“Nothing bad, but there are some things I feel aren’t accurate, especially when it comes to the male anatomy.”
“I don’t understand?”
“Our dicks don’t stir. They aren’t straws. They especially don’t twitch.”
“It’s an expression.”
“But it’s not accurate, that’s all I’m saying.”
“What do your dicks do?”
“Other than fill with blood to become hard when the moment is right, nothing really. Just about everything you describe that happens in a man’s pants really happens in his mind.”
I adjust myself on the cushion. “Interesting.”
“When we see a woman, the first thoughts are usually how she may look naked. Remember, we’re visual creatures.” He taps the temple of his head. “We want to know what her body looks like. How deep the curve of her waist goes until it meets her hips.” His voice goes deep, sensual and it’s totally messing with my head. “And we wonder if her breasts look just as good out of the bra as they do in the bra. Are your” he clears his throat, “sorry–I mean are her nipples large, small, are they dark pink, or a dusty rose?”
“All right.”
He scoots closer to me, his eyes on my lips, making my stomach dip. “And her lips…” His voice becomes hoarse. “No matter if they’re plump, or thin, we always, always want to know what they feel like against ours. If our fingers can sink into the flesh of her hips as we lose ourselves–”
He slams his lips to mine, and my eyes widen in shock. His lips move against mine, but I totally freeze and my body becomes stiff. As fast as Liam’s lips touch mine, he pulls away.
He squeezes his eyes tight. “Shit,” he grits. “I’m sorry, Whitney.” He scoots away from me. “I–I don’t know what came over me.” He stands up, pacing as he wipes his thumb and forefinger over his lips. “I can’t believe I did that.” He plops back down in the seat next to me. “That was a total rookie move.”
I clear my throat, finally finding my voice. “Yeah, it was.”
“Did you at least feel something?” When I finally bring myself to face him, he’s biting his lip. He’s nervous. “Like nothing?” He gets up and starts to pace.
“Liam, I’m sorry. It’s never been like that. You had to have known that, right? I mean we’ve talked, you’ve listened to everything I’ve been going through. I thought you understood.”
“No. I understand. I’ve totally been placed in the friend zone.”
“If it makes you feel any better, I’m not sure if you ever left the friend zone.”
He places his hands over his heart. “You’re killing me.”
“I’m sorry. Really I didn’t–” I’m cut off by my phone ringing. Looking at the screen, I see that it’s Alice, Heath’s secretary calling. “Hey, Alice,” I answer as I stand, walking away from Liam.
“Whitney,” she sounds upset. “I had to call 911.” I hear a sob.
The world starts to dip, my heart races. “What?”
“He collapsed in his office. Heath, I mean. I don’t know what happened. I heard a crash. H-He was on the floor. I called 911. We’re at Memorial. You need to hurry.” The line goes dead.
Before I know it, Liam’s beside me, and I’m gripping onto him. My knees go weak, and my body starts to shake. “It’s Heath,” I choke as tears fall from my eyes. “He collapsed. I–I need to get to the hospital.”
The room’s curtains are drawn closed, making it as dark as my world feels. ST segment elevation myocardial infarction, that’s what the doctor said Heath experienced when he finally found the time to talk to me. After the emergency surgery– emergency bypass surgery. Now he lies motionless on a machine that’s basically breathing for him.
I feel as though I’m going to be sick.
Apparently, Heath has known about the possibility of this happening. His blood tests came back elevated when he went for his physical last year and then again two months ago. I try to think back to what he said about his initial visit when I was still at the house. I can’t remember there being anything out of the ordinary. I asked why he was prescribed blood pressure medicine, but all he told me was that it was a precautionary measure. That’s why he’s been exercising and eating better. He’s been exercising since his appointment, and I never realized.
Shaking my head, I think back to the times Ruby told me he was working out. I thought it was because he was being an ass and trying to get fit so he could get back at me for leaving him. When he would call about needing healthy alternatives to the recipes that I always made, I’d get mad at him, cutting him off, sometimes hanging up on him. A sob breaks from my throat.
I’m such an awful person.
I have so many regrets in life, and most of them rest in the recent months. I’ve been so mad at Heath for not having his eyes open when my eyes have been closed too. Jesus, I’m such a hypocrite. I thought everything with him was fine just like he thought everything between us was solid. Goes to show you that you should never assume.
Ever.
Heath hasn’t woken up yet since the surgery. I look at the clock, and it’s going on six hours since he was wheeled into his ICU room. I read that patients should be awake after four hours, so he not waking has me worried, but I’m not an expert, and the medical staff doesn’t seem too concerned. The kids have been taking turns sitting in here with him and staying in the waiting room. They haven’t said much.
Liam, being mister calm cool and collected, contacted Priscilla, getting our principal’s phone number so he could tell him that I wouldn’t be at school tomorrow. He asked the principal to relay the message to both the middle and high schools, so I didn’t have to worry about it. He even went as far as to grab the phone numbers from Alice of Heath’s crew lead men, so they were made aware what has happened to their boss. Liam made a point to let the guys know that it’s business as usual at James Construction.
My support system has been outstanding. I can’t ask for better friends and family. Will and Tony arrived shortly after I did, making sure we were all in the best shape as can be expected. With a promise to be back later, they took off to grab Harper from the house and got her squared away at their place. Ruby and Steve arrived only moments after my brother, both as shook up as the rest of us. They wanted to stay and wait until Heath was out of surgery, but I insisted that they go about their daily lives–there was nothing here for them to do. I know Heath would want it that way. It’s been an incredibly long night.
Now I wait for Charlie.
That phone call the was hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. To have to tell your child, who wasn’t anywhere near home, that his father had a heart attack and is now lying in the hospital, unconscious, was dreadful. Listening to Charlie cry, to hear his voice break with emotion and me not being able to do anything to console him was inconceivable. Even when I knew he was trying to be strong for me, there was no hiding that he was crumbling inside.
The beeping of the monitor continues without fail. I guess that’s good, though. It means there’s no change, nothing to be worried about. Looking at the clock, I see that two more hours have passed. Please wake up, Heath. A sliver of light breaking into the room has me lifting my head.
“Mom?”
Charlie.
Jumping out of my chair, I hastily run over and throw myself into my eldest son’s arms. He’s bigger than he was the last time he was home. “Charlie. How are you here so soon? I don’t understand?” I sigh as I breathe in his familiar scent.
“I was doing stateside classes. There’s a new engine coming onboard, and we were in Michigan. I was planning on surprising you and Dad with a quick visit next weekend. I’m sorry–I didn’t think to say anything when you called earlier.”
He was already in the states. Relief floods through my body. When I pull back, I sweep my eyes over my boy. He’s in army fatigues. The fabric stretched crossed his broad shoulders. His hair buzzed short like always. He looks so much like Heath, and at this moment, it breaks my hear
t.
“Don’t cry, Mom.” He takes me in his arms and engulfs me in his warmth. “Please don’t cry.” “I’m sorry. I can’t help it.”
He keeps me wrapped in his love, slowly rocking me as I fall apart in his arms. “He’s going to be fine, Mom. He’s a strong man. The strongest man I know.”
Never a truer statement has been said. Charlie and Heath have always had a special bond, more so than the other kids have.
He pulls away from my body and strides over to his father. Sitting in the chair I was previously occupying, he takes his father’s hand in his, bringing it to his lips. Wiping the tears from my face, I back up towards the door. Once I feel the handle in my hand, I pull it open and step out. Never taking my eyes from the scene in front of me, I witness my oldest son, at his father’s side, in a dark room, whispering words of prayer, hoping that someone other than me is listening.
“Mom?” Trevor gets up from the chair he’s occupying between Jenna and Liam.
He wraps his arms around me. “Hey, baby. Your brother is in there with your dad.” I rub my hand through his hair, placing a kiss on his forehead.
“He came in here first. We told him what room Heath was in,” Liam says as he gives me a small smile.
“Thank you,” I tell him as I keep my arms wrapped around Trevor. “I really appreciate everything, Liam. You have no idea how grateful I am to you for being here the entire night.”
“That’s what friends are for. You know, since we’ve established that already.”
I chuckle, giving into the smile that spreads across my face. The sensation feels good, but then the guilt hits me as my smile fades. My husband is laying in a hospital bed, not but twenty feet from where I’m standing. There’s no way that I should be laughing right now. “You don’t have to stay, Liam. I know you need to get back to work.”
He nods, walking toward Trevor and me. “I can. If you need me to, I can.”
“I got this. Thank you, though.”
“Anytime, Whitney. I mean that.” He ruffles Trevor’s hair.
“Thank you.” I give him a small smile.
“Jenna, if you need anything, call or text. Got it?” he says over his shoulder.
“Got it.”
“Text me. Anytime.” He points his finger between Trevor and me, narrowing his eyes. “Either of you. I mean it.” Dipping his head in goodbye, he turns and exits the hospital, leaving me alone with my kids.
“How much longer?” Jenna asks for the tenth time since Liam left. Charlie still hasn’t come out of his father’s room, but that doesn’t surprise me. I’m sure Charlie will sit vigil until the moment his dad opens his eyes and cracks the first smile towards his son.
“Damn it, Jenna, stop whining. Dad has had major surgery. This isn’t about you right now–”
“Hey now,” I scold Trevor. “You don’t need to be like that with your sister.” He rolls his eyes and sulks back into the chair. When I address Jenna, I can see that she’s upset. “I’m not sure, baby. Dad is resting because of the surgery. His body needs to heal and because of that–”
“Mom.” Charlie’s voice has me snapping my head to my son. His eyes are rimmed red with smudges of dark circles. I have no idea when my son last slept, but I need to make sure he gets some rest and soon. “He’s awake.”
A sudden weight is lifted from my shoulders. The room becomes a little brighter, and the pit of doom that I’ve been feeling since the moment Alice told me of the news loosens. I breathe for the first time in what feels like ages.
“I’m glad, honey. So, so glad.”
“I want to see him,” Jenna says.
I stand up, fixing Jenna hair. “Okay, sure, go ahead. Trevor, you too. Go with your sister and brother and go see your dad.”
Jenna walks about three feet then turn towards her brother. “Come on Trev,” she commands, but he doesn’t move. When I look at my son, the fear he’s been feeling is evident in his eyes.
“Baby.” Walking over, I kneel in front of him. “Go with Charlie and Jenna.”
His eyes find mine. “Aren’t you coming?”
My poor boy. I place my hand on his face and cup his cheek. “I’ll be in later. I think you guys need some Dad time, and I don’t want to spoil it, but I’ll be in there soon. I promise.”
He seems okay with my answer because he gets up and walks toward a waiting Jenna and Charlie. Jenna reaches for his hand, which he doesn’t seem to mind while Charlie throws his arm around Trevor’s shoulder. Once they’re out of earshot, I let the sobs wrack through my body, allowing the relief to wash over me.
“Hey, babe.”
Ruby’s voice pulls me from my daze as she and Steven enter the room. “Where are the kids?” she asks as she sits and hands me a coffee. Steve takes a seat across from me.
I lift the cup to my mouth, inhaling the caramel goodness and take a sip. “Heath’s awake. They’re with him. Thank you for this.” I tip the cup in her direction.
“When did that happen? Why didn’t you call or text?”
I blink at her, not really knowing how to answer that.
“Leave her alone, Ruby. I’m sure she has her reasons,” Steve defends.
“I’m the best friend. The go-to person. I should’ve been her first phone call.”
“I haven’t called anyone, Ruby. I’m giving this time to my kids to see their father. All three of them are in there right now.”
“Charlie made it?” she asks, sitting up a bit.
“Yeah.”
“That was a lot faster than I thought. I figured he wouldn’t be here for another day or so.”
“Yeah, I thought so too. He was in the states actually.” I pull out my phone and check the time. “I’d say he showed up about two hours ago. Heath’s been awake for maybe an hour.”
“That’s fantastic news, babe.” Ruby pulls me into a hug. “I know you were worried.”
“So worried, and so guilt-ridden.” I eye the two of them, both with looks of remorse on their faces. Sitting up, I lean towards Steve’s direction. “Did you know about Heath’s health issues?” His lips form a thin line, not looking me in the eye. He doesn’t need to verbally confirm my suspicions because his face tells me everything I need to know.
“Don’t bother Steve, I know my answer.”
“Hey, don’t get upset with Steve about this,” Ruby defends her husband. “He was doing what his friend asked him to do.”
I pull back in my seat, leaning away from her. “Did you know?”
“She didn’t know until we got the call, Whitney. I swear, I didn’t tell her or anyone else because Heath asked me not to.”
I throw myself back into the seat, looking up at the ceiling my eyes begin to well with tears, again. “If I’d have known,” I choke out.
“What would you have done, babe? Tell me that? Ridden his ass? Been the bird dog I know you to be and made sure he was doing everything he was supposed to do? Do you think that would’ve been good for your marriage when it was already in the shit can?”
“God… I don’t know. I really don’t know what I would have done.”
“He didn’t want to worry you, Whitney,” Steve states.
I let out an exasperated sigh. “Well, wanting to spare my feelings has landed him in a hospital. My kids could have lost their father for Christ’s sake.”
“He thought he could change his lifestyle and not have to worry any of you. Believe it or not, Whitney, you and those kids are everything to him. He’s a man. We’re dumb creatures most of the time. We think we’re doing everything we’re supposed to be doing, and most of the time we aren’t. Heath is a prime example of it.”
Crossing my arms over my chest, I close my eyes, trying to calm myself down. “I’m mostly mad at myself,” I confess. “I’ve been so quick to point fingers, place blame. I didn’t see what’s been going on right in front of my very own eyes, under my roof–to my husband.”
“You can’t blame yourself for this when you’ve been unhappy for
years. Your relationship isn’t to blame for Heath’s clogged arteries.”
I know she’s right, but it doesn’t seem to help at the moment. Before we can continue with our conversation, the kids come back into the room. All three have red-blotched faces, but each of them is wearing a smile, and that makes me smile.
Now it’s my turn.
I push my way into Heath’s room.
Ruby and Steve insisted on taking the kids out to get a real meal, so I thought it was the perfect time for Heath and me to clear the air. Once the door clicks closed, Heath turns his head towards me. He gives me a small smile, which has me rushing to his side. My lip trembles as I try to hold my composure, but I’m so emotionally drained, I’m not sure if I have the strength to be steadfast.
“I’m so mad at you,” I sob.
He lifts his hand, full of plastic I.V’s and takes hold of mine, squeezing it. “I’m sorry, baby.” His voice is scratchy. He doesn’t sound like my Heath. He doesn’t sound like the strong man that I’ve spent more than half my life with. He sounds so broken, so beat down, and it makes my heart break.
“Why?” I ask as I take the seat next to his bed. Not letting go of his hand, I wipe the tears away with my free hand. “Why didn’t you tell me what was going on with you?”
He swallows, trying to clear his throat. “Because I’m dense.”
“Yeah, you are,” I agree. He chuckles at my response that makes me smile. “I’m sorry for not knowing. For being so blind and not seeing the changes you’ve been making. I thought–”
“Don’t. Don’t blame yourself for this. It wasn’t your fault.”
“I’m your wife. It’s my job to take care of you. How didn’t I know? Why couldn’t I see it?”
“Babe, stop it.”
“God, Heath. You have no idea the thoughts that were going through my head. I was so scared. I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in my life. To think of a life without you…” I shake my head, not allowing myself to continue to have those thoughts.
Take 2 on Love Page 19