She felt him kiss the top of her head, and it sent another tingle through her. “I hoped,” he said. “Sometimes, the way you looked at me…it was as if all those years had never happened.”
“All those years. I never stopped loving you, either. I tried to forget—did forget, for a long time—but there was always a part of me that knew the truth.”
“There hasn’t been a single day since we parted that I haven’t thought of you. I was angry with you for so long, and then I was angry with myself, but I couldn’t have felt that way if I didn’t love you more than my own life.” His hand trailed down to caress her neck, sending shivers up and down her spine.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t willing to change. I was afraid—I didn’t know what I wanted—”
“I don’t care about any of that now. I just don’t want to be without you any longer. Even if it’s only until the end of Conclave or until the end of this drive, I’m yours.”
Willow’s heart was pounding so hard she was sure he could feel it. “Even if nothing’s changed?”
“Don’t you think it has? We chose our own paths once, and I’ve been miserable without you for five years. I think it’s time for a different choice.” He drew back to look at her. “I know I can’t go back to being a dowser, so maybe it means nothing when I say I’d give it up for you, but the truth is I would give up Devisery to have you. And I wouldn’t regret it for one moment.”
She couldn’t look away from his eyes. “Kerish,” she said, and then she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him, felt him return her kiss.
She barely noticed when the carriage stopped. It felt wonderful, kissing him, touching his back and his shoulders and his face, feeling his strong arms embracing her. The scent of him filled her, wonderful and spicy, taking her back to the night they’d first met, that first kiss that had changed her life forever. Then it made her realize how awful she must smell. She pulled back, reluctantly, and Kerish kissed her forehead and wiped away a tear she didn’t remember shedding.
“I’m giving it up,” she said. “No more midnighting, I swear it. I couldn’t stop thinking of you while I was in there, that it was your worst nightmare—”
“My worst nightmare was last night, when you didn’t come home,” Kerish said grimly. “It was what I always feared, that you’d disappear and I’d never find out what happened to you. Seeing you come out of the jail looking like that was maybe third or fourth on the list.”
“It doesn’t matter. You were right. I don’t have to be a thief to survive. I should never have put what mattered to you second. And I wish to heaven I’d realized that five years ago.”
Kerish drew her close once more. “I think, five years ago, you weren’t the sort of person who could realize it, any more than I could see beyond the needs of my magic. You’re sure you’re not going to end up resenting me for it?”
“No. Never. I love you too much.”
“I love hearing you say those words,” Kerish said, and kissed her again.
The courtyard door opened, and Willow broke away from Kerish quickly. She felt shy, as if she’d been caught doing something wrong. Then anger filled her. She’d longed for him all these years, throughout this whole journey, and she was going to let embarrassment interfere with that? She looked at him, a little afraid of what she might see—had she offended him, pulling away so abruptly? But no, he was smiling at her, that wonderful smile that said he loved her more than anything, and she smiled back and took his hand. I can endure whatever the Serjians throw at me.
“Inside,” Janida said. “We have much to discuss.
***
Janida walked rapidly, her bare feet slapping the stone of the corridor, and Willow and Kerish had to hurry to keep up with her. Willow put together a dozen openings and discarded all of them. Better to let Janida speak first, probably. If she was going to tear Willow apart, there wasn’t much Willow could say in her own defense.
Janida led them through the house to a room filled with low-slung sofas upholstered in bright tapestry shot through with silver threads. Windows as tall as Willow lined two adjacent walls, giving a view of the central courtyard that was the twin of the one at the Serjian Principality. The sound of cool water in the fountain made Willow itch everywhere with dried sweat and blood. Distantly, she smelled lamb being roasted for the noon meal. She was suddenly starving. How long had it been since she last ate? Nearly twenty-four hours, probably.
The whole of the harem, and Serjian Salveri, were gathered in the little room. No, not the whole: Catrela was missing. That was one burden lifted. She’d have to face Catrela eventually, but not having to do it in front of the entire principality was a relief. Maitea looked grim, her dark eyes focused uncomfortably on Willow. Giara looked neutral, as if this were all just one more meeting. Alondra’s hands were clenched tightly in her lap, but her expression was placid—well, there was one member of the Serjian Principality who wouldn’t mourn Amberesh long or loud. Salveri was standing at the window with his hands clasped behind his back, looking out at the courtyard, and didn’t turn around when the three of them entered.
“She is uninjured,” Giara murmured.
“We went to the scholia for healing,” Kerish said. “Willow was badly hurt and suffering from dehydration and loss of blood.”
“You should have come here to prove it,” Giara said.
“I think Willow’s health is more important than proving she was nearly killed,” Kerish retorted.
“Enough,” Janida said. “Alondra, send a runner to the Domian scholia to summon the healer who treated Willow. His or her testimony will have to be enough.” Alondra nodded and rose from her sofa. Salveri turned slightly to watch her go, then returned to staring out the window.
“We must decide how this catastrophe to lessen,” Janida continued when Alondra was gone. “By now the story will have spread, that a guest of the Serjian Principality has killed one of its own.”
“Amberesh a Serjian was not,” Maitea said. “He banished was.”
“A technicality that will be lost on many,” Giara said. “And he was still our zuareto.”
“First I wish to hear from Willow North,” Janida said. “What led to this disaster?”
Willow swallowed. It dawned on her that no one had offered her a seat. She felt as if she were on trial, facing not one judge, but five, all of whom had good reason to want her punished. “Amberesh has—had been following me since we arrived in Umberan,” she said. “I didn’t mention it because I didn’t think he was dangerous, and I was afraid of having my freedom of movement impeded if you all thought I needed a bodyguard, like Felix.”
Janida spat out a blistering curse. “You fool,” she said. “You thought nothing of your own safety?”
“He was bad at hiding. I—thought I could stay out of his way.”
Janida dismissed this with a wave. “Go on.”
Willow took a deep breath, then told the story of her fight with Amberesh, keeping her voice steady and not leaving any details out. She saw Salveri’s hands clench so tightly the knuckles turned white, but he said nothing. No one spoke until she finished telling about her time in jail and Kerish’s arrival, at which time Alondra returned and took her seat wordlessly. Then, after a few moments, Maitea said, “That could have been avoided.”
“Hardly,” Giara said. “Amberesh would not have stopped until Willow dead was. He dogged in pursuit of a goal was.”
“A bodyguard would have dissuaded him.”
“Possibly. But a bodyguard a short-term solution is.”
“This a short-term problem was.”
“What might have been does not matter,” Janida said. “We must deal with what is. We have expended great political capital to buy private justice for Willow. This leaves us weakened with regard to our enemies. We must make a new plan.”
“What do you mean, private justice?” Willow asked.
“A foreigner has killed an Eskandelic citizen,” Janida said. “This a simple thing i
s not. Any other foreigner, any other victim, and you would executed be, with no trial other than the evidence. We are Serjian, and not without influence. And it our zuareto is, and you our guest are. We demanded the right to punish you as we choose.”
Willow stiffened her shoulders against the blow. “And what punishment is that?”
Janida looked at Salveri. “We believe it self-defense was.”
“And…?”
“And what? Amberesh attacked you, you fought back. Should you punished be, for fighting to stay alive?”
“No!” Salveri roared, turning around fast and taking a few steps that brought him inches from Willow’s face. “She is not to pay for his death? My son, Janida! He should be avenged!”
“Willow did not seek his death, husband,” Janida said in a level voice. “He violated hospitality by attacking her.”
“We do not know that! We have only the word of this foreigner.” He spat the word, and traces of spittle flecked Willow’s face. She managed not to flinch. Kerish gripped her hand harder, but said nothing. “She has brought nothing but pain upon this house,” Salveri continued, “demands much and gives little. I want her gone.”
“This her fault is not, Salveri,” Alondra said in her soft voice. “You grieve. It has disordered your thinking. Would you punish Felix too?”
“We should never have agreed the boy to sponsor.” Salveri gazed down at Willow, hatred in his eyes. “It too late to refuse is not.”
“We committed are,” Giara said. “If we retract our question now, we will lose power for many years. I will not see this happen.”
“We may lose power anyway,” Maitea said. “If we cannot show a united front, we will lose not only the undecided, but allies as well. We must stand together.”
“I will not support this woman,” Salveri growled.
“You will, and you will show no sign of discord,” Janida said. “This we have decided.”
“Catrela has not, and will not,” Salveri said.
“Catrela will see sense. Sit down, Serjian Salveri.”
Salveri glared at Janida. “You cannot force me,” he said, and shoved past Willow and Kerish to leave the room.
There was silence for half a minute after Salveri’s exit. Willow’s cheeks burned. Her hand in Kerish’s was the only thing that kept her from fleeing, finding Felix and gathering their things and going to the Tremontanan enclave for safety. Finally, unable to stand the silence any longer, she blurted out, “I’ll go. You shouldn’t have to suffer discord on top of grieving for your zuareto.”
“You will stay, Willow North,” Janida said, her voice silver steel. “Serjian has chosen a path and we will stay the course. This is but a moment’s pain. Or do you think grief a good reason to ruin a country?”
“That’s a bit dramatic. Not supporting Felix won’t ruin Eskandel.”
“We convinced are that Serjian best to rule Eskandel as vojenta mahaut is,” Janida said. “If our question rejected is, that will not happen. We mourn Amberesh, but we do not blame you for his death.”
“Salveri does. Catrela does.”
“They know in their hearts it irrational is. The heart knows what it wants and sensible is not.” Janida eyed their clasped hands. “As I think you know.”
Willow flushed again. “I think I’ve done a damn poor job of repaying your hospitality. I don’t know if I can face Catrela.”
“You will not.” Janida took a seat near Giara. “Easier for all if you do not until after Amberesh buried is. You will remain in the Residence until then, three days from now. Then we will attempt to make up for the loss of those three days.”
“Felix safer is, to stay inside,” Alondra said. “We still have an assassin to find.”
Willow gasped. “I left it in the carriage.”
“Left what?” asked Kerish.
“The pendant. Amberesh—he told me, before…he said it belonged to someone he knew. A son of a principality.”
Janida and Maitea exchanged glances. “He said no name?” Maitea said.
“No. But, Kerish, you said the characters around the rim are unique to the owner. Wouldn’t Amberesh be likely to recognize his fellow’s mark? He said…he said the man claimed it was lost, but Amberesh thought it had been stolen and the owner was just ashamed to admit to it.”
“That makes the list of suspects smaller,” Maitea said, “but does not solve the mystery.”
“It has to make a difference! Can you…do something with that?”
“Catrela can,” Maitea said with a scowl. “If we can rouse her to her duty.”
“She a fool is not,” Janida said.
“She dramatic is,” Giara said dismissively.
“Give her time to grieve,” said Alondra. “He her son was. Dramatic, yes, but she sincere in her grieving is.”
“You very generous of spirit are,” said Janida, exchanging glances with Giara that told Willow the harem knew exactly what Amberesh had done to Alondra. “And sensible. Catrela will have her mourning time, and we will tell the story our way these next three days. Willow, go to your King and reassure him of your safety. And do not again disregard a danger to yourself. Did you not think of what would happen to Felix without you?”
Willow ducked her head. “I’m sorry. For everything.”
“You should be. Go,” said Janida.
Kerish stayed with her, his fingers intertwined with hers, as they crossed the open walkway to the long hall and stairs leading to her chambers. “They’ll forgive you eventually,” he said.
“I almost wish they wouldn’t. I can barely stand to look at them, knowing—”
“Stop,” Kerish said, bringing her to a halt in the middle of the corridor, opposite Catrela’s apartment. Willow looked at the door nervously, wondering what the possibility of Catrela flinging open the door and launching herself at Willow’s face was. “Amberesh tried to kill you, Willow. I saw what you looked like when they brought you out of the jail. You were perfectly justified in defending yourself and it was just bad luck it was against a member of the principality. It’s going to be painful and awkward, but you need to stop feeling guilty that you’re alive and he’s not.”
“I feel guilty at not feeling sorry he’s dead, when all of you cared about him.”
“I feel guilty about that too. He was always a selfish bastard, and when we returned I found I had even less in common with him than I did when we were children. I don’t miss him at all. Mostly I feel sorry for my majdran and Gessala and Posea. And for my father.”
Willow thought of how Salveri had looked, looming over her, how much pain there was behind the anger. Did he know how Amberesh had treated Alondra? How much difference would it make if he did?
Willow heard voices before she was halfway up the stairs, children’s voices and the high yapping of Ernest. She pushed the door open and found Felix and Posea chasing each other around the room under Caira’s eye, climbing over the furniture like scaling the city walls and flinging themselves onto the sofa cushions they’d piled on the floor.
Felix saw her and changed direction so rapidly he stumbled into Posea and they both landed on the floor. “Willow!” he screamed, and hurtled toward her, grabbing her around the waist and hugging her tightly. “Where were you? Why didn’t you come home last night?” His face scrunched up in a nose-wrinkling scowl. “You smell really bad.”
“I know, and I’m going to take a bath,” Willow said. “I was…” Never lie to him. “I was in jail, Felix.”
Felix’s eyes and mouth went wide. He shouted, “You said you wouldn’t get caught! You promised me! They could have cut off your hand!” He looked at Willow’s hand, joined with Kerish’s, and said, in a calmer tone of voice, “Why are you holding hands?”
Willow had to quell an impulse to snatch her hand from Kerish’s, again as if they’d been doing something wrong. “Because, well, Kerish and I…” What to say? What were they now to each other?
“Because I love Willow, and she loves me,” Kerish
said, squatting down to look Felix in the eye. “And we like holding hands.”
“Oh.” Felix looked concerned. “Are you going to get married?”
“Um…” Willow said.
“Not right now,” Kerish said.
“Hilarion says marriage is a natural state for two people in love. He says no one should live in sin. I don’t know what that means.”
“Um…”
“Don’t worry about it,” Kerish said.
“I won’t.” Felix started running around them in a big circle, Ernest yipping along behind him. “If you get married, you can adopt me!”
“Oh, Felix, we—we can’t do that.” Willow was starting to feel dizzy from more than Felix’s rapid motion. “Besides, you couldn’t be King if you were adopted by someone else.”
Felix came to a stop in front of her, his cheerfulness gone. “I forgot,” he said. “Can I go back to the scholia now?”
Willow glanced at Posea, who was watching this exchange in mute incomprehension, then at Caira, whose face told her she had known where Willow had been. “I have to stay in the Residence for the next several days. I…killed someone. That’s why I was in jail. I didn’t get caught stealing.”
“Did that person attack you? Because it’s all right to fight back if that happens.” Felix looked uncertain. Willow released Kerish and put her arms around the boy.
“Yes, I had to fight for my life,” she said. “But the person I killed was Amberesh, so things are…complicated.”
“Amberesh?” Posea said. Felix turned and said a few words in Eskandelic. Posea looked confused and said something in reply. Felix shook his head. He appeared to be searching for words, though Willow was impressed at his growing fluency. Finally, he said something that included Amberesh’s name. Posea began to cry, noiseless tears that streaked her face and made Willow wish to be anywhere but there.
Kerish put his arms around his suorena and hugged her tight, murmuring to her in Eskandelic. Posea nodded violently. “I’m going to take her to Catrela,” he said. “I don’t think anyone explained to her that Amberesh is dead before now. I’ll be back later, with food.”
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