by Zoey Derrick
As soon as the guys hit the club they scatter and I notice that the bodyguards are right there with them the whole time. I turn to Rusty. “Shouldn’t you be watching them?”
“I should, but my orders are for you. So unless you want to make nice with one of them and stay near them, I’m left to watch you.”
I roll my eyes. “I won’t sit or hang out with them, but I can hang near them, will that help?”
He nods. I make my way through the packed crowd, straight to the bar. After all the alcohol the last two nights, this isn’t a good idea. But with figuring out who Kyle is and the back and forth with Talon and Kyle, I need about a dozen of them.
“Two shots of Crown and an Irish Bulldog, please,” I tell the bartender.
“An Irish what?”
Oh, come on. I give the ingredients to the bartender and he nods his head and sets about making my drinks. When he’s done he slides them over to me. “Cash or charge or tab?”
“Tab,” someone says behind me and I turn to see Kyle. “69’s tab. Anything she wants.”
I roll my eyes and slip the bartender a twenty anyway. “Keep it,” I holler as the music pick up its beat. The bartender smiles at me then proceeds to look me up and down. What the hell is it with guys all of a sudden? Is my repelling pheromone broken? Do I have ‘flirt’ tattooed on my forehead?
I shoot back one of the shots, slam the glass back to the counter, grab my other two drinks and turn to find somewhere close to the guys, but Kyle is blocking my path.
“Thanks for the drinks,” I shout.
“No problem, where are you going?”
I shrug and slide past him. I walk around for a couple minutes until I find a table that is far enough away, hidden, but in close proximity for Rusty to help the other guards with the guys.
Unfortunately I’m too close to them because I get eyefuls of Sam and Dex making out. Peacock is getting friendly with Jess. Mouse has a very skanky looking chick on his lap and I shoot down my shot. Wrap it up, Mouse, you tap it, fucking wrap it because…I burp into my mouth. Ew, okay and we’re over that one.
One problem with moving past Mouse and his skanky piece is that my eyes land on Talon and the blond haired, blue eyed bimbo laughing her way into his pants. I roll my eyes. Seriously, since when does laughing get you laid? Oh, why all the time — insert an eye roll here —…it’s too easy, come on, Talon, take on a challenge, damn it.
Then out of nowhere he looks right at me, almost as if he knew I was watching him. But he turns back quickly, like he didn’t actually see me, which is entirely possible. It’s really dark over here. Then I’m distracted when Kyle enters the circle of the band with a brunette he picked up on his way back from the bar.
What’s confusing me the most about the pre-show ritual, and what happened between Talon, Kyle, and I, is that I’m sitting here alone while they entertain their sticks. I try desperately to ignore them but it’s like watching a car accident about to happen and being unable to take your eyes off of it.
“Do you want to dance?” I look up into the face of a cute, but not drop dead gorgeous man who’s about my height in heels. He’s wearing a 69 Bottles t-shirt and ripped up jeans. All in all it’s not a bad package. I look over at the circle of band members and their bevy of bimbos and agree to dance. He holds his hand out to me and I take it. I stand up and he pulls me straight to the dance floor.
Just as we get there the song changes to David Guetta’s remix of Usher’s Without You and I lose myself in the music, not giving a shit who I’m dancing with or what I look like doing it. Each thump of the bass flows through my veins; and the beat consumes me. My dance partner, thank god, has some skills and he’s keeping up with me. The song is slower, but it has a great beat so it’s easy to move around.
At one point I turn around so that dance boy is behind me and I’m grinding on him without actually touching him. My eyes are heavy, lost in the music, alcohol kicking in and I see through tiny slits that I have an audience. An audience of five. Talon and Kyle are all but wiping drool from their chins. I work it a little longer, playing it up to what I know they’re watching me do.
When the song concludes dancer boy asks if he can buy me a drink. I shake my head. “No thanks, I think I’ve had enough for tonight. Thank you for the dance.” And with that I leave him, walking toward the guys, mainly Sam. I get to her and whisper in her ear. “I need to talk to you, now.”
I grab her hand and she comes with me. Dex of course protests. “Girl time,” I shout and he scowls at me. I drag Sam through the back door of the club. I need some air.
“Addie, why are we out here?” she asks me.
“Because I’m sending you home.”
“What the fuck for?” She’s pissed, as she should be.
“Because you’re my best friend and I’m not going to let Dex fuck you over.”
“That’s my fucking choice, Addison, not yours.”
“You know what, Sam, you’re absolutely right. It is your choice, but let me tell you this. He will fuck you and dump you. He won’t commit to you, he won’t make you his wife. Seriously, Sam. It will be a one night stand. Is that really what you want? With him?”
“Yes,” she says matter of fact and I’m shocked.
“No, you don’t. You’re better than that, Sam. You don’t need to screw the biggest slut in this band, for what? Heartache. I know you, Sam, and I know what this will turn into. When he’s done with you, he’ll throw you to the curb without a second thought.”
“She’s right, Sam.” I spin around to find Dex has just come through the door. “One night, one fuck, you deserve better than that.”
“Wow, Dex, did that hurt?” I tease him.
“Excruciating.” He smirks.
“Addie, is it so wrong to throw your inhibitions out the window,” Sam says. “To indulge in a fantasy?”
I take a couple of steps closer to Dex. Her question spurs my own desires to have Talon and Kyle, not separately but to have them both, together. “If you do this, with her, I don’t want to hear about it, no bragging, no gloating, not a fucking word, you get me?” He nods. I turn to Sam and walk back toward her. “Sam, I swear to god, if you do this, know that come time for that bus to leave, if you’re still on it, I will throw you off of it because come Vegas tomorrow night, there will be somebody new capturing his attention and you will be a notch in his bedpost. If you can live with that and leave me out of it, then by all means, have at it.”
I don’t wait for her to reply. I walk over to Rusty. “I’m going to get into that car and return to the bus. Between here and there I have the driver of the town car and the bus is surrounded by security, plus the drivers and whoever else might be there. Do not come with me.”
“It’s my job,” he argues.
“Don’t give me that bullshit, I am a big girl, I can take care of myself.” I turn straight for the car and the driver. “Take me back to the bus, then you’ll need to come back here.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He opens my door and I slide in. I don’t look at Dex or Sam because I know what’s going to happen and I don’t want to be a part of it. I also don’t want to go back inside to see the girls hanging all over Talon and Kyle like the bimbos that they are. I’ve had enough for today.
Ten minutes later we are driving in past security and I have the driver pull up alongside the bus. I’m on the wrong side of the car so I slide across the seat. I want to be able to just walk straight onto the bus. I slide the driver a twenty and climb onto the bus quickly.
Within a matter of minutes I have my pajama pants and tank top out of the drawer and I’m in the shower, desperate to wash the filth off of me from tonight.
Luckily by the time I’m done, no one has returned. The driver is standing at the front of the bus looking over a couple of things. “What time do we need to leave?”
“By eight, ma’am.”
“Okay, wake me if you need help throwing people off of the bus. Otherwise, make sure you roll on time.�
��
“Got it,” he says and he leaves the bus. There are beds on the other bus for the drivers and from my understanding there are two additional drivers tagging along with us for longer trips, but not all. They show up when we need them, like in Albuquerque to get us to Galveston.
I return to my little alcove of a room and climb up into my bed. I pull my headphones and iPod from my messenger bag at my feet. Plugging in and curling up with a good book sounds amazing. I pick one of my softer playlists and settle in to read a great book about a homeless guy, on a train platform, who counts the smiles of the heroine of the story. It’s a heartwarming romance and I love it.
Sometime later, I hear muffled sounds of people returning to the bus, but I don’t get up, I don’t really care. Unless I have to kick bimbos off the bus.
I roll toward the bus wall, putting my back to the curtain, glad I threw my hoodie on before climbing into bed. I try to fall asleep, hoping they don’t come back here to bug me.
At some point someone, I don’t look to see who, opens the curtain because the room floods with light. The light fills the room for a good minute or two before it falls closed again. Then finally after what feels like the longest day in history, I settle in, comfortable and ready to sleep. Though it’s a bit ironic, even a little depressing, that I was hit on, practically drooled on, caused two ‘heart attacks’, and yet I am the only one going to bed alone.
When I wake up, I don’t bother to look at the clock. I can tell it is sometime after eight because we’re moving. Good, no one had to wake me up to kick off half naked bimbos. God, what an idiot I was yesterday. With all the shit with Kyle and Talon, I can’t believe I let myself get upset over the fact that they were hitting on, making out with and likely fucking two chicks and they paid no attention to me once we hit the party.
I’m even more bothered by the fact that I let myself get depressed over the fact that I was sleeping alone. You’ve done it for nearly eight years, Addison. Why is it a big deal now? That’s the million dollar question. Sure, I’ve been hit on in bars, a lot, but it’s not something that has ever bothered me before. I guess maybe it was always their cheesy-ass one liners that were a turn off. None of these guys had anything more to say besides drooling and cheesy one liners, but still.
God, that kiss before the show… I shiver again thinking about it. How they both held me so gently, and the ferocity of Talon’s kiss. I shiver again. No, I’m not cold. I just don’t know how to describe the excitement running through me when I think about it.
Couple Talon’s kiss with Kyle’s own tender kisses on my neck, gah!
Now this morning, in a way, I feel used. It’s stupid and petty, but it’s true. I was there, I was great and I was the good luck charm, at least until the chicks started stroking their egos and eventually their dicks. It was stupid of me to think that it would be remotely possible to actually have something with either Talon or Kyle, or… both of them? Nah, there’s no way. Besides, if I had both of them, they’d have to be equally into each other too, right? I mean, I can’t have all the glory, right?
My thoughts of Talon and then of Kyle bring the memory of Dan sliding back into my thoughts and I feel like crying.
I met Dan in college at NYU. He was a year ahead of me but he was pre-law so he was going to be in school a lot longer than I was. I didn’t mind. We hit it off great, we got along amazingly well and we just worked great together. Dan took my virginity about six months into our relationship. I was so sure that once he got that, it was going to be over between us. I guess that was the cynic in me even then and it was also the reality of how he made me feel. He pushed for it, all throughout those six sexless months, which didn’t help make me feel any better about where our relationship was going.
But in the end he didn’t run away. After we broke that barrier, not in the literal sense, everything changed for the better between the two of us. We grew closer and that’s when I fell in love with him. Well, in the months that followed our slightly drunken, extremely awkward first time. When I say awkward, I mean it was awkward. I knew he wasn’t a virgin, but he wasn’t exactly promiscuous before meeting me.
After two years of being together, and him graduating, he proposed to me and we had great plans to get married and finish up school. We talked about everything. He was my everything, and he never once held me back from anything. In fact, he encouraged me to pursue the things I wanted most and I did. I’d met his mom, Lilly, several times when she would come to New York to visit Dan and we got along great.
She was helping me plan the wedding and her and my mom, Lori, got along great. But Dan insisted on paying for the wedding, so ultimately I got everything I wanted and then some. The Black’s were not overly wealthy, but there was a good reason Dan had money.
Dan and I never talked about Kyle. I knew of him, of course, but we never talked about him. Even Lilly never mentioned him much and when she did, Dan would always get pissed off.
Dan and Kyle’s father was murdered during Dan’s first year of college. Dan never talked about it, but when he talked about his father, it was never with kindness and I learned that he’d been abusive and an alcoholic among other things. After Dan Senior was killed, Kyle slipped into drugs and alcohol and slipped away from everyone. Dan never understood how a jackass like his father could impact someone like Kyle. But it did and Kyle ran away with the drugs and alcohol, leaving his family behind to suffer. Dan hated him for it. When Dan Sr. was killed, he left behind several large life insurance policies, which is where Dan got his money.
Kyle too, I’m sure. I won’t speculate about his drug and alcohol abuse because, well, I don’t know what parts of what I was told are true or not. Lilly wasn’t exactly mother of the year after her husband was killed. I wonder idly if she’s really the reason Kyle ran to drugs and alcohol.
We were two weeks out from the wedding. Anxieties and tensions were running high. I’d started working for Bold, but barely, still learning the ropes, kind of barely, and I had so much left to do before the wedding and I was completely stressed out. Dan and I argued over something stupid, something so stupid that I can’t even remember now what it was. We’d talked on the phone before he’d left work, and neither of us said we loved each other, said bye or even a see you soon because we were that angry with one another. Then he never came home. On his way home Dan had been hit and killed by a drunk driver at five in the evening. It was the hardest, most devastating thing I’ve ever dealt with in my life.
When his family came to California after he was killed, no one paid any attention to me whatsoever. No one cared how I was doing and I threw myself into playing hostess-cooking, picking up after everyone and trying to hold it all together. Dan and I had been together over three years and were about to be married, but it didn’t matter.
Because of that, among other things, I wonder if I’ve ever really dealt with it because even now, seven years later, I haven’t gotten over it, or at least it still haunts me. Losing Dan is the reason I’ve stayed single for seven years, the reason I’ve kept my legs closed and the reason I’ve devoted myself to my job. I love my job and I loved Dan.
I keep trying to tell myself that my fear is stupid, that my fear is completely irrational, but when you’ve lost two men in your life that you’ve loved dearly, it’s hard to put your heart out there for another one. First my dad to illness, followed by Dan’s death. I was never able to apologize for the fight, say good-bye or tell him I loved him one more time. I’ve lived with that guilt for far too long.
Until now, being here on this bus. It was easy to live with it, deal with and some days even forget about it entirely. But coming on this bus, figuring out that Kyle is Dan’s brother, on top of the fact that for the first time in a long time, someone is actually capturing my attention has the guilt meter rising much higher and I don’t know how to handle it. But I’ve got to find a way to deal with it and dealing with it means no longer feeding the animals. Throwing myself into work and doing what I do best,
what I know to be my best outlet. If I throw myself into work, then I can’t get hurt because I won’t have time to fall in love.
There’s a knock on the wood surrounding the curtain. “Addison, are you awake?”
“No,” I groan.
“Liar.” The light pours into the room when Kyle comes in. “We’re about thirty minutes from Vegas.”
“Holy shit. What time is it?”
“Twelve-thirty.”
“Fuck. I can’t believe…” I rub my face, “God, I’ve never slept that long in my life.” He laughs and I sit up.
Kyle takes a deep, sharp breath and I can’t understand…Oh shit. I quickly pull up my tank top and cover my almost fully exposed tits. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.”
He takes a couple steps toward me with lust filled eyes. “Don’t be. You’re just full of surprises, aren’t you?” I blush like a virgin and try to cover myself. “Please don’t do that. You’re beautiful, Addison.” I shiver at the tone of his voice. Like Talon it has dropped to a soft sultry tone that makes my nipples harden beneath my tank top.
His hand wraps around my arm, he tugs on it to free it from the trap of my chest, trying to pull it away. I pull it back. “I can’t,” I breathe.
He freezes, removes his hand and takes a step back. “I’m sorry,” he says, his voice is soft and apologetic.
“It’s not your fault, I wasn’t…”
“It’s alright. I should go. Let you get ready.”