I nearly screamed when he grabbed my ankle.
“Necie.” He propped up on an elbow and rubbed his eyes with his free hand. “Wait.”
“Let go of me,” I said, and tried to shake off his grasp.
“Baby, I’m sorry—”
I shot him an angry glance. “Not in front of her.”
Immediately, he released me. I moved toward the stairs.
“But when—”
I paused on the first step. Our eyes met. Tears glistened in his, but still I felt nothing. I kept walking.
“Will you come home for lunch, so we can talk?” he called.
“I don’t know.”
He followed me all the way to the garage and waited until I set Abby down to thrust a piece of paper in my hand. I stared down at the name Marty and a phone number I didn’t recognize.
“What’s this?” I asked.
“He’s a coordinator for the local AA meetings. I’m going to one tomorrow night.” Grady clasped my hand. “Please, Necie, don’t give up on me. You’re right, I need help. I need you, too, and Abby.”
What about me, and what I need? I thought, but didn’t say it out loud. If Grady was ready to admit he had a problem, I wanted him to get help. He was the father of my child; I didn’t want to see him destroy himself.
“Will you come home for lunch?” he asked again. His green eyes pleaded with me. It shocked me how haggard he looked. When had he lost so much weight?
“I’ll be here at noon.” I shut Abby’s door and faced him. “But I’m not promising anything.”
“That’s okay,” he said. “I understand.”
When I walked through the double glass doors of the DEA building, I spotted Cougar standing by the elevators. He gave me a little wave in greeting and pressed the up button. His brown hair was damp, and he wore no coat. I tried not to notice the way his navy T-shirt stretched over his chest, or the rocky cleft of his bicep peeking from beneath his sleeve.
“Morning,” he said when I drew near.
“Morning.” My face heated when I thought about our encounter in the snow, and some of the things he’d said to me last night.
Oh grow up, I thought. This is Cougar. He probably says the same sort of thing to the waitress who brings his morning bagel.
I jumped when he leaned in to sniff my hair, then felt a flash of irritation at myself. This school crush thing I had going had to stop.
“That’s different,” he said. “Cotton candy?”
Did the man notice everything? Maybe that was the magic of Cougar. He had a gift for making every woman around him feel like the only one who existed.
“Bubblegum. I used Abby’s shampoo.”
He nodded, unscrewed the cap from his Dasani bottled water, took a swig, then closed it back. He looked troubled—maybe even a little nervous. It wasn’t something I was used to seeing in Cougar.
“Look, Necie,” he said. “About what happened last night … I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you or anything.”
He frowned and uncapped his water again when the elevator lurched to a stop and the fifth-floor button lit.
“That’s okay,” I said when he turned the bottle up. “No, ah, hard feelings.”
Cougar dribbled water down the front of his shirt. I giggled as he coughed and laughed.
My smile faded when Kimberly glided into the elevator in all her auburn-haired glory. I felt downright schlumpy in my jeans and wrinkled T-shirt.
She grinned at Cougar, who was dabbing at the front of his shirt. “How did you miss a mouth like that?” she asked.
“Ha, ha,” he said. “This pick-on-Jason day or something? Necie’s already been poking fun at my expense.”
“Poor baby,” she cooed, and winked at me.
I tried not to hate her and her perfect genes. It wasn’t her fault she was five foot eleven, curvy, and brilliant. Okay, so maybe I would try not to hate her tomorrow. I’d had a bad night.
Still, I consoled myself, it couldn’t be easy to love a guy like Cougar. At least with Grady, I knew where I stood. Quicksand. But Cougar was too smooth, too charming. The kind of guy who could lull you into thinking everything was perfect right until the day he wanted to be perfect with someone else.
Kim got off on the next floor. “See you, Necie. See you, Cougar.”
“See you,” I said.
Cougar caught the door. “Hey, I’ll be over to change your oil tonight.”
“Okay.” She waved. “See you then.”
I studied my ragged nails as the door shut. “Is that some kind of code for kinky stuff?”
He gave me that funny half smile again. “Nah, just a favor for a friend.”
I leaned against the wall, thoughts of Grady replaced by thoughts of Cougar’s “friends.”
We had a short meeting, and I felt a pang when Cougar and Linda left to do some legwork on their undercover operation. That should’ve been my job.
Tucker and I, since we had no immediate assignment, were delegated to cleaning up our messy conference room.
“So, how are things going with Anne Marie?” I asked when we were alone.
Tucker glanced up from the haphazard stack of files beside the copy machine and smiled. “Perfect. Think she’s the one, Necie.”
I paused swiping on the dry-erase board. “Oh, wow! You think that already?”
“More like something I know.” Tucker leaned against the table, his brown eyes animated. “I think I knew it from our first kiss. Was it like that with you and Grady?”
I laughed, and realized how bitter it sounded. “No,” I said quietly, and turned back to the board.
Five minutes later, Tucker said, “Hey, what’s this?”
I twisted to see him holding up a videotape.
“It says Barnes Surveillance, but there are no ID numbers, no log-in stickers.”
“Oh, God.” I crossed the room and took it from him. “What’s it doing here? All these are supposed to be with the prosecutor’s office.”
Tucker shrugged. “Maybe it’s a scrap. That could be why it’s not coded.”
“One way to find out.” We walked over to the TV/ VCR combo, and I punched it in. Tucker pressed the TV’s power button, and we moved back to watch.
Unease stole over me when the empty room flashed on-screen. It was a conference room much like this one, but the tables were nicer. Real wood. I stared at the picture of migrating geese on the wall. Where had I seen this room before? It wasn’t part of the Barnes estate.
The sound of her laughter preceded Maria Barnes into the shot. She backed into the frame, wearing a long black coat and clutching a man’s tie. She reeled him toward her. My heart stilled when I saw the back of his head.
“Hurry!” Maria said, and Grady pressed a finger to her lips to shush her. He disappeared from the screen for an instant, then charged back to her, seizing her in a hungry kiss.
CHAPTER
8
I sensed Tucker’s head whip around. Though we stood inches from each other, his voice sounded like it was coming through a tunnel. “Is that—?”
He reached for the power button. Unable to voice my “no” or even tear my eyes from the couple on the screen, I slapped at Tucker’s hand.
The walls of my own conference room seemed to swell and pulse while I watched Grady yank the coat from her shoulders.
She wore nothing beneath.
He backed her to the table and lifted her up on it, kissing her with a fervor he hadn’t shown me in years. He fumbled with his belt and dropped his pants. Her long legs locked around his waist.
Sweat beaded my forehead though my body had turned to ice. I couldn’t breathe.
The room started to sparkle, little flashes of color like the glitter from Abby’s dance shoes.
The next thing I knew, I was hanging halfway out the eighth-story window.
“Breathe, honey,” Tucker was saying. “Breathe.”
A gust of cold air slapped me in the face, and the bands around my chest
loosened a bit. I took a hard gulp that burned my lungs, then another. I don’t know how long we stood there like that before I told him I was okay.
Tucker hauled me back inside. Moans and shrieks echoed from the TV, but I couldn’t look at them anymore. This time I didn’t try to stop Tucker when he jabbed the power button.
He let loose a stream of obscenities that would’ve been funny under other circumstances. Mild-mannered Tucker swearing like Cougar. He pushed me into a chair and wiped a hand down his flushed face.
“Okay,” he said, like he was trying to devise a plan. “Okay … so what are you going to do?”
I cracked my knuckles. “I’m going to throw his ass out.”
“Fine. I’ll help. So will Cougar and Ubi. We’ll make sure he doesn’t give you any trouble.”
“No, Tuck …” I stood, and he did, too. “Please don’t tell anyone.”
“But—”
“Please.”
Tucker stared at the darkened television. “What if the tape’s a fake? Just something to rattle your cage? I can get Eric in the lab to look it over. He won’t say anything.”
“I don’t need the lab to look at it,” I said, and moved to extract the tape from the player.
All I needed to see was my husband’s face.
“Necie …” Tucker grimaced, then folded me into his arms. I hugged him back.
Someone coughed behind us. Cougar frowned from the doorway. “Am I interrupting something?” he asked, his blue eyes flashing.
I pulled away from Tucker. “Uh, no. You’re not interrupting.” Unable to think of an explanation, I grabbed my purse, shoved the videotape inside, and headed toward the door. “See you guys later. I need to run home.”
Cougar wordlessly stepped aside.
“Necie, wait!” Tucker said, but I pretended like I didn’t hear. I needed to talk to Grady alone.
Bill was in the elevator. He smiled and glanced at his watch. “Lunchtime already?”
“No, I … something came up. I have to run home.”
He squinted at me. “Everything okay?”
I took a deep breath. “No. And I need to talk to you about my leave.”
“I put it on Sandra’s desk. It should go through sometime this week.”
“Can you tear it up?”
Bill lifted his eyebrows, then he grinned. “You bet I can. But what changed your mind?”
“Most single moms can’t afford to take a leave like that, especially working for the DEA.”
His smile faded. “Oh, honey … I’m sorry.”
“Me, too. Sorry for myself… mostly, sorry for Abby.”
The elevator stopped, and Bill glanced at the light. “My floor. Listen, is there anything I can do?”
“Just tear up that request.” I waved before the door slid shut.
In the parking lot, I was fumbling for my keys when someone grabbed my shoulder. I turned, half-expecting to see Cougar, but it was a panting Tucker.
“Necie … I was afraid … I wouldn’t catch you.”
I gaped at his red face. “Did you just run eight flights of stairs?”
Tucker leaned against my car. “Yeah. I don’t want you to go alone. Damn, when did I get this old?”
I punched his arm. “I’ll be okay. I’m armed and dangerous, remember?
Tucker studied me with grave eyes. “Anne Marie told me what Grady did at the hospital.”
“How did she—never mind. I bet we were the talk of the hospital.”
Tucker grinned. “I think maybe Anne Marie and I are, but you were second.” He sobered. “She only told me because she was worried about you.”
“He won’t hurt me. I won’t let him.”
Tucker held up his palms. “At least let me take you home. I’ll get Anne Marie to come get me. You can call the school and give us permission to pick up Abby. We’ll take her to a movie or something so you can do what you need to do.”
I sighed. That would make things easier. I handed him my keys. “Okay. Thanks.”
We didn’t talk much on the way home. I kept replaying the image of Grady and Maria in my mind. In my heart, I knew the tape was real, but I wanted him to have to look me in the eye and tell me himself.
Tucker hugged me before he left, and Anne Marie did, too, though we barely knew one another. Tucker told me he’d call before they headed back with Abby, but looking into his worried face, I figured he’d call before that. I waved good-bye to them and sat on the couch to wait on Grady. He walked in at half past twelve, carrying a sack of burgers. The smell of grease and onions made me queasy. I turned on the TV.
“I was hoping I’d beat you here,” he said. “Are you hungry?”
“No.”
“C’mon.” He waved the bag in front of me. “Let’s eat, then we’ll talk.”
“I’d rather watch a movie.” My eyes never left Grady’s face while I pressed the play button. I hadn’t rewound it. The room filled with the sound of Maria’s shrieks and Grady’s grunts. The color drained from his face. His eyes darted from the screen to me, and his Adam’s apple bobbed while he swallowed.
“You bastard,” I said, and pitched the remote as hard as I could at his head. He threw up his arms to protect his face, and I heard a loud crack when the remote struck his watch.
All the things I’d wanted to say to him flew from my mind. I couldn’t even stand to look at him. My sneakers thudded against the steps as I raced upstairs.
I yanked a suitcase from beneath the bed and unlatched it with a shaking hand. Grady filled the doorway while I moved toward the closet.
“Necie, you can’t leave.”
“I’m not leaving, you are.” I jerked an armful of his suits from the closet and threw them at the suitcase. Some of them fell to the floor, but I didn’t slow.
“Necie …”
“What?” I turned on him. “It’s not what I think? Come on, Grady. Surely you can do better than that.”
“It was only sex,” he said softly. He walked inside the room, and I shot him a warning glance. “I’ve regretted it since the day it happened.”
I swiped my nose with the back of my hand. “Somehow I missed that part on the tape.” I strode toward his sock drawer.
“Necie, just…” Before I realized what he was doing, Grady was beside me. He seized my wrists. “Stop and listen to me!”
I yanked free of him. “Listen to what? There is nothing you can say to make this okay.” The tears I’d sworn I wouldn’t cry stung my eyes. “She’s my half sister, Grady. You knew who she was.”
“She came to me, wanting to talk about you … It wasn’t something I planned, Necie.”
I sneered and shoved him out of my way.
His eyes narrowed. “How did you get that tape anyway? Were you having me followed?”
“Oh, please. How do you think I got that tape? She set you up, Grady. I found it at work. I’m just glad I found it before the whole place saw it.” He rubbed his hands over his face, and I resumed packing. “You’ve suspected me of sleeping with Angel and Cougar and God knows who else, but all this time it’s been you. How did you get the gall to do that?”
“Necie, I’m sorry. Sorry for everything.”
I stiffened my spine and stared him down. “There’s nothing you can say.”
He sat on the edge of the bed and covered his face with his hands. When I saw his shoulders shake, I felt nothing except contempt.
I shoved everything I could into the suitcase and the rest into a duffel bag.
Finally he lifted his head. “What about the AA meeting tomorrow night? I can’t do this without you.”
I was through letting him guilt-trip me. “You can if you love your daughter.”
“What about Abby?” he said.
“You can see her all you like as long as you stay sober.”
“What do you think this will do to her?”
I gritted my teeth. “Don’t try to use her against me, not with this. She’s the only reason I’ve stayed this lo
ng.”
Anger flashed in Grady’s eyes. “I get it. You don’t give a damn about me.” He shook his head. “And you wonder why I looked somewhere else … You don’t care about me, and I love you so much it hurts.”
I laughed. “Huh, that’s another thing I missed on that tape. Maybe I should’ve paid more attention.” I picked up the duffel bag and threw it in his lap. “Get the hell out of my house.”
He gave me another long, sad look, then he did.
I locked the door behind him and called Tucker to check on Abby. I realized I mostly felt relieved that Grady was gone, then felt guilty for that.
Explaining to Abby that her daddy wouldn’t be living with us anymore was the hardest thing I’d ever done in my life. I tried to explain that he would always love her and would always be part of her life, but I saw the fear in her eyes. I let her sleep in my bed that night, and tried to reassure her that everything would be all right. As I stared at the ceiling, I wondered if that were true.
I awoke the next morning to a pounding head and a stiff shoulder from sleeping on my side all night. Abby barely spoke on the way to school. Her little face looked strained and grim, and all I could think of were the words I’d said to Grady.
There is nothing you can say to make this okay.
My daughter’s life would be changed forever. When I’d found out I was pregnant with her, I’d vowed that she’d have a better childhood than mine. She’d have the things she needed, including a stable home with both parents. Looking at her slumped shoulders, I felt like a failure.
I was halfway to work when I realized today was Barnes’s preliminary hearing. Dismayed, I glanced down at my jeans and rumpled T-shirt. Not exactly the sort of garb that would impress a judge. Bill might shoot me on the spot. I made an illegal turn in a fire lane and raced back home to change.
Twenty minutes later, I jockeyed for a position in the overcrowded elevator between two smelly vice cops and a cleaning crew. My shoes pinched my toes, and I’d poked a fingernail through my only pair of hose in my haste to get them on. Not wanting to go bare-legged in November, I’d twisted them around so the run was in the back. At least I could pretend I didn’t know if someone pointed it out.
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