by Heaton, Lisa
Chelsea sighed heavily, knowing how much this would hurt Sara Beth. “I’ll talk to her.”
That came totally out of the blue. Was she saying Sara Beth couldn’t go with him anymore? Throwing his hands in the air, putting on the air brakes, he said, “Whoa! What are we talking about here?”
“I realize things are different now that you have someone else in your life. It’s gotten complicated.”
“Look, I don’t know what you think I meant. When I said tangled, I meant for the girls, going back and forth and never having both of us. That’s what’s off.”
He felt a bit hurt by what she had suggested. Getting a little louder than he intended, he clarified, “If you think Hailey could possibly change how I feel about Sara Beth, then you don’t know me at all. She’s mine now, no matter what.”
As much as her heart had fallen at hearing him call the situation tangled, it leapt at his insistence that Sara Beth was his. She was once prepared to fight for Lucy just as he was now prepared to fight for Sara Beth.
“I’m sorry. I thought you meant…”
She trailed off, feeling ridiculous for even thinking he might not want Sara Beth to be with him. She knew better. He was as head-over-heels in love with Sara Beth as she was with him.
Revisiting his original comment that things were off she agreed. “Things are off when we’re not together as a family. She has no place in their lives.” Pounding her chest, she whispered, “I’m their mom. This is our family.”
She was tearing up again and hurriedly tried to blink away her tears. Feeling immediately guilty and selfish for trying to make him feel guilty, Chelsea apologized. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said all that.”
“You’re right, though.”
Even sitting at the table with them before Sara Beth had gotten so sick, he was disgusted by his insistence that they allow Hailey into their lives. It was forced, and Lucy was miserable but too sweet to take any stand. Poor Sara Beth had no way of knowing that the nice lady who played with her was hoping to take her mama’s place with her daddy.
“Tuck.” Chelsea closed her eyes, trying to force herself to say what she was really feeling. It was awkward, and she feared he would hear her out but then walk away from her anyway. When she opened her eyes again, she took a deep breath and admitted, “After John died, I felt like a widow. Now, with us, I feel like I’m divorced. This is heartbreaking. We’re dragging our kids back and forth and hurting them. I know other kids live like this every day and survive it, but I don’t want this for our girls.”
“I don’t either,” he admitted. Separated and sharing custody was exactly what it seemed like the night before when Sara Beth needed her mommy and he had another woman in his home. He felt unfaithful to Chelsea and his daughters.
Both Chelsea’s parents and his had experienced long and successful marriages. Neither of them had ever been exposed to the back and forth life their girls were living, so he found it hard to even relate to how torn they must feel. It was then that Lucy’s words from the night before stung his heart again. What she said, that it wasn’t right, was true. Nothing about being apart from his family was right.
Without question, Chelsea wanted him back, but not if it meant taking away his happiness. Whatever it was he was so determined to find when he walked away from her, if it mattered to him, it mattered to her. No matter her feelings, she was willing to give him up if Hailey was the one he wanted. He had once done the same for her.
“Are you in love with her?”
Tuck looked away. “I care for her.”
That wasn’t love. By the time Tuck came to L.A. for her, it was already too late; she was in love with John. Caring for someone was a far cry from love, which meant she wasn’t too late, and because she wasn’t, she was prepared to put up a fight.
“Give our family another chance before it’s too late and you fall in love with her. Because then, I know it’ll be too late.”
She sighed heavily, recalling his words from L.A. Repeating them, certain he would remember, she whispered, “It was supposed to be me.” If anyone understood the consequences of giving up too soon, she did.
He stepped forward but didn’t touch her. She was right; it was supposed to be her. It was Chelsea and always had been. Standing so near her, he knew what he had to do.
“Give me a little time. Will you do that?”
Nodding, she said, “I’ll give you whatever you need.”
The dryer buzzed, but he made no move to go. He was still standing so close to her that all she would have to do was reach out and touch him. She wanted to. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and feel caught up in him. Knowing he was still so torn, though, she forced her hands to remain by her sides.
“I need you to know something,” she said.
He was staring into her eyes, certain he had never seen her look quite so vulnerable. “What?”
“These past months, I’ve been trying to make my way back to Jesus. It wasn’t that I couldn’t give my heart to you. It was that I was trying to give it back to Him first. Somewhere along the way I got off balance, and I haven’t quite made my way back yet. I’m working on that, but I’m afraid I can’t give you what you need until I get that straightened out.”
He smiled softly, certain he had never heard any sweeter words than those. “You keep working on that. I don’t want a heart that doesn’t belong to Him first.” Leaning down, he whispered in her ear, “But I do want it someday.”
Chelsea stood motionless. The feel of him so near felt different than she thought it might. On the few occasions she allowed herself to imagine it, she anticipated feeling guilty, as if she were being unfaithful to John, but she didn’t. She felt strangely warm. His breath, as he spoke so softly, tickled her ear and his nearness caused the hair on the back of her neck to stand on end. Without thinking better of it, she reached out and touched him, her hand coming to rest on his side, just above his waist. His skin was warm beneath her fingertips, which sent this electric current zinging throughout her entire body.
Gasping slightly at the feel of her fingers on his bare skin, Tuck quickly reached for her wrist and moved her hand. “Chelsea.”
“I’m sorry.” Embarrassed, she tried to step away.
He blocked her path, not wanting her to feel rejected. She was anything but rejected. As a matter of fact, there was nothing in the entire world that he wanted any more than her. Nothing had changed. Even after those months of separation, all roads led right back to her, but the time for them still wasn’t right. He sensed it deep down.
“Don’t be sorry. It’s just that…”
He was about say that it wasn’t right because of Hailey, but that wasn’t exactly true. Instead, he admitted, “I’m not sure where we are right now. I think we should take this slowly.”
“I know.”
She hadn’t really meant to touch him, but he was so close and it felt perfectly natural to reach for him. Even in that moment as he hovered over her, the look in his eyes said something completely different from his words. He loved her as much as he always had, and he wanted her, but after all those years of waiting, he seemed hesitant. After all they had been through, how could he feel anything but hesitant?
He was honest with her. “Things can’t be like they were. I’m not at all sure what it needs to be, but I don’t think we were all that healthy.”
To pretend and close his eyes to reality couldn’t possibly be a healthy relationship. The reality was, she was lonely but still in love with her husband. She wanted him there because of the kids, but she wasn’t able to commit herself to him in any permanent sense. That wasn’t right. He wasn’t sure he could just step back in and pick up where they left off. In the moment, though, standing there so close to her, nothing much made sense. All he wanted was her, but he would have to pray about it to find some peace.
If he did know one
thing, it was that he belonged back with Chelsea and their daughters, and he would move heaven and earth to make that happen. In his mind, he could hear Sara Beth from the night before as she asked him, “Wiww you hoed me now, Daddy?” He didn’t want to miss one opportunity to hold her when she needed him, and he never again wanted to put Lucy in the position he had with Hailey. Even if nothing more came of Chelsea and him than raising their children together, that was enough. Maybe where they were before was the only place to go back to. It wouldn’t be a relationship between them, but at least they would be back together as a family. The thought of that did give him peace.
Smiling shyly, she said, “We’ll take this slowly.”
Blinking hard and long, trying to get the image of his bare chest out of her mind, she said, “Go get your shirt; it’ll wrinkle.”
Tuck drove immediately to Hailey’s, hoping to catch her before she left for church. She had invited him on several occasions to go with her and even asked if she could go with him. Neither option ever felt right, especially her going with him. Now he understood why. That was a next step they would never take.
As he was heading up the walk, she backed through the front door and was locking up behind her. She had not seen him yet, so Tuck moved quietly toward the stairs, dreading the conversation ahead.
When she turned and found Tuck standing at the bottom of the steps, Hailey startled but then quickly recovered.
“How’s Sara Beth? I worried most of the night.”
When he never called, she had naturally assumed he was staying the night at Chelsea’s. That was the thought that really kept her up most of the night.
“Better this morning. Lucy ended up just as sick. It was a long night, though, a whole lot of mess to clean up.”
“I’m so sorry. That was strange how…”
Hailey trailed off once she saw the look of pity in Tuck’s eyes. He was getting back with Chelsea; it was written all over his face.
“I know this probably isn’t the best time, but we need to talk.”
Looking away, she said, “No, I don’t think we do.”
“I care about you. Really, I do.”
Under different circumstances, if he actually did have a heart to give away, he would have given it to Hailey. She was a wonderful woman, one any man would be lucky to find.
Hailey held her hand up to stop him from going any further. “I saw it last night.” Sighing, she admitted, “I saw it on our first date.”
“I really thought it was over, or I would have never asked you out. I’m not playing games here. It’s just that,” he stopped, trying to decide how to best explain what he was feeling. “I feel like I’m abandoning my family, as if maybe I haven’t given it enough time to work out as it needs to.”
“Tuck, go back to your family. You are an incredible guy and an amazing dad.”
Reaching up, she kissed his cheek. “Chelsea is a lucky girl. I think maybe the rumor is true after all.”
“What rumor?”
“You have this epic love story that needs to be completed. I think this was just another plot twist of your story.” She laughed rather sarcastically. “I was a plot twist. Go figure.”
“I’m so sorry.”
The look on her face was clearly one of disappointment even though she was trying to appear as if she were taking it well.
“I’m not sorry, Tuck. I’m just glad to know guys like you exist. I wasn’t so sure.”
Because the girls had been so sick, Chelsea kept them home from church. All piled up on the sofa, still wearing pj’s, Chelsea included, they were surprised when the front door swung open and Tuck entered.
Sara Beth was the first to scramble off the sofa and across the room. Jumping into his arms, she shouted, “Daddy!”
Tuck walked with her to the sofa, demanding, “Make way!” Sliding girls out of the way, he settled in closest to Chelsea. Looking at her, he asked, “Well, what did I miss?”
For a second she couldn’t say a word, so she simply shook her head. Smiling broadly, feeling content beyond anything she had known in months, she finally said, “Not much.”
Looping his pinky finger around hers, he sighed, saying, “Feels good to be back.”
At his touch, her heart began racing so fast she felt a little light-headed.
Wondering aloud, she asked, “I thought you needed time.”
“I said a little time.” He grinned. “It’s been a little time.”
Sara Beth moved out of his lap and over to watch Lucy as she played a game on her phone, so Tuck inched a little closer to Chelsea and whispered, “There’s no one else. I took care of that.”
Grinning, biting at her lip, she reminded him, “I’m glad. It’s supposed to be me.”
“So I hear.” The look on her face gave him a sense of hope that terrified him. “But I need to know it’ll someday be me.”
“It always has been.”
If she had ever known anything with real certainty, it was that. No matter what came against them to alter the course of their lives, it always came back to them.
Lucy kept track of her parents out of the corner of her eye. When her dad first came back, she assumed he was checking in on them since they were sick, but when he sat by her mom and they began whispering, almost holding hands even, she just knew. God had heard her after all. Handing her phone to Sara B., she crawled across the sofa and kissed his cheek. “Welcome home.”
He grabbed her face with both hands and kissed her back. “It’s good to be here.”
Later, when they were finally alone just before Tuck was about to leave for home, Chelsea said, “I would like for you to listen to this.” Handing him the sheet of paper, she explained, “This is where I’ve been and where I’m going. It’s just the lyrics. I’ll get you a CD if you would like.”
When Tuck began to open the paper, she reached out and closed it back. “Wait ‘til later.”
It was something so deeply personal that it embarrassed her to think of him reading it in front of her. Smiling up at him, she admitted, “I don’t know exactly where I am right now on this journey, but I promise to keep working on it.”
Tuck wrapped his arms around Chelsea and sighed a deep and heavy sigh. He had not done this since early on when she was still so depressed. Once she was feeling better and they had started doing what he considered playing house, it had seemed as if holding her would be inappropriate considering she was still grieving her dead husband. Until this day, he had done it only when she was hurting most. This time, however, he was holding her simply because he loved her. He could hardly think back to a moment when he felt so full. For so long, he had been so completely empty. Having her in his arms filled him.
As Chelsea rested her head on Tuck’s chest, she sighed too. “Tuck?”
“Hmm?”
It was as close to a holy moment as he had ever experienced. Hope had fully returned, and with it, a sense of being at the right place at just the right time, or at least on the verge of the right time.
“Please wait for me, just a little while longer.”
Her voice was so soft and sweet, it reminded him how worth it she was.
“I’ll never stop waiting, never again.”
Tuck was lying on the hood of his truck, looking up at the sky. There weren’t many stars out that night, and the cloud cover cast a gloomy layer over the earth, but Tuck was far from affected by it. Inside, he felt as happy as he could ever remember feeling.
As soon as he had gotten in the truck he read the lyrics to Chelsea’s song. He had heard it before but never really listened to the words – thankfully. If he had, he would have been broken on the spot. The lyrics were the most beautiful outpouring of absolute surrender to God that he had ever read. There was a progression of the song that went from brokenness to emptiness to loneliness, but ultimately it was asking to be made
ready for God to be her everything. It was exactly Chelsea’s story; it was his story.
After leaving Chelsea’s, he had pulled into a parking lot before heading out of town and downloaded the song onto his phone. The rest of the way home, he played it over and over, weeping so hard that he nearly had to stop the truck. Instead of going straight home, he had come here, to the place where he would someday build his family a home. It might not be anytime soon, but it would happen someday. For as long as she asked him to, he would wait.
Having been an eye witness to at least part of their love story, John and Chelsea’s, he could see how she became lost in it. He was a millionaire tycoon who could have had most any woman in the world, but he only wanted her. With unlimited resources, he was able to give her the moon; nothing seemed out of reach for him. For her, he walked away from a prestigious and fast-paced life to just be hers. In the end, John’s only thought was what was best for her and how she would be cared for once he was gone. He loved her in a way few men can love a woman. How could she be anything but lost in him? And how could a regular guy ever follow that?
As near as Tuck could figure, the answers had something to do with the song. It was obviously what God was using to rescue her from drowning in her love for John. In that moment when God gave Tuck what seemed to be his release from her, He was preparing the way to claim Chelsea’s heart for Himself. She went from loving John to depending on Tuck and living in a make-believe family. Tuck could see how stepping in and allowing her to turn to him instead of God was a mistake. How wise was God to remove him for a season. No wonder he felt such peace over walking away. Chelsea needed to fall and land. John’s death was the fall, and losing what seemed to be her comfortable family was the hard landing that forced her to open her eyes and turn to Him. All that time Tuck had been nothing but the means by which God would eventually reach Chelsea. He couldn’t help but marvel at such a thing as being used by God that way.
Just as he had done a thousand times, Tuck thought back to that day when Chelsea came to see him to ask if Lucy could travel to New York with her and John. That day, she all but admitted that she was supposed to come home when she first graduated. Looking back, that moment between them that one Christmas was exactly what he thought it to be at the time, a first glimmer of light directing them toward a future together. When she ran from it, she began a chain reaction that would take her farther than she had ever anticipated.