Ronan was starting to piss me off. I understood he had this need to take care of me and protect me, but I’d told him I did not want to be his cause. I stood up and started to put my clothes on. He was making me feel like I needed to be taken care of, like I was incapable of surviving without him.
“Holliday, what are you doing?”
“I’m getting dressed because I need to get out of here,” I snapped.
“Are you running away from me?”
“No, but if you don’t stop forcing this moving in together issue on me, I’m going to lose my mind,” I replied. “Besides, Ronan, you need to talk to your daughters, don’t you think?”
“About what?” he huffed, pulling his jeans over his hips.
I shot him an annoyed look. “About moving your lover into your home, a woman you’re considering cohabitating with who is not their mother.”
“Firstly, Holliday,” he said gruffly. “You are more than just my lover. Let’s get that straight right now.” He shut off the fireplace and grabbed his jacket. I was fully dressed and ready to leave. “I want us to be in each other’s lives. I want you and only you. How many times to I need to explain this to you?”
“Ronan, take me home please.” I felt my eyes welling up.
He looked at me confused. “Home with me to The York?”
“I… I think I need some time for myself.” I lowered my head and felt my pulse start to race. “I have a lot to consider.”
“Holliday, you cannot be serious.” His eyes darkened as he pleaded with me. “Why are you saying this?”
“I need to be away from you and this dream world. I need to be sure this is real and that I’ve not built up some unattainable fantasy where you’re concerned in my head.”
We started to walk downstairs. Ronan stopped and turned back. “You say you love me, so why do you want to leave me?”
Hot tears streamed down my cheeks. “Ronan, I’m not leaving you. I need some space. Please understand I need to get my head on straight before I get in deeper with you.”
“Holliday, please… please don’t do this… my heart can’t take it.” He touched my cheek, brushing the tears away with this thumb as I kissed his palm.
“Please Ronan, just let me do this,” I said softly.
“If time is what you need, I will give it to you. It won’t change my mind. I won’t stop loving you, Holliday Prescott. You are mine. I am yours.”
Not falling asleep next to Ronan was unbearable. I sobbed and cried all night. I barely slept. I was completely and utterly miserable. All I could hear was the sound of Ronan’s sad voice telling me he loved me over and over in my head. Being in my room at Charlotte’s was so foreign to me. I got up in the middle of the night and sat at my desk, poring over my mail and day planner. I had been so wrapped up in my dream world with Ronan that I’d even forgotten to pay some of my bills. On top of that, I’d never called Dr. Goodwin to set up an appointment. Somewhere around three in the morning I managed to fall asleep, but I woke up in a panic to check my phone and see if Ronan had called me. There was nothing.
I sat at my sister’s conference table in her office and listened to her scold me over lunch the next day. “Holliday, I can’t believe you just walked out of Ronan’s life after he offered you his love and a place to call home,” my sister snapped.
“Sis, I know you don’t understand, but I need some reassurance that a life with Ronan is a real possibility,” I said as I took another bite of my salad. “Can a person really love someone so deeply after only a week? Hello? Cliché much for insta-love?”
“Sounds to me like you’re running scared, and you’re looking for an excuse,” Charlotte huffed while crossing her arms.
My sister’s words were not lost on me. There may have been a hint of truth to what Charlotte was suggesting. On the other hand, I could just be an indecisive woman who happened to have trust issues when it came to men.
“Charlotte, what would you have me do? I think my head should be on straight before I go moving in with a guy I’ve known for less than two weeks.” I let out a deep sigh. “Even though it feels like I’ve known him for years.”
“Okay, you might have a point, but what you just said, that right there should tell you something, Holliday.” My sister stood up and threw her empty salad container in the trash. She walked to her mirror and tucked her straight blonde hair behind her ears.
“Charlotte, how did you know that Lucan was absolutely without question the man for you?” She slowly turned around, leaning against the front of her desk, drumming her red nails against the curve.
“I just felt it, sis.” Her blue eyes widened and a sweet smile crossed her glossy full lips. “Lucan offered me unconditional love. I loved him more than I’d ever loved anyone.” She stood up and smoothed her white shift dress, adjusting the black belt around her waist. “When we were apart it was brutal. Sometimes I felt like I couldn’t breathe on my own unless he was next to me.”
Whoa. This sounded all too familiar. I felt my chest tighten and my hands tremble slightly upon hearing her words. I took the final bite of my salad and closed the container. Giving her a warm smile, I said, “Charlotte, since today is the last day of the work week, can we go out clubbing tonight, just you and me?”
Charlotte shifted on her pointed heel, staring at me with a twinkle in her eyes. “Yes!” She arched one of her eyebrows at me. “Are you serious Holliday?”
I nodded, and my sister immediately called up Lucan, telling him that we needed a girl’s night out. She winked at me and made arrangements for a limo to pick us up promptly at eight-thirty before making reservations for us to have dinner at Lorenzo’s and managing to score us a VIP table at Indigo Row. That lifted my spirits. A night out dancing and drinking with my sister was exactly what I needed to let go and relax.
I headed back to my office and began poring over the recent trend analysis reports for fall and winter. Charlotte had asked me to work on some fashion week preparations along with some marketing for the summer campaign. I accidentally knocked my messenger bag off the drafting table, the contents of which were sent scattering across the floor. Reminders of the day I met Ronan were right there in front of me, including my colored pencils and the Christmas picture Jade drew. Echoes of that day bubbled inside, but I silenced them. Damn my heart for defying my orders for a clear mind.
I checked my phone for any text messages. Still there was nothing. Ronan was really respecting my wishes about giving me space. My mind drifted to thoughts of him, wondering what he was doing. The echoing of my desk phone ringing brought me back to reality.
Before I knew it, it was nearly three. I spent twenty minutes answering a few pressing emails before setting my out of office reply email. I looked around my office. By the time I’d be back here, it would be a new year.
Dinner at Lorenzo’s was incredibly delicious. Lucan had put a special order in for Charlotte and me. We dined on pumpkin cappellacci with brown butter sauce and spaghetti topped with Dungeness crab and minced scallions. We were both a bit tipsy when we left the restaurant and headed to Indigo Row. The dance floor was pumping, packed with well-dressed party people, sweating and grinding on each other to the sounds of Pitbull and Kesha. I could feel the vibrations of the music rippling through my body. We ordered two dirty martinis and a bottle of Perrier.
We slammed our drinks and ordered another round. After finishing the second set of salty drinks, we headed to the dance floor. All eyes seemed to be on Charlotte and me. Charlotte wore her blonde hair back in a sleek ponytail. She had on a glittering black sleeveless mini paired with strappy heels. I’d opted for a shimmering halter-neck dress layered with white and gold fringe and my favorite metallic Brian Atwood heels. Charlotte had helped me curl my hair all over, letting it fall tousled and wild. I looked like a disco diva. I knew by the end of the night my curls would either completely fall out or relax enough that I’d look like my everyday self.
I moved my body and worked my hips to the r
hythm of the drums. I felt a pair of smooth hands on my waist and was jolted into Charlotte, who was laughing uncontrollably and dancing with some hot Latin guy. The lights were flashing everywhere, and I was beginning to sweat. I felt droplets form on my temples and at the base of my neck. I spun around and crashed right into Grady James, who immediately placed his hands on my hips, guiding me to the electric beat of Avicii’s sexy voice. Did Grady have some kind of radar on me? I felt like I’d seen him more in the last week and a half than I had the entire time we dated. He smiled at me, brushing my hair back from my face. Grady turned me around so that his pelvis was grinding into my backside with his hands caressing the length of my arms.
His soft lips travelled the length of my neck, and he started to nibble on my earlobe. I threw my head back into his strong frame, clutching his arms to steady myself. Turning around, my eyes trailed up his tall perfect body. The black pants and black dress shirt he wore made his dark blue eyes smolder. He smelled delicious, like sex on a stick. Why was I was all too eager to climb up his sturdy frame and kiss all over his fiercely hot body? My pheromones must have been working overtime. With the electricity of the music and Grady wildly running his hands all over my body, it was a very tempting recipe for making bad choices. Charlotte pulled me from Grady’s grasp and up the stairs to the VIP area, back to our table.
“What the hell are you doing, Holliday?” She playfully teased. “Did you call Grady and tell him to meet us here?”
Glaring, I took a sip of my beverage. “No, I think he has this internal GPS on my location at all times, sis.”
We ordered two more drinks and two shots of tequila. I slammed my shot and followed it with some sparkling water. My ears were ringing and my body was overcome with rolling waves of warmth. My skin was damp, and I could feel the sweat gliding down my chest in between my breasts. If it were twenty-four degrees outside, you’d never know from the steamy humidity inside the club. Grady motioned for me to come back to the dance floor, and I shamelessly went. We danced to several more songs, our bodies grinding and swaying to the jolting tunes of the New York club scene.
“Your body feels so good against mine, Holliday,” he whispered in my ear, sending jolts of electricity through me and igniting my blood on fire.
Grady pulled me by the hand, leading me off the dance floor to the nearly empty hallway where the bathrooms were located. He dipped his head, grazing his tongue along my neck and brushing his soft full lips to mine.
Immediately I pulled back, he slipped his arm around my waist pulling me close.
“Holliday, my limo is right outside.” Grady trailed his finger along my collarbone. “Come with me and let me remind you how good we are together.”
“Grady, I can’t. I’m sorry. I… I shouldn’t even be here with you.” I looked down, knotting my fingers. My voice was barely a whisper. “I’m sorry. Really, I’m not trying to lead you on. That’s not fair to you.” I threw my head back, and my eyes met his gaze. We stood in silence for a few moments. The tension building between us was raw— palpable. I stepped back, finding myself trapped between the wall and Grady’s firm, lethally sexy body. Trailing featherlike kisses along my jawline, he whispered, “But, you are here with me.”
“Come on Grady,” I said, pulling his hand and leading him back to the dance floor. “Let’s just lose ourselves in the music before we both do something that we’ll regret.”
“You mean something you’ll regret. I won’t regret it at all.”
Being close to Grady was dangerous for my sexual health. He winked at me and then spun me around, digging his fingers into my waist as we shifted our bodies together and apart fiercely to the pounding vibrations of the music.
Suddenly I was knocked backwards, nearly falling on my ass, but a set of strong arms caught me before I hit the floor. I turned to see Blake gripping my arm firmly. I found myself inches from Ronan under the bouncing colored lights. His face was serious, his jaw clenched tight. He brushed past me, stopping in front of Grady. Their voices were raised, practically yelling at one another, but I couldn’t hear what they were saying over the thundering jolts of music. Grady threw his hands up. Ronan drew his fist back and punched him, landing right smack on his chin. I saw the blood start to drip down Grady’s face. Flashes from cameras and cell phones went off everywhere around me. I spun around and wriggled free from Blake’s grip. Charlotte raced towards me on the dance floor, handing me my purse and coat. Blake shielded both of us from the crowd as Grady took a swing at Ronan and missed.
“Ronan!” I screamed. “Stop, please stop.”
He turned to look at me, alerting Grady that his defenses were down. Grady clocked Ronan with a left hook squarely planted on his beautiful chiseled jaw, causing Ronan to rock backwards, but he caught his balance swiftly.
Ronan rubbed his jaw and then grabbed me by the arm, picking me up and tossing me over his shoulder, hauling me out of the club. I thought I might hurl with every hurried bouncy step Ronan took.
Blake ushered me into the back of Ronan’s Mercedes. My eyes were having trouble focusing, and I began to hiccup. I saw Charlotte talking to Ronan. She hugged him, and he then helped her into the limo. Blake handed me a bottle of water and told me to drink up. Ronan slid into the back of the car and told Blake to drive back to The York.
“Holliday, are you okay?”
“Yes, Ronan, I’m just fine,” I said flatly. “What the hell are doing at Indigo Row?” I muttered through a set of hiccups. “Are you stalking me?” My voice was a bit hoarse.
“No, I’m not stalking you.” He hung his head.
“Don’t be mad at Mr. Connolly, Miss Prescott. I called him,” Blake said from the front seat.
Blake had been at the club, and I’d had no clue. I guess he was still my bodyguard, but how did he know I was at Indigo Row?
“Did you have fun kissing Grady, Holliday?”
Ouch. I guess I deserved that… but still ouch.
“Not particularly,” I admitted. “But, why did you send Blake?”
“Look, Charlotte called me and told me you two were going out tonight. I sent Blake to the club to watch over you since I couldn’t be there.”
“Jesus Christ, Ronan!” I screamed. “This is what I am talking about, this need you have to protect me and keep me safe; it’s fucking annoying.”
“It’s not annoying. It’s called loving someone, Holliday!” he shouted. “What is your problem? Why won’t you just let me love and protect you?”
I didn’t answer him, because I wasn’t sure I fully knew what my issue even was.
We pulled up to The York. Blake opened my door for me, and Ronan helped me out of the car. He took his hand and placed it gently on the small of my back, leading me through the glass doors of the hotel. Riding the elevator brought on the feelings of being sick, my stomach swirling from one too many shots of tequila. Terrified I might throw up at any moment as we entered the penthouse I gripped Ronan’s arm tightly.
Do not puke in front of Ronan.
“My beauty,” Ronan said sweetly as he led me to the couch. “Sit here, I’ll be right back.” I stared at the glittering ornaments and twinkling lights on the tall Christmas tree. The tree was mocking me in all its magical beauty. I noticed a plethora of shiny wrapped gifts spilling out from underneath the beautiful long branches. Someone’s been busy shopping. A few moments later Ronan reappeared producing a cup of tea and a B12 vitamin. I laughed out loud, remembering the first time we’d gotten wasted together after expelling all of our dirty little secrets.
“Ronan,” I paused. “I’m sorry… sorry about kissing Grady.”
“That’s all right. I accept your apology,” he blew out a breath. “Don’t make a habit out of it, okay?”
I nodded, before taking a sip of tea along with the vitamin. My eyes were heavy, and I began to fall.
Ronan’s soothing sultry accent jolted me from my sleep. “Wake up my beauty, you’re dreaming.”
I sat up and immediately reg
retted the decision. My eyes couldn’t focus… my head was spinning. Feeling a little fuzzy, I fell back, sinking into the coziness of the bed.
“Ronan, what time is it?” I moaned, trying to open my eyes fully.
“It’s almost six,” he said gruffly.
I looked over at him, and he was smiling at me. I took in the sight of him, looking seductively handsome in the pale light pouring into the master suite from the bathroom. The light caught the natural highlights in his dark loose curls.
“What the hell was I dreaming about?”
“You were screaming about Derek.” He rolled up from under the covers, leaning against the headboard. “I’m glad I was here this time to pull you from your nightmare. You were thrashing around pretty wildly.”
I blew out a breath. “I’m sorry Ronan. I don’t mean to worry you.”
“My beauty, I will always worry about you,” he said quietly while rubbing my arm.
“Ronan,” I wailed. “Stop fussing over me please.”
“Holliday, I’m utterly confused. Please help me understand why you take issue with my concern for your well-being. All I want is to try to keep you safe.”
“I… I don’t know Ronan.” I said, throwing my arms in the air. “I think my issue is that my mother put everything into a relationship with my father… depending on him to take care of her.” My eyes began to prick with hot tears. “She came home one day, and it was all gone in a flash. I need to make sure my eyes are wide open where this relationship is concerned.”
“Holliday… ” His voice was strained. “For once in your life, trust somebody. Let me be that somebody that you trust. I want to be that someone for you.”
“I don’t want to need you Ronan,” I replied.
I stared into Ronan’s eyes, studying his gorgeous face. His bottom lip quivered as he inhaled sharply. “Please Holliday, it’s taken me years to find you. I don’t want to lose you.”
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