Tonic

by Heather Lloyd

  Our dinner of filet mignon and parmesan creamed spinach arrives; we share a chocolate soufflé for dessert. Everything is delicious, just like Ryan was told. I’m still so nervous around Ryan that I don’t eat much. I inform him that I would like to walk around for a while to burn off some of the calories. Jeremy walks with us. We just walk around the casino for a little bit, duck into a couple shops. We head back to the valet for the car. Ryan tells Jeremy to meet us at a club.

  Ryan drives us to the other end of the strip, again going to the valet. Once inside the hotel, we head for a popular nightclub - so popular there is a line to get in. Of course, being Ryan Paxton, we get in right away. Jeremy looks visibly uncomfortable. Wonder what’s troubling him. I find out that Ryan called ahead and talked with the manager to arrange for our night out. Thank goodness Jeremy and one of the clubs’ bouncers is there to help block the mass of girls, and a few guys, from trying to get to Ryan. I’m still in shock to see what Ryan has to put up with any time he’s in public. I wonder if I can deal with that if I get involved with him. What am I thinking? Of course, I can; he’s worth it.

  It turns out that going dancing with Ryan is a blast. I love to dance but hadn’t gone much in the past couple years because Craig never wanted to. Ryan dances with me the whole night, especially to the few slow songs the DJ throws in.

  There are even a couple of guys who try to ask me to dance, but the look Ryan gives them makes them back off, which makes me laugh and feel good. Girls ask Ryan to dance but he tells them that he is with only one girl tonight and that’s who he will dance with.

  Finally, we both have enough of the crowds and stroll hand-in-hand back to the valet to get the car. Ryan thanks the bouncer and I think gives him a tip. He tells Jeremy we’ll see him back at the Bellagio. Ryan helps me into the car. He goes around to get into the driver’s side. He pulls away from the valet and I see Jeremy turn to get into his car. Instead of pulling out to the street, Ryan drives up the parking ramp. We go to the top of the parking garage, where there are hardly any cars and pulls across a couple stalls. He puts the car in park and just sits there in silence for a few seconds. We can see part of the strip, all the lights.

  “Is something wrong?” I finally ask.

  He stares straight ahead but shakes his head.

  “No, nothing’s wrong.” He pauses then turns toward me. “Olivia, I had a really good time tonight.”

  I put my hand on top of his hand that is still resting on the gear shift. “I did too, Ryan. I had so much fun dancing with you. I’d like to do that more often. I love to dance. And to think that all those girls are jealous of me,” I tease.

  He smiles a little at my comment, but Ryan continues to sit there looking at me. I search his eyes trying to figure out what is going on in his head. Have I made him mad? I don’t have a clue. I can’t think of anything.

  Then it hits me. He’s going to break up with me. He doesn’t want to see me anymore. Oh, God. What am I going to do? No, no. I’ll be ok. At least he’s doing this now before I really fall for him. Might as well get it over with. I give him a panicked look.

  “What’s wrong? I can handle it.”

  “Don’t be mad,” he says.

  Oh, shit. Here it comes. I’m just about to ask what I am going to be mad about when Ryan reaches out and cradles my face in both of his hands and slowly leans forward as he continues to stare into my eyes. What?! Oh, God. He’s going to kiss me. This is not what I was expecting. I don’t think I’m ready for this.

  Ryan captures my lips with his and all thoughts leave my brain. The kiss is soft and warm and wet and oh so good.

  Someone moans. I don’t know if it came from me and I don’t care. Then Ryan takes the kiss deeper, wanting more, needing more, taking more. His tongue searches my lips, encouraging me to open up and let him in. Without thinking, my lips part and Ryan explores. My heartbeat pounds in my head, and I can barely remember to breathe.

  My brain finally kicks in. I should stop him, but my body refuses to listen to my mind and really I don’t want to stop kissing him. My hand reaches up and grabs the back of his neck trying to bring him closer to me. Part of me never wants him to stop.

  I am warring with myself. I should not let him do this. Yes, my marriage is ending but I am not in a good emotional state to become involved with him. I could so easily fall for Ryan and I know I would not survive another broken heart on top of everything else. I just need more time to think. This is happening too fast.

  Finally, my mind wins and I push back from Ryan. “Wow!” I say, trying to catch my breath.

  “I won’t apologize for that.” He is still holding my face a few inches from his, looking deep into my eyes, looking for my reaction. I observe that his eyes look a little hurt.

  “I’m not asking for an apology. And I’m not sorry either. I’m just asking for some time.”

  He nods in understanding. “Olivia, I don’t mean to stress you out more than you already are because of Craig. But I can’t go anymore without letting you know my feelings. You have to know that we’re meant to be together, don’t you? We complement each other; we understand each other. Look how close we’ve gotten in just a couple days. I just found you; I don’t want to lose you.”

  Still holding my face, he brings his forehead to mine and rests it there. I close my eyes.

  Oh my god! I’m freaking out. Here I thought he was going to tell me he didn’t want to see me anymore. My heart is beating in my ears blocking out the music from the radio. My brain tries to grab at anything to be able to process and understand this information. How can he say this to me already? He knows that his feelings will weigh heavily on top of everything else. He thinks we are meant to be together! Does he not understand that if I let him become important, he could destroy me?

  “Oh God, Ryan. I don’t know if I can deal with this right now.”

  I pause trying to think of what to say and how to say it.

  “I know. I’m sorry,” he says.

  “I mean there’s tons of fireworks, huge monstrous ones, at least for me. And I think we do have something very special and unique between us,” I continue. “I don’t understand exactly what it is. I haven’t had the time to figure it out, but I think I’d like to find out. However, I need to get my life back on track. I need to get rid of Craig and find myself again.”

  “I’m fine with that. I already told you I’ll help. But you’d better get used to me being in your life, because I’m not going anywhere. I’ll wait for you to be ready.”

  “Ok,” I whisper. My head is spinning and it is starting to hurt.

  At last, Ryan lets go of me and sits back in his seat. We still sit there in silence for a couple minutes; each of us thinking.

  “Ryan?” I whisper.

  “Yes.”

  I pause not wanting to say this but hoping he will understand that I need to tell him. “I’m trying to be totally honest with you, so I have to say this to you. It’s one of the reasons I’m terrified of us right now.”

  I am having a horrible time trying to saying this. “I could fall in love with you so easily. And even if you didn’t mean it, after everything I’ve already gone through, if you broke my heart, I honestly don’t think I’d be able to survive it.”

  I speak so quietly I’m not sure he can hear me. I can’t look at him; I am too scared to see his reaction and I don’t want him to see the tears building in my eyes.

  I hear Ryan take a sharp breath.

  “Olivia.”

  I still can’t look at him.

  “Olivia,” he says again sternly.

  He puts his hand under my chin and makes me look at him. His other hand caresses my cheek, wiping away the few tears that have escaped.

  “I promise you I won’t break your heart. I could never hurt you. You have no idea the impact you have made on my life in these few short days I’ve had with you.”

  He stares into my eyes for a moment, probably to make sure I fully understand that he is tellin
g me the truth. Then he pulls me as close to him as he can across the gear shift to hug me and kiss the top of my head.

  “I’ll take you back to the hotel now,” Ryan says letting me go.

  I feel exhausted, physically and emotionally. Ryan asks if I want to come up to his suite for a while, but I tell him that I need to think and get some sleep. He walks me to my room and stays only for a few minutes.

  I know it’s silly, but once Ryan is in my room, I start getting nervous. I am afraid to sit down on the bed because if Ryan kisses me again, I’m afraid I won’t stop him. And that isn’t what I need. I need to keep standing. He comes over to me and rubs his hands up and down my arms.

  “Are you sure you’ll be ok here by yourself tonight?”

  “Yes, I need to be by myself and think through lots of things…and maybe wallow in a little self-pity. I’ll be fine. I am going to lock the door so Craig won’t be able to get in again, not that he’ll come back here anyway tonight. He knows better than to come back here after today. He knows I’m pissed off at him. He doesn’t want to deal with me right now.”

  I walk to the window and look out at all the lights on the Strip.

  “Good. Will you come up tomorrow and have breakfast with me? Then spend the day with me?” he asks hesitantly. He holds out a room card for me. “So you can get up to my floor,” he explains.

  In what world would I not want to spend time with Ryan Paxton. I take the card.

  “Of course I will. I want to spend all the time I can with you before I leave and go back to Kansas City.”

  “So you’re not mad at me?”

  I’m confused.

  “Why would I be mad at you?”

  “Because by kissing you, I pushed you.”

  I turn to look at him. He looks a little ashamed. I smile and walk over to him and trail a finger down the side of his face.

  “I never said I didn’t enjoy the kiss, Ryan. In fact, it was pretty awesome, everything I dreamed a kiss with you would be like. I just have so much that’s pushing at me right now. I don’t feel it’s fair to you to get involved right now while everything is so up in the air. If Craig stays true to form, he’ll drag this out for a while.”

  “But….”

  “Ryan,” I press two fingers over his mouth, cutting him off. “Please don’t push too hard. I’m having a very hard time telling you that I need us to wait until I get things settled. Because I want very badly to just let go and get involved with you.”

  He groans.

  “I know. But, I feel like I’m doing the right thing by getting rid of the bad situation first; then I can move forward with you.”

  “Olivia!” Ryan whimpers. He captures me in a kiss again. His lips are so wonderful. His tongue run over my lips again and automatically I let him in. I wrap my arms around him and pull him closer. He pushes me back against the wall and runs his hands up my sides. He leans his whole body against me and I can feel his excitement on my abdomen. Holy crap!

  I brake the kiss, but don’t let Ryan go. I can feel and hear how hard he is breathing. I hear him take slow, methodical breaths, trying to gain control of himself. We stand holding each other for a while, his hands running up and down my back.

  “There are monstrous fireworks for me too,” he whispers into the top of my head. “You make it very hard for me to leave you, Olivia. I just want to take you up to my suite and make love to you.”

  This time I groan. “As much as I want you to take me up to your suite, I can’t. I’ve got to do this my way. I need to get rid of the trash first.”

  “I know and I do understand. I’ll try to be patient and behave. Not make it harder for you.”

  I finally step away from him. “Thank you for understanding.”

  “You’re welcome. And I do completely understand. Now, I’d better go,” Ryan says, walking to the door and opening it.

  “You’re sure you don’t want me to stay with you?” he asks, grinning at me.

  I just laugh and smile.

  “All right. I’ll see you in the morning. Say 8am? Or is that too early?”

  “Eight is fine,” I assure him.

  “Sleep well, my love.” He gives me a quick kiss on the lips and is gone.

  Chapter 5

  As soon as Ryan leaves, I call room service to have them bring up a bottle of wine. I allow myself to have a little pity party and then be completely over it. Thank God it does not take room service long to bring up that bottle of wine. I have a couple glasses and feel depressed but do not cry. Why am I not crying? It seems like I cry over everything lately. Am I so emotionally unattached from Craig that I have already accepted divorce is inevitable? Or am I stronger because Ryan is with me, supporting me?

  I still cannot believe Craig came out here to be with that bitch. Did he think he could be sneaky enough to be with her out here without me knowing? But he had to have known that I would say something about him not coming back to the room. Or is this his way of telling me about him and Annabelle? Either way, it’s Craig’s bad luck that I met Ryan and there is this media blitz following us around. Now it’s out in the open forcing us to deal with it. And deal with it, I am.

  I lay out the facts I have, starting with Craig. I finally have the proof that Craig is cheating on me. There is absolutely no question that our marriage is over. His little act put the nail in the coffin, so to speak. I just have to kick Craig out and get the divorce papers going. Even though Craig is a complete jerk and I am much better off without him, I still am sad to see my marriage ending. Ryan’s observation from earlier was right. I had expected our marriage to last the rest of my life. It is incredibly disappointing that it has not worked out that way.

  Nevertheless, it must end. I will never forgive him for cheating on me. I will never forgive him or ever take him back. Even if he begs me now, his cheating will always be in the back of my mind. He is not going to change his behavior for me. That is obvious. Thus, number one on my list is to call my lawyer and have her get the divorce papers started.

  Ok. It feels good to make some decisions. Bring on the next one.

  Ryan. Sweet, gorgeous, sexy, funny Ryan. What am I going to do about him? There is something special between us. There are definitely some major, spectacular sparks between us. The kiss in the car tonight and here in this room was out of this world. Bu some place in the back of my mind I still wonders if he’s just playing with me; if I am just a distraction while he’s out here in Vegas. I mean really, why would this Hollywood actor be interested in a simpleton like me? I am from the Midwest. I have never been to Los Angeles. I am probably the farthest away from glitz and glamour of his life.

  He does seem serious enough about me right now. Even if he isn’t playing with me, I cannot let him become too significant. Friends, yes. He will just have to settle for being friends. He says he will wait. I wonder how long he is willing to wait. I guess I will have to wait and see if he’s true to his word.

  Two decisions down.

  Lastly, I need to kick Craig out. I can think of two ways to do this. I can go home as scheduled with Craig and deal with kicking him out face-to-face then. Or I can cut my trip short and return home on Friday. Craig will not be home until Saturday, so that will give me time on Friday to get all of Craig’s crap packed up and out of my house. I will see if I can get his friend Marc to take everything for now. That way I will not have to deal with his whining and procrastination with packing his stuff up. Definitely a better idea.

  Feeling better having made a few decisions and locking the deadbolt on the door so Craig can’t get in if he tried, I am able to get some sleep.

  * * *

  I wake early and am in a great mood. I feel like a weight has been lifted off me since I made those difficult decisions last night. And I get to spend time with Ryan today.

  The first thing I do is call the airline to change my flight. Luckily, there are no issues; I am able to get on an early-bird flight tomorrow morning. Next I call my lawyer and ask her to start
the divorce papers, giving her whatever details she asks about. Then I call Taylor.

  “What’s wrong?” she answers.

  “Nothing’s wrong.”

  “It’s pretty early there, isn’t it? You’re sure everything’s ok?” Taylor asks.

  “It is early, but everything is great. I took some time last night to think and made a few decisions. I have a favor to ask.”

  “Ok. Sure, what do you need? Wait. What decisions did you make?”

  Temporarily ignoring Taylor’s question about what decisions, I ask, “Is there any chance you would be able to take the day off tomorrow? I’m hoping you can pick me up from the airport and then…help me pack up Craig’s things from my house.”

  “Woo hoo! Of course I will!” she replies without hesitation. “Did something else happen that made you finally decide to kick him out?”

  This is why I love Taylor. She back me up one hundred percent.

  I tell her about Craig and Annabelle and them talking to the media. I tell her that I finally understand just how much time I’ve wasted on Craig and that I deserve better. She is completely supportive.

  “Good. What time is your flight?”

  “I arrive in Kansas City tomorrow morning around 10:30.”

  “Alright. See you then.”

  That is taken care of. Taylor won’t let me back out now. I am sure she will enjoy kicking Craig out. I start getting ready for the day.

  A little while later, Sarah calls having gotten an update from Taylor. She wants to make sure I am ok and that I’m sure that I want Craig kicked out and get divorced. I tell her I am one hundred percent sure. She totally agrees after I tell her about Craig and Annabelle. I also fill her in on what has been happening with Ryan. She is excited for me and wishes me good luck with him.

  I decide to check if anything more has been reported about me and Ryan, and what Craig talked to them about. I start checking out sites on my iPhone. I am ready for bad press, but to my pleasant surprise, the reports are good. My wish from the day before came true. They make Craig sound like an idiot. He tried to pull the sad story of how I was cheating on him with Ryan. However, Annabelle told another reporter that she and Craig have been seeing each other for about a year.