Paper Mage

by Leah R. Cutter

  Xiao Yen forced herself away from Vakhtang, out of her sleep and back to the empty plain. She woke Udo, and soon they rode again.

  “Please tell me about your travels. Why are you here?” Xiao Yen asked Udo. Udo had gathered strength as they’d gained distance from Khan Hua, and the short break had helped, but he was still exhausted. Xiao Yen decided to keep him talking so he’d stay awake.

  Brilliant morning sunshine made the dew in the short grass sparkle, and warmed Xiao Yen’s face. They rode straight east, and hoped to catch up with Ehran on the main trade route before nightfall.

  “Ehran and I are banished from our land,” Udo said.

  Though Bei Xi had already told Xiao Yen this, she couldn’t stop herself from blurting out, “You unlucky. Like me.”

  Udo paused before he replied. “No, not unlucky. We’ve seen cities with domes out of beaten gold, statues carved out of mountains, black people, yellow people, red people. We haven’t been unlucky. A man makes his own luck, and ours has been good.”

  Xiao Yen didn’t know what to say. How could you make luck? She could never force her luck. Then she remembered Wang Tie-Tie saying, “If you grasp opportunity as it passes, you don’t need lucky dreams.” Was that what Udo meant?

  A high-pitched whoop sounded ahead and to the left of them. A sienna-colored pika stood on its hind legs, watching them approach. It whooped again, then scuttled back into its hole. Xiao Yen heard other creatures rustling in the grass, and saw two brown streaks run in front of the horses. She pulled up her reins, giving the pikas time to get to their homes. Udo stopped too.

  “Careful here, many holes,” she said.

  “Yes, we don’t want to hurt these beauties, do we? Let’s go around,” Udo replied, leading his horse to the right.

  At first, Xiao Yen had thought Udo was concerned about the horses because they represented money. Finally she realized he treated them like how she’d treat Gan Ou’s children.

  Udo sat with his hands loosely holding his reins, relaxed. He swayed a bit in his saddle. They’d have to stop again soon. Xiao Yen looked over her shoulder again, checking to see if they were followed, but no one was behind them.

  The silence grew between Udo and Xiao Yen. Normally, Xiao Yen enjoyed time for her own thoughts, but twice now, she’d been forced to retreat into her silence to protect her sanity. Once with Vakhtang, watching his dead body grow cold, surrounded with thoughts of killing and death, and before, with the guards. . . .

  “Why you banished?” she asked. The embarrassment of asking inappropriate questions was less painful than her memories. Plus, it was possible Bei Xi hadn’t told her everything.

  “It’s a long story,” Udo stated, his voice trailing away at the end, not finishing his sentence.

  “And?” Xiao Yen asked, prompting him.

  Udo laughed. “Curious, eh? I like that.”

  Xiao Yen’s cheeks grew hot, followed by a warm glow that went all the way through her center.

  “My story, well, it’s hard to know where to start.” Udo paused again.

  Xiao Yen looked at him expectantly.

  Udo smiled at her, and began. “I was promised to marry Frauke,” Udo said.

  “Frauke?” Xiao Yen asked, rolling her tongue over the new name. This was something Bei Xi hadn’t mentioned. She wondered if the goddess knew Udo’s story. Bei Xi had only showered her attention on Ehran.

  “Frauke. We were friends from childhood. She’s always been the only woman for me,” Udo commented, almost to himself. He took a deep breath, then seemed to force himself to continue.

  “I was the eldest son, the only son, supposed to inherit my father’s farm,” he said, watching his hands holding the reins. They were no longer loose.

  Xiao Yen was puzzled. “But Ehran? He your brother?” she asked.

  “Yes, but he’s a bastard,” Udo said with a sigh.

  “Excuse me, what is ‘bastard’?” Xiao Yen asked, guiding her horse around another pika hole.

  “A son born to an unwed woman.”

  “So not concubine or second wife? But unwed girl?” Xiao Yen asked, surprised. Wang Tie-Tie would never have let the brothers hire her if she’d known Ehran’s true status.

  Udo smiled. “Yes. Does that happen here?”

  Xiao Yen bit her lip before she replied. “It happens here. It is a shame on family, a shame on girl. Often she kills herself.”

  They rode in silence a short while before Xiao Yen asked, “So what happened with Fra . . . Fro . . . The woman you marry?”

  “Frauke. When my mother died, my father brought Ehran’s mother to our farm, and Ehran. My father had been, uh, friendly with her for years, ever since my mother had taken ill. I didn’t know Ehran then, but I could see right away that he was a gambler and a spendthrift. Yet my father treated him like his second son. It made me so mad I left the farm. I traveled to the capital of Charlemagne’s empire, Aachen, with one of the local cloth merchants, supposedly to make enough money to marry Frauke, but mainly to get away.”

  Xiao Yen didn’t follow everything Udo said, but she caught the gist of it. They rode for a while in silence. Shrubs now dotted the plain. The edge of the forest was no longer a splotch on the horizon. Xiao Yen smelled pine mixed with cooler air, air that came from the shade, up ahead.

  “What happen, you come back?” she asked, hoping that was the right question.

  “When I returned, everything had changed. Ehran had helped my father run the farm, been responsible, probably for the first time in his life. He’d changed, for the better.

  “But my father expected me to come back and take my old place, the place Ehran had been filling. I was so happy to be home, I didn’t think about Ehran. So he went back to gambling.” Udo paused.

  “And the woman you marry?” Xiao Yen asked.

  “Frauke was being intimidated by Habel, a bully who had terrorized me, and everyone, as a child. He was blackmailing her, saying if she didn’t marry him, he’d force her family off their land.

  “I went to see him one night, to talk sense into him. Ehran had gone to see him that night as well. Habel had tricked him into gambling away our father’s farm. It wasn’t legal, but Habel, well, he was a powerful man. He could have made it legal. Do you understand?”

  Xiao Yen replied, “I understand.” Bei Xi had told her this part of the brothers’ story. Corrupt officials lived everywhere.

  “Habel wouldn’t change his mind. Ehran got angry. There was a fight. I don’t think Ehran meant to kill him, but he did.” Udo fell silent.

  Xiao Yen shivered as they passed under the shade of a tree. Ehran was such a barbarian. A sudden thought made her catch her breath. What right did she have to judge Ehran? She’d killed a man too. Her guilt darkened the morning.

  “I got there too late to stop him,” Udo continued after a moment. “In addition, someone saw us leave. Both of us were charged with the murder. Though Habel was powerful, he wasn’t well liked. We were just banished, not executed.”

  When Bei Xi had first told Xiao Yen the brothers’ story, she’d been shocked that the whole family hadn’t been punished. Now, she almost understood why foreigners only punished the perpetrator of a crime. On the one hand, Wang Tie-Tie and her family were responsible for everything Xiao Yen did, because they’d laid the seeds for her soul. Now, Xiao Yen herself was responsible for how those seeds had grown. It was a strange thought for her.

  “And Frauke?” she asked, putting the thought to one side, for a while.

  “I told her to marry someone else. I guess I expected her to vow undying love for me, like in the poems. She agreed it was best to stay. I heard later that she married someone else within the month.” Udo laughed his biting, barking laugh.

  “Can you ever go back to your village?” Xiao Yen asked.

  “If we had enough silver, and put it in the right hands, I think we could. That’s why I wanted the treasure from the rat dragon’s cave.”

  “Not make money close to home? Why come here
?”

  Udo laughed again, gentler this time. “I’ve thought about that a lot. I think I kept pushing us to travel because I needed to run away. To forget about Frauke.” He turned and looked at Xiao Yen.

  Xiao Yen tried to look down, but the intensity of his stare caught her.

  “And maybe, I have,” he said.

  “How?” Xiao Yen didn’t want to speak. The word was forced out of her, drawn by Udo’s eyes, the color of thunderclouds.

  “You’ve protected me this whole journey. You killed Vakhtang. You defeated the rat dragon. You’ve never betrayed me. Frauke can’t compare to you.”

  Finally, Udo looked away and Xiao Yen was able to look down at her hands. They’d twisted her reins tightly through her fingers without her realizing it. Whatever warmth she might have felt from Udo’s unexpected praise was overwhelmed by his unspoken question.

  When would she betray him as well?

  Finding Ehran along the main road was easy. Many merchants camped next to the side of the road; all Xiao Yen had to do was point to Udo and ask “where?” Everyone knew where the other foreigner camped.

  Dusk had gathered at the tops of the trees by the time they arrived. The sour and meaty smell of the camp’s evening mash mingled with scents of pines, sweaty men, and dusty horses. A few crickets had begun their nightly chorus. The air chilled as the sun dipped below the trees, making Xiao Yen wish she could get at her head scarf, but it was buried at the bottom of her saddlebag.

  Ehran challenged them as they rode up. Udo responded. Xiao Yen recognized that they were swearing at each other, and was glad she didn’t know exactly what they were saying. Udo hopped off his horse, gave his brother a big hug, and pounded his back. Ehran responded in kind.

  Xiao Yen slipped off her horse and stood nearby, watching. The resemblance of the brothers struck her again: though Ehran was fat, and Udo was skinny, one was dark, the other blond, they had the same chin, the same ears, the same frightening, tooth-filled smile.

  When they stopped swearing at each other, Udo asked about all the horses, naming each in turn. It sounded to Xiao Yen like an old uncle asking after his brother’s children. A strange thought occurred to her: maybe they were Udo’s children, since he’d never had any of his own.

  When the brothers finished talking, Udo turned to her and beamed. Xiao Yen wasn’t watching him though. Ehran’s face had turned pale, drawn, and his shoulders had stiffened. Udo turned back to Ehran.

  “What’s wrong?” Udo asked.

  “I didn’t think you’d bring her here too. I thought you’d leave her behind at Wolfgang’s.”

  “Vakhtang’s. Why should I do that? She saved my life, more than once.” Udo’s eyebrows drew together in a single frowning line.

  “She’s a woman! I thought you didn’t like her,” Ehran sputtered.

  Udo looked at him sternly. Xiao Yen held herself still. So it hadn’t been her imagination. Udo hadn’t liked her.

  “I’ve changed my mind,” he said. “She’s proven herself, more than once, that she’s worthy. Why is it a problem that she’s here?”

  Ehran had the grace to look embarrassed, even as he defended himself. “After that guard escaped, I didn’t know how to find you, or if you’d be coming back. I waited, but when this caravan came, needing horses, I agreed to go with them, and wait for you on the coast.” Ehran lowered his voice. “This caravan already has a mage to protect it.”

  Xiao Yen looked at Ehran. Had she understood him correctly? There was another mage here? A sinking feeling weighed her down. Master Wei had warned his students again and again that any mages they met outside their school would be unfriendly. Vakhtang certainly had been. Was she going to have to fight someone else?

  Udo asked, “How much are we paying her? And for what services? Can we renegotiate the contract? And just pay her for whatever magic she does?”

  Ehran laughed, long and mean.

  Xiao Yen wanted to shake him. Why was he laughing? What did he know that he wasn’t telling his brother? That he wasn’t telling her?

  “She’s turned you around, hasn’t she? The new mage is a man. We’re part of the general caravan. We don’t pay anything, and they get the use of two of the horses to pull their wagon. We’re on our way to the mage’s home, Kuangho, which is also a port city, with ships going back west.”

  Udo stroked his chin, nodding. “So Xiao Yen could also be part of the caravan if she agrees to help defend it, right?”

  “Sanchen? Yes, she could. That is, if Tuo Nu allows it. He’s the mage guarding the wagon.”

  Udo and Ehran narrowed their eyes and stared at each other in the growing twilight, trying to see what lay inside the other’s head. Their expressions were identical. If the situation hadn’t been so serious, Xiao Yen might have laughed.

  A small thin man, with dark hair, creamy golden skin, and eyes that marked him as someone from the Middle Kingdom, walked up. He had a long scholar’s beard growing out of his chin, similar to Vakhtang’s. His forehead was broad and wide. Xiao Yen wondered if he shaved the front of his hair to make his forehead seem larger, and himself more intelligent. His nose had a crook in it, as though it’d been broken and not set properly. His eyes also reminded her of Vakhtang’s, greedy and sucking in everything they saw.

  He kept his hands inside the sleeves of his dark red jacket. Xiao Yen wondered what weapon he was hiding, then chided herself. If she had to fight this mage, it would be magically, not physically. Besides, the evening was chilly. This mage probably had nothing up his sleeve except his hands. Gold braid ran around the cuffs and down the front of his jacket, like some kind of official’s. A thicker brown braid was tied around his waist. He wore his hair pulled back, bound in a short ponytail worn high on the crown of his head, looped over and pinned back down, every hair in place, neater than even Fu Be Be’s.

  He bowed over his folded hands to Ehran, then to Udo. When he looked beyond the men to Xiao Yen, he hesitated. Xiao Yen bowed deeply to him. Power emanated from this man. With her mind’s eye, Xiao Yen saw him filling the clearing with a warm glow. The trees seemed to bow with him, as well as the grasses at his feet. He’d cast a strong blue shadow when she saw him in the daylight. She hoped he would be friendly.

  He bowed just as deeply back to her, saying in the language of the Middle Kingdom, “I thought the moon had risen early. Now I see it’s just your mage light.”

  Xiao Yen wasn’t certain what he meant. She’d never heard of anything called “mage light.” She’d only ever seen blue shadows, and images in her mind’s eye. She glanced around. There wasn’t enough sunlight left to see clear shadows. Maybe this mage was much stronger than she could tell, able to see magic in shadows, while she needed the light.

  “Oh, no,” Xiao Yen replied. “I am still young, and learning. I have small magic, compared to you.”

  Tuo Nu shook his head again, opened his mouth to say something to Xiao Yen, then changed his mind. He turned his head and addressed Ehran.

  “Since your brother has arrived, should I set up the defenses for tonight’s camp?” he said smoothly in their language.

  Xiao Yen caught her breath. He spoke Udo and Ehran’s language so well she could barely follow him. He spoke the language of the Middle Kingdom. His home was far enough from the capital that he probably spoke a third language, his own people’s dialect, as well. How was she ever going to compete with him, or other mages like him?

  Ehran said, “Sure,” while at the same time, Udo said, “No.” The brothers stared at each other for a moment before Udo continued. “Let Xiao Yen set up the defenses for this evening.”

  Tuo Nu turned and bowed to her. “Of course. It would be a great honor for me.”

  Xiao Yen replied, “I can’t. I need to practice. Not tonight.” Xiao Yen hadn’t folded anything since the rat dragon’s cave. She normally practiced every day. To fold a creature that wasn’t perfect, and then to animate it, would be a disaster.

  “Don’t be modest,” Tuo Nu said. “I�
��ve heard so much about your magic. I would enjoy seeing it.” He smiled at her, but in a foreigner way, showing his teeth like a predator.

  “I can’t,” Xiao Yen said. She looked at Udo, to plead with him.

  He stared back at her, measuring her refusal, measuring her against the other woman in his life. “Please,” he said. “Please, you can do it.”

  Xiao Yen couldn’t refuse.

  Xiao Yen sat without a cushion, letting the cold earth seep into her legs. It was a distraction and a comfort at the same time. She sought her silence, the stillness that formed her life, that was an integral part of her magic. It came roaring in her ears like floodwaters. She tried to clear her inner ear, to only see with her mind’s eye. The silence beat at her, like a giant heart pounding beneath ocean waves. There were too many things outside her silence, forcing their way in.

  She lowered herself to the ground and touched her forehead three times. She sat and prayed to Zhang Gua Lao for a moment, but she couldn’t clear her mind. She was hungry, the ground was cold, her legs hurt from riding a horse. She took another deep breath and brought her hands out in front of her. At least they were still steady.

  Udo had wanted her to do something flashy, like the tiger again, to show off in front of Tuo Nu. Xiao Yen had disagreed. She didn’t have the calm necessary for such a great beast tonight. She wasn’t sure she could control even a rabbit, let alone fold anything.

  Xiao Yen wished she had more time. Maybe doing some of the forms, folding her body like she folded paper, would have helped. Sunset was imminent, and she needed to get the defenses for the camp set up before it was fully dark.

  She’d agreed on a hunting dog to circle the camp. She based the dog on one of the deer patterns she knew, heavy and strong through the body, but with light, thin paws. She realized her mistake after the first half-dozen folds, when she brought the legs out from the center mass of paper. The dog’s paws would be too scrawny to support its body. She tried to refold the ends, but she didn’t have enough paper to work with.

  So she started again. Her arms, though still steady, felt leaden. She was no longer in good shape to fold. She rolled the initial marking folds, trying to give more substance to the legs, and to give herself more room to work, but this time, the legs were unevenly thick. One front paw was like a club foot, while one of the back paws was just a twig.