Not that Reid could’ve been bothered to care about it at all. The moment we arrived he started badgering Jess to hand out the molly. Jess told him to cool his jets. We needed to let the place fill up a little and get the party started so it wasn’t so obvious that there was a group of kids rolling.
We all went to get punch and explored. There were areas set up with board games, and another room with a bunch of carnival games like Skee-Ball and Whac-A-Mole. There was a big candy shop where you could raise your blood sugar by one billion points, which apparently half the kids had already done, because when the band started playing there was this mad rush to the middle of the dance floor in the gym.
The band was just okay. They sang covers of oldies and classic rock and a few more recent pop songs, but it was sort of like a bar mitzvah band, or one of those bands that sing Journey songs at wedding receptions. Still, Carson thought they were hilarious and he dragged me out onto the dance floor. Jess followed us and we all did these ridiculous dances. At one point, Jess was pretending to break-dance, and a circle formed around her as she did dance moves that were so funny, I was gasping for breath I was laughing so hard. Then Reid and Carson started dancing “back up” for her, and the whole thing looked like a Saturday Night Live sketch.
When the band took a break, the DJ the school had hired was all set up, and he started spinning some really cool mash-ups that were fun to dance to, but Reid was back to badgering Jess about the molly. Jess had been glued to her phone the whole night, and said that it was almost time. She was texting with Kelly about their planned rendezvous near the band room. There was a storage room we used for old timpani and music stands, the chairs the orchestra used, and lots of other stuff. It was a big room and had two doors that only opened from the inside out to the back parking lot. They were meant for loading and unloading equipment when we went to competitions. Tonight, Jess was planning to use the room for sneaking Kelly into the party.
The gym was packed at this point, and Jess took Ashley into the bathroom first. When they came back out, Ashley had this grin on her face, and danced up to us like she had done something spectacular. Reid told Jess and me to hurry—he was itching to roll like nobody I’d ever seen. Carson leaned down and gave me a kiss, then told Reid to cool his jets.
In the bathroom, Jess locked us into a stall, then fished the little baggie carefully out of her bra. She handed one little wad of molly to me and I popped it into my mouth as far back on my tongue as I could get it. I took a big gulp of water and felt the little bump sail down my throat. I took another swig just be sure. Jess was holding two bumps in her hand and she carefully rolled up the remaining two in the baggie and gave it to me. She told me to hold on to it for a second, then she popped one of the hits in her hand into her mouth, washed it down with some water, and grinned at me. She told me it was time to go get Kelly.
When we walked out of the bathroom, Carson and Reid were waiting for us in the hallway. Reid was dancing back and forth like a little kid who had to pee. Ashley was getting a drink at the water fountain, and as Carson leaned down to kiss me, I slipped the rolled-up baggie into the back pocket of his jeans. Dang, that boy has a hot butt. Carson winked at me, then headed into the boys’ bathroom with Reid. I told him I’d meet him back in the gym in a second. Jess grabbed Ashley’s hand and announced that she was coming with us, then we headed down the hall toward the music wing.
Kelly was waiting for us outside. As soon as Jess pushed open the door, Kelly slipped in and threw her arms around Jess’s neck. They kissed for what seemed like a very long time, until Ashley told them to get a room. Then Kelly hopped onto a nearby rehearsal chair and threw both arms around Ashley, jumping onto her back like Ash was going to give her a piggyback ride. They both collapsed onto a pile of old band uniforms giggling, and Jess held out her hand to Kelly. Kelly tossed back the hit and chased it with a drink from my water bottle.
We all walked back toward the gym, passing through the band room, which was arranged with beanbag chairs. Not many people were in here yet. I knew that wouldn’t change until people got tired of dancing, but it made me want to hurry up and go back with Carson. Suddenly I couldn’t wait to see him again, and I realized I was starting to feel the molly already, even though it had only been about fifteen minutes since I dropped. Ashley’s face seemed a little flushed and she kept oohing and aahing as we passed through the Mylar streamers that decorated the hallways. As we crossed the drawbridge over the moat at the front of the gym, Ashley stretched out her hands toward the fountain on the right and said it was SOOOOO BEAUTIFUUUUL.
Kelly and Jess and I all started laughing, and Jess said, Yep. Guess it’s working.
All I could think about was grabbing Carson’s butt again and getting him back to the biggest beanbag chair in the corner of the band room. Jess danced up to the boys, who were in the middle of the gym. When Reid turned around, he sniffed really loudly and Jess narrowed her eyes. Turns out the guys opened up their little wads of molly and snorted them off the toilet paper dispenser in the bathroom. Carson told me he was already feeling it in a major way, but it was dripping down the back of his throat and tasted like crap.
We went over and got some punch. Carson and Reid both gulped down a couple of glasses and then we all took bottles of water. About that time, the DJ started spinning this remix of an old-school Lady Gaga track and we all turned and ran back to the middle of the dance floor. Ashley let out a big WHOOOOOOOOOOO! and started dancing in a circle with her arms above her head. Seeing her so loud and crazy made me wonder again about how smart it was to drop molly at a school party, but something about the music was just taking over my body.
There were tiny twinkle lights strung back and forth over the gym and they were suddenly dancing as hard as I was. The music pulsed through me, and I felt Carson’s hand pull me in closer. We were all sandwiched together, our bodies pressed tight in the crush of people dancing. Reid and Ashley were whooping together now, and I thought about how molly affects everyone a little differently. Jess and Kelly get all quiet and giggly. They tell secrets and whisper to each other. Carson and I seem to become so close that we don’t even need words to communicate. It was right as I was thinking this that Carson took my hand and led me past Ashley, who was making WOOT WOOT noises and dirty dancing with Reid. I could tell that everything was too intense for Carson, and that he was taking me to the band room to find a quiet corner.
I wondered if I should stay and keep an eye on Ashley, but it was hard to worry about my sister when I felt so good. I know now, looking back, that was the molly doing its work. I didn’t have a care in the world. The drug had taken me over. The only thing I could focus on was this moment, with Carson; how excited and happy I was to be winding through the streamers and lights and bodies and music, down one hall and up another, stopping here and there to stare into his eyes, and smile. He sniffed every now and then, and from time to time, he’d stop and gently kiss me.
There were board games set up in the chemistry room, and we briefly stood near a group of guys from the track team who were involved in a Hungry Hungry Hippos tournament. The clattering of the plastic hippo heads as they gobbled marbles grew louder and louder, along with the shouts of the guys working the tiny levers. Finally, with a loud roar of yells and cheers, the entire game board flipped into the air from their wild enthusiasm, sending marbles flying in all directions.
Carson and I laughed and ran from the doorway of the room, racing around corners and past parents telling us to slow down and be careful. Finally we collapsed onto a beanbag in the band room and lay there panting and staring up at the ceiling tiles. The designs in the soundproof fiberglass tiles seemed to wiggle in a strange and hilarious routine, and I knew from Carson’s soft “Wow” that he was seeing it too. We were the only people in the band room, which I didn’t really think about until Mr. Peterson came into the room. The sound of his loafers against the tile floor in the hallway echoed strangely in my ears, like a whoosh-splahsh! It sounded like he wa
s running through water. I turned my head and saw him come into the room, and he jumped a little—like he was surprised to see anyone here at all.
He said my name, and told Carson “congrats.” He asked us if we were having a good time. I just smiled at him. I couldn’t have talked right then even if I’d wanted to. Luckily, Carson seemed pretty with it. He sat up next to me on the beanbag and said, Hey, Mr. P. Thanks! Then Carson told him that we were taking a break from dancing. Then a big group of sophomore girls who I recognized from the volleyball team came in, and one of them did a somersault onto a beanbag chair. Mr. Peterson told her not to do that again because he didn’t want to have to take her to the emergency room.
Just as Carson kissed me again, Reid and Ashley showed up. Ashley came running over and plopped onto the beanbag next to mine. Reid took the beanbag on the other side, and Ashley spotted Mr. Peterson and popped back up, running over to where he was talking to the volleyball girls. I heard her say, Mr. Peterson! like he was her long-lost friend, and then start talking about how much she had loved being in band as a freshman. Ashley gave up playing the flute this year. Mr. Peterson was saying something back to her, but I don’t really remember what it was because Reid and Carson and I were all staring at the ceiling tiles again, and Reid (who was sweaty as hell from dancing) kept saying, Far OUT. I noticed he was chewing some gum like it was his job and asked him where he got it. He pulled a pack out of his pocket and said that Kelly had given it to him to share. As Carson and I were each taking a piece, Carson said he was thirsty and I asked him to bring me back some water or some punch or something. He kissed me, and as I watched him walk toward the door, I felt someone kneel down on the floor next to my beanbag. I turned to see Mr. Peterson.
There was a look on his face that I can’t quite explain. It was as if he were doing a math problem that had a complicated solution, and he was just about to solve it. I sat up on the beanbag and he smiled at me and said, I don’t want to alarm you, but I think your sister might be high. Do you have your parents’ phone number handy so that I can call them and have them come pick Ashley up?
Of course, right then Reid started giggling like a maniac. He hadn’t heard any of this conversation. He was just tripping out on the beanbag, running his hands over the cool, smushy vinyl and pointing up at the patterns in the ceiling tiles. I wanted to tell him to shut the hell up. I wanted to be able to sit up and fish my phone out of my pocket, to hand it to Mr. Peterson and say I was so sorry about Ashley, and that I would call my parents to have them come get her right away.
Instead, I just stared into Mr. Peterson’s eyes. I remember thinking, I wonder if anyone loves Mr. Peterson the way that I love Carson? It felt like the deepest, most amazing thing I’d ever considered. It brought a thrilling wave of emotion crashing over me, and suddenly every inch of me was covered in goose bumps. I remember thinking that I could be that person. I could love Mr. Peterson the way that Carson loved me.
And that’s when I leaned up and kissed Mr. Peterson on the tip of his nose.
Yep.
I kissed the tip of his nose.
It seemed like it would fix everything. I was certain of it. Nothing would make more sense, or make him feel better, or make me feel more alive. It just seemed like the perfect thing to do.
Needless to say, I was wrong.
Mr. Peterson figured out that I was on something too, and it was pretty clear that Reid was high as a freaking kite. He was still giggling at the ceiling tiles when my dad showed up in the doorway of the band room, and in front of the entire school, Ashley and I got led out of the party by our elbows. Carson had seen what was going down when he came back to the room with our drinks and had gone to warn Jess and Kelly. They immediately split, and Kelly called Kyle, who came and picked them up on the corner by the football field.
Mr. Peterson had his hands full with Reid until Reid’s mom showed up, but Reid had already graduated, so he got off easy. There’s nothing they can really do to him. Me and Ashley on the other hand? We’re screwed. We don’t know exactly what the punishment will be yet, but suffice it to say that we’re in deep shit.
Oh, and just for the record, molly doesn’t make your parents yelling at you any more fun. It’s awful. I couldn’t figure out what was going on, and the less I paid attention to my mom, the angrier she got.
I’ve been awake for a couple hours now, but I’m dreading going downstairs to the kitchen. I can only imagine what’s waiting for me there.
Later . . .
Just got done with dinner. It may have been the worst meal of my entire life. Dad is so upset that he’s not even yelling, he’s just got this look on his face like he doesn’t even know who we are anymore. Of course, Mom is yelling enough for both of them. She talked the entire time we were at the table about how foolish we are. “Foolish.” Again and again she said that word. Ashley was a moron and kept trying to argue with her. She kept trying to convince Mom that molly isn’t that dangerous. Of course, Mom has been online all day and is now armed with “facts” about drug use.
It’s weird because she barely even talked to me. It’s almost like she expects me to do something this “foolish” but not Ashley. Not her perfect, straight-A student. Ashley was going to run for student council next fall, but now Mom has made it clear that this is off the table. And we don’t even know what the school is going to do. Mr. Peterson told them that he is going to talk with Principal Andrews and that she is going to make the final call.
Ashley was stupid for fighting back. At least I knew better than to flap my mouth. Ashley was trying to tell Mom that she did know where the drugs came from, that they were “tested” to make sure they were clean. It would’ve been hilarious to watch them go at it if it weren’t so crazy. Of course, Ash has it in her head that she can fix this somehow, but she’s trying not to rat out Kelly. If she tells Mom that Kelly was involved, Mom will never let us hang out with Kelly, and maybe Jess, ever again.
But Ash has never been in trouble before so she doesn’t get it. She doesn’t understand that Mom is not going to let us out of her sight for the next month, at least. We’re both grounded and Mom and Dad won’t even say for how long, only that we can’t go anywhere for a long time.
I just sat there and pretended to eat. I’m not really hungry. I’m just so freaking glad that Carson left to get us water when he did. Mom kept asking Ashley where she got the drugs, and eventually decided that Reid gave them to us. Ashley was trying to defend Reid, and Mom said, Well, you can stop sticking up for him. You’re never going out with him again.
Ashley dissolved into tears and stomped away from the table when she heard this. Once she was gone, Mom stormed off too, leaving me and my dad sitting in this uncomfortable silence at the dinner table, staring at our plates, the ceiling, out the window, anywhere really except at each other. I finally got up and started to clear the table. As I was taking plates and glasses to the sink, Dad said, Just don’t.
I stopped and looked at him, and he was crying. Not like sobbing or anything, just had tears running down his cheeks. He told me just to go to my room, and it made my stomach turn. He’s so disappointed with us—I think with me especially. He doesn’t even want to be in the same room as me. I put the dishes I was holding in the sink and came back to my room.
Carson texted me to check in, and I told him I was grounded for the foreseeable future. He asked what that meant, and I said that I wasn’t sure, only that I wouldn’t be able to see him for a while probably. He texted back that he was sorry about everything, and to keep him posted. I can’t believe he said he was sorry. For what? This is really all my fault. I knew that we shouldn’t try to roll at the graduation party. I should have been the one to put my foot down, but I just couldn’t say no to feeling the way that molly makes me feel. Actually, it’s not that I couldn’t, I just didn’t want to.
Jesus. What a way to start the summer.
Thursday, June 5
Principal Andrews called Mom today. She decided that Ashley
and I are suspended from the first day of school next year. Also, she and Mr. Peterson talked, and I can’t go to the Thanksgiving Day Parade with the marching band. For someone who has always thought of band as something that only nerds do, Mom sure was livid about the whole thing. When she told me, I started crying, but she said I should dry my tears because I brought all of this on myself.
I ran to my room crying, and Ashley followed me in here and slammed the door. She blamed me for “getting her involved in all of this.” As if I’m the one who begged her to do molly with us. I started to argue with her, to tell her that she was the one who insisted that we roll at the graduation party because Reid was so into it, and she went ballistic. She kept yelling about how her permanent record was “tarnished” now. She’s such a little bitch. I didn’t hold her and shove molly down her throat. I didn’t want her to do it at all. I wanted to hang out with my friends and do my own thing, but she was the one who had to get involved.
Carson and Jess have been texting me like crazy for updates. Jess keeps asking if she can come over. I keep telling her no. She has it in her head that she can try to smooth things over with my mom, and I keep telling her that right now Mom is on the warpath, so she should steer clear if she ever wants to see me again.
I guess this is the part of molly that is the opposite of “pure bliss.”
But you know something? If I have the chance to do it again, I will. I don’t care how bad this feels right now. Nothing feels as good as doing molly.
Saturday, June 14
It has been thirteen days since I left the house without my mother or father. It’s like I’m six years old again. I guess I never really think about how much I come and go as I please. My parents are generally pretty cool about stuff like curfews and letting me go places with my friends, but the past two weeks I haven’t even asked. I know better.
Dancing with Molly Page 9