by Carsen Taite
But she couldn’t fit her world into the reflection she saw. Love couldn’t conquer all, and there was no point in considering whether she loved Addison, let alone any purpose in making promises she knew she wouldn’t keep. She had only one choice. Two steps to the door and two words to cut through the intoxicating trance that was Addison Riley.
“I can’t.”
Chapter Thirty-two
January 19, the day before the Inauguration
Addison approached the entrance to the West Wing, and a Marine guard held the door open for her. As she stepped across the threshold, the Marine said, “Good morning, Madam Chief Justice.” He pointed to a middle-aged woman standing to his left. “This is Margaret, Mr. Davy’s secretary. She’ll take you back to his office.”
Madam Chief Justice. She wasn’t sure she’d ever get used to the mouthful of a title or the deference it afforded to her. She followed Noah’s secretary through the familiar halls, every footfall a reminder of the last time she’d been here, nearly a month ago.
Noah stood to greet her and ushered her into his office as if they were old friends.
“Congratulations, Madam Chief—”
She held up a hand. “Please. This conversation is going to last forever if you have to use all those words every time you want to say something to me, and I know you must be insanely busy with other things today. How about just inside these four walls, you call me Addison, or Justice Riley if formality is necessary?”
He smiled. “Justice Riley it is. Thanks for coming in.”
She took a seat. “I should thank you for the run-through. It’d be nice to have my first judicial act go off without a hitch.” Tomorrow, she would stand in front of an audience of millions and swear Wesley Garrett in for his final term in office. Considering she herself had been sworn in only yesterday in a quiet gathering at the Supreme Court building, the prospect of presiding over the presidential inauguration was daunting. Thankfully, Noah had volunteered to walk her through what to expect during the ceremony.
“I’m surprised you had time for this,” she said. “You certainly could have had someone on your staff give me the details.”
“Actually, most of them are busier than I am. When you have a big staff, you get to delegate most of the work. And since I’ve given notice, most of what I’m doing now is preparing this office for whoever the president can talk into taking my place.”
“You’re leaving?”
“I only ever promised him I would serve one term.”
“Any ideas who he’s going to get to replace you?”
“I gave him a list of names, but I don’t think he’s made a decision yet. I told him I’d stick around for the next month to make sure there’s a smooth transition. It’s all for the best. He needs a different kind of consigliere for his second term. Someone who’s more of a statesman than a hard-hitting politician will give him a better chance at addressing big-picture issues.”
His words reminded her of Julia, always working the angle, moving from one political gig to the next with no anchor, nothing permanent to ground her. Or tie her down.
She hadn’t talked to Julia since the confirmation hearings ended almost a week ago. During the hearings, Julia had always been close, ever ready to offer advice and deal with scheduling, but in every way that mattered, she’d been distant, acting as if Addison had never spoken about love, never asked for more. But she had asked for more, and her request had sent Julia running. The message couldn’t be any clearer. She needed to stop wishing they’d met under other circumstances, stop wishing Julia was someone she wasn’t, and focus on the next phase of her career. Anyone else would have been ecstatic to achieve what she had.
Yesterday, she’d placed her hand on the same bible Justice Weir had used when he was sworn in, and taken the oath of the Supreme Court judiciary in front of a small group of invited guests. Her father and Jack sat on the front row of the courtroom, but the only person in the room she noticed was Julia who stood in the back, by the door, looking like she was ready to bolt at any moment. And she had. Addison had looked for her during the small reception, but she was nowhere to be found. And why not? Julia had accomplished her mission, and now it was time for her to take a vacation, take a new job, anything but take a chance on her.
She listened while Noah went over the details of tomorrow’s ceremony. In a little over twenty-four hours, she would stand on the steps of the Capitol building and swear the president in to his second term in office. Just a few months ago, her biggest concerns had been placating faculty, courting alumni, and a girlfriend who wouldn’t commit. Her life had changed drastically, but one thing remained the same—she had no one to share it with.
*
“You have a bad habit of asking me for favors when I’m headed out of town.” Julia sat on one of the couches in the Oval Office. “Let me guess. You want me to look over your speech.”
The president laughed. “No offense, Julia, but when it comes to sound bites, you’re the expert. Lofty speeches, not so much.”
“Fine, then tell me what you want and I’ll get out of your hair. I have places to be.”
“The islands calling to you?”
Julia shook her head. She’d stopped pretending taking a long, leisurely vacation was her style. Bora Bora was a paradise, at least it appeared to be online, but paradise was for lovers. She’d given up the opportunity to be with Addison because of work, so she should put her everything into it. “No, I’m headed to Montana. Congresswoman Shelley is announcing for Burrows’s seat in two weeks.”
“Well, she definitely would be hiring the best if you take the job.”
She heard the if, but ignored it. “Already done.”
“The congresswoman and I are friends,” he said.
She recognized the tone and preempted what he was about to say. “Sir, I hate to say it, but I think my debt has been paid.”
“This isn’t about debt. It’s about opportunity. You go work for Shelley, you’ll be done in six months and on to the next big thing. You stay here and work for me, you can do big things every day.”
“What, as one of a dozen senior advisors? I’ll be sitting at a desk, pushing paper, writing reports no one will see. No, thank you.”
“You’ll have a desk for sure, but it would be in the second biggest office in the building. Noah’s retiring, and I want you to take his place.”
“Noah is retiring?” She held back saying she would’ve thought they’d have to pry him from the building at the end of Garrett’s second term. Davy was the consummate politician’s right hand, always thinking a dozen moves ahead, always plotting for power. While she was an expert when it came to campaign strategy, she had to concede he was a formidable ally for the president on the operation of the executive office, and she was shocked to be considered for his job. “And you want me as your chief of staff? You’re kidding, right?”
“I’m not kidding, and trust me when I say there’s no one else I’m considering to take his place. I have big plans for my second term. Just think of all the good things we can do.”
“You’re a little quick on the ‘we.’ I already have big plans.”
“You have plans, but they’re not big. I’m talking about carte blanche to run my agenda. No one gets to me without going through you. You’d really rather settle for short-term campaigns on lower ticket races? Come on, Julia, in the space of the last eighteen months, you’ve managed to get me elected president even though my approval ratings were in the low thirties, and you got the first woman ever confirmed as chief justice of the United States. A special election Senate race in Montana, of all places, is a huge step down, and you deserve better than that.”
Chief of staff. Once upon a time, when she was a young intern working her way up, she’d dreamed of such a powerful position. Before Kate, before she’d lost all credibility in the legislature. Could she really be this close to achieving the pinnacle success of her career? Did she really deserve it? She’d done everything in he
r power to get the president elected to his second term, but she had to admit that Governor Briscoe’s missteps were the real reason behind Garrett’s win. As for Addison, she’d started out believing her nomination was doomed to failure, so how much credit could she legitimately take for her ultimate confirmation?
She pictured Addison, standing in the well of the Supreme Court Chamber, taking her oath. Her father and brother sat on the front row, brimming with pride, while she’d lurked in the back of the room too ashamed to claim any of the glory of Addison’s special day. Unlike her, Addison deserved her success. At every step along the path, she’d remained steadfast in her beliefs, true to her convictions. Julia wondered how that felt. She’d spent years pushing the beliefs of the people that hired her until she wasn’t sure where their principles stopped and hers began. She’d come around to champion Addison, had grown to truly believe in her, but Addison deserved to love someone who matched her strength of conviction, not a chameleon who sold her soul to the highest bidder.
If she accepted the president’s offer, she would naturally see Addison more. They’d both be in town, showing up at some of the same events. Addison deserved to move on without tripping over her, and she didn’t think she could handle seeing Addison moving on without her. Montana was a long way away and, after six months, someone else would need her services. She could spend her future on the run under the guise of doing her job. Her mind was made up.
“Thank you, Mr. President, but I’ve already made a commitment. Gordon flew out yesterday, and the congresswoman is waiting for me to prepare her announcement. I leave tomorrow.”
Garrett sighed. “I guess I was overconfident. You were the only one on my short list. Are you sure you can’t at least stay for the inauguration tomorrow?”
She resisted the last tugs of temptation. “Flight leaves at one. I figure the lines at the airport will be short since everyone in town will be at the National Mall watching you getting sworn in.” As the words left her lips, she thought of Addison, standing on the steps of the Capitol administering the oath of office to the president. No way could she witness that in person and maintain her resolve. “I should go. I still have to pack.”
Moments later, she was making her way down the hall to the lobby, when she heard pounding footsteps running up from behind. As she turned toward the sound, she heard a young man’s voice call out, “Madam Chief Justice!” and her eyes locked with Addison’s. They both froze in place with twenty feet between them. Addison had just rounded a corner, and hot on her heels was one of Noah Davy’s interns waving an envelope. Neither she nor Addison broke their gaze as the young man explained to Addison that Mr. Davy wanted her to have tickets to the Commander-in-Chief’s inaugural ball. He rambled about how there were three tickets in the envelope, one for her, her father, and her brother, and that Mr. Davy hoped they would attend. Addison took the envelope and tucked it under her arm and the young man disappeared around the corner. Julia wished she could disappear too, but since she couldn’t, she said the most innocuous thing she could think of.
“Congratulations.”
Addison closed the distance between them. She was breathtaking, she was beautiful, and Julia had to struggle to hear her words over the din of arousal flooding her consciousness.
“I saw you at the swearing-in. I wanted to thank you for everything, but I couldn’t find you afterward.”
“I had to be somewhere.” Anywhere but in the same room with you, pretending I didn’t want to take you in my arms and say whatever you wanted to hear so I could be with you one more time.
“I understand. Will I see you at the inauguration tomorrow?”
“Actually, I’m headed out of town.” She started to say more, tell her about the Shelley campaign and dish about the many candidates who were lining up to take Burrows’s spot in the Senate. The game was on, and political strategy was her language, but it was also the language that posed a barrier between them, so she let it go.
“Too bad. I’d hoped to see more of you.”
Addison’s eyes probed deep, and Julia had to look away to keep from falling under her spell. How could Addison want to see more of her after she’d been such a shit, running away like a scared chicken? Could Addison be holding out hope that she’d come to her senses, or was she just being polite?
“I’m sorry.” The words fell short, vague and lifeless. What she really felt was regret she didn’t have it in her to give Addison what she deserved. Regret she didn’t deserve Addison. “I miss you.”
The words tumbled out before she could stop them, but she rushed to recover. “I mean, we were spending so much time together, it feels strange to go days without seeing you. I guess it’s that way every time I work on a campaign. Twenty-four seven with the candidate and then after it’s over, well, it’s over.” The words skidded to a stop, and Julia wished she could melt into the ground. She finally mustered the courage to look at Addison’s face, and she was met with kind, but questioning eyes.
“I hope I wasn’t like every other candidate you’ve worked for.”
They were close now, inches apart. Julia couldn’t ever remember this corridor being so quiet. The solitude was dangerous, and her body ached to pull Addison into her arms, forget about their futures, and dwell only on the intimate moments they’d shared. She practically panted her response. “You were like no one else. Ever.”
Addison smiled, radiant and hopeful, and in the few seconds after, Julia shared the glimmer of hope. Maybe they could find a way to make a relationship work. She’d spent her life fighting other people’s battles. Maybe it was time to fight for what she wanted.
She sought the words that would reopen the door between them, but as she cast about for the best pitch, a group rounded the corner and headed toward them carrying on a heated discussion about the next day’s inauguration address. She looked at Addison, but the moment was gone. Her silent thoughts had forged a chasm. Instead of hopeful, Addison looked resigned. Julia knew she should feel relieved, but all she felt was bottomed out and alone. It was time to say good-bye.
Chapter Thirty-three
Inauguration Day
“Are you sure you don’t want to use my ticket for a date?”
Addison punched her brother in the shoulder. “The tickets to the ball are for us.” She pointed. “You, me, and Dad.” They were sitting around the table, enjoying an early breakfast before the car service came to take them to the Capitol for the inauguration. The last thing she wanted to do this evening was attend a ball, but she wouldn’t deny her dad and Jack the once in a lifetime opportunity, especially since the gala was in honor of military servicemen.
Her father pointed his butter knife at Jack. “Your sister was dating a very pretty lady, a redhead named Julia Scott, but I imagine she can get her own ticket. She’s important around here.”
“She’s important in a lot of places, and she won’t be at the ball,” Addison said. “Julia’s on her way out of town.”
“When will she be back?” Jack asked. “I was thinking of sticking around for a few days.”
Frustrated at the turn the conversation had taken, Addison rushed to get back on track. “Guys, if you don’t hurry, we’re going to be late.”
“Someone doesn’t want to talk about her new girlfriend.”
Jack’s singsong voice was teasing, but his eyes asked a ton of questions. Addison wished she had the answers. Yesterday, for the few brief moments she and Julia shared, she’d dared to hope that maybe, possibly, Julia would meet her halfway, but here she was on her way to the Capitol, and Julia was probably well on her way to Tahiti. She wasn’t ready to talk about it with Jack or anyone else, but it was time to move on.
An hour later, Addison left her dad and Jack with one of the ushers and walked toward the rotunda, flanked by a couple of Supreme Court Police, to wait for the president. Just before they reached the entrance, one of them tapped her on the shoulder. “Madam Chief Justice.” When she turned, he pointed to Jack who stood a coupl
e of feet away.
“Give us a moment,” she said to her security detail. She waved Jack over. “What’s up? You don’t like your seats?”
“Seats are great. It’s you I’m worried about.”
“I’m fine.”
“Fine. My married buddies tell me that’s what women say when things really aren’t great, but they don’t feel like talking about it. Is that what’s going on here?”
She looked around. The Capitol steps were packed with dignitaries being ushered to their seats. In less than an hour, the attention of the entire world would be focused on this stage. “Jack, this isn’t really the time to have this discussion.”
“I get that, but I can tell something’s wrong, and I just don’t want you to let it ruin one of the biggest days of your life.” He pulled her into a hug and whispered in her ear. “I’m here if you need me. No teasing, only listening. Okay?”
She held him tight. She wanted to tell him everything, spill her guts so she could move on and enjoy every moment of this day, but there wasn’t time, and this definitely wasn’t the place. “Please don’t worry about me. I’m going to be all right.”
He studied her face for a few seconds before finally saying, “Okay.”
“I love you.”
“I know. I love you too.” He gave her one last squeeze before heading back to his seat.
Addison watched him walk away, thankful he was here to share in her success. Today was bigger than any one person. She would put aside her own feelings of loss and focus on what she had, not on what she couldn’t have.
*
So much for shorter lines. Julia tapped her foot and drummed her fingers on the railing in front of her. Increased security measures because of the inauguration meant every person and every piece of carry-on luggage was being hand-searched. She understood Homeland Security’s need to make sure no one brought a bomb onboard a plane that might fly over the Capitol when most of the nation’s leaders were gathered in one place, but it didn’t make the waiting any easier.