up a pretty good rendering of her tat. "If this is what I think it is, we've just hit the jackpot."
Allie blinked, trying to clear the fog of sleep from her eyes. "What are you talking about?" She glanced down at her breast, wishing she didn't carry the mark from another lifetime. "It's a bunch of Chinese symbols."
"Exactly. Joey had one that was almost identical."
Allie nodded. "He had this grand idea we would show our love for each other by getting tattoos." She traced the heart shape that encased their initials, and then wiped a hand over it, wishing the ink would disappear, along with the tragedy that came with it. "It was a stupid, silly idea."
She pulled the sheet up to cover her, feeling exposed and vulnerable. It was obvious Jase's longing for revenge had replaced his desire for her. All the ground she'd gained last night had been ripped away. "It's supposed to say something about love and forever."
"Is that what Joey told you?"
"Yes."
"Well, he lied." Jase stood and crossed the room.
"It wouldn't be the first time," she mumbled. The longer she was alive, the more she'd come to realize, if nothing else, Joey had been a liar. She didn't want to consider what her and her baby's lives would have been like if he'd lived.
Jase removed a brown book from a small desk in the corner and returned to the chair. He put the book on the bed between them and opened it. Inside was a copy of the same photo Cates had of Joey's chest that had been taken during the autopsy. She cringed when she saw it. Apparently, Jase had used it as a book mark. She turned her head and looked away.
"I'm sorry. I know this is hard." He put a hand on her sheet-covered thigh, and for the first time since she'd awakened, it seemed as though he saw her as the woman he'd made love to and not as a piece of evidence. "I forget how much this particular bullet hole changed your life." The concern in his eyes softened her. "I have my own nightmarish pictures to deal with."
Yes. He knew her pain very well. "I know, Jase. It's just I wanted to wake up in your arms this morning, not to photos of my dead boyfriend."
He stood and leaned toward her, planting a very warm kiss on her lips. "I know. I've told you all along I'm a man possessed by a damn obsession." He kisse
d her again, stirring the desire inside her. She tried to wrap her arms around him and pull him back into bed with her, but he moved away with a chuckle.
"I want to be your obsession." She was so tired of the past interfering with her future.
The look on his face grew serious. "You are." He caressed her cheek. "And for the first time, I feel like there's a chance there's something out there for me besides annihilating the Trasatti family. I have you to thank for that."
Her heart swelled as a smile erupted on her face. "Really?"
"Really." He scooted over and sat on the bed next to her, pulling her into his arms. She leaned into him, knowing she was exactly where she was meant to be. He tugged the sheet down from her breast and touched her tattoo. "I've just realized, Allie, you're the key to my happiness, in more ways than one."
She sighed. They were back to the tattoo. It was amazing, but now that she'd found her way back into his arms, she couldn't care less about the Trasatti organization—whether they lived or died.
"Just hear me out, okay?" He leaned his head against hers. She'd never been able to resist the man. "These marks on your breast are not only symbols of love. They have numbers mixed in with them...a code, possibly...or, if my hunch is right, they're the combination to a lock of some kind. But only half of them. The other half was on Joey's chest. And, as you saw from the photo, one of his symbols is missing."
Jase retrieved the book and opened it to a page of symbols that looked similar to Allie's. He flipped the photo over, and Allie could see he'd previously written down two numbers, three and six. He put the drawing of her tattoo next to the page, his finger tracing down the symbols until he stopped on one. "Five. And look, this is also a six." He repeated the process until he found the last symbol from her tattoo. "Nine. Three, six, something, five, six, nine." He tilted his head. "Or I guess it could be the opposite way. Five, six, nine, three, six, something." He glanced at Allie. "Do you think he would put himself first or you?"
That was easy. "Himself."