Tangled Hearts

by Barbara McMahon

  More playing house, she thought, walking beside Jake as he pushed the cart in the supermarket. She chose the ingredients she needed for a spaghetti dinner, remembering some of his tastes, learning a few new ones. Jake picked out a nice wine and before long they were through the checkout and on the way to his apartment.

  While Brianna knew where Jake lived, she'd never visited. The apartment complex was one that was popular with singles with loads of amenities. She suspected he used the workout facility with regularity.

  He led the way into the brick building, then down the ground floor hall to his door.

  “The swinging singles lifestyle,” she murmured after they left the elevator and he slipped his key into the lock.

  “No, Mrs. Fenster lives two doors down. She’s a widowed grandmother who’s lived here for years. Nice lady, though.” Opening the door, he stood aside so Brianna could enter.

  “Good grief, it’s as cold in here as outside.” Shivering, Brianna looked around.

  The room was almost as sterile as the cabin. The only signs that someone lived there were the stacks of books piled haphazardly on one table and a couple of old TV guides that lay on the floor beside a recliner. The rest of the decor could be considered early bachelor. A place to hang his hat, that’s all this apartment was. Where was his home? Where did he keep his pictures and memorabilia from the past? His bedroom, maybe?

  “Yeah, it’s cold. Just a sec, and I’ll turn on the heat. I shut it off thinking we’d be gone for several days.” He led the way into the minuscule kitchen and dropped the bag on the counter.

  “Why is it so cold? It feels like we're still outside.”

  “I leave the bathroom window open. I hate a stuffy place and this place always seems stuffy if I don’t have some fresh air.”

  “Even in winter?”

  “With the heat on, it’s warm enough.”

  “Your bill must be huge. You’re heating up half of Texarkana.”

  “It’s worth it for fresh air. Come on, cooking dinner will warm you up.”

  “Oh, I get it now. This kitchen is much smaller than the one at the cabin so only one person at a time can work in it.” She paused at the entry. It was a typical apartment galley kitchen, sink and counter on one side, stove and refrigerator opposite. And hardly room to swing a cat.

  “Since you suggested dinner and are the better cook, I figured you could be that one person.”

  “It’s your place. I really shouldn’t intrude,” she protested, half teasing.

  He frowned with mock ferocity. “You don’t want to eat my spaghetti. You’d be awake all night from heartburn.”

  Instead of being awake all night from heartache, she almost retorted.

  Turning away from those knowing eyes, she began to unpack the grocery bag.

  By the time dinner was ready, the apartment was warm. Jake had put on some soft music and drawn the drapes. They were cocooned in a world of their own.

  They did not, however, linger over dinner. Jake mentioned that the weather report had predicted snow.

  “And with the wind blowing the way it is, I don’t want to be driving in a blizzard.”

  “We could stay in Texarkana if it’s too bad to drive in,” Brianna suggested.

  “No, I wanted to spend the weekend at the cabin. We’ll make it back tonight. I just don’t want to be too late leaving.”

  She didn’t have to go back with him. She could still call Sandy, or Josh for that matter.

  Considering all her options, Brianna sipped the wine. Its warmth crept into every cell of her body. Raising her gaze to Jake, she knew she would return to his cabin with him. She was only pretending to herself that she would consider anything else.

  The snowstorm hit before they reached the Oklahoma line. And, as Jake had feared, with the wind blowing so much, it felt like a blizzard trying to drive in it. The wind swirled the snow until visibility became almost nonexistent. The road was slick and treacherous. Even with the car in four-wheel drive, crawling along, they skidded more than once.

  “Can you find the cabin in this?” Brianna asked at one point. She felt as if they had been driving blind since they left.

  “Sure. We’ll be there in another ten minutes or so,” Jake answered easily.

  “And then snowbound for how long?” she muttered.

  “This looks bad, but it's because of the wind. Not that much is supposed to fall. But if it gets too deep for the car, we can always take the snowmobiles.”

  She hoped the storm would be of a short duration. A weekend at Jake’s cabin was all she was prepared for. She had to be back at work on Monday.

  True to his word, they pulled up before the log cabin a few minutes later. Rushing from the car to the door, Jake held on to her hand. Since she could hardly see him standing beside her, she was glad for the support. She might have lost her way getting from the car to the cabin.

  Once inside, with the raging storm shut firmly behind them, Brianna relaxed. She had been as tense in the car as if she’d been the one driving. But they were safe at home now.

  Home. She looked around at the familiar room. She hadn’t felt such a sense of homecoming in a long, long time.

  “We made it,” she said softly.

  “Home safe.” He leaned over and kissed her.

  Chapter Six

  Brianna closed the mathematics journal and gazed into the fire. She’d been reading all morning. Snow continued to fall steadily, though the wind had died during the night. So much for not a lot. They already had more than ten inches on the railing of the porch. The hushed air increased her sense of isolation.

  Idly she wondered where Jake had gone. He’d been fussing around the place when she began to read after breakfast, then mumbled something about checking on the snowmobiles and left. How long ago had that been?

  Caught up at last with her journals, she debated moving. She was warm and comfortable on the big sofa. The fire was dying, however, its feeble flames flickering as if they were gasping for fuel. She needed to replenish it to keep it going, but for the moment, she wanted to be lazy and not move.

  There was so much that she needed to do. She had lesson plans to prepare. That had been the worst part about the break-ins, having her plans destroyed. She prided herself on being organized and ahead of the game.

  She also had a paper she wanted to submit to one of the mathematics journals, but needed to get her lesson plans finished before doing anything else.

  Yet all she really wanted to do was find Jake and spend time with him.

  Rubbing the ache in her breast, she remembered her determination to remain aloof, to refuse to give in to the emotions that flared whenever she came near the man.

  Tough. She wanted Jake.

  Rising, she tossed a couple of small logs on the fire, waiting until they caught before she replaced the screen and turned to the front window. Maybe she'd plan some suggestions on how he could fix up this place after all. It was a beautiful structure and the furniture was good, if a bit austere. He only needed a few accessories to turn it into a warm and welcoming home.

  And if she succeeded, he’d think of her every time he used his cabin.

  Smiling in satisfaction, she went in search of a notepad.

  Brianna had a long list of things she wanted him to get by the time she stopped to prepare lunch. She heated some soup, and toasted the last of the French bread they’d bought in Texarkana. When everything was ready, she went to find Jake.

  He was in the shed, tinkering with one of the snowmobiles. A portable heater gave some warmth, enough that he’d taken off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves. His hands were black with grease.

  “What are you doing?” Brianna asked as she slid open the door just enough to enter, then closed it quickly behind her to keep out the snow and chill.

  “This was running rough yesterday. Thought I’d take a look at it. You finished your reading?” He didn’t look at her but continued adjusting a valve.

  “Yes, both journal
s. And I made a list of things for you to buy. It’s fun, actually, spending other people’s money.”

  He looked up at that. “What?”

  “For your cabin. I made a list of curtains, rugs, pillows, things like that. Then you need the rods and the pads and hooks and some bookcases. I noticed at your apartment how many books you had that are just stacked haphazardly. You really need some bookcases there, and here. That way you could have your books in both places—”

  “You’re running off at the mouth again. Are you upset?” His eyes narrowed as he studied her.

  She shook her head. Not upset, just giddy being around him. Not that she could tell him that. God forbid that he should even guess.

  “I fixed lunch. Soup and hot bread.” She clamped down on the other words. She wouldn't babble!

  “Be there in a sec.” He increased the torque.

  “Any time. I’ll just simmer the soup and keep the bread in the oven. Though it could dry out.” Turning abruptly, she headed back to the house.

  Jake followed in only moments. While he washed at the sink, she served the meal.

  “This is nice,” he said as he sat down. “When I come up alone, I usually have sandwiches.”

  “It’s too cold for sandwiches,” she murmured, pleased he liked the modest lunch.

  “I think the snow's letting up. We could go for a walk later if you wish,” he suggested after the first pangs of hunger had been satisfied.

  She nodded. “That’d get me out of the house. I don’t think I can get cabin fever from one morning, but I wouldn’t mind going for a walk.”

  She stared into the bowl of soup. Would her life ever get back to normal?

  “I called into the station this morning. Nothing new,” Jake said as if reading her mind.

  She shrugged. “Is that good news? He hasn’t broken into anything of mine now for a day.”

  “Two years ago you were involved pretty heavily with someone who obviously didn’t return your feelings. What happened between you two beyond the obvious breakup? Was there anger, bitterness, any reason for retaliation?”

  She blinked and met his gaze. Was this the policeman’s way of distancing himself from personal involvement? Treat them both like third parties, take the personal out of the question?

  “No reason for retaliation. No anger that I know of. Mostly bewilderment on my part,” she replied slowly. “I mean when things ended, I didn’t know what I’d done wrong.”

  “Surely there was some hurt, some regret, some feeling of wanting to change things, make them come right.”

  He spoke of his own feelings. Funny, until today he had thought he was coping. But the frustration of wanting this woman and not being able to have her threatened to swamp him. Two years ago, he’d made his decision, based on circumstances that appeared to have changed. Yet he didn’t think he'd make a different decision.

  Only—he still had regrets.

  “So what if there is?” she asked defiantly. If he thought to excuse his behavior or offer some platitude—

  “So maybe the man's trying a different tactic, one to make you aware of being alone, of needing him.”

  She stared at him in horror. Had Jake staged the break-ins just to be the hero riding in to save her? But there had been no need. A phone call and she would have been more than willing to see him again. She had longed for such a call.

  No, that didn’t make sense. Besides, he’d been with her when her car was broken into. And Jake was too honorable, too much a policeman to ever do anything criminal.

  “I don’t think I understand what you’re talking about,” she started. “I didn’t walk out of the relationship. You…he did.”

  The phone rang. He leaned over and picked it up.

  “Morgan.” His eyes never left hers.

  A tendril of fear snaked up her back. Was this a new report from the police about something else of hers damaged? Or had they found the man? Was the reason for her staying in Jake’s cabin now gone?

  “Thanks for the update. We’ll be in and out, but keep me informed.” He slid the receiver back in place.

  “Another break-in?” she asked.

  “No. Nothing to report. The information from your neighbor wasn’t enough to ID anyone. We know he’s a man—too large to be a woman. We know his car's a dark SUV, so we’re noting any that drive by your place.”

  Brianna shivered. “I hate this. I feel like I’m the prisoner and I didn’t do anything wrong.”

  “I know it’s a strain. Most police work is time-consuming. But we’ll find him. He’ll either make a mistake, or something will turn up to lead us to him. We’ll get him.”

  “I just hope I’m not a basket case before then.”

  “You’re doing fine, honey. There’s nothing more I can do for you.”

  “You could hold me,” she blurted out. Her eyes held his, the longing and uncertainty clearly written on her face.

  He didn’t move; his expression was hard, as if carved from granite.

  “Forget it. I—it’s just I feel so scared sometimes.”

  He made his feelings obvious. She felt like an idiot asking him to hold her.

  “I don’t think it’s a good idea, Brie.”

  “Yeah, you’re right. I’m a big girl now. I don’t need someone to hold me and kiss things better.”

  Jake closed his eyes momentarily, snapped them open. “It’s all right to be afraid. We’re going to protect you. We’ll find him, I promise.”

  She nodded, fiddling with the last of her bread. How could she have asked him to hold her? Good grief, she wasn’t some baby that needed coddling. She was a mature…

  Tears welled in her eyes. She was scared, damn it. Her entire life had been disrupted and she didn’t even know why. She just wanted him to hold her.

  “Come on, baby.” He reached over and lifted her from the chair, leading her into the living room. Sinking down on the sofa, Jake pulled her into his lap and put his arms around her. “This isn’t a good idea because of all the lascivious thoughts that race through my mind when you’re in my arms,” he whispered in her ear.

  In contrast to his words, his touch was devoid of passion. His arms held her against his solid chest; his chin rested against her hair. He gently rubbed her back.

  Brianna sighed, snuggled closer and relaxed for the first time in days. She closed her eyes and gave herself up to the enjoyment of being held. Jake made everything seem safe. He would find the bad guy and lock him up. She believed him. Things would go back to normal and she’d be safe.

  Alone, facing the future without the man she loved, but she’d be safe. Thanks to him.

  Jake reviewed all his transgressions, trying to see which had been so heinous to warrant this kind of torture. Holding Brianna, just to offer comfort, was hell. He wanted to kiss her, make love to her. Find a spot for her in his world, despite all the odds against them, and keep her for himself.

  It wouldn’t work. Josh made sure he knew that. She must know it, too. She never spoke about the time when they were dating.

  Brianna found herself memorizing every second. She drew a deep breath, savoring Jake’s special scent. She buried her nose in his chest and held her breath to better remember each different aroma. The smell of his soap, of his after-shave, the laundry detergent used on his shirt, and his own masculine scent that opened the gates to wild, exciting dreams.

  She listened to his heartbeat, slow and steady as it pumped the life’s blood of the man who was so precious to her.

  She felt his arms across her back, the hard steel of his thighs beneath her own, the strength of his chest as he cradled her, offering comfort and support. Could she freeze a moment in time? Could she end everything and stay suspended in this minute? She wished it could be. If she lived to be a hundred, she would never forget Jake Morgan. She knew she'd love him all her life.

  She also knew life was unfair. She'd lost her parents when she was a little girl. She’d missed many things young girls shared with their mother
s. And just loving a man didn’t mean he’d love in return. Sighing softly, she felt the tears again, but this time they were for what might have been and was not.

  “I’m probably crushing you,” she whispered, tightening her arms around his neck and bringing her face up to meet his gaze. His lips were mere inches away. She felt his breath fan her cheeks, felt the heat radiating from his body.

  “No.”

  Her smile wobbled. When he cupped her face with his hands and brushed the teardrops from her spiky lashes, her heart melted. He looked worried about her.

  “I’ll keep you safe, Brie. I won’t let him hurt you.”

  “I’m all right. It’s just—I know. I won’t worry anymore.”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe you should start worrying—about me.” With that, Jake brought his mouth down on hers in a mind-blowing kiss.

  Had this really been what she sought? Not comfort, but bliss? When she was in his arms, she didn’t worry or think about the future or regret the past. She only felt. Felt the wonder of his touch, the magic of his embrace, the shimmering sensations that sizzled through her.

  The world spun dizzyingly as he laid her down on the sofa and pressed her into the cushions. Endless moments of spiraling delight whirled around and around as their kiss went on and on. Breathing was forgotten. The blood rushed through her veins, heating every cell, pounding in her ears. Time ceased. Earthly cares hung suspended as they were lost in a world of their own making, one of wonder and passion and love.

  When Jake pulled back at last, it was too soon. Brianna gave a small moan of protest, and he kissed her again, then sat up.

  “We’re moving beyond comfort. Come on, let’s take that walk.” He rose and went to the window. “It’s stopped snowing. It’s still overcast, but we won’t get wet walking.”

  Brianna stared at his back in startled surprise. What happened? One moment he was kissing her like there was no tomorrow, the next calmly suggesting they take a walk!

  Feeling totally confused, she sat up and pulled back her hair. There was something wrong when she couldn’t keep his attention in the throes of passion. Sighing, she rose on shaky legs and headed for the bedroom.