by Cassi Carver
“Need help?” she asked. The water was a continual stream of pink down the drain, but it wasn’t doing much to get him clean everywhere he needed it.
He ran his forearm under the faucet. “I should probably shower.”
Kara smiled. “I’m not sure I should be the one to help you with that.” But she wanted to. With Gavin, she had always wanted to.
“That’s all right, princess.” He finally smiled back. “I’m not sure I was asking you to.”
She huffed and shook her head. “Yeah, right. You should be so lucky.”
Being in Gavin’s bedroom, a place he rarely invited Kara to enter, was stimulating enough. But watching him splash water on his chest, imagining him naked in the shower behind her—her nipples hardened painfully. Combined with the chills on her skin, she could almost imagine it was Gavin suckling at her breast. After the irrational terror she’d felt for him when the balcony had collapsed, she wanted to touch him almost more than she could bear. Training with Gavin had been difficult, but this was torture.
Compromising with herself, she began opening cupboards and going through drawers until she found a clean stack of white washcloths. She gathered one up and went to the faucet, pushing Gavin’s hand out of the way to saturate the cloth. After she’d squeezed the water out, she turned off the tap.
“Stand up,” she told him.
His eyes never leaving hers, he turned and rested his rump on the counter, bringing his face in line with hers. She slid her left hand along his cheek and into the hair at his nape, and with her right, smoothed the damp cloth along the curve of his nose. The look in his eyes, hot and dangerous, made a thin film of sweat break out on her skin. And she’d discovered that for a Demiáre female, sticky skin was never a good sign.
She rinsed the rag and started in on his cheeks, but one dark drop of watery blood slipped down his chin and made a path through the blond hair on his chest, not stopping until it fell into the low waistband of his buckskin pants.
His eyes traced the path to where the drop had disappeared. “You missed a spot,” he said, his voice low and gravelly.
She rinsed the rag until it ran clear, then she dragged the hot cloth along his hard abs, just under his belly button. Gavin’s breath hissed in between his teeth and his cock stirred, pushing up against the thin suede covering it. “Holy mother of Eve, Kara. What sins have I committed to deserve this punishment?”
“I…I’m sorry.” Almost lightheaded, she went to set the rag down on the counter.
Gavin grabbed her hand and brought it to his chest, steering the cloth firmly over his defined pecs. “Don’t stop.”
She rinsed the rag again and again, rubbing it over him until his skin was rosy and every trace of blood had been cleansed away. By the time she was finished, his breathing was ragged and the mammoth erection straining against his pants was such a temptation, she had to repeatedly swallow down the saliva pooling under her tongue—the moisture she would rather use when she took his crown deep into her mouth.
“Julian…” she whispered, and she wasn’t even sure why. The name was like an incantation to ward away evil spirits. But then that was how Gavin made her feel in this moment—wicked. The irony of it was that she didn’t have anything to feel guilty about anymore, no more reasons to deny what was happening between her and Gavin apart from the residual pain that had made itself at home in her heart.
“I haven’t forgotten. I know it’s too soon for you to consider me.” He glanced out the window over his large sunken tub. “The knowledge that you’re hurting because you love him is always with me. Every moment of every day. When I sleep, I dream of it.” He ran a hand through his unruly hair and then drew his gaze back to her. “Unfair, isn’t it? That even in my dreams I’m not allowed to touch you?”
When she went to set the rag down this time, he let her. “Sometimes, I’m not sure how we got to this point, Gavin. I look at you, and I have no clue.” He didn’t answer, just stared into her eyes, maybe waiting for her to come to her own conclusions. “I guess we never had a chance.”
“No, we had one. But I was a fool. And now, maybe it’s simply too late. I…I’m sorry for raising my voice at you. I’m usually good at controlling my emotions…but may the flames of hell freeze over, I will not hand you over to Mazeki. When I heard of his claim on you, something inside me broke.”
He stood and used her hand to pull her closer. “You believe that, don’t you? That I’m sorry? That beyond my responsibility to my clan and my son, my greatest goal in life is to keep you safe?”
His son…the reason they were training in the first place. She stepped back to put a few inches between them, but she couldn’t help dragging her fingers along his wrist as she broke the contact. “I know you care about me, and I know it’s more than just an old obligation to my father. Protecting me is some obsession with you. But if you care, show me how I need to be shown.”
“How is that?”
“Trust me, and treat me like an equal. As much as you want me to be a lady of the clan who lives this gilded-cage life of leisure, that’s not me. If you want me in your life, accept me into every part of it. Damn it—you trained me! You worked with me. How could you betray me like this? I’ve earned a place by your side when you go after Brakken.”
His face went ashen. “Kara, don’t ask me to prove myself by taking you into battle. I never meant to deceive you. It wasn’t like that. You were so eager…and I couldn’t say no. When it comes to you, sometimes I’m not strong enough to do what I know is right.”
It was odd, hating to cause him anguish and yet also being livid that he was so damned old-fashioned. “If you want someone who’ll drop her hanky and ask you to slay her dragons, I think you picked the wrong friend, Gavin. I don’t fall apart because a black-wing says he has a claim on me.”
He stood to his full height, and that was six feet seven inches of pure muscle, as sexy as it was intimidating. “And which black-wing are we speaking of? My father, who wants to punish you for my brother’s death? Or Mazeki, who thinks he holds the pink slip on you like you’re a used car?”
Kara shrugged. “Both. Either. It doesn’t matter. I can handle it.”
“I’d rather have you gouge my eyes out when I return from the battle than worry about what might happen to you in the Shadowland.”
“If Mazeki doesn’t help Julian connect to his powers, your chances of coming back at all are dismal.”
“I’m strong for a silver-wing, Kara. It’s not as hopeless as you seem to think. But even if I wasn’t, that would only be more reason to have you under guard on the island when I make my move.”
He was full of it, and they both knew it. Gavin couldn’t take down his father, a powerful fallen angel, without some serious assistance. Kara had the map and the guidance of someone her father had trusted, and even if Mazeki seemed slightly off now, the fact that her father had held him in his confidence at one point had to mean something, didn’t it?
“Mazeki told me what we need to do to help Julian send Brakken to the Abyss. Just one little thing, and we tip the balance in our favor. We can do this.”
One dark blond brow rose. “Forgive me for not trusting a man who’s declared his intention of breeding you. Hell, Kara, with the scent of your damp skin in my nostrils, I don’t even trust myself.”
She stepped closer to Gavin, her chest to his stomach, and craned her neck to stare up at him. It was closer than she’d usually get to a frustrated mountain of a man, but it wasn’t close enough. “Do you want to protect me?”
His hands dropped to her hips, and he nodded. “I do.”
“Then be on my team, big guy. I’m doing this with or without you.”
His fingers tightened, slipping under the hem of her tank top and digging in to the sensitive skin over her hip bones. “I won’t allow it.”
She ran a hand down his chest and slowed at the trail of hair that disappeared into his waistband. “How hard do you think it would be for me to convince a s
ilver-wing to take me to see Mazeki?”
His skin flared in gooseflesh, and it made tiny pebbles of his flat, rosy-beige nipples. “In that tank top, with the way it pulls low over your chest, allowing just a little light to filter in between your breasts…I bet it would take you all of two minutes to convince one of them. And when I caught him, I’d rip his fucking head off.”
“And what favors do you think I’d have to do for Mazeki to get him to take Julian’s place in the battle? I’m thinking a kiss wouldn’t cut it.” It was a dangerous game she was playing, but with the way her blood was running hot, it suited her just fine.
“With everything I’ve done to keep you safe, you wouldn’t dare, you little minx.”
She tucked her fingers into the top of his pants and pulled him closer, her soft belly pressing into his firm bulge. “Then keep an eye on me, Gavin. Because the only way you’ll know I’m not getting into trouble is if I’m by your side.”
“Why does that make sense to me?” He laughed and scrubbed a hand across his face. “I think my IQ drops when your hands are on my skin.”
She’d won—she could already feel it when the tension in his shoulders relaxed a fraction. “I know I’ll be safer with you than anywhere else on the planet. You won’t regret it. We trained for this, and we’re ready.”
He shook his head, as though not believing he’d conceded. “So what did Mazeki tell you to do?”
“We only need one thing to give to Julian by the time his training is done…”
“Yes?”
She curled her fingers into his waistband for balance. “We need a feather.”
“Whose?”
“The Sanctiáre.”
Gavin blew out a breath. “By Hexa’s hairy ass, princess. Please tell me you’re joking.”
“Uh…nope. But just one. And I have a map.”
He brought his hand to cover hers and squeezed. “Then let’s get started.”
Chapter Six
“We’ve never tested how long you’re able to withstand the Shadowland. You haven’t gone much longer than an hour on your earlier visits,” Gavin pointed out once they’d touched down in the Land of Desolation.
Kara took a few seconds to get her bearings. “It doesn’t feel great, but I don’t think the flashing is as bad now as it used to be. I’m hoping that bodes well for a little longer visit.”
“It’s not as bad? Then why does your skin have a greenish hue, like you just ate rotten seafood?”
“I used to pass out, remember? I couldn’t even recall flashing half the time. And now look—I’m sick as a dog but fully conscious the entire time.”
Gavin shook his head. “To tell you the truth, traveling to and from the Shadowland is hard even for us silver-wings. I compare it to being birthed, so I suppose you’re doing well enough—for the moment.”
“Really? It’s still hard on you? You and Jaxon never complain about it.”
“I’ve endured it for a thousand years. But if you would enjoy a sense of solidarity, I can let loose with a moan next time.”
“Smart-ass.”
As Gavin took the map from her grip and studied it, Kara looked around. This was the first time she’d been back to the Land of Desolation since Julian—no. She couldn’t go there. She couldn’t think about it and stay focused on her task.
But the harder she tried to push the memories away, the faster they flooded in. She closed her eyes, trying to picture anything but the expanse of clouds around her and the land she would forever associate with her first true lover.
The last time she was here, Kara hadn’t waited for Gavin to pick her up and fly her; she’d started a fast walk in the direction of the apartment Julian had fashioned. She was surprised when she got closer and saw the leaves of a tall poplar around the other side of the small building and Julian stretched out beneath it.
“Julian!” she’d called and loped to him. He rose and caught her when she flung herself into his arms, but his body felt stiff. “God, I missed you!”
“It hasn’t even been a week,” he replied.
She’d cocked her head sideways and wrapped her arms around his waist, twining her fingers around his lower back. “Are you okay? I’m kind of worried about you and how down you’ve been lately. It’s gonna be okay, you know.”
“Which part?”
“All of it.”
When she’d reached up on her tiptoes to kiss him, his lips felt rigid and unyielding. Even on the day she’d found him in the alley, risen as a black-winged Aniliáre, she’d never experienced that with him. She pulled back and searched his eyes. “What’s going on?”
“I’m tired, Kara.”
Her heart had lurched. “Oh my God, are you getting sick again? I thought the Shadowland cured you of that?”
“No, I’m tired of…this.” He gestured between them. “As much as I’ve enjoyed your company, I’m not sure an hour a week is working for either of us.”
Her lips had pulled into a confused smile. “It’s only an hour a week for now. You’ll learn how to travel to the surface—I know you will. Or maybe I can start extending my stays here in the Shadowland. I know things between us haven’t been easy, but have a little faith. It’ll get better soon.”
His jaw muscles had twitched. “And then what?”
She’d stepped back and wrapped her arms around her middle. “What do you mean?”
“Let’s say one of us does gain the ability to travel to the other realm more frequently. What then? Marriage? Children? I’m a fucking black-wing, Kara, and I don’t plan on letting the first woman I’ve slept with cage me and clip my wings. This has gone on long enough.”
Everything around her had stilled. Her heartbeat. The movement of the clouds across the infinite sky. The rise and fall of Julian’s chest. “You’re breaking up with me?”
He’d snickered. “If that’s what you’d prefer to call it, I suppose I am.” She couldn’t respond, and after a minute he added, “Consider yourself lucky. I could keep you here as a play toy, but I don’t wish you ill. I appreciate all you’ve done for me. But now that time has come to an end. You need to go back to the surface where you belong.”
Her eyes had burned with the feeling of unshed tears, and she’d wondered if it hadn’t been so bright out, they might even be glowing red. “You bastard. You fucking bastard.”
His words had been hard and brittle, but the strange look on his face was something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Like he felt sick. And maybe he did. Sick of looking at her. Sick of her love for him. Sick of sharing his life with her.
She’d tilted her chin high. “Well, I’m glad you brought it up, to be honest. One of us had to say it, and I guess you were just enough of an asshole to get the job done. These past weeks have been ridiculous. I mean, you’re a good lay, don’t get me wrong, but I deserve better than a pseudo-relationship with a man who never remembered me in the first place.”
He’d swallowed and looked into the distance, not meeting her eyes. “Yes, you do. And I wish you the best.”
In a million years, she hadn’t seen it ending like that. It was true that she wasn’t content with what little time they’d spent together, but she couldn’t help the craving she always felt for Julian, like her body wasn’t complete until he was locked inside her.
“Are you still going to help Gavin?” she’d demanded.
His eyes had narrowed, like he was offended, but at least it brought his gaze back to her face. “Why wouldn’t I? I gave my word, and I’m not going back on it. Besides, I’m not planning on living in such a hovel of a kingdom forever. I will master my gifts and take my rightful place amongst these people.”
“Then I guess we really are done here. Have a good life.” As she’d turned, her throat had almost swollen closed with the strain of emotion building there. She’d put her hand to the sun pendant around her neck. “Gavin,” she’d called desperately in her mind.
“Kara!” Julian had said from behind her, and the strong
bark of his voice almost had her turning back to look at him. “Have a good life.”
Gavin could feel the crushing sadness in Kara when he looked up from the map and saw her lost in thought. It didn’t take a wild guess to know what had her so upset. It was Julian. It was always Julian.
Despite the reason for Julian’s decision, noble or otherwise, Gavin felt as if a two-ton yoke had been lifted from his shoulders the day the shell of his oldest friend sent Kara away. Being Kara’s personal chauffeur so a virtual stranger could mount her was perhaps the most demoralizing activity he’d ever willingly engaged in—not counting mating Brakken’s females like a stud for hire.
Since the time he’d met Kara, he’d only wanted her. And after these past months of self-imposed celibacy—almost unheard of for his kind—he was starting to feel reckless. Cupping himself, imagining it was Kara, had long since lost its appeal. The desire to love and comfort her with his body was a gnawing need inside him—one he had to push away with every breath simply to be able to draw the next.
“Princess?”
“Yeah?” Kara pulled herself up taller. “I’m ready. Next stop: Raleon’s fawn—whatever that is.”
“I don’t remember exactly where the fawn is, but I can get us close.”
She shook her hair back. “Perfect. Then let’s get going. We have a feather to hunt down.”
When she stepped into the circle of his arms so he could transport her, Gavin pulled her close and rested his chin on the top of her head. He breathed in her scent and willed her courage, though she was nothing if not resilient.
Truth be told, he wouldn’t have wished Julian’s sacrifice on the man he used to know. The old Julian had loved life. His vitality could light up the darkest room. Even if Julian had risen as himself and decided not to share Kara, Gavin could have endured it, because he would have known that Kara had chosen a man who would always treat her well and never leave her unfulfilled.
But everything was different now…and Gavin believed, deep in his being, that Kara deserved better than the risen, broken version of Julian Mercés.