He laid the envelope on the kitchen table while he reached in the fridge for a bottle of water. After a long swig, he wiped his mouth on the back of his hand and picked up the envelope. The news inside could either make or break his decision about the future.
In one swift movement, he ripped it open and shook out the paper containing his final marks. A relieved sigh escaped him. Thank you, Lord. He’d passed all his courses, which meant the degree was his. He’d earned the right to those letters after his name. Surely this was a sign from God that he was on the right track with his career.
A sudden crash from the front of the house drew his attention. Loud footsteps clattered down the hallway. He let out a low groan. One dose of Maxi a day was enough.
Nick poked his head out of the kitchen, startled to see Lily storming toward him. The red of her shirt blazed as fiery as her eyes. Her dark hair streamed out behind her in a mass of unruly curls. Despite the fact that she looked less than pleased to see him, pure pleasure flooded his system.
She marched up and poked a finger in his chest. “I want to know what’s going on with you, Nick Logan.”
Instead of answering, he followed his instincts and pulled her against him, claiming her mouth in a sweet kiss. The moment she melted against him, his heart soared. He deepened the kiss, relishing the heady scent of her perfume, until she suddenly stiffened. With a jerk, she ripped out of his arms and pushed him back.
“Don’t think a kiss will make everything better, because it won’t.”
The hard edge of the table pressed into his thigh, and he shot out a hand to steady himself. The vibration of her anger pulsed between them. “I’m sorry. That’s not what I intended.”
She crossed her arms in front of her, cheeks flushed. “I think I deserve an explanation.”
He reached down to rub his leg. “Yes, you do. Can I get you something to drink first?”
“No, thank you.” She scowled at him, her expression thunderous.
He longed to reach out and smooth away the lines creasing her brow but knew his touch would not be welcome yet. His aching thigh attested to that fact. “I was about to come and see you. After I showered, that is.” He looked down at his dirty jeans and shrugged. “So much for good impressions.”
“I don’t care about that,” she snapped. “I want to know why you’ve been avoiding me.”
He pulled out a chair. “Why don’t we sit down?”
“I prefer to stand.”
“Then I’ll sit.” Bone tired after ten hours of physical labor, he sank onto the chair, moving the paper with his marks discreetly under a magazine.
He raised weary eyes to hers and took a moment to form his thoughts. “I’m sorry I’ve been so distant lately. I needed time to do some serious thinking, and I couldn’t afford any distractions.”
The drip of his kitchen tap matched the beat of her toe tapping against the linoleum. “Thinking about what?”
He couldn’t tell her about Ted’s ultimatum. Too much pressure on both of them. “About my priorities. About where my life is headed and where you fit in. A few minor things like that.”
A flicker of emotion passed over her face. She moved to lean against the kitchen counter, arms folded in front of her like a shield. “Come to any conclusions?”
Her flippant tone didn’t match the nervous gestures he’d come to know—fingering her necklace, licking her lips, the tiny nerve dancing in her jaw.
He pushed up from the table and walked over to place gentle hands on her shoulders. Apprehension appeared in the depths of her brown eyes. A man could happily drown in those depths. He stifled an inward sigh. This wasn’t how he’d planned to tell her, but fate had forced his hand.
Her nerves kept his own steady as he looked deep into her eyes. “I came to the conclusion,” he said, “that for better or worse, I am hopelessly in love with you and want you in my life on a permanent basis.”
Both pleasure and fear skittered across her features in equal measure. Then her bottom lip began to quiver. She bit down on it, but the tremors didn’t stop. He felt the vibrations all the way down his own arms.
The sight of tears welling in her eyes undid him. He pulled her against his chest and held her tight, relieved when her arms came around him to clutch the back of his shirt. Great sobs racked her slim frame. Nick’s gut clenched at the sound. “Don’t cry, Lily. Please.”
He murmured soothing words and pressed light kisses to the top of her head. Her hair teased his nose with the scent of ripe strawberries. “I didn’t mean to upset you,” he whispered.
She sniffed, swiped a hand over her cheeks, and stepped away from him. A moment of sheer panic hit as he looked into her solemn face. What if she didn’t return his feelings?
“You shouldn’t love me,” she said at last. “I don’t deserve it.”
He brushed a knuckle down her cheek. “One of these days, you’re going to believe that you’re not a terrible person. That you’re actually very lovable, and even if you can’t accept it yet, that God loves you, no matter how unworthy you think you are.”
She didn’t smile like he’d hoped. “No one except my mother has ever loved me,” she whispered.
Compassion overwhelmed him at the misery in her eyes. “My beautiful Lily.” He reached out to cup her face in his hands. “It may not make up for the past, but I do love you. So much so, you’ve got me tied up in knots.” In more ways than she knew.
Tears hovered on the brink of her lower lashes. “The problem is…I think I love you, too.”
His heart somersaulted in his chest as joy warred with confusion. “Why is that a problem?”
She shook her head. “Because it won’t work. I’m not cut out to be a minister’s wife. I’ll just ruin your life.”
“No, you won’t.” He drew her closer and kissed her again, pouring all his love into the joining of their lips. Before things got out of control, he took a reluctant step back, and brushed a curl off her cheek. “Does this mean I’m forgiven?”
A slight smile hovered on her lips. “For now.”
“So generous of you.”
Her soft laugh filled his soul with joy. Maybe, with God’s divine guidance and the hope that Lily’s heart would warm toward God again, they could make this relationship work after all.
23
Seated beside Nick, Maxi, and Sonia Martin in Chloe’s high school auditorium, Lily waited for the graduation ceremony to begin. As nervous and proud as a parent, she crossed her knees and jiggled on the uncomfortable folding chair.
Nick reached over to still her fingers tapping a frantic beat on her purse. “Would you stop moving for two seconds? You’re making me nervous.”
“Sorry.” She entwined her fingers through his, relishing the roughness of his skin, as well as the warmth that radiated from him. He looked so handsome in his dark suit and tie, with his blond locks combed back from his forehead, showcasing the blueness of his eyes.
She still couldn’t believe he loved her. In the week since his admission, the panicky feeling had lessened, and now when she thought about his declaration, a glow of happiness warmed her.
Nick Logan, a thoughtful, kind, caring man, loved her.
She’d even told Nick about her conversation with his aunt. He’d been worried, but relieved, that his aunt now knew Lily’s true identity and that Lily had promised Sonia not to tell Chloe.
Lily glanced at Nick and smiled, her stomach doing a slow flip at the love shining in his eyes. She wasn’t sure how it had come about or how long it would last, but she was in love, and she planned to drink in each precious moment.
Maybe God wasn’t out to punish her after all. Maybe He figured it was time she got a break in life. Gratitude filled her at the thought, and she whispered an inner prayer of thanks.
The music started, forcing everyone to their feet as the graduates began their procession. A lump rose in Lily’s throat at all the fresh faces in their blue caps and gowns. These kids had their whole futures ahead of the
m.
Unable to bear her father’s hypocritical face pretending to be proud of her, she hadn’t even attended her own high school graduation. Instead she’d gone carousing with a group of wild friends and come home in the wee hours of the morning. Firmly, she pushed those dark memories back into storage and watched for Chloe.
Lily caught sight of her sister walking in proud procession with her classmates and snapped precious memories with her cell phone camera. Nick placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder, and she reached up to squeeze it, grateful to be able to share this special moment with him.
The ceremony, though tedious in parts, ended quickly. After many hugs and pictures, Nick, Lily, and Maxi accompanied the Martins back to the house, where a small reception awaited. Sonia’s friends had come over to put out the sandwiches, punch, and the huge cake Sonia had ordered.
Without the daunting presence of Reverend Baker, Sarah Jane, or Mike Hillier, Lily actually managed to relax and enjoy herself.
Until Chloe called the guests together in the living room for an announcement.
Lily looked at Nick. “Any idea what this is about?”
He shook his head. “None.”
Lily rolled her shoulders to dispel her sudden anxiety and concentrated on Chloe. She looked so pretty in her pink dress and matching shoes—like a fairy princess come to life.
“I want to thank everyone for coming,” Chloe said when they’d gathered, “and for all the cards, gifts, and good wishes. It means a lot to have you all here to share this wonderful occasion with me.”
A murmur of appreciation went through the group.
“I especially want to thank my mother for everything. She’s always been there for me, no matter what.”
Beside her, Sonia raised a tissue to her eyes, blushing under the praise.
“And my cousin, Nick, who’s been like a big brother to me. Thank you for all your support.”
A film of tears shone in Nick’s eyes, and his Adam’s apple bobbed. Lily squeezed his hand.
“I also want to give special thanks to my friend, Lily.”
When all heads turned toward her, Lily gulped. Nick tightened his arm around her shoulder.
“Without her, I would never have passed my math course and wouldn’t have been able to graduate. I owe my success to her.”
Lily’s face burned as everyone clapped and whistled, until Chloe motioned for silence. “Which brings me to my announcement.”
Judging by her beaming face, it couldn’t be anything bad. Yet Lily rubbed her neck to ease the cord of tension, coiled and ready to spring.
“Not many people know that I applied to two culinary schools last winter. Yesterday in the mail, I received a full scholarship to the best school in New York City.”
Everyone cheered. Nick hugged Lily hard. Relief swept over her, weakening her knees. This was good news for Chloe. She’d gotten into the school of her dreams.
“The other surprise is that I received early acceptance, which means I’m entered in the summer program.” Chloe took a deep breath. “So I’ll be leaving for New York on Monday.”
The air whooshed out of Lily’s lungs. She froze amid the chorus of congratulations. Chloe was leaving on Monday? Only two days away.
Panic snaked through her system like an insidious vine. Her carefully laid plan was crumbling before her eyes. She needed time to think. She needed oxygen.
“Excuse me,” she whispered to Nick, and turned to push her way through the group of people and out the front door. She stumbled down the stairs on shaky legs, gulping in the fresh air.
Get it together, Lily. You can’t fall apart now. She paced up and down the lawn, waiting for a measure of calm to return.
“Hey, you OK?” Nick’s face mirrored concern as he came down the steps.
She pushed the hair off her forehead. “Yeah. Just a bit of a shock.”
He joined her on the lawn, still looking puzzled. “But it’s great news. A full scholarship is nothing to sneeze at.”
“Of course, and I’m happy for her.” She paused. “I just thought I’d have more time.”
The evening air held a chill. Lily rubbed her hands up and down the satiny sleeves of her blouse for warmth. Her mind raced with a million thoughts. She had no choice now. She’d have to tell Chloe the truth before she left on Monday.
Nick studied her, a strange expression on his face. “You’re not thinking what I think you’re thinking, are you?”
Lily couldn’t quite meet his eyes. “What do you mean?”
“You’re not thinking of telling her about your connection?” His voice rumbled with a hint of warning.
She opened her mouth to deny it, but the lie stuck in her throat. She owed him honesty, even at the risk of his displeasure. “I can’t let her go without knowing, Nick. I just can’t.”
He stared at her, open-mouthed. “I don’t believe this. You promised me, Lily. That day at Rainbow Falls.”
The pain and fear in his eyes tore at her soul. “I promised not to say anything yet. I always planned to tell her before she left for college. I just didn’t expect it to be this soon.”
Nick’s expression darkened. “So my aunt’s health means nothing to you. You don’t care that this will probably kill her.”
Lily squeezed her shaking hands together. “You’re exaggerating.”
“Are you willing to take that chance? Because I’m not.” Nick stepped forward and gripped Lily’s arms. “You don’t have to do this. Chloe cares about you. She’ll keep in touch. And you can visit her in New York.”
Lily shook her head sadly. “Friendships don’t last when people move away. Especially one so new. If Chloe knows I’m her sister, it will change everything.”
Nick dropped his hands as if he couldn’t bear to touch her. “Did you ever stop to consider what this revelation will do to her? You’ll turn her world upside down.”
She lifted her chin. “Chloe deserves to know the truth. Trust me, it’s no fun finding out you’ve been living a lie your whole life, no matter how well-intentioned the deception.”
Nick threw out his arms. “This is coming seventeen years too late. We can’t change what my aunt and uncle decided back then. Chloe will be furious at her mother for keeping this from her. Aunt Sonia will never survive that.”
With nothing to offer that would help the situation, Lily remained silent.
Nick raked his hands through his hair as he paced. At last he stopped and faced her again. “When you really love someone, their happiness becomes more important than your own. You put their best interests first. This is your chance to do the right thing, Lily. Think of Chloe and Aunt Sonia. Put them first.”
His eyes beseeched her, tearing the scabs off her scarred heart, re-opening old wounds.
Guilt. Always more guilt. She’d had enough from her father to last a lifetime. Her conflicted emotions beat a painful pulse at her temples. “No one has ever put my needs first, Nick. Now, I’m going to do what I have to do. For me.”
He stared at her, disappointment etched in the lines on his face. She turned away as the energy drained out of her like a leaky tire gone flat. She couldn’t face going back inside but didn’t want to ruin the rest of her sister’s big night. “Tell Chloe I had a headache. I’ll call her tomorrow.”
When he didn’t answer, she headed to her car without looking back, unwilling to watch Nick’s love die before her very eyes.
24
The next morning, Lily picked at her piece of toast and barely sipped her coffee. She should be at church, but in light of her falling out with Nick, and her confusion over the situation with Chloe, she couldn’t face it. She needed the next twenty-four hours to make up her mind.
Never had she felt so tormented by a decision. Her strong feelings for Nick, as well as her concern for Sonia Martin’s health, urged her to remain silent, but she could not give up her goal of claiming her sister. The past thirteen years since her mother’s death had been a living nightmare. Yet she’d survi
ved it all—every painful incident.
And over these past few months, she’d found a shred of hope to cling to at last. But now her one living blood relative was about to walk out of her life. Didn’t she deserve this small piece of happiness?
She sighed, thinking longingly of Nick. If he loved her so much, why couldn’t he put her happiness ahead of his aunt’s and cousin’s? Chloe would get used to the reality of her true identity soon enough. She might be upset with Sonia for a short time, but Chloe had much too generous of a nature to hold a grudge for long. In the meantime, she and Chloe could bond as sisters. If only Nick could understand how much she needed this.
Nevertheless, Lily could understand Nick’s point of view. Why couldn’t she wait until a better time to tell Chloe? But who knew how long that would take? By then, Chloe might have forgotten all about her. Found new friends, a boyfriend, a whole new life that Lily might not fit into.
No, she couldn’t risk it.
Lily got up, threw her toast in the trash, and sought solace in her artwork, hoping the answer to her dilemma would become clear. This time, however, dabbing colors on a blank canvas did little to quiet her mind. Her thoughts returned over and over again to Nick and Chloe. Frustrated, she cleaned her brushes and packed away her supplies.
With nothing left to lose, Lily turned to the only source of comfort she hadn’t tried. She sat in the middle of her bed, closed her eyes and began to pray.
Lord, I haven’t done this in a very long time, but I’m asking for Your help now. I’m trying to understand why You would let me find Chloe only to have her slip out of my life so soon. Is it wrong to want to acknowledge her as my sister? Am I being totally selfish? Please help me make the right decision. Amen.
When Lily opened her eyes, the room appeared the same. No magic solution came to mind. Still, it felt good to be able to pray again. To believe someone or something could be on her side.
A loud rapping on her front door startled Lily from her thoughts. Her heart picked up speed as hope poured through her. Was Nick here to work things out? When she looked at her watch, hope turned to disappointment. No, Nick would still be in church.
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