Alexandra wished she could retrieve her words. She said too much and now the lie could dissolve under the judging stare of the padre.
“Moving on?” Padre Hernon asked. “Where do you go?”
From the other side of the witness stand, Alexandra enjoyed the rush she felt when she caught someone in a lie. It made her job so much easier. Now, she was the witness. Committed to this course, she spun a scarf of lies to wrap around her blunder.
“Yes,” Alexandra said as she strained to keep her voice even and her face calm. “I’m going home to San Antonio, to see what’s left.”
Padre Hernon raised an eyebrow and said, “Why did you not do that first? San Antonio is close to Mexico. Not so close to Brasilia.”
“We came here for Santino,” Alexandra said, clinging to her lie like a life raft. “I have no family in San Antonio. I can wait.”
Padre Hernon studied her for a few moments and said, “That is very generous to help a friend so far.”
“We’re only doing what we can,” she said.
“You have more friends with you, yes?” Padre Hernon said.
Alexandra realized the padre was setting her up, a lawyer’s tactic.
“Yes,” she said. “An American girl and two more friends of mine.”
“I hear,” Padre Hernon said, “that some of your friends are sick? They look sick?”
“They aren’t sick,” Alexandra said. She realized she had to be careful with her words. “Just weary from a long trip.”
“I see.” After a few more uncomfortable moments, Padre Hernon said, “Well Alejandra, I have more meetings today. Stay in the hotel as long as you want. Be safe, follow God’s law, and may God be with you.”
“And also with you,” Alexandra said, recalling the rote from her church days.
Once outside the cathedral, she exhaled and put her hands on her knees.
“Yeah,” Benjamin said, “he was a tough little nut.”
Though Alexandra didn’t think Padre Hernon bought her whole story, she hoped she misled him enough to leave her group alone.
“Just don’t tell Koneh what happened,” she said. “I don’t want to have to defend myself twice today.”
“No problem.”
After Alexandra survived another training session with Koneh, everyone ate dinner in her room. Santino cradled Delia while the baby slept. Benjamin and Nicole shared an oversized chair. Erzulie sat next to Alexandra on the floor. Koneh paid equal attention to the conversation in the room and the darkness outside the window.
“This is great,” Nicole said as she devoured her hamburger. “Where did you get these again?”
“Right on the street,” Benjamin said. “The guy will cook you anything. I think he said these are soy burgers.”
Alexandra took comfort in the warm food. “Thank you, Benjamin. Did you have to pay?”
The soldier nodded. “Yeah, I gave him one of my guitar picks. No need for those now, since we had to abandon the non essentials.”
Delia stirred in Santino’s arms but she didn’t awaken.
“How’s she doing?” Nicole asked.
“Good, good,” Santino said. “Brave lil’ girl.”
“I can’t believe we made it,” Nicole said. “I mean, so many people died.”
Alexandra recalled the grave mounds at the base of the beached cruise ship. “Too many.”
“Well,” Benjamin said, “we still got a ways to go.”
Nicole bit her lip and nodded.
“Don’t worry,” Alexandra said, “you can stay here if you want to.”
“Really?” Nicole said.
Alexandra smiled at her, but Erzulie responded. “Of course,” Erzulie said. “Alexandra doesn’t wish to put you in any more danger.”
“That goes for you too, Santino,” Alexandra said. “You have more important responsibilities now anyway.”
Santino smiled at the sleeping infant in his arms. “Si, gracias, Alejandra.”
“Hell,” Alexandra said, “I might stay here myself! What’s not to like?”
“Not much, Alejandra,” Benjamin said.
Nicole turned to face her chair-mate and said, “Alejandra?”
Benjamin laughed and said, “Yeah, everyone’s calling her that here. It’s kinda funny.”
“That’s her name,” Koneh said, joining the conversation.
“Huh?” Benjamin said.
“Before she Americanized it,” Koneh said. “The name her mother chose for her was Alejandra.”
Like water over a fire, Koneh doused her mood.
He continued his assault. “One letter. How much did it cost to change that one letter, Alejandra?”
At times, especially at that moment, Alexandra felt like the cost was too high. She changed her name to further distance herself from her home and her mother. In her desire to gain acceptance in her beloved America, she lost a part of who she was, the person her mother raised her to be. Now, in the wasteland of the Earth, she felt the pain of her past vanities.
Without responding to Koneh, she left the hotel room. Koneh looked into her soul and exposed her shame. Yes, she was a selfish girl in the past. Did he need to show that to everyone?
Alexandra departed the hotel and found a comfortable patch of burnt grass overlooking the central city plaza with the massive TV tower. After a few long minutes alone with her thoughts, she whispered, “Who am I?”
The red-black sky held no answers for her. Then, she heard Koneh’s familiar footsteps. Like a predator, he approached from behind and made almost no sound.
“May I join you?” he asked.
Alexandra motioned to the ground, but didn’t speak. She wanted to hear what he had to say.
“Nicole said I was being a, well, I don’t quite remember the slang she used. Anyway, I wasn’t really sympathetic to your feelings. So, I guess I’m here to apologize.”
“You guess?”
Koneh sat facing her and said, “I’m sorry you were hurt by my words.”
“Do you even know how to apologize?” She stared down her companion. Then, her voice softened and she said, “Listen, I didn’t walk out because I’m mad at you. I left because you’re right. I’ve been a selfish, self-absorbed brat for most of my life.”
Koneh shook his head. “That’s not how I see it.”
“Yeah,” she said, “what do you see? Because, to tell you the truth, I don’t know who I am anymore.”
“I’m not going to tell you who you are,” he said. “Your own actions at the cruise ship speak louder than any words.”
Tears threatened to erupt from her eyes at the memory of the battle. “You mean, when I condemned half of us to death?”
“Where would Nicole and Delia be right now if you hadn’t stayed to help them?”
Like a computer programmed to respond to a certain command, Alexandra’s retort was automatic. “Where would Richard be if we didn’t stop?”
As if Koneh prepared a counterpoint he said, “Do you really think Richard would count his life above that of a newborn’s? Of anyone? You tarnish his memory by even suggesting he would leave those people to die.”
“You would have left them,” Alexandra said.
Koneh opened his mouth to speak, but he paused. Then, after a few moments, he locked his eyes upon her and said, “My duty is to bring you to Eden, no matter the cost.”
“Is that all that is important to you? Your duty?”
Koneh turned away from her. “It’s all I have left,” he said. The edge was gone from his voice. What was he feeling? Alexandra still found her guide difficult to read.
“You have Erzulie and the friends we’ve made along the way,” Alexandra said.
“Friends have a way of coming and going.”
“Not Erzulie.”
Koneh sighed. “Erzulie is not my friend.”
“You never answered my question before,” she said. “Do you love her? Does she love you?”
Koneh stood, his back still to Alexandra. “I
think I felt love for Erzulie once, a long time ago. However, like all love, the trip is short when it’s on a one-way street.”
“What happened?”
He looked over his shoulder and said, “Nothing. How could anything come from nothing? Without the capacity to return my love, Erzulie and I… Well, that’s a long story. Let’s just say we went our separate ways.”
“Until all of this?”
“Something like that,” Koneh said.
“I want to hear what happened.”
“I’m not sure I can recall the events as they happened, anyway,” Koneh said. “We humans have a way of reinventing our past to fit how we think things transpired. Nostalgia and the barrier of years distort our view of what was. I fear I may be guilty of this when it comes to Erzulie. I had hopes-” His voice trailed away.
Alexandra stood and faced him. Her voice soft, she said, “And do you have hopes now? Besides Eden?” She stepped closer, within arms reach. “Is there nothing else in this world for you?”
He looked into her eyes. “I… I am no longer here for myself,” he said. “At the end of this road-”
Alexandra encircled his neck with her arms. She wasn’t going to allow this conversation to be interrupted. Not this time. She brought her face close to his and said, “Don’t think about the end of the road. I’m talking about here and now.”
“You must not-”
“Must not what?” Alexandra inched closer with her lips.
Koneh closed his eyes and said, “This is not me… Don’t look at me as I am now. I didn’t choose to look like this.”
She ran her hand across his cheek and said, “I don’t see the scars… The eyes… All I see is a man I want to be closer to. Don’t you feel the same?”
“No,” he said.
Still gentle, she said, “I don’t believe you. Why do I feel like you constantly try to push me away?”
After a long pause, he opened his eyes and said, “Because I am.”
“Why? What are you afraid of?”
“I cannot let go,” he said. “Eden must come first.”
“And there’s no room for your feelings? For the things you want?”
Koneh’s eyes narrowed and he whispered, “You tempt me too much. My self-control is only so strong.”
“Let go,” she said. “I’m not afraid-”
Without warning, Koneh pulled her close and pressed his lips to hers. Alexandra’s heart and world exploded like a long restrained force was unleashed within her. She pressed against his body. The pain, guilt and sorrow from the past months drained from her soul as she enjoyed that moment of bliss.
Then, as soon as it came, the moment ended when Koneh pushed her away.
“We cannot,” he said, unable to meet her questioning eyes.
Alexandra collected her thoughts after the rush of passion and exhaled. She wanted him more now that she had experienced her first touch. She stepped towards him, but he held his hand towards her to ward her away.
“No,” he said. “That was a mistake and I’m sorry.”
“A mistake? I thought you felt-”
He shook his head with a pained look on his face. “I’m not allowed to feel such things. Not for you.”
Frustrated, she said, “Why not? Who’s making the rules?”
His face grave, he said, “I am. I must. To reach Eden, I must not feel, only act. This is too important.”
“To let your feelings show?” she said. “I don’t agree.”
“You don’t have to agree.”
“But I have to live with it? Is that what you’re saying?”
Koneh appeared lost. “I… I shouldn’t have kissed you.”
“Because it’s not allowed?” She asked, her voice mocking.
“No,” he said, “Because now I may be unable to control my feelings. Because now I know how you feel and my pain is only deepened. Because now… Now I am conflicted.”
Softening her tone, she said, “Conflicted? This isn’t complicated-”
“It is, Alejandra,” he said sadly, using her given name for the first time. Her heart flipped again. “There’s so much you don’t know. I should be more careful when we are together. You must distance yourself from me. You cannot touch or watch me like you do. I must not be reminded of-”
“Our kiss?” she asked. “Was it so terrible?”
Koneh held her gaze for a moment. Then, looking away, he said, “No, quite the opposite. If circumstances were different-” He shook his head as he disappeared into the darkness. “I cannot-”
Alexandra watched him as he walked away and out of sight. She touched her lips and still felt fire there. She knew she loved him, but she didn’t know how or if she should tell him. His motives seemed noble, but she couldn’t abide by his rules. She needed to be close to him. She decided she would convince him that their feelings could only strengthen them. Somehow…
Then, after a few long hours alone in the darkness, she returned to the hotel. Sleep came quickly again and so did her dreams. She couldn’t recall every detail, but she remembered confronting the boy child on the throne again. This time the throne was in a palace at the center of a large city. A barren, rocky landscape surrounded the city. Alexandra couldn’t remember what she or the boy said, but she felt the dream was important.
Santino brought Delia to his home the next morning. After saying a few good-byes, he departed the hotel parking lot in a friend’s jeep. Though Alexandra knew she would see Santino and Delia again, their relationship had changed. Instead of a travelling companion, Santino was now a friend who lived in Brasilia. He no longer shared her burden. A burden she never accepted nor wanted to share.
“What now?” Nicole asked. “Are you still going to Eden?”
“I don’t know,” Alexandra said. “For now, I’m glad to have a roof over my head and a mattress to sleep on.”
“Amen, sistah,” Nicole said. “I’m looking forward to some R&R.”
Benjamin smiled at Nicole and said, “Me too.”
“Okay,” Alexandra said, “what’s going on with you two?”
Nicole and Benjamin blushed. “We’re kinda dating,” she said.
Koneh huffed and said, “Whenever you’re ready for your lesson, I’ll be in the back lot.”
“Isn’t it a little early for a lesson?” Alexandra asked, her eyes searching for some lingering effect on his face from their kiss. However, he was unreadable and detached.
“You’re not progressing,” he said. “So, two a day until I see some improvement.”
After he disappeared into the hotel, Alexandra turned to Nicole and said, “Aren’t you a little young?”
“I’m fifteen.”
“Whoa,” Alexandra said. “Illegal! And you?”
“Twenty,” Benajmin said. “And not illegal in Brazil.”
“New love is one of the most amazing moments you humans can feel,” Erzulie said. “Enjoy your time together.”
Alexandra prepared a speech to warn Benjamin and Nicole about the dangers of their new world and the uncertainty of their temporary home. However, after Erzulie’s words, her speech fizzled. Erzulie was right. Why should they be afraid? Joy in this new world was fleeting. Of course they should enjoy their time together.
“Well,” Alexandra said, “Just don’t do anything stupid.”
Nicole raised her eyebrows and asked, “Like?”
“I don’t know! Use your heads.”
“I brought condoms with me,” Benjamin said. Nicole’s blush deepened. “Just in case.”
Alexandra smiled. “All right, I’m not your mother. Listen to Erzulie and enjoy yourselves.”
Leaving the new couple alone, Alexandra and Erzulie found Koneh in the hotel’s rear parking lot. The other residents in the hotel didn’t visit the lot too often, so Koneh chose the spot as their sparring ground.
He watched Alexandra as she stretched. “I think you made a wise decision,” he said.
Alexandra reached for her toes and said, �
��About what?”
“Santino and Delia.”
“Thanks. It made sense to me.”
Koneh fidgeted and averted her gaze. Then he said, “You were right about the cruise ship as well. If we left them there, then I would have never had the chance to deliver that baby.”
“I didn’t realize it meant that much to you.”
Alexandra recalled Koneh’s trepidation before delivering the baby. Most of the time, he appeared confident and under control. His vulnerability hid far beneath the surface, but it was a side of him Alexandra found she liked. She exposed that part of him when they kissed and she wanted to indulge farther. However, he was clear that they needed to remain distant from each other. Was that possible? Could she bury her feelings like she buried her friends?
“We’ve discussed his experience at length,” Erzulie said. Though Koneh glared at her, she continued. “Sometimes, change is good for the heart.”
“Indeed,” Alexandra said as she studied Koneh. “How very interesting. Do you think you have changed?”
He shrugged. “I remember that feeling – the joy of new life in the world. It’s just been a long time.”
“Okay,” Alexandra said. “I think the three of us have been together long enough. I’m not trying to be a bitch, but what’s the deal Koneh? Sometimes, you say things and I just don’t understand. Where are you from? Why won’t you tell me more about your past?”
Koneh drew his rusty, jagged sword and pointed it at her. “Get through my defenses and I’ll answer any question you pose.”
“And what we talked about last night?” she said, desperate to taste him again. “If I break your defenses, can we revisit our new arrangement?”
“We can revisit that too,” he said hesitantly.
She breathed deeply and for two seconds closed her eyes while her heartbeat quickened. Then, drawing her own sword, she said, “Well, that’s better than your usual stonewalling. You’re on!”
Chapter 27
Alexandra didn’t succeed in breaking Koneh’s defenses during any of their twice-a-day training sessions over the ensuing week. However, she felt like she made some progress with her footwork and positioning.
“Power and speed,” Koneh said on many occasions. “Don’t think about it while we’re sparring, but figure out a way to ignore your own physical limitations. The human soul can push the body to pretty extreme limits. Once you accept that as truth, there’s no attack you cannot execute and no defense you cannot muster.”
Eden (Eden Saga) Page 27