“Shhh, don’t speak,” I whispered and palmed his ass exactly where I wanted to strike it. The sound of my palm connecting with his skin made him cry out in pleasure mixed with pain. I soothed it with my tongue and then did the same to the other globe. Before he could cry out again, I plunged my tongue deep inside of his channel and made him lose his fucking mind. He was slick from being rimmed by me and was on the verge of shooting his release when I grabbed his cock, tightening my hold on it. “Don’t come, not until I’m in your ass.”
I lubed my fingers and not one, but two probed his ass. I knew his orgasm was building, but he had great discipline and held back and waited for me. When I knew he was good and stretched, I sheathed my cock with the condom and gave him no time to change his mind. I pushed into his ass inch by hard inch until I hit his prostate, making Devan scream out as loud as his voice allowed him to. His fists were balling into the sheets, and his back arched and bucked against me. We were becoming one with this act of raw unadulterated sex.
I brought him up to where his back was against me. It was a different position, but he worked my cock like a pro. He was so close, I was too. Devan fell back to his hands as my hand gripped his shoulder and the other held him by his hip bone. Balls were flapping as he continued to pump his hard cock into his hand. He lifted his head one more time and roared out in unintelligible words. I followed him quickly as I shot into his ass. I was so exhausted and couldn’t hold myself up.
We fell into each other and tried to catch our breath. I didn’t want to move, not ever, but I felt my dick begin to go down and pull out from his body. He didn’t make a move, just sighed into the pillows as I went into the bathroom to clean up.
His ass was on full display for me when I came out. I could still see the slickness on his body and two handprints on his ass. My mark.
“That’s two times now. The next rounds are mine,” he mumbled into the pillows while I was behind him.
I cleaned him up with the warm washcloth I brought out from the bathroom. When I was satisfied, I rolled him over and sprawled my body across his. He pulled me closer and kissed the top of my head. I was pretty sure it should have been the other way around, but after what we just shared, I had this deep need to be held by him. We were quiet for the following moments, and then I finally asked him the question that had been weighing heavily on my mind since our first night together.
“Devan?”
“Hmmm,” he responded quietly.
“Where do we go from here?”
I didn’t want to let him go, but we were two very different men that had found their soulmate in the other with still so many obstacles between us.
“I really don’t know, and to be perfectly honest with you, I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to be here with you, in this bed, for at least a few more hours. Is that alright?”
I wanted to say no, but I didn’t and held him tighter against me. I broke every rule with him from the very beginning, and now I am so lost to Devan Knight. He’s worked his way inside of me and taken hold of every sense I possess. No one has ever been able to break through my walls that keep everyone out. From early on in my military career, I disassociated myself from feeling and re-taught my brain to focus, protect, and serve. I was trained to take bullets, just as much as I was to fire them. I would die for my team and my country. As I laid beside this beautiful man, I realized I would do anything for him. If it meant protecting him and Paxton, I would surely sacrifice myself and give my life for their future.
He had fallen asleep as we held each other, and the question was quickly forgotten, but I still voiced my answer whether he heard me or not: “For now, it’s okay. I’ll wait for as long as you need me to.”
There I said it. And then I closed my eyes and joined him in sleep.
When I felt Jake slip out of my bed this morning, it took all my strength and willpower not to drag him back down beside me. It has been so long since I shared this level of intimacy with another person. I’d almost forgotten how to enjoy it, but Jake quickly reminded me.
He was incredible. So strong in mind and body, and someone I could allow my heart to run away with and actually envisioned being with. How the hell would it work though? I don’t know. I don’t even want to think about Jake leaving for Seattle. After this morning’s call with the Harpers, his job was done. He had to be livid with me after the stunt I pulled, but it had to be done, and there was no way he was going to talk me out of it.
It was the element of surprise and sidestepping his computer system to gain access to the call that I’m sure had him riled. I’m sure he has his team working on new security measures to keep hackers like me out of their system. Okay, maybe that’s a little over the top, but I have created some of the most high-tech software programs being used today, so clearly I learned some tricks along the way. No matter how I try to spin it, he’s going to be pissed.
And it was worth it anyway, because of Tobias Harper, a man still filled with so much hate within himself. Why should have it ever mattered to him whom his daughter loved in life? And for so many years he hid his dirty secrets behind her truth. It makes me sick to my stomach. I’ll die keeping Paxton safe, I meant that with everything I have. It would be so easy to just take my son and never to be heard of again, but that would not be fair to him nor to my parents who have sacrificed so much for me. No, I’m done living under the radar. This is my life, and I’m not going to hide it again, especially from assholes like Harper.
I ended my conversation with a threat. Who knew if it would be enough to keep him away, but I had to try for Carrie, to show her that the secret she took to the grave did not have to haunt her anymore. Her father’s past had been exposed, and if there was any justice in this world, he would certainly get his in due time.
I drove by the Y to pick Paxton up early. Once again, Miles looked me over, and it was really beginning to bug me. Should I just confront him about his flirting? It didn’t take too long to figure out that I was with Jake, no doubt to the parking lot gossip that spread like wildfire. My son wasn’t too happy that we were leaving. He only had a few days left, and then camp would be finished. I assured Paxton that he wouldn’t miss his last day or the big send-off party the center had planned for the boys.
“Will I see you at the party?” Miles called out as I got my son into the car.
“Yeah, wouldn’t miss it,” I replied, and then he leaned against the car, preventing my departure. I didn’t want to cause a scene especially within earshot of my son, but why the fuck did he follow me? “Um, Miles, mind stepping away from my car?”
“What’s the rush? I’m on a break, and I figured we could talk for a few minutes.”
“I don’t think so. I have somewhere I need to be, so I will not ask you again. Back the fuck up and get off my car.”
He raised his hands up in surrender. “Whoa, just trying to be friendly here. You don’t need to get defensive. Do me a favor and say hi to Jake from me.”
“And what makes you think I’ll be seeing him?” I asked, not wanting to give him the satisfaction.
“Come on, don’t play it that way. I know you’re fucking Jake Mercer. It’s a damn shame too because if I knew you were on the hunt, I would have tried harder for you. Your loss. Bye, Paxton, see you tomorrow,” he said as he leaned in closer to say goodbye to my son.
“Bye, Coach Miles!” Paxton called out. “I can’t wait for the party.”
“Yeah, me too, son,” he responded.
What the fuck! I thought as I watched him walk away with a grin on his face.
“Come on, Daddy, are we leaving or what?”
“Yeah, just give me one more minute, okay?”
“Whatever.”
Something was off with Miles, and the way he talked to Paxton didn’t sit right with me. “Hey! Wait a minute,” I called out as I got out of the car and caught up to Miles, ready to knock him on his ass. “What the fuck is your problem?”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me. Don’t you ever try to use my son to get to me!”
“Did I hit a nerve? Why is that, Mr. Knight? I guess I figured since it worked for Jake, I might as well try it too. My bad. Guess I was wrong. And if you’re thinking of taking a swing at me, I wouldn’t. You have two little eyes watching you.”
I balled my fists and gnashed my molars together to the point of pain in my jaw. As much as I wanted to hit him, he was right about Paxton watching us. There would be no way I would do this in front of my son, but I swear if he messed with me again, all bets were off.
Paxton and I left the center and had lunch down at the diner, followed by hitting the batting cages. I certainly needed to burn off some tension after my weird encounter with Miles. I knew how I wanted to get off and the person I wanted to do it with.
Once I dropped Paxton off with my parents, I drove straight to Jake’s house. I didn’t have the chance to knock when the door flung open to my surprise. Damn, he looked all hot and bothered. After the past few days of the back and forth tug on my heart, I decided that in this moment the only thing I wanted was Jake.
I said, “I figured I would find you this time. Are you going to invite me in? Or just stand there like the brooding Hulk?”
“You want the Hulk? Well, you’ve got him,” he said and then hauled me in as our mouths and bodies crashed into each other.
It didn’t take long for Jake to totally go Hulk mode on me and fuck me into the mattress until I was totally exhausted. This was what I wanted. I wanted Jake, and although he pushed for me to talk, I asked him to just enjoy what we had right now.
I heard what he said before he finally fell asleep: “For now, it’s okay. I’ll wait for as long as you need me to.” I hoped that was true and I wouldn’t wake up to find Jake gone.
When my eyes opened again, the room was engulfed in darkness. Shit! How many hours was I asleep? I rolled over to feel for Jake, and his side of the bed was cold, with his lingering scent still all around me. My dick was already hard for him, but my ass was too sore for him to take me again. When I showed up on his doorstep tonight, I knew I was going to give myself over to him in any way he demanded. The draw to him was that intense, and my insides were calling out for him to dominate the hell out of me. I fucking loved everything about Jake, from his touch to his dirty mouth. I began to rut against the mattress to try to get some kind of release, but I stopped my horny mind from going there. He’s become an addiction, and how the hell would I ever survive the loss when he leaves me?
“Hey, sleepyhead, you’re up,” he called out. I shut my eyes and prayed he didn’t see what I was doing. He clicked on the table lamp and crawled in beside me. “Damn, you slept hard. I have been up for the last two hours waiting for you. Hope you don’t mind, but I ordered us dinner.”
I sighed in contentment and then sat up against the headboard with a semi-hard cock tenting below the sheet.
He noticed it and said, “Hmmm, is this for me? I thought you said the next time you would be doing me, but your cock is telling me different.”
“I can’t help it, and neither can my dick. All I have to do is think about you, and I get hard. And yes, I will be taking you soon, when I regain my strength. You wore me out, Jake.”
“You said you wanted the Hulk, so I showed you another side of me.”
“How many men have seen that side of you?” I asked, not regretting the question.
He smiled and said, “Just you, babe, I promise.”
“I don’t know why I asked you that, but thank you for telling me the truth.”
“Sure, you do, and it’s okay. I can’t deny about past lovers. I wasn’t a virgin when I met you, but I swear you are all that I want.”
I let out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding. We had so much to talk about, but hearing Jake confess that he wanted me put some of my nerves at ease. My stomach growled. “Pizza smells good. Mario’s?”
“Yes, and it’s hot, so let’s eat.” He handed me a plate and then took a slice for himself. “Where’s Paxton?” he asked.
“With my folks. I picked him up early from camp and took him out before coming here. He’s going to sleep there tonight.”
“That’s not something you do often, is it?”
“Drop my kid off so I can fuck my boyfriend? No, it’s not. I knew that you and I needed to talk today, so I planned ahead.”
“Say it again,” he smirked.
“What?”
“Say it again. Did you mean it?”
I wiped my mouth with the napkin and put my plate back on the tray. “You mean boyfriend?”
“Yeah, did you mean it?”
“Yes. I thought you understood where we were, especially after talking to Paxton about it. Is it still what you want? Or have you changed your mind? You know when you slap a label on it, it becomes real, and I know that can be downright scary, but I’m in it if you are.”
“Fuck yes, I want it. It’s all I’ve been dreaming about since I met you. I know it’s totally crazy, but for the first time in my life, I just want to go for it. Lead with my heart and say fuck it to everything else. Does that make sense?”
“Perfectly. You just described exactly what I’ve been feeling about you. Jake, I have never had what I am feeling with anyone else. I know it’s new, and we have so much to learn about the other, but I can’t help to be excited. I want to see where it leads, if you’re willing to try. I don’t know how we would do the long-distance thing, but I’ll try for you.”
“You really mean that, don’t you?” he asked as he caressed my cheek and slowly pulled me in closer to him. His lips brushed against mine with heated want and not only did my words say yes, but so did my heart.
“Yes, I do,” I admitted.
When our lips did connect, it was electrifying for us. He took my mouth in gentle sways with his tongue rolling over mine, securing me to him. The bond that was growing between us was indeed connecting my heart with Jake. I never wanted anything more than to be his.
He said, “I want you so much right now, I can hardly breathe. But we need to talk.”
“We are talking,” I said and then kissed him again, with Jake pulling back and grabbing my wrists.
“Babe, I mean it. We need to talk about this morning.” His tone was sincere, but I still did what I do best, which was to flee when things got messy.
I got up from his bed and reached for my discarded jeans.
“Devan, what are you doing? Or do I already know?”
“Look, I’m not going to defend myself. Not to you, of all people.”
“What the hell does that mean? We can roll around with each other in bed, but out of bed, you can’t talk to me? That’s fucking bullshit, Devan. I can’t help being the man that I am, nor will I ever expect you to. I have spent my entire adult life alone. When I was serving our country here on American soil and in foreign lands, it was just me and my gun. Fuck with me or my country, and I wouldn’t hesitate to take you out. When I finished my tours and barely survived making it home, I was still alone. I built my business and dedicated my life to helping others. Most of my cases have not ended well, but this one with you has to. Just let me in, and I promise that your heart is safe with me. No one will protect it more than I can.”
I had never put my heart on the line more than I did right here with Devan. He raked his hands through his hair and then placed his palms against the wall, lowering his head down facing the floor.
Come on, babe, I’m right here. Stop fighting and just give into it. I was dying to just rush over to him and take him in my arms. We had rough earlier, and now it was time to be gentle and patient with my distant lover.
“You are in, dammit! And you think you have the market cornered on being alone? I practically defined it after Carrie died. Do you remember when you told me you felt as if you were just standing still in your life?” he asked with his back still to me.
I wanted his eyes focused on me, but I was grateful he was at least talking instea
d of shutting down. I responded, “Yeah, it was the same night I told you I loved you. I still do, you know.”
He slowly began to turn around, and with tears in his eyes, he fell right into my arms and let out every ounce of emotion he could manage while I held him up. His fingers dug deep into my back, but I didn’t care if it meant Devan finally released all the pain he had never allowed to reach the surface. It’s been too long for him to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. It was time to let it go once and for all and live for the now instead of falling deeper into his past.
I then knew why he took the necessary steps he did this morning to go against me and stand up to Harper. Here I was worried that my man would retreat back to living life under the radar, but really, he was fighting his way toward the surface, where we could both live today with each other. And if I could be so bold to dream it, I want nothing more than to live it with Devan and Paxton.
“I’m so sorry,” he said as he cried over and over again until he had nothing left. I walked him back over to the bed and placed him down where I could lay beside and hold him.
“You don’t ever have to apologize to me. You’ve been through so much, and yet you kept moving forward for Paxton. You are brave and strong. I have so much respect for you.”
“Have I? Because I don’t feel very strong at the moment. I feel the way I did when I said my goodbyes to Carrie, hopeless and in despair, not knowing how I would go on without her. Now, for the first time in a long while, I have something to fight for beyond my son, and now the devil himself has pushed his way back into my life. I’m tired, Jake. I’m so fucking tired of looking over my shoulder. I did what I had to do to show her father that I was no longer afraid. Paxton is mine, and no court in the world will take him away from me. If he is smart, he will stay the fuck away from us and leave us be.”
“He’ll never get close enough to even try, not with me around.”
“Yeah? For how long?”
“I’m not leaving you, Devan. Haven’t I proved that already?”
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