by Amy Lignor
"Yes, actually, it is."
The look aimed at me reminded me so much of Amber at that moment, I practically laughed out loud. I remembered her in the car as Nicole almost sent us all to an early grave by zipping through midtown traffic at the speed of light. I had been trying to convince Beth that no matter how long we'd known each other we would work, as long as she loved me. Little Amber had piped up and, in the most simplistic manner, told 'Star' that I was right. We had all we needed if we loved each other, so why mess it up by creating worries that weren't even there? Why make it harder on ourselves than it really was?
"Look, I just have one last thing to say and then I'll leave the subject alone forever. I promise," Chance said.
I looked up at him.
"Hypothetically, say you get over Beth in a few—from the look in your eyes I'm going to say years with this one. Then you run across a lady, get to know her and she has, say…eighty percent of what you're looking for in a wife. She's not perfect, but then again neither are you." He grinned.
"So you ask her to marry you, you have kids, you keep the career, and have a reasonably nice marriage. You love her in that normal way and she loves you back."
I stayed silent, already hating this scenario.
"Kids grow up and leave home. You go to New York to star as…I don't know…Shylock in The Merchant of Venice. You know some old, weathered guy. You win your 19th Tony and become the Meryl Streep of Broadway."
I grinned.
"You're walking down the sidewalk, and out of the New York Public Library doors comes Beth Carrier. She's just been at the signing of her thousandth book. You look at each other, exchange pleasantries and you notice the big honkin' diamond on her finger and it hits you—a man has been with your soulmate every single day of his life.
My stomach tightened.
"He sleeps with her."
A shot of anger raced through me.
"She has other children by this man."
I wanted to punch his face in.
"Do you walk away saying, 'Well, it was all for the best. We both got what we wanted.' Or, do you cry your eyes out knowing that you had that woman and ruined it because you were scared of something that would've very easily worked out and would have given you the best life a man could possibly have?" Chance sat back in his chair, his voice grew louder. "Even if you were old and gray and ready for the home, you would most likely call Dr. Kevorkian's grandson to help you end it all—and you know it!" He took a deep breath. "Life shouldn't be good enough, Matt, it should be spectacular! It should make Heaven look like nothing more than a well-decorated truck stop."
Putting the cup down on the coffee table, I nodded at him. "Thanks."
"Welcome," Chance replied. "Heading back to The Big Apple?"
"Yup. Never should've left in the first place."
My cell phone rang; my agent was calling just in time to hear my new plans so he'd be even more pissed off. "Randy, look, there's something I have to do."
"Just got a call about that charity event you did last week."
My heart began to beat hard in my chest. "What about it?"
"Looks like the piece you did is part of a full script. The backing is there, the venue is picked and Father is coming to Broadway. They want you to star."
"Are you sure?" I wondered how on earth this could be real. I mean, after the ridiculous loser I'd been I assumed Beth would've ditched that idea as quick as possible.
"Positive. Came from the writer's agent. Apparently she's a big enough name where the backers granted her leeway on this one. She picked you, pal. I've read over the contract details and this is a hugely sweet deal. And, it won't mess up your time elsewhere. Interested?"
Interested? I was elated. It had come from her. "Of course I'm interested. I want it."
"This isn't a musical."
I smiled. "I know. It's the best thing I've ever read."
"I agree."
"Look, I'm heading back to New York today. I can sign contracts there?" I swallowed hard, not even wanting to think about what Nicole would rip off my body the second she saw me. "With the writer's agent?"
"But your other things…the premiere?"
"Is next week. We're all good."
"What about the album?"
"Oh, I've got the album." I smiled to myself. The work may not be done, but the songs had been written and ingrained in my soul. I was miles ahead of where I thought I'd be by now.
"Okay."
Chance stood up and I gave him that hug—the hug that seriously was meant from the heart. Yet again, he'd said the thing I needed to hear. "Thanks, man."
"Anytime." He grinned. "By the way, does she have a sister? A twin, maybe?"
I laughed. "Her sister is married with kids." .
"How about a cousin who closely resembles her?"
"I'll see what I can do."
"Cool!"
Thirty-Nine
~ Hers ~
"Nicole, why is it again that you keep this office the same temperature as the Yukon? Damn, it's cold in here!" I felt as if a polar bear was about to appear from the bathroom just to say, 'Hey.'
"Its summertime," my agent replied, rolling her eyes.
"It's May! Not exactly steam heat out there yet." I sighed, staring at the glass desk in front of me. I swear there was condensation dripping down the legs, and I could see my breath in front of me. This office was like winter in Connecticut. "What did you need? And why are we not sitting in some nice restaurant talking about it instead of smack dab in the middle of the Arctic Circle?"
Nicole sat back in the brown leather chair; her petite form looked as if it was being swallowed by a grizzly. "I wanted to let you know I followed directions." She sighed. "I sent asshole's agent the contract when you were in London."
I nodded, remaining silent.
"He called and said dumbass very much wants the part and he'll be signing the contract tomorrow morning."
"Good."
Nicole slammed her hand on the desk.
"I wouldn't do that, its glass," I muttered.
"I can't BELIEVE you're giving butt-munch the role after…everything."
I stood up quickly, leaving behind my cup of coffee that'd been hot just a minute ago before turning into a clumpy mess, and walked around the pristine, icy area. I sighed. "I told you that the role was Matt's before…everything. Stop being so pissed off for crissakes. He didn't do anything wrong."
Her black eyes looked as if they were going to pop out of her head at any second. "He asked you to marry him and then took it BACK! How much more wrong could the guy be?"
"Nicole!" My anger, thankfully, began bubbling up to the surface to keep me warm. "Matt had every right to change his mind after I decided to adopt Amber. I let him change his mind. I had absolutely no right to ask him to stand by his proposal, which he probably would've done because he's too damn chivalrous for his own good."
"And he should have!"
"Nic! Enough!" I shouted. "Do you honestly think I want someone to marry me who doesn't actually want to? Have someone marry me because they feel they should and not because it's what they want? Oh, yeah. That'd be a fabulous relationship. He's not ready, Nicole."
"Bastard was ready enough to buy a RING!"
"For someone to do something out of responsibility…how long do you think that marriage would last?"
Nicole crossed her hands over her chest. "After seven years you'd get half his shit, and he'd deserve to LOSE it!"
"Oh, my God." I was completely exhausted. "I already have money, Nicole."
"Who cares? Little slimebag doesn't deserve a thing. And then on TOP of it, you're giving him a job that literally puts a Tony in his pocket!"
"Are we done?" I asked. "Is that all you needed to talk to me about? Just complaining, yelling and calling Matt a thousand names?"
She sighed heavily, as I slowly watched the angry agent disappear and be replaced with the friend who seriously wanted nothing more than to see me happy. "How'
s Amber?"
I smiled wide. "She's good. The papers will be signed next month…you know how long lawyers take." I rolled my eyes. "But I get to take her home tonight."
"Here? Or, will you head back to Connecticut?"
"We'll stay here. She loves the city. We'll go to some shows, have a ball—summer just started, after all. AND I'm caught up on the books." I winked.
"Well, I've been fielding things, but you WILL have a huge book tour coming up, lots of interviews about good, old Lily Stone."
I nodded. "No big deal. I'll figure it all out. The fans don't seem to care about the Lily Stone thing, anyway. The books are still selling, and the tabloids will have a tough time finding anything even remotely interesting to write about me. And me adopting a child isn't really a big deal in this day and age."
"True." Nic continued, "How's Bobby?"
"Good." My smile remained. "He and Chris will be at Amber's 'homecoming party' tonight and then they fly out tomorrow. They're going west for a bit because Chris wants to introduce Bobby to his friends and family. I personally think he wants to see if Bobby can adapt to Hollywood."
"I'm sure he can. They seem happy."
"They are."
"What if he leaves you?"
I started to laugh. "Bobby has his own life, my dear. And I am so happy he's found someone to start it with. You'll be the only one who has tough times ahead when Bobby leaves because you know I'll just forget stuff." I grinned. "You and I both know he's the brains of this outfit."
Her smile was imperceptible. "It's probably good you're here." Nicole looked down at her desk. "I mean, in L.A., under different circumstances, the headlines may have been bigger."
I took a deep breath. "Everything worked out the way it was supposed to, so we don't need to worry about any Hollywood hook-ups." I looked into the black eyes that were filled with emotion. "Let's just let it go."
"Do you love him?" she whispered.
Walking to the door, I practically jumped at the feel of the cold steel doorknob in my hand. I looked up at the ceiling. "Let's just let it go."
~***~
Walking from the building and into that nice warm sunshine, I immediately felt better. There was just one organ, unfortunately, that the lovely New York breeze could not defrost.
Heading back to the apartment I went about decorating the rooms. Then, on to the creation of chocolate chip cookies and finishing the work on Amber's new bedroom. Bobby hadn't minded. His space now looked as if it housed the Diva Extraordinaire. From Broadway posters to microphones I had done it all, hoping that Amber would be absolutely thrilled when she saw it.
It should probably have been scary to know that tomorrow I would begin my life as a Mom. But, oddly enough, I was more at peace than I'd ever been. To me, I'd been Amber's mom for a while now, and the love I had inside me made me feel like I would be pretty good at the job. Sure, there would be hard stuff, but as my own mom once said—'you just don't worry about it, make it up as you go.'
No. I didn't think about Matt. Okay…well, I did. But I knew he did what he had to do, just like I had. Free will is one of those real pains in the butt things, but we're all given that gift, and I knew Matt was looking at a stunning future. He would have an even bigger life than he had now, and someday he'd be ready for the whole enchilada. But even I knew there just wasn't room in his life for a mother/daughter team that he'd never expected.
When I think about it, there was only one thing that made me angry. I was a firm believer in 'the one,' and now that I'd met him…and lost him…I actually knew for a fact that I would be alone. But, thankfully, being a writer and a mom would be enough; it would certainly keep me busy to say the least.
I wasn't being maudlin; I really did feel that way. I really had found the one, and he would always be the yardstick that any other would be measured against.
And, because Matt was Matt, the rest would never measure up.
Forty
~ His ~
When I stepped off the elevator the first thing I heard was music. My favorite song was coming from behind the door that held everything I knew I wanted.
Taking a deep breath, I rang the bell, hearing the small, familiar voice inside shout out that the pizza man had finally arrived. I couldn't help but laugh, listening to that Diva tone coming from behind the wood barrier.
When the door was flung aside, I stared down at that face—a face that was completely different since the last time I'd laid eyes on it. Gone was the pain, tears, sadness and shock. In their place was pure bliss.
Amber's eyes grew wide. "MATT!"
I dropped my bag as I caught her in my arms, feeling as if I just somehow won the lottery. I mean, honestly, I hadn't felt this enchanted since the first time I'd stood onstage and received the applause of absolute strangers.
I kissed her on the cheek and held her tight. "Hey, little lady. Is it your birthday?"
She leaned back in my arms. Her blue eyes were filled with excitement. "No. This is my welcoming home party."
"Oh, yeah?" I smiled. "That sounds cool."
"You're staying." Amber issued her command.
"If you want me to, I will." Putting her down, I walked in behind the racing figure who was now screaming out my name.
Taking another deep breath, the first face I saw was Nicole's; her angry grimace held absolutely no welcome whatsoever. Swallowing hard, I nodded, knowing that I deserved any barbs she wanted to throw at me.
Instead, she simply turned around and walked into the far bedroom, leaving me to shake Ken's hand and head to Chris.
Chris's gaze was a bit different. His smile was there and he gave me a hug, as always, welcoming me back into his circle of life. But the eyes were a bit wary. It almost felt like Chris was stuck in the middle of a choice—like a Southerner during the Civil War who lived, worked and loved his life in the North, but had to make the dreadful decision to leave his new friends behind out of loyalty to an old one.
"Not a problem," I said. I let him off the hook, knowing that Chris had formed an incredible bond with Beth and Amber, and was completely loyal to his true love.
I turned to Bobby who shook my hand. "What are you doing back here?" His voice wasn't unfriendly.
Although the next voice was. "Yes. What ARE you doing back here?" Nicole practically spit her words in my face.
"I'm supposed to sign a contract for the play."
"They have these things called fax machines nowadays," she barked.
I nodded. "I need to speak with Beth."
Nicole's hands were on her hips instantly. "She ran to get more ice cream for her DAUGHTER. We'll let her know you stopped by to thank her for her IMMENSE generosity in giving YOU the role. Of course, it's not really a shock, Beth stands by HER promises."
"Nicole, enough!" Bobby's voice was soft but strong, as he looked over in the corner. Amber had run into her new bedroom and he was obviously making sure that the grown-up's words were not being overheard by the happy child who was enjoying the one day she'd been dreaming of since birth.
I looked at him. "I really need to speak to her."
He nodded. "She'll be back in a second. But maybe you should wait for her in the hall." Bobby glanced at Amber's door.
"Absolutely," I agreed.
The door swung open. "This is New York City and I could NOT find Rocky Road to save my life."
My heart jumped at the one voice I could not get out of my head. Beth walked in smiling, and once again I was mesmerized.
I swallowed hard, forcing myself to exhale as she turned in my direction. Her eyes locked on mine and—oddly enough—she sent me a smile. This reaction should've caused me to jump for joy, yet the smile was one of friendship. She actually reminded me of me at that moment. A welcoming gaze…pleasant—the same mask I wore when staring at the cameras and saying the lines I'd memorized to get me through the endless interviews where I was asked the same questions over and over again.
"Mommy!" Amber raced around the corner.
Amber laughed. Placing a small hand on her hip, mimicking Nicole, she gave a frustrated sigh. "The pizza man is STILL not here." She grinned. "But Matt came!"
"I see that." Beth nodded. "That's nice of him to come all this way to welcome you home."
She nodded fiercely. Running around the table she grabbed my hand. "Come see my new room!"
"I can't wait!" I knelt down before her. "But first I need to talk to Beth for a second, okay?"
The little girl rolled her eyes and leaned in to whisper in my ear, "Her name's Mommy."
My heart fluttered in my chest. "Oh, that's right." I pinched her chin. "Thanks for reminding me."
"Come my little babushka," Chris said, taking Amber's hand. "I am in the mood to belt one out and disturb all the neighbors."
Amber laughed, as she pulled Chris into the bedroom behind her and slammed the door.
Nicole took her jacket off the chair and looked at Beth. "Ken and I are going to take a brief walk while that duo gets their Diva on." She kissed Beth on the cheek, and I saw her whisper in her ear.
I could barely breathe, wondering if Beth had already decided that I was nothing more than a memory to be filed under 'loser.'
~ Hers ~
"I didn't curse the SOB out, but I want to."
I tried not to laugh as Nicole whispered her words in my ear. "I still think he should be castrated."
I patted her on the shoulder. "It's okay. I'm sure he just wanted to say thank you. Besides, I think castration is illegal."
"Bullshit." Her voice rose a bit and her cheeks flushed. "Castration might be just the thing to help him further his career. He could go from a tenor to a soprano in one shot."
"Ken." I looked at the large man standing behind her.
Tipping his hat, he wrapped his arm around Nicole's waist, lifted her up and carried her out the door.
I stared at Bobby. He remained quiet, as if waiting for one word from me that would have him transform into Thor and shove a hammer through Matt's skull.