Cain let go of Al’bah’s face and turned to kick the side of the boat and went on speaking. Al’bah felt his frustration and despair hammering her senses. His anguish tore her apart, and it was all she could do to not rush into his arms to stop his agony, as well as her own.
“Why did I have to have the damn luck to mess with that damn door? In fact, why the hell did I have to have been born in the first place? Or better yet, why did ‘God’ create creatures that were so imperfect that He would send them screaming to eternal punishment!”
Al’bah almost gasped in relief as Cain turned his attention and his rage away from her, and started to scream into the sky.
“For all that has happened to me since that day, I can accept! In fact, I will declare that it was my own fault. But only because I accepted this stupid set of circumstances of my own free will! But what right does anyone have to make a judgment upon me and my damn life when I never asked to have been born in the first place?”
Cain looked at and through Al’bah. “You tell me God is the Creator, and Purity tells me God is merciful and loving. Well, where is He? I don’t see Him setting things straight upon this world! And yet even though I never asked to be born in the first place, I am given an ultimatum! ‘Do as I say’! No. ‘Do as I command,’ or burn in hell for eternity! What kind of fucking justice, mercy, and love is that?” He sank down with his back against the side of the boat.
Al’bah felt Cain’s anger burn out; she did not even realize she was crying until his screaming faded into echoes. Her sobs were soft, almost mistaken for the soft caress of the water upon the boat. She knelt before her Bond, wanting with all her heart to come closer, but his despair was too painful to bear.
Cain sighed deeply and spoke again, but it was soft and full of remorse. “Everything. I’ve lost everything. It’s almost worth it to end it all now. But I can’t, or won’t. All for the sake of not burning in hell forever. Yeah…some nice, loving, merciful, fair deal I have. That we all have down here.”
At last, the chaos that had festered in Cain all day was released. It had done all the damage it could, and now he was left heavily wounded. Al’bah felt his soul cry out in agony. And how could she not come to him? How could she not comfort him?
He is my Bond, and he needs me.
Al’bah came to Cain and put her arms around his torso, and placed the side of her face to rest above his trembling heart. “Cain. Do you want to let this go?”
“Let what go?”
Al’bah almost could not speak, she was so afraid. But I must…I must. “Do you want to let…me go?” After a moment, she brought her face to his. “I know Taint well enough to ensure you get your life back.” She lowered her eyes. “I will go back, if it means your happiness.”
I can do no more; he is my Bond. I love him.
Chapter 40
What Makes One Worthy of Love?
“Love isn’t selfish, Cain! You will see! I swear to God, one day you will see!”
—Holly Archer
Cain was stunned, his mind spinning at the implications of what she was saying, of what she offered to him. To have his rage made so absolutely worthless in a blink of an eye was something he could have never expected or prepared for.
For a moment he was aware of nothing but the offer Al’bah laid out before him. Of her, trembling and crying in his arms…it made him feel absolutely disgusted with himself, and how he caused her sorrow…again.
“You—” Cain drew a shaking breath. “You would do that for me? But, why?” he wailed, wondering how anyone could ever do something like that for another. And that the offer was for him made it worse. Cain was neither arrogant nor ignorant of his own worth. He was the last person that he could imagine someone else would sacrifice so much for.
Al’bah stifled a shaking gasp. She closed her eyes and placed her hands on Cain’s face, though no words came forth from her lips that Cain could make out.
“Because I love you, Cain.”
Al’bah settled once more into his arms and wept softly. After what seemed a long time, she was able to find her voice, her words punctuated with gentle sobs. “If it will make things right with you, I will return to Taint, and you will have your life back. But, is it what you want, Cain?”
Cain thought about his former life. The endless hours working under the hot sun, the cold and biting wind. The meager pay he slaved for. And the certainty that all life had for him was nothing more.
He also thought about the life thrust upon him. He was caught up in the belly of some sort of monster, being taken to a destination that he never wanted to go. A destination shrouded in mystery and uncertainty. And yet as much as he hated this sense of chaos, he had to admit that he was never so…excited (or scared?) about the future. Whatever it was, the future wasn’t the endless trudge that only led to death and the oblivion he once believed in.
He looked to the night sky and wondered for the first time he could remember if he could be seen. If his cries and his sorrows were heard, today, and all the days before.
How did I get here? he thought to himself, amazed.
Something within him changed. And it seemed (at least for him) that when that “something” changed, it almost always changed forever. He looked to Al’bah, her eyes so open, so searching. She knew what would await her if he decided to let her go. He remembered their first meeting, the screams, and the torture. He just couldn’t ever see himself being the one to return her or anyone to such a fate.
“No, I don’t want to give you up, Al’bah. I don’t want to lose you.”
Al’bah gasped and held in her breath for several moments. “Then, why do you bemoan all that has happened to you? Why do you mourn the life you had, hate the injustice you suffered, and dread the path before you?”
“I don’t know. But I do know this: you may have been the best choice I ever made in my life.”
Al’bah shook her head; she seemed to disbelieve what she heard. “What makes you say that? Your heart nearly blames me. You see your life as ruined.”
Cain nodded and chuckled slightly at the irony. “My life is ruined, Al’bah,” he said, holding her close and looking to the sky. “But maybe it was the only way to escape a fate worse than death. You being here with me might have saved something more than just my life.” Cain shook his head and sighed, remembering clearly how he had said not even a full day ago how much he hated his life.
And now that life is over, why aren’t I happy? I’m free now, aren’t I?
Al’bah let out a breath she was holding. “Thank you, perhaps we can find out together what this new path has in store, you and I.”
Cain nodded, his sigh perfectly in time with Al’bah’s, noticing her beautiful scent for the first time since he had her back. “I am glad you are with me, Al’bah. I missed you,” Cain said, looking into her beautiful blue-violet eyes. “I give you my word, no matter what happens, I want you by my side.”
At these words, Al’bah’s face seemed to break with emotion. A tear that shone like a star escaped from her right eye. She gasped in surprise and cupped her hands to catch it, and after a moment, she handed it to Cain.
“Cain, my love…for you.”
“What is it?” Cain said, amazed.
“It is a Succubus tear,” Al’bah whispered.
Still in awe of what he had just witnessed, Cain couldn’t help but whisper as well. “But, you cry all the time. Your tears don’t glow like this.”
Al’bah closed Cain’s fingers around the shining speck. “Cain, tears are the outflow of spiritual overload. Human tears, my tears, are connected to the flesh. Flesh is always at odds with the spiritual side of existence and becomes overwhelmed often. But when a soul is overwhelmed, it produces a tear that is a part of all that it is.”
She looked to the sky and pointed. “My kind has a tale that is believed to have been from the time before we sinned, retold to us by an Angel during the second age. It tells of the stars in heaven being the tears of the Creator. I f
eel sure that it is just a tale, but it still fills me with awe every time I think about it.”
“What do I do with it?” Cain said, unfolding his fingers, looking at that small, shining stone in his hand.
Al’bah shrugged. “I do not know—this is the first tear I have ever shed. But it is yours, like I said. As am I. As is my heart. And, if I could offer it to you, my soul.”
Cain placed the tear in his pocket and embraced Al’bah, but the kiss was so different than any other he had experienced. It was deep, almost as if she had kissed his very essence.
Cain was still numb from shock from the offer Al’bah had made. It was hard to wrap his head around such a gesture. He wondered if he could, or if he would ever make a sacrifice so complete. For no other reason other than to make one happy. He wondered if that was what love was like.
Perhaps in a way he already had made a significant sacrifice for her sake. After all, his former life was over, and he refused her offer to give it back. And as strange as the circumstance, and as terrible the price, though Cain mourned his former life, he now had no regrets.
“Thank you,” Cain whispered, holding her close, trying to give her the reassurance her arms were desperate to grasp.
“Cain, do you—” Al’bah swallowed. “Do you love me?”
“Al’bah, I may not know what love is, but I care for you, I know I do.” He looked into her beautiful eyes that had just begun to illuminate with that soft violet glow. “Perhaps from the first moment I saw you.” Cain still shuddered slightly at the memory and held her all the tighter. “As long as I draw breath, I won’t let you go.”
Al’bah closed her eyes and nodded. Cain stood, still holding her in his arms, and they went to their allotted quarters.
So much unspoken was shared between the two. The uncertainty of tomorrow. The beauty of hope. The fear that came with every ounce of faith that a soul could hold, still begging for proof of what could never be proven. The ecstasy that is shared when two truly touch. When two truly kiss. The hunger of need, the fleetingness of perfection. The desperation that could only come from wanting—needing—love to be real…
Human and Demono…male and female…
Chapter 41
A Closed Heart
“I am not a Demon!”
—Al’bah
Stella was alone above deck. She wanted to be alone to think. The freezing night air caught in her throat as she sighed deeply, wishing that the past few days were just one long nightmare.
I didn’t know how cold the nights were on the ocean, Stella thought as she gazed into the dark night sky that was awash with stars. She rubbed her arms against the cold, glad she had one of the jackets Cain had bought for Al’bah.
I must be losing my touch. Why didn’t I take my bag from my car? Still, the jacket Cain bought for Al’bah was warmer than any of hers.
Still looking at the stars, Stella was blissfully reminded against her will about what Charlie said about her name.
“And Stella, which means ‘star.’ It is a beautiful thought, a beautiful name—it suits you.”
Stella grinned against her will. Oh, stop it, she told herself. It’s not like I’m ever going to see him again.
Stella turned her thoughts to how Cain went from a big-time drug dealer, to unwilling participant in a sting. Then to a killing spree maniac that included herself. Oh, and there was Al’bah.
She still tried to rationalize everything as her being crazy, or Al’bah being delusional. But the bruise on her abdomen that still hurt like hell reassured her that she had not lost her senses. And Al’bah’s explanations to her felt very open. The way she declared Taint to be a liar was done with a voice full of disgust, as if she hated the idea of deception.
Stella shook her head, stifling an internal cringe on how much Al’bah reminded her of her own past. She almost felt compelled to tell her, but decided against it. Stella sighed; it wouldn’t do to let Al’bah know her family disowned her for being a “Christian freak.”
Oh! What she wouldn’t give for her remaining family to meet Al’bah! Stella wondered what effect she would have on them. To be called fools to their faces from a Succubus! A Succubus with no allegiance to the devil! But more than the satisfaction it would give, Stella didn’t want Al’bah to know the event that drove her away in the first place. She inhaled deeply and could smell Al’bah’s scent upon the jacket, reminding her of the sweetest of vanillas.
She let go of her breath as a faint whimper. The smell of vanilla was so familiar, and it caused an ache so terrible in her heart, she thought she might weep. It was hard to be anywhere near her or Cain with that scent all over him. Cain, everything about him (angry or not), changed whenever he was near Al’bah. Hell, he even appeared younger. Stella looked up to the stars again.
Must be love…or something very close to it…
“May I join yeh?”
Stella looked over her shoulder. “It’s your ship, Vincent.”
“Aye, that it is. Do you want company, Stella? Ye look rather lonely.”
Stella looked into the man’s eyes. “I’m always alone. But sure, why not?”
Vincent smiled and held up a mug. “Hot chocolate?”
Stella accepted it. “Blech! It’s so thick!”
“Aye, that there is hot chocolate, not hot cocoa. There’s a difference. What you got there is melted chocolate, milk, and crème.”
“Oh.” Stella sipped again. “It’s delicious, actually.”
They stared at the horizon for several moments, sipping on the hot chocolate.
“Vincent, would you have helped us even if there wasn’t money in it?”
Vincent sighed deeply. “No. It’s a hard world, and the truths we must face are just as hard. But, I wouldn’t have turned you in either. And you, lass, seeing as we are asking each other hard questions, why are you always alone?”
“Love is weakness. For every love story, there is a heart. And every heart breaks, or is betrayed.”
Vincent stared while Stella stared back, daring him to refute her statement, “Ye sound like me’self long ago,” he said at last.
“Don’t tell me that this is a phase, that I’ll find love someday. People in love are fools and deserve everything they get.”
“I wasn’t going tae dare suggest such an absurdity.”
Stella blew a misted sigh of relief. “Good, at least you’re sensible.”
“Aye, and yeh a fool.”
Stella shrugged. “I…perhaps I am, Vincent. I am as much of a fool as man who passes judgment to strangers.”
“Think yeh are so difficult to figure out, lass? Think an old sea-rat like me’self hasn’t seen pain? Moiyne, moy family, and those desperate lives on the docks in countries more desperate than the ones of my home, or yuars?”
Vincent shrugged and downed the last of his mug of chocolate. “And for every life spent alone, there is a story of hurt. And every story of hurt ends in regret, or reconciliation of love’s beauty,” he said, his voice more calm, his accent less noticeable.
Stella sipped on her chocolate, trying her best not to listen. People were always the same, no matter where you went; whenever they saw a person—no, a woman—who was strong, they wanted to find the weakness and fix her. Why didn’t men receive the same treatment? What about Cain? Why wasn’t this Irish bastard trying to play psychoanalysis to him?
“The lad still fights his Demons, lass. You embraced them.”
Damn it, I coulda sworn I didn’t speak out loud!
Vincent shook his head. “Yeh didn’t speak out loud. You wear your heart upon your collar, lass.”
“Don’t you mean ‘sleeve’?”
“Whatever. The point is, don’t spend your life alone. It is by far the greater pain. I know.”
Stella looked up. “Then you’re weak. You let your emotions and loneliness get the better of you.”
“Perhaps, lass. Or maybe as the stars shine against the dark, so will every piece of your broken heart against you
r betrayal and pain.”
“Vincent?”
“Lass?”
“Do you want company later?”
Vincent slightly recoiled from Stella’s offer. But he would accept. Men always did.
“I am lonely, lass. The dark-haired beauty has given her heart to the lad. I can stand and talk to her, but she doesn’t talk to me like you do. And the lad doesn’t have much tae say. But, you think I’m here tae satisfy carnal pleasures? I am a man, not a dog.”
Stella scoffed. “Coulda fooled me. I saw the way you drooled over us both. What changed, Vincent? If there is anything I ever learned, and the one lesson no one argues with, it’s people don’t change.”
Vincent nodded. “Aye, I suppose people have little reason to change. They oft’ see the world with the flavor they were dealt with. But tell me, lass, can ye truly lay with a man who doesn’t love yeh? Could ye lay with a man who could never love yeh?”
“You speak as though you and the world are not guilty of such a thing, and I am the only one. What about you? You sell your ship out for money quick enough, harboring God knows what kind of people, maybe even the unwilling! As far as you know, I could be a murderer! And you can’t tell me you haven’t taken a wee little lass for a ride on your boat—both of them!”
Vincent held up his hand. “Lass, have I been anything less than a gentleman? Ye may accuse me of being a mercenary. But in truth, my employer approached me. Ye may accuse me of being a kidnapper, but you’re free to go. And now yeh think I am a dog?” He shook his head. “No wonder you’re alone. Your heart is so closed off with bitterness. Yeh look like an angel, but you’re a prisoner of your past. I just hope ye don’t drown in yuar bitterness,” Vincent said sadly, and walked off.
“A more poetic meaning would be ‘caged heavenly angel.’”
“Shut! Up!” Stella muttered under her breath. She went below decks, no longer wanting to be in the cold. As she neared her room, she felt an alien surge of intense happiness wash over her, causing her to stumble and lean against the wall for a moment.
Succubus Tear (Triune promise) Page 24