Bodyguard Dearest (Bodyguard #1)

by Alison Foster

  He’s too strong, too determined. Trying to move him is like trying to move a mountain. His eyes are dark, darker than ever, as they latch onto mine mercilessly. And then he lets go. Just like that. His hands drop back onto his sides, his head falling back onto the pillow.

  I don’t know what takes over me but I throw myself on top of him to close the gap between us. Every inch of me presses against him but it somehow doesn’t feel like enough. So I kiss him, gluing my lips on his, having no fucking clue what I’m doing.

  His lips never part. He catches my face and holds it firmly a few inches away from his. “Hey,” he says. “Cool it down a bit.”

  Oh God, please, don’t let him reject me. I’ll die of shame if he does. It will be an unbearable thing to carry for years to come—the day Tanner Hayes collected me from a small Canadian town and I came on to him like a slut in heat.

  “What do you want, Tris?” he says calmly. “Is this a new trick? You can’t make me change my mind, so stop playing games.”

  What the hell? He thinks I’d kiss him—offer myself to him really—in exchange for something? Like him letting me go? Is his opinion of me so low that he thinks I’d use sex as a weapon?

  “Forget it,” I say. “You think you know me? You know nothing. Not a fucking thing.”

  “Hey,” he says again, this time raising his voice. “Are you telling me you kissed me for real?”

  I look at him defiantly. “I’m done.”

  He looks away. “I’ve vowed never to get involved with a woman again.”

  “Like a monk. Right. More bullshit.”

  “Exactly,” he says with a reluctant nod.

  I don’t know what to say to that. It’s messed up what he just said but I don’t think I want to be involved with Tanner Hayes either… it’s just… well, he’s lying next to me and he’s warm and sexy and I’m lonely and, okay, maybe a little horny, too. More than a little.

  Shit, I honestly don’t know what to tell him. And then I just blurt it out because lord knows I have this tendency to blurt things out around Tanner. “Who said anything about getting involved? My father would kill us both. But he doesn’t have to find out about tonight. Like you said, he doesn’t even know we’re together.”

  He leans back to get a better look at me. “You mean you want to sleep with me?”

  Oh crap, only now that he spells it out do I realize what I’ve done. I lift the blanket to check out the thing in his briefs he joked about earlier. Oh, shit. As advertised. Ouch.

  Well, too late to back out, plus I’m totally curious now. “Yes, and I can see you’re not entirely unwilling yourself,” I say as my hands begin to tremble.

  “Fuck me,” he says, stunned.

  “Yes, I would like to fuck you,” I say, barely able to hold my excited stare on his hungry eyes. “You do remember how?”

  “Don’t say things you don’t mean, Tris. Maybe a good fuck is what you need to get that head of yours straight, but I doubt you’re ready for this.”

  “I’ve slept with men before, you know.”

  “No, you’ve slept with boys. You’ve never been with a real man.”

  “Oh, really?”

  “Yeah, really. Remember, I know everything you do.”

  And there you have it—Tanner Hayes in a nutshell, ruining the moment by reminding me who he really is—the man who’s been shadowing me for years, the man who thinks of me as a problem, the man I love to hate. Has he watched me have sex? Maybe he’s right and I’m not ready for him and the whole idea would lead to more hatred between us.

  I’m about to call it a night when he pulls me close one more time, resting his forehead against mine. “Fuck,” he breathes out, “you’re such a colossal pain, a fucking sweet and delicious pain in my ass.”

  In a second, he rips my flannel shirt off me and I whimper helplessly.

  “Tell me to stop,” he says against my shoulder.

  “Don’t fucking stop,” I say between breaths.

  He digs his teeth into the base of my neck a little, making me yelp with pain and anticipation.

  I pull at his shirt weakly as all resistance abandons me. All I want for Christmas right now is Tanner’s ripped abs pressed against my stomach. I want the brute to devour me, to own me, to set me on fire with immeasurable passion.

  He pulls his shirt off his head and, lord, I’m speechless. I never actually ever saw him totally naked before. I’ve had glimpses of his pecs and abs but looking at the entirety of his sculpted torso is a different matter altogether. The reflection from the flames and Christmas lights on his skin, the hunger in his eyes as he glances at me… too much, it’s all entirely too much.

  Tanner puts a hand behind my head and another behind my waist, laying me down on the bed. He strips me of my sweat pants and underwear and then he lowers himself over me, lips on the side of my neck.

  “You’re fucking beautiful, Tris,” he says as his lips move to my collarbone and then down to my breasts, grazing on the nipple he pinched earlier. “To make it better,” he says.

  I’m just… there are really no words to describe what I feel. I never expected him to be so tender and soft. His lips follow my curves all the way down to my bellybutton and then to my hips. I inhale fast, letting him know I approve.

  He kisses along the length of my thighs, pausing for a moment until I feel some pressure on the inside of my knees as his hand is prying them open. I resist for a single second and then let him spread me.

  The muscled brute works slowly, but doesn’t stop until I’m wide open for him. I know he’s looking down there and it’s enough to make me throb. I want him badly, I’ll never tell him but he’s right, I want him to show me what it’s like to be with a real man, a man who knows what to do without needing instructions.

  I gasp and whimper like crazy when he presses his tongue flat against my wetness. This is going to feel so good, I just know it will.

  “Those sounds,” he says. “You like that, don’t you?”

  I confirm by whimpering louder, pulling my knees up to make more room for him.

  A finger goes inside me, pressing in there, hooking inside of me until it finds the angle it’s been looking for and, OMG, I swear I start seeing stars. What the hell did he just discover in there? Whatever it is, it feels so amazing I never want it to stop.

  I clench and tighten and twist my body. His free hand presses against my inner thigh and then his tongue is on my clit.

  That’s it, it takes seconds to become completely undone by his feverish touch. As he licks and presses slowly but assuredly, I lose control, every muscle in my body contracting, gripped by some primal force deep within in a way I’ve never experienced or imagined.

  I cry out his name as I come hard and fast, my breath taken from me.

  “I’ve never seen a woman come so fast,” he says, chuckling, when my body calms down a bit. “Maybe you do want me.”

  “Fuck you, asshole,” I say, still panting.

  He moves his face upward until he finds my breasts and licks my nipple with the tip of his tongue stained in my juices. I realize his finger is still deep inside me. I clench around his finger before I can stop myself.

  His lips close around my nipple, sucking, making me moan. I can’t believe I’m ready to go again, but I want him so bad right now it almost hurts.

  I throw my arms around his shoulders, pulling his face to mine to kiss him. This time he kisses me back, gasping a little against my lips before he swirls his tongue in my mouth, my taste still on him, and it’s the hottest kiss I’ve ever had, sweet and salty and demanding to be felt.

  My fingers go straight to his boxer briefs. It’s only fair since he’s already ripped everything off me. He holds himself up with one hand, never leaving my eyes as he removes his finger from my depths and pulls the boxers down.

  He’s hard, incredibly hard and long. Epic. My heart pounds all over the place as he drags his hardness against my thigh. I open my legs wider, preparing to take him in, if it�
��s even possible.

  Tanner pushes inside me slowly, giving me plenty of time to adjust. For the life of me, I never thought he’d be that patient, that refined and considerate. Everything he does is to make me feel good and survive.

  It’s like he reads my thoughts. “I’m not a patient man, Tris,” he whispers. “Not usually. But this is not usual. You are not usual. You are spectacular. I need you to believe this.”

  I barely have time to nod before he pushes all the way in, filling me up completely. Beyond completely. He begins thrusting and I cling to him, desperate for him to touch me all over.

  “I’m so little,” I whisper. “Don’t break me.”

  My hips move with his, inviting him to go deeper. He keeps moving, sliding out and slamming back inside faster and harder. I close my eyes but then he catches my jaw, forcing me to open them again.

  “I want you to look at me, Tris,” he growls. “I need you to be present.”

  That fucking growl, so sexy. Tremors and shivers begin to build within me again and I hold onto him tighter. The climax rises and hits me and rushes through me, sending me over the edge one more time.

  He barely gives me a moment to cool down after my orgasm before he pulls out and flips me over onto all fours. He takes me hard like this, one hand gripping my hip, the other hand fisting my hair, pumping faster with each thrust, pushing me forward and then pulling me back to him until an elongated groan escapes his lips. Tanner pulls out again, spraying his hot cum all over my ass and the small of my back and shoulders.

  He collapses on top of me, lips on my neck, and it feels so good, I don’t care that he’s practically crushing me. His total muscle collapse makes me happy.

  I wish we could go back in time and fuck every time we should have been doing this instead of going for each other’s throat. That would have made my bullshit life much easier.

  “Tris,” he says, as he rolls off me to lie on his back.

  “Tanner,” I say, trying to imitate the seriousness in his voice.

  “This can never happen again.”

  I don’t understand. My mind empties. My lips feel dry suddenly. I lick them and then have to fight to swallow down a sob.

  A sob, Tris? Really? Grow the fuck up.

  “Jeez, did you hate it that much?” I say, acting as if it’s all cool.

  “We were both there, Tris. The fact that it was amazing is not a factor. I meant what I said. Getting involved would go against all my principles, both personal and professional.”

  “What makes you think I want to get involved?” I say. “And even if I did, you’d be the worst candidate.”

  “Can’t argue with that.”

  We stay silent. The only sounds in the room are the crackling of the dying fire and a faint buzzing sound coming from the cheap Christmas lights.

  “You said you don’t want to get involved with anyone again,” I say when he turns and gets his feet on the floor. “Does that mean you were involved with someone once?”

  “Not a conversation I’m willing to have,” he says, standing up.

  “Tanner, please, what’s the harm? We’ll never have to talk about it again but I need to know. I don’t even understand why but I do.”

  “You’re one sexy pest,” he says. “There was someone once. She’s gone.”

  It’s as if everything makes sense at once. The way he said gone, it’s clear that she’s dead. I’m such an idiot pushing and pushing to get him to talk.

  “Tanner, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

  Just shut up, Tris. Shut.The.Fuck.Up.

  “It was a long time ago,” he says. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “I think it matters a lot,” I say and immediately regret the words. Of course it matters but I won’t gain anything by keeping this conversation going. Tanner is beyond my reach. He will never be mine and deep down I’ve known it all along.

  He helped me tonight, though; he helped me regain sight of something, a connection to my heart and soul. He let me experience the most sublime pleasures. It’s better to pursue what you want than run away from what you don’t. Can life really be so simple? His sadness is his own and always will be.

  I get it. And I can see now the beauty of having a man to love; a man who will love me back, a man who can share all the joy and sadness. Tanner is my father’s right hand. He is not for me.

  I’ll ease up. I’m not going to fight him anymore. My heart feels his pain. I’ll let him take me back to my life and we’ll never ever speak of what happened between us tonight.

  Chapter 8

  Tanner

  It’s Christmas Eve. The Kanes and their guests are gathered in the large sitting room after their dinner, dressed in fancy suits and dresses like they’re going to the opera. I enter the premises for the first time tonight as I specifically decided to take over the outside watch, leaving the inside to Derek.

  I pace up and down the hallway, stealing glances at the sitting room, trying to locate Tris. I’ve stayed clear of her since we came back two days ago which was the best choice for everyone, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to know how she’s holding up.

  That girl’s head can always take a wrong turn. I want to make sure I’m there when that happens to get her right back on track before she self-destructs.

  She’s beautiful, bighearted and clever but her father’s shadow will always loom. Maybe when he dies, she’ll finally be free. Until then, I’ll make sure she stays sane and safe.

  Having sex with her was a wrong move, a mistake that could ignite into a fiery cluster if it ever got out. I messed up. I let her peek inside my human side and she knew exactly how to take advantage of that, how to break me down. If it was another of the men who did that, I’d have bashed their head in. I’m a fucking hypocrite but what’s done is done.

  Damage control is all that’s left.

  Jordan Kane gets up to make a toast in the midst of an ocean of applause and laughter. I get a little bit closer to the sitting room entrance, thinking I can risk it since everyone will be focused on Kane.

  I don’t blame Tris for feeling trapped in this world of fake adulation and greed. I wouldn’t want her any other way. I admire her fierceness and her struggle for independence but, unlike her, I am not naïve enough to think it will lead to any good.

  Her mother and three sisters, they have accepted the nature of this life. They are all hanging from Kane’s words right now, excited smiles on their faces. Acceptance is the first step to happiness. Also the first step to lowering your defenses and losing your identity.

  Where is Tris? She better not be trying to escape through a bathroom window again? The thought she could pull this off a second time is preposterous, yet, I begin to feel uneasy and stretch my neck a bit more.

  I find her sitting by herself at the bar with a drink in her hand. She looks like a vision in her long lilac dress, her brown hair pulled up into a stylish bun. She puts her hand in front of her mouth to hide a yawn.

  That’s my girl, I mutter to myself as if all was right with the world again.

  “Tanner, come on over here, my good fellow.”

  Oh fuck, Mr. Kane has spotted me. I walk into the sitting room, looking straight at Kane and no one else. “Sir,” I say with my most grim face.

  “Oh, for pity’s sake, man! It’s Christmas. Come and join us.” He turns to his audience, pointing at me. “This is Tanner Hayes as I’m sure you all know. He keeps the wheels spinning in my business and at home. The Kane family wouldn’t be the same without him.”

  Another round of applause, this time for me. It makes my stomach turn. Her eyes are on my back, I can sense it. Suddenly, I feel like an asshole for not having the decency to talk to her all these days. It might be better this way. Better if she goes back to her usual disdain for my existence.

  A server offers me a drink. I don’t drink much anymore, certainly not while on the job, but Kane raises his glass, urging me to do the same. I gulp down whatever’s in that glass and retreat to th
e hall opposite the bar where Tris still sits.

  My muscles are stiff as hell and it shows as I lean against the wall with my shoulders raised. I throw a sideways glance at Tris. I feel like a high school punk with a crush. She’s looking at her drink, refusing to acknowledge my presence. Again, it’s for the best.

  Whatever speech Kane was giving, it comes to an end. I specifically block my ears from the inside when he speaks in public. If I pay close attention to his bullshit, I might start thinking about what I’m doing and that’s not the job. I can’t afford to do that.

  “And now my beautiful daughters will sing for you,” Kane says as Margot, Elsie and Alice join him. Kane places a kiss on each girl’s lips and then turns his attention to Tris. The motherfucker lives to put on shows. “Trista, you too, honey, come on up.”

  Something tells me not to look at her but I can’t help it. She seems so small and lonely in the big sitting room. She shakes her head at her father’s suggestion. “Not me, daddy,” she says. “You know that I don’t sing. I croak.”

  The room giggles a little in unison at her words but Kane won’t have it. “What are you talking about? You have a beautiful voice. An angel’s voice. Come join us.”

  Her cheeks blush a little as she fights to escape the moment. “I’m sorry, Daddy. I can’t.”

  “Yes, you can. I won’t take no for an answer.”

  Why is he pushing her like that? He knows she’s not one to take orders calmly. Fuck him and his arrogance and his need to control people.

  “I won’t do it,” Tris says, squeezing the fragile glass so hard, it breaks in her hand. Fuck, she’s cut. Red streaks form on her palm, running down to her fingers, but she won’t let go of the broken glass pieces she’s still holding.

  “You stupid girl,” Kane yells, walking towards her. “Why do you have to be so disagreeable? Why spoil everyone’s fun? What have you done there?”

  I walk fast to intercept him from reaching her first. Standing between the two of them, I’m counting options in my head.