by Trina Solet
Between the calls he made for work and taking down customer’s orders, Ray found a quiet moment and called the number Lionel had sent him. His conversation with Marcus didn’t take long. Marcus was terse, but he agreed to everything – day, time, location. It was the easy agreement of someone who didn’t care. On top of that, he was acting under duress. Ray sighed after he hung up. It wasn’t going to be easy to win him over.
*
After work, Ray rushed to the store first and then he rushed home. The streets were wet with rain. It had stopped raining a while ago and the sky was clearing, leaving everything shiny and gray. Ray was expecting Marcus at seven. That left him just enough time to make some food, make his apartment presentable, and make himself presentable. Ray did the last thing first by taking a quick shower. Then he picked up a lot of shoes and clothes he had carelessly thrown around the apartment in the last week or so. He made a solemn vow to do laundry that weekend. Unless he had something better to do.
Since he didn’t know what Marcus liked, he made a few smaller dishes. Also, he didn’t want to overwhelm him with a big plate of food when he was depressed and maybe not eating much. Though Ray had considered that Marcus might not have much of an appetite, he hadn’t thought of everything. Ray should have asked him if he ate meat. Just to be safe, he put those nice pieces of chicken in the freezer and stuck to vegetarian food. Ray put out of his mind the frightening thought that Marcus might be a vegan like Lydia. Even though he had taught himself to cook all kinds of new things, that was too much of a challenge right now. Ray made pasta with mushrooms in a cream sauce. Sautéed baby carrots got a honey glaze and slivered almonds. Ray sautéed sugar snap peas too but paired them with cashews and soy sauce then he put them over jasmine rice. He baked some corn muffins with cheddar. Ray would usually add jalapenos, but he couldn’t risk making them hot in case he didn’t like that.
While the food finished cooking, he set the table and organized the serving dishes. Then he realized too late that his dinner was a hodgepodge of different cuisines. It didn’t go together at all. What had he been thinking? He must have been nervous. Ray wasn’t an experienced cook, but even he should be able to do better than this. And what was his dessert? Two pears on two plates with a little, sharp knife next to each one. They were two expensive, luscious looking pairs. Each one of them weighed more than a bowling ball so they promised to be juicy and delicious. But they looked lame as the only dessert.
The kitchen smelled amazing though. And Ray smelled exactly like the kitchen, which on him wasn’t as appetizing. Now Ray had to take another shower and change his clothes again. He worried that Marcus might arrive while he was in the shower so he turned off the shower every few seconds at any hint of the sound of the doorbell or a knock.
His first choice outfit was now stinky with cooking smells. Ray went for his second choice. It was a gray polo shirt with a tiny pattern of yellow stars. He considered it his lucky shirt, but he had passed it over for tonight as too whimsical. He put it on and grabbed his favorite jeans instead of fussing over other possible choices. Immediately starting to second guess himself, he hoped he didn’t look too careless or casual. And of course his hair didn’t look as good as it did after the first shower. It was wavy and light brown and the humidity of the shower had made it misbehave. It was lopsided and probably still smelled like food. Ray hadn’t dared to wash it so soon before his guest was supposed to arrive or he would look like a drowned rat.
He usually looked better when he played host, and he wasn’t usually such a nervous wreck. Having a guy come over was something he always looked forward to. Ray liked to show off his new cooking skills, even his apartment though it wasn’t impressive. Ray loved that everything was his, all chosen by him. His last apartment was a little box with paper thin walls. It came already furnished in a drab, depressing, institutional style. That’s where he lived after he moved out of Lionel’s. Lionel had offered to put him somewhere nicer, but Ray didn’t want that. He wanted a taste of independence. He wanted to pay for his own place with the money from the first job Lionel got him. He was pretty sure Lionel was proud of him for that. Ray was definitely proud of himself. That sad little place was all his, his own poor kingdom.
After the little furnished box, this apartment was a palace. Its empty floors and blank walls were an open invitation to Ray. His sense of style was nothing exciting. Ray used light green, light blue, and beige so his place would be like a day at the beach. Old movie posters were on the walls. It was like having a whole movie up there, and everyone liked them. Ray liked his knick knacks to be unique, touchable with a lot of detail so they looked like someone might have written secrets into them. Ray didn’t mind if guests picked them up to study them up close. To him, playing host wasn’t about impressing his dates. It was about fun. Plus there was the sex afterward to look forward to. Nothing serious ever came of his dates. But it was still nice, better than nice if the sex was good.
This time, the chance of sex was slim to none. And playing host to a depressed, suicidal guy who had recently suffered, or even caused, a tragedy, was guaranteed not to be fun. And there was the added pressure of letting down Lionel if he failed to make a positive impression.
Knowing that meeting Marcus in this kind of state would guarantee disaster. Ray forced himself to calm down. After all, Lionel had chosen him for the job for a reason. He had entrusted him with his nephew because he was the right one to reach out to him. Resolving himself, he swore that he would make Marcus feel welcome and that he would trust his instincts.
Ray was ready now, but Marcus hadn’t arrived yet. His being late threatened to undo all the pep talks Ray had given himself. Anxiously eyeing the clock, he was reassured that Marcus was only ten minutes late. But even the slightest movement of the minute hand convinced him that Marcus wasn’t coming. Ray was letting Lionel down. And what if something happened to Marcus? The sound of the doorbell was a welcome relief. If it turned out to be Mrs. Brewer ringing his doorbell to ask him if he’d seen her cat, he would wring her neck.
Just as he opened the door to Marcus, Ray remembered what he had forgotten to buy.
“I don’t have any wine,” were his first words of greeting to Marcus instead of the more appropriate “Hello, my name is Ray. Welcome to my home.”
“I don’t drink wine,” were Marcus’s first words of greeting to him.
“Oh good. Hi, I’m Ray. And I have other beverages.” Ray sounded out of breath as he invited him in. But he could almost swear that he saw the beginnings of a smile as Marcus walked past him.
“Hi. Marcus,” he said confirming what Ray already knew. Marcus had a warm, deep voice, a little like Lionel’s but less commanding and more mellow. He was wearing a jacket, and Ray’s cooking had made the apartment warm. He took off the jacket and, after looking at Ray for approval, threw it over the back of the couch.
Now as Ray stood there awkwardly, not sure what to do, he could have a good look at Marcus. He had his uncle’s dark good looks, though he was way too thin. But he hadn’t always been. Ray could tell by how he didn’t fill his clothes. Seeing him, he wished he had made even more food and to hell with what kind. Marcus's hair was very dark and short, though if he had to guess, he would say it was wavy and thick and would turn gray beautifully. There was a shadow of stubble on his face. He probably wasn’t too worried about his appearance in his state of mind. Looking at his body, Ray could see traces of a compact built that had been starved recently. That is to say, he was a little shorter than Ray but would be stronger looking if he took care of himself. Ray needed to bulk up a little himself. Marcus watched him with not very big, dark eyes as Ray stood there staring at him like an idiot. The look in Marcus’s eyes was a little questioning but in a nice way. Even in his troubled state of minds, he exuded a good energy. Ray would bet anything that when he was himself, Marcus was irresistible.
“The food is ready. I just need to bring it out,” Ray told him and led the way to the little alcove that he cal
led his dining room. It had a nice big window right next to it, and he had moved the chairs so that both he and his guest could see the view. Ray would be looking mostly at the parking lot and a wedge of the small park on the corner. Marcus would have Ray’s usual seat with the view down a quiet, tree lined street. He had Marcus sit down and brought out the dishes one at a time not wanting to get acrobatic with hot serving plates and spill something in his agitation. When he brought out all the food, he made his excuses.
“I didn’t know if you eat meat so I only made vegetarian.”
Marcus only looked up at him. Ray wasn’t sure what the look meant. It was kind of sardonic, maybe sympathetic. Maybe he was going to tell him he was a vegan. Ray must have looked frightened because Marcus spoke up.
“It’s a lot of food.”
Ray was relieved. If that was the only problem, they were off to a good start.
“You don’t look like someone who can cook,” Marcus said just as Ray was about to take his seat.
Ray looked down at himself wondering what about him gave the impression that he couldn’t cook, but Marcus didn’t elaborate.
They had iced tea with dinner, and at first they didn’t say a word that wasn’t about what Ray was serving him. Mostly Ray talked as he dished out the food. Marcus took a little bit of everything Ray offered him, tasted it all for his sake, but didn’t eat much. He did finish his corn muffin. Ray made a note of that.
Ray wasn’t worried that anything would spoil if left it sitting on the table so he didn’t bother putting it away. Ray brought out the two pears and he and his guest stayed at the table cluttered with dishes. Though he should have thought about more recent get-togethers with his friends, all Ray could remember were some long ago conversations over a dining table in just this state. No one would clear the table, not wanting to leave the company, and the family would stay and talk sometimes late into the night. It made him sad to think about the good old days with his family so he focused his attention on Marcus as he cut wedges from the pear. It was juicy and sweet, and Ray really wanted to take a big bite out of it, but that would have been messy.
Ray told Marcus a little about himself while trying not to bore him. Keeping it short, he said how his family had not been accepting of him after they found out he was gay. Not going into any detail, he told him he was on the street for a while.
“You can imagine how I made money,” Ray said.
Marcus nodded and gave him a sad smile. But he frowned when Ray mentioned that he lived with Lionel for a time. He felt it was only right to tell him even though he knew Marcus wouldn’t like hearing it. Since that was done, Ray changed the subject. Kind of.
“Lionel told me he blackmailed you into coming to see me.”
“He did,” Marcus confirmed it though he looked surprised that Ray knew about that. “And effectively too,” he added. Though he had been blackmailed, Marcus wasn’t acting like he really minded. He was being really pleasant toward Ray though Lionel had warned him he might not be.
“Tell me about that friend of yours. The one Lionel is putting through medical school,” Ray said thinking that it might be a nice, neutral subject for conversation but hopefully not too tedious.
“You know about that too?”
“Lionel said some good things about him. And he must be important to you.”
“Not the way you think,” Marcus said a little defensively.
“I wasn’t assuming. But you are here because of him,” Ray pointed out.
“Do you have beer?” Marcus asked instead of telling him anything about his friend.
“I wish.” Ray was genuinely sorry that he was out of beer for both their sakes. No wine, no beer, he was a terrible host.
“That’s fine,” Marcus said letting him off the hook.
“I have some vodka. I can Long Island that iced tea,” Ray offered. He didn’t know if Marcus knew that there was no tea in a Long Island Iced Tea, but he had his own suggestion.
“We can leave the tea and just drink the vodka straight.”
“That’s so uncivilized,” Ray said as he brought out the vodka and two glasses.
The messy table didn’t look as inviting any more so Ray motioned his guest over to the couch. Ray set the glasses in the middle of the coffee table within both their reach. Marcus stood there for a while not taking a seat. He stared at the bottle and the glasses.
“I asked him, ‘And what exactly am I supposed to do with him?’ and he said ‘Whatever he wants.’” Marcus said this as he stared at the booze which Ray was now pouring into the glasses.
“Sorry. What?” Ray asked. He had a suspicion, but he wasn’t sure he knew what he meant.
“Those are my orders from Lionel.” Marcus looked up at him. They were both now standing by the couch. Ray felt that there was an electric charge between them. Ray bet that Marcus didn’t feel it though. He had heavier things on his mind. Ray decided to lighten the moment.
“You’re supposed to do whatever I want. That’s good to know. I’ll have to think of something really strenuous for you to do. Maybe scrub the grout in my shower,” Ray joked as he sat down.
Marcus sat down too. He drank half the booze he had poured him in one go. Ray refilled his glass. Maybe it would look like he was trying to get him drunk, but he didn’t care. Since the only serious demand he had made was for Marcus to talk about the friend that Lionel had used as a bargaining chip, he talked about him.
“I met him when our maid brought him to work with her. She explained to my mother that she was afraid to leave him at home. The court took him away from his father for beating him so bad he put him in the hospital twice. Rita, our maid, was his aunt. She had custody, but she was afraid his father would come after the kid while she was at work. Arthur was the quietest kid you ever saw. I never even knew a kid could sit still and not make any noise for hours. And he was a smart little guy. I mean he was little, but he was older than me. I always wondered if the beatings had stunted his growth. If something got damaged. Can you imagine someone hitting a little kid like that?” Marcus shook his head. “Anyway. We got to be friends, but we lost touch later. He was a good student, but I heard he got into some trouble in high school because of his cousins so he couldn’t get a scholarship. I didn’t like going to him, but Uncle Lionel stepped up when I asked him to help. He paid for Arthur’s college, and now he’s paying for his medical school. I couldn’t cost him that. Arthur is already working while he’s at school to help out his aunt. She isn’t well.”
Ray nodded turning the glass of vodka on his knee. He wanted to praise Marcus and his friend, but he knew they didn’t need his praise. Ray could tell he was very fond of his friend even though they weren’t close any more.
“You want another corn muffin?” he offered him instead of saying something about what a good person and a good friend he was.
“No. I’m fine.” Marcus drank some more and offered his glass for another refill.
Ray poured the vodka and wondered what Marcus was like when he was drunk. He didn’t have to wait long to find out that he was kind of belligerent.
Marcus stretched his legs under the coffee table almost like he was getting comfortable. There was a pause in their conversation, and when Marcus spoke he started things off in a new direction.
“So when you’re not working for Lionel, what do you do in your spare time?” he asked Ray. Marcus was looking straight ahead at the turned off TV and not at him.
“I don’t work for Lionel,” Ray said thinking that there was a misunderstanding.
“Neither one of us would be here if you weren’t one of Lionel’s employees.” Marcus said the word “employees” with bitter significance as he turned to give Ray a hard look. At that moment, he reminded Ray of Lionel very much.
Now that Ray saw what he meant, he didn’t bother correcting him again to tell Marcus that he was doing a favor for his uncle. That wouldn’t sound good either. He left it alone. Marcus was in a darker mood than he had been while they
were eating. Maybe Ray shouldn’t have given him booze. But when Marcus held up his glass again, he poured. Ray was really starting to doubt if he was up to this if he couldn’t even refuse him a drink.
“So when does it start? The main event. What are we waiting for?” Marcus asked. He looked around like something was supposed to happen to start things off. Maybe he expected Ray to put on some porn.
Though it was clear that Marcus was talking about sex, he didn’t sound like he was asking for it. He definitely didn’t sound like he was looking forward to it. It was more like he was taunting Ray. Ray decided not to take the bait.
“I’m not in any hurry,” he said with a shrug. “Let’s just sit and hang out.” Ray knew he sounded lame. He was kind of offended and maybe he wasn’t doing a good job of hiding it.
“I thought you would be better at this,” Marcus said. He turned to sit sideways on the couch. He stared hard at Ray again, looked him up and down.
Ray was uncomfortable with that appraising look in the familiar way he knew from before Lionel came into his life. Setting down his drink, he turned to sit facing Marcus. Trying to look unaffected, Ray refused to show him how he had made him feel. But he did want to tell him a few things.