by Logan Castle
“What is it?” she repeated.
“It’s a clock going backwards set inside a black hole which is also pulling it in.” I grimaced. That explanation failed to relay the significance of something that had become such an important part of me.
“Okay… so, what does that mean?” she asked, looking at me with feigned annoyance.
“It signifies the past. Or any possible past. Time travel,” I blurted out.
She nodded as she glanced over at my opposite forearm that was positioned directly on the bar. She pointed at it and murmured, “And this? The future?”
“Yes!” I nodded, excitedly.
Calm down there, buddy. Don’t geek out on her now.
“That’s really cool. I love tattoos with cryptic meanings. I just have garters,” she finished with a laugh.
“Yeah, I saw those.”
“So, you’re into time, huh?”
“It’s kind of my thing.”
“I can see that.” She angled her head so she was looking up into my eyes. “So, what’s your name, handsome?”
“Isaac,” I answered.
A pale white hand came across the bar and she reached out to me. “Hi, Isaac. I’m Kelsey.”
I reached my own clammy hand over the bar and shook hers gently. “Nice to meet you, Kelsey.”
She smiled, revealing a dimple. “Well, Mr. Isaac… how about this… That bathroom you went into ten minutes ago to do a line of cocaine in…” I looked up at her quickly, the shock visible in my eyes. She put her hand on my forearm, her attempt to ease my surprise. “Well, meet me there two minutes in the future if you feel like sharing. It’s a long shift, and I need a pick-me-up. How’s that for some time travel?”
The reason why I went to that bar began to dissipate. It was rapidly fading away and disappearing into the back of my mind. My troubles. My failures. Plum’s disappointment. Plum’s disapproval. Plum not being here with me. Plum. All of the angst disappeared in the same moment I took in Kelsey’s smile. I managed a small nod at her. She released my forearm and gave me a wink. Then, without another word, she went back to filling orders for people who were impatiently waiting for her attention.
I couldn’t believe my own good luck. I had to look at her one more time to make sure she was real. That this was real. Had that really just happened? My breathing was shallow and quick. I did everything I could to slow it down. My heart was pumping so hard that I could feel it inside my chest and ears.
Breathe, you idiot. She isn’t asking to fuck you. She just wants some coke.
As soon as that thought exited my head, I remembered Tina bent over in front of me. I suddenly felt sick all over again.
What the fuck is wrong with you, Isaac? You’re willingly planning to put yourself in the same situation all over again?
My relationship is over! I countered myself, angrily. Who the fuck knows where Plum is! She’s probably with that asshole, John! A coil of red-hot anger began to burn inside me and I had to force the resentment I felt back down. I didn’t want to be angry right now. I wanted and needed to escape, just to leave everything behind.
I hadn’t come to this bar looking for company but this company would certainly be pretty nice to have. I grabbed my drink, sucked on the straw and took several deep gulps until I could hear the sound of air bubbling from the bottom of the cup. I set the copper cup down and got to my feet before heading towards the bathroom.
That’s when I heard it. The sound of ticking, ever so faint and distant that I struggled to make it out at first. But it was absolutely there and it was growing louder and louder with every passing moment. I looked around, convinced that the ticking must be coming from one of the many loudspeakers in the bar. It wasn’t. The beat had become a pounding in my skull, as if someone was striking a drum to the exact beat of a clock’s second hand. Louder and louder, it grew with so much force behind it that it threatened to sweep me off my feet and debilitate me. The sound was now deafening.
Panicking, I darted my eyes around the bar, anxious to see if anyone else could hear it. People were dancing and talking as if they hadn’t a care in the world. No one did so much as to even look in my direction.
Putting my hands over my ears, I turned my head in the direction of the bathroom and practically ran for it.
Chapter 2
The ceaseless sound of ticking was so maddening that it was overtaking every other sense. It pervaded everything and everywhere. It synched up perfectly with the panicked beat of my heart, as well as with every heavy step I took towards the bathroom. I could feel beads of sweat forming on my hairline. I was hot and cold all at once. When I reached the door to the bathroom, I placed a hand on it and pushed hard. My exertion of force made the door fly open but it suddenly stopped, as if making contact with something on the other side. I wasn’t sure if my mind was playing tricks on me so I pushed again, only this time harder. I could have gotten the same result, but whatever had been impeding the door’s progress the first time suddenly moved out of the way. Something… no, someone. Although the bathroom had been empty earlier, this time I hadn’t been so fortunate.
“Watch it, asshole!” a voice blasted at me. It sounded so distant, as if it were being yelled from a hundred feet away rather than just a few feet. I stepped inside and peered into the bathroom. Sure enough, there was a man waiting in line next to the stall. The impact of the door must have pushed him against the stall itself. I noticed that he was tenderly rubbing his arm where the door must have struck him. I could tell by his face that he was angry.
“Sorry!” I said. Or, at least, I thought I did. Over the thunderous ticking, I might as well have only mouthed the words. It was as if I were wearing headphones with music playing at full blast while trying to speak. Unsure as to whether or not my apology was even coherent, I raised a hand apologetically toward the guy to illustrate my sincerity. The man studied me warily for a moment.
Tick, tick, tick.
The sound was piercing and still reverberating through my skull. Creeping behind my eyes as if I were being struck by a hammer…over and over again. It was similar to a migraine but with pinpoint accuracy and timing. With no sign of relenting, I was beginning to get desperate and trying to think of anything I could do to make it stop. I considered running back to the bar and downing my drink in a single gulp or spreading out the remnants of the coke left in the bag. And then it hit me—maybe the pounding in my head was due to the coke? Maybe I somehow got a bad batch? It seemed like every other day the news reported drugs being cut with toxic shit. Maybe this was all just a hallucination; a bad trip? The ticking continued, still getting louder by the second.
What the hell is wrong with me?! Where the fuck is this sound coming from?!
Was it the cocaine? Or the alcohol? Is it a panic attack? All were reasonable guesses for sure…but even those rational thoughts brought me no relief. The ticking was all around me. It came from the speakers in the bar, from the leaky faucet in front of me, and even from inside the locked stall on my right. I caught my reflection in the mirror and noticed my eyes looked like saucers they were so wide and the pupils nearly eclipsed my irises.
That wasn’t from the cocaine. No, that was sheer panic.
On my left, the stall door suddenly opened and someone walked out. The man in front of me quickly stepped in, closing the door behind him. Meanwhile, the guy who just walked out approached the sink. He turned the faucet on and I watched the water flow freely from it. The plunking sound of the water hitting the basin of the sink split the air as if it were a bomb going off. Seemingly on cue, the ominous ticking began to lessen like an invisible hand was turning a volume switch from high to low. Time seemed to slow down as gradually as molasses dripping. I watched the water ripple and splash as the ticking continued to fade with every passing moment until it was gone completely.
I closed my eyes and waited a few moments, fortifying myself, dreading the possibility that I was being lured into a false sens
e of security. I was terrified the ticking would restart and return with a vengeance. But after a few seconds, nothing happened. And after another few seconds, nothing. It had finally stopped.
Thank fucking God! I thought to myself.
“Are you okay, buddy?” a voice asked, interrupting my elation.
Only then did I realize my hands were still clenched into fists at my sides, white-knuckled and shaking with tension. I opened my eyes without realizing they were closed. It took me a few seconds to focus. After what seemed like a lifetime, I saw the man who was still standing in front of the sink. Only he was now facing me with an expectant expression.
I attempted to gather myself. I must have said that last thought out loud…
“I’m good,” I replied curtly, stinging from embarrassment. “Think I probably just had a few too many.” I even threw in a fake laugh for good measure.
The man studied me, clearly unconvinced. “Take it easy there, bud. The year is just getting started. You might want to slow down and actually enjoy the rest of it.” He turned around and shut the water off. As he did, I held my breath but the ticking still didn’t return.
“Happy New Year to you,” the man said as he dried off his hands.
“Thanks. You too,” I answered, watching him leave the bathroom.
How embarrassing! Can’t hold your fucking liquor. Goddamn amateur.
Now that I could think more clearly, I was convinced the ticking came from all the alcohol I had consumed. It was the only answer I could come up with. I wasn’t a big drinker normally so it had to be my body trying to tell me something. Stop drinking!
And that’s when it hit me…
Kelsey, the hot bartender… she’s gonna be here any second!
My heart began to pound with anticipation and my mind wandered back to her thighs; specifically, the garter tattoos. She was just what I needed to stop thinking about Plum. My blood suddenly felt like it was on fire and I walked over to the mirror so I could piece myself together.
My dark brown hair, cut short and gelled to the side didn’t show a single hair out of place. No surprise there, the amount of gel I put in it had all but guaranteed it couldn’t move even during an earthquake. My large brown eyes stared back at me, slightly dilated but that was to be expected where the white powder was concerned. From the outside, I looked like your normal, thirty-something American guy on the prowl. I took a deep breath and leaned over the sink, turning on the faucet and cupping my hands underneath so I could splash my face with water. As soon as I did, I felt the stubble of five o’clock shadow that I kept neatly trimmed.
Of course, I didn’t dare consider what I looked like on the inside.
On the inside, you look like shit, I answered myself. Your insides are plagued, rotting, and vile. You’ve managed to alienate the only person who brought you any light, any peace.
Thinking about Plum was exactly what I didn’t need right now. Especially when Kelsey, the hot bartender, would be here soon.
That guy in the bathroom stall needs to hurry the fuck up and get out of there already so I can cut up some cocaine!
Growing impatient, I smiled at the mirror, making sure I didn’t have any food stuck in my pearly whites. All clear on that front. Looking down, I frowned at a stain on the V-necked T-shirt I was wearing and quickly attacked it with some water and a paper towel. I tugged on my pants and made sure they were hanging neatly over my sneakers. Finally, I rolled up my sleeves ever so slightly and pulled the bottom of my shirt.
The sound of the toilet flushing signaled that the only other person in the bathroom with me had finally finished his business. The door opened and a man emerged. I immediately walked into the stall and latched the door shut.
Hurry the fuck up! I thought furiously at the man as he washed and dried his hands. That cacophony was followed by the clumping of feet and the door opening and closing. Then, nothing, save for the sound of muffled music coming from the other side of the wall.
Kelsey was due to arrive any minute and I preferred to have things ready to go when she did. I dug my hands into my back pocket, found the bag and pulled it out. I pried the baggie open, and then tilted it onto the toilet paper dispenser, pouring a sizable amount of white powder onto it. I grabbed my wallet and pulled out a credit card to cut and break it up into a few lines. An image of Kelsey naked and writhing beneath me suddenly exploded in my mind and I had to ignore it.
Stop it! You’ve gotta play it smooth. She hasn’t given you any indication that she’s even remotely interested in fucking you. I frowned at the thought.
Bullshit, a voice argued back. I mean, there’s a reason she wants to do cocaine with you and not some other random guy. Besides, you know she was flirting with you.
One can only hope, I responded. At the very least, I would be alone in a bathroom stall with a hot girl on a night when I’d otherwise be completely alone.
Plum.
Her name broke through my thoughts again and brought with it a cold tidal wave of pain. My stomach twisted and turned, like I’d just been sucker-punched. I stopped what I was doing and had to take several deep breaths to calm myself and ensure that tears didn’t fill my eyes. If they started, there was no way I’d be able to stop them.
My sadness suddenly turned into fiery anger. I couldn’t stop wondering what she was doing. The ten seconds leading up to the midnight countdown were agonizing. Every second that went by, all I could do was think of her and where she might be. I hoped that she was as miserable as I was during those terrible seconds. All I wanted was to see her walk through the bar doors and throw her arms around me. I prayed for the moment when she would brush against me and our lips would lock at the stroke of midnight to welcome in a new year. Together. But that hadn’t happened.
Instead, I suffered silently through the last couple of seconds of the year, alone. In those final moments, I hated her. And yet, my guilt and sadness over all the things that had brought us to this point wouldn’t allow me to hate her completely. So, I just hated myself.
And that’s exactly why you’re going to bury yourself in that cute, little bartender if she gives you the slightest encouragement. Forget Plum. Forget the pain and lose yourself. Even if it’s only for five or ten minutes. Anything to banish the guilt at least for a little while. Just a reprieve for a few minutes—anything to stop those thoughts. Flawed logic to be sure, but I didn’t care.
The bathroom door opened, letting in the sounds of music and the people in the bar. “Isaac? You in here?” It was Kelsey. She came.
“Yes. I’m here.” I glanced down at the lines I laid out for both of us and reached for the lock to the stall, which I unlatched. I opened the door and there she was, standing in her close-to-nothing attire with a naughty smile on her face.
“Hey there, handsome,” she greeted me. She turned around and faced the door, adding, “I’m going to lock the bathroom door. I don’t think we want to be disturbed.” With a giggle, she reached for the deadbolt on the door, twisting and locking it into place. Turning back around, she gave me a mischievous grin. I was suddenly pretty sure this night could end exactly the way I wanted it to.
She glanced down at the lines of coke before smiling back up at me. “Wow, you work fast!”
Not as fast as I’m going to work to get you out of your panties, I thought to myself as I gave her an obligatory laugh, one that was meant to cut through the first awkward moments of tension. “You want to go first?” I offered her a rolled-up dollar bill.
Kelsey stared at the dollar bill and frowned at me. “Don’t use that, silly,” she chided. “You know how many noses that dollar has probably seen? Gross!”
I stared sheepishly at her for a moment. Then I cracked a smile and laughed. She shook her head in a playfully disapproving way and reached into her cleavage. My breath caught and I watched her pull something out. I realized that it was half a straw. She stepped towards me.
“This is how you do it, rookie.” S
he put the straw in one nostril, plugged the other and bent over right in front of me. Her ass just barely grazed my crotch as she did so. Deliberate? She knew exactly what she was doing. I couldn’t help but stare at her shapely, little ass. I was long beyond caring if she noticed at this point. One of the lines disappeared, a second’s pause, and then another one.
She swung her head and, because I’d been standing so close to her, her shoulder-length brown hair nearly hit me square in the face. Her finger was still pressed against her nostril and her eyes were shut. She breathed in deeply. “Wow. That’s some good shit!”
I nodded as my eyes raked her up and down. Now that we were standing so close to each other, I could see she was a tiny, little thing. Maybe five-foot-two and well-proportioned. What I would call “fun-size.” My eyes settled on her cleavage. I had a pretty good idea that her tits looked amazing without a bra, even if they were a bit on the smallish side. “Yeah, it is.”
She finally opened her eyes and looked up at me. “I needed this. This shift has been hell and, honestly, who wants to work on New Year’s Eve anyway? Ridiculous that this place is even open.” She took a breath and handed me the straw. “You’re up.”
I took the straw and glanced down at what she left for me. Exhaling, I brought my head down. In the blink of an eye after a sharp inhale, the thickest line vanished.
Kelsey laughed. I could feel her eyes burning a hole through me. “Jeez. Vacuum nose over here!”
I looked up at her and gave her a smile. She was cute and there was something about her that was… playful. Kind of like….
No! I’m not going to think about her again! Not right now. I brushed the thought aside angrily. Bringing my head back down, I inhaled deeply again. More white powder disappeared without a trace. Thoughts of Plum went with it…