by Chiah Wilder
“And that was a disaster. I was really craving roast chicken and mashed potatoes. When Belle told me how easy it was, especially with these roasting bags, I decided to give it a try. I hope it tastes as good as it smells.”
“I know you do.” Axe rubbed his hands over her ass while kissing her deeply.
Giggling, she pushed him away. “I have to turn the heat down.”
“I like where the heat is taking us.” He turned her around and kissed her again. The hiss of water boiling over made Baylee jump and wiggle out of his arms.
Grabbing a rag, she pulled the boiling potatoes off the burner and wiped away the water. “I hope I didn’t burn them,” she said as she looked into the pot.
“I think you’re good, babe. Just lower the temp and put them back on.” Picking up the lid from the counter, he smiled at her. “Use this.”
“Maybe I should have you making dinner,” She took the lid from him. “Thanks, sweetie.”
“Did you go to the doctor today?” He took one of the mini carrots she had in a bowl and chomped down on it.
“Yeah. We can talk about it later. I have to concentrate right now. Why don’t you relax and watch TV? Dinner will be ready soon.”
Axe hesitated for a moment then went into the family room. He glanced over at her while she rushed around the kitchen, streaks of red painting her face from the heat of the stove and oven. He’d thought it was a little odd she didn’t tell him what the doctor said, but then, it was her first big dinner from scratch in over a year. He’d decided that even if the chicken was dry as a bone and the potatoes watery, he’d tell her it was decent. The fact that she was trying so hard hit him and pleasure and warmth spread through him.
A few hours later, he had Baylee snuggled in his arms, a fire snapping in the fireplace, and a comedy in the DVD player. Dinner had been surprisingly good and Baylee had kept beaming with each additional helping he’d taken.
He dipped his head down and kissed her hair. “You seem like you’re feeling better.”
“I am. I love this movie, don’t you?”
“Yeah. What did the doctor say? Was it the flu like you suspected?”
“No. This part here is real funny. I’ve seen When Harry Met Sally a zillion times, but it still cracks me up.”
Staring at her, he noticed she purposely avoided him, her eyes glued to the screen. She’s not telling me something. “What did the doctor say?”
“Axe, I’m trying to watch the movie. Don’t you want to see it? We can talk later.”
With the remote in hand, he hit Pause and set it down on the couch next to them. “What’s going on?”
Without looking at him, she answered, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Did the doctor tell you something bad?”
“No. Just something unexpected.”
“What do you mean?”
Still staring at the frozen actors on the screen, she said softly, “I’m pregnant.”
Did she say pregnant? What the fuck? He tried to grasp what he thought he’d heard. Silence snapped between them. “What did you say?”
She pulled away from him and tucked her legs underneath her. “I’m pregnant.”
Fuck. That is what she said. “How?” Axe shook his head when she rolled her eyes. “I mean, aren’t you on the pill?”
“Yeah, but I still got pregnant.”
“Did you forget to take it?”
“No. It’s not foolproof, you know. Addie said the same thing happened to her and Chas with Hope.”
“But we talked about kids and decided we didn’t want them. Fuck.”
“I know. I didn’t plan this, Axe. It just happened.”
“How did you let it happen?”
Baylee narrowed her eyes. “Me? You’re responsible for this too. And if you wanted to make extra sure, you should’ve worn a condom.”
“Are you nuts? I’d never wear a rubber with my old lady.”
“Well, there you have it. Don’t you dare blame me for this.”
“It’s just that we didn’t want kids. Fuck. I don’t know what to say.”
Baylee’s chin trembled. “You could say you’re happy and give me a fucking hug.”
Axe knew that’s exactly what he should do, but he wasn’t happy about it. The shock of her pregnancy shook him to his core. Thoughts looped around in his mind until there was no room for anything else. Thoughts of the unknown: how will it be with three instead of two, would he be a good dad, how would it affect their sex life.
Baylee jumped up from the couch. “I didn’t expect this either, but that’s the way life turns out sometimes. I have our baby growing inside me, and when I think of it that way, I’m happy. You’re acting like a first-class asshole!” She rushed down the hall toward their bedroom. The slamming door echoed around him as he sat there unable to move.
I don’t know jack shit about being a dad. I had a shitty one. His dad was never the father he needed him to be. Axe had always known him to be a cold and heartless person. Ever since he could remember, his mother and father communicated through fighting. To him, it seemed like they brought out the very worst in each other, each of them backing up the other’s vices like they were virtues. Boozing, gambling, and cheating consumed the household, and at a young age, he was left to fend for himself emotionally. The only thing he could count on when he was growing up was that neither of his parents would be there for him. They were too busy worrying about themselves. Thinking back on it, the only thing they’d had in common was their selfish streaks.
What if I’m like my parents? My dad split when I was nine, and he never contacted me again. How the fuck does a father do that? What if I do the same shit? How the hell could Baylee be pregnant? Damn! I never thought this would happen. Instead of happiness, anxiety, apprehension, and dread twisted his insides. He knew he should go to Baylee, hold her close, rub his hands down her back, and tell her it would be all right, but he couldn’t. A large part of him wanted the status quo. He didn’t want a baby coming between him and Baylee. They’d fallen into a rhythm and he loved it. With a kid around, they couldn’t be as free to love and fuck whenever and wherever they wanted, and he wasn’t sure he liked changing those dynamics.
All of a sudden the room grew hot and suffocating like the walls were closing in on him and he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t sit there anymore. He had to move around, breathe in some cold air, and get the hell away. Grabbing the car keys, he opened the front door and took the elevator to the parking garage. He backed the car out and headed to the clubhouse. He needed to have some shots, talk shit with the brothers, shoot some pool, and not think about anything. He needed a sliver of his old life back.
When he walked inside, the brothers yelled out his name, surprise registered on many of their faces to see him mid-week at that hour in the club. A few of the club girls waved at him, their faces lit up with huge grins.
“How’s it going?” Cruiser asked as Axe came over to the bar.
“Good. I thought you were working at Dream House during the week.” Axe picked up the shot Skinless placed in front of him.
“I am, but I traded nights with Helm. He’s got some shit going with his girlfriend on Sunday, so I’ll work for him. Is your ol’ lady tied up tonight?”
Axe shook his head. “No. Just needed some fresh air and my brothers. Wanna shoot some pool?”
“You got the money to pay when you lose your ass?” Helm chuckled, picked up his drink, and ambled to the back of the room. “I’ll rack them up. Solid or stripes?”
“Solid.” Axe lit up a joint and inhaled. This is what I fuckin’ need. A joint, a shot, and playing pool with a brother. Diapers, sleepless nights, and an exhausted old lady weren’t on his agenda. We talked about this. We agreed we didn’t want kids.
“You take the first shot, dude.” Helm took the joint Axe offered him.
Axe hit the ball so hard that some of the brothers across the room raised their heads from between the club women’s le
gs and stared at him. After he hit the first ball, nothing was on his mind but winning the game.
It was well after midnight when he entered the bedroom, his eyes fixed on Baylee’s sleeping form. He ducked into the bathroom as quietly as he could, washed up then went over to the bed and slid between the sheets. The room spun around even with his eyes closed, and he knew he should’ve stayed at the club instead of driving home, but he didn’t want to leave Baylee alone.
Emotions still whirled inside him like a cyclone spinning round and round, bringing him down. He turned on his side and punched the pillow underneath his head as he tried to get comfortable. Closing his eyes again, visions of rocking horses, his parents fighting, holidays without his father cluttered his mind driving him crazy.
Soon the booze took hold and blackness slowly erased the images until there was nothing but darkness.
Chapter Fourteen
Hawk
Cara placed a breakfast burrito with green chiles in front of Hawk and sat down on the chair across from him.
“How crazy weird is it that the Crazed Grinch picked Cherri and Jax’s house? Is it possible that it’s just a copycat because it didn’t fit the psycho’s MO.”
“It’s the fucker.” Hawk cut into the burrito and took a huge bite. “This is damn good, babe.”
Cara tapped her fingers on the table. “Thanks. How do you know it was him? I have to agree with you, but I want to know your reasoning.”
“Babe, I just wanna eat and not be cross-examined. We know it’s him, but he targeted Cherri. My thinking is that the tree was an afterthought.”
“Mine too. So that means he saw Cherri somewhere in town. Could be anywhere. He had to have watched the house because he knew to go in when Jax wasn’t there.”
“The club’s looking into it. Aren’t you eating?”
“I have another meeting at Brighter Lives. I can’t wait for next Saturday when the whole thing will be done. The good news is I just snagged another sponsor, so the club will have little to no expenses.”
“You’re a powerhouse fundraiser, babe.”
“I learned it from my mom. She makes a ton of money for charities. I also have a hardworking and killer committee. I never could’ve done it without them. I love seeing the smiles on the kids’ faces whenever we help make their lives a bit better. There’s so much poverty and heartache in the world.”
“The club’s favorite charity events deal with kids. When you’re young, you can’t do shit, so it’s good to have people looking out to help you.” For a brief second, a memory of him at thirteen scavenging through trash cans in alleys in LA flashed in his mind. “Are the kids still sleeping?”
“Braxton’s playing in his room and Isa’s still snoozing. I can’t believe how she loves to sleep. Remember how Braxton kept us up most of the night until he was almost three? Isa’s the opposite. She doesn’t take long naps but she sleeps through the night.”
“Enjoy it.” He smiled and pushed his chair back. Rinsing the dishes in the sink, he looked out at the deer walking across the back lawn.
“Are you wearing your dress shirt tonight? I’ll press it if you are.”
“Dress shirt?” He put the dishes in the dishwasher. “Why would I wear one tonight?”
“You look even more handsome when you’re all dressed up. My mom’s freaking out about the dinner tonight, so I’m going to leave a couple of hours before it starts. You can bring the kids, okay?”
Closing the dishwasher door, he leaned against the counter and ran his hand through his long hair. Inhaling deeply, he slowly blew it out. “I thought the dinner was tomorrow night.”
“No, it’s tonight. I really do think you should wear your dark green pinstriped shirt. It looks really good on you. It’ll only take a minute to iron.”
“Fuck, babe. I thought it was tomorrow. I can’t go. I have to be at the club’s party tonight.”
Cara’s face tightened and her lips curled down—the telltale signs she was pissed. “What? You have to go. I need you to bring the kids and help me pack the car because I have to help my mom. I’ve been telling you about it all week. You never mentioned you had to go to a club party.”
“I can still help you pack the car. I can drop the kids off too, but I just can’t stay. If I thought your dinner thing was tonight, I would’ve told you I couldn’t go.”
“You have to come. I’m going to be the only one without her husband. How stupid is that? And because you have to go to a club party where everyone’s getting drunk and fucking? That’s what you’re canceling a family outing for?”
Licks of anger singed his nerves as he watched her grow madder. “You don’t understand. This isn’t just a club party. They have those every fuckin’ weekend and I haven’t been to one in months. This is a big deal. All the charters and affiliates are gonna be there. I’m the goddamn vice president. I have to be there. All officers do.”
“Oh… well, that explains everything. You’re choosing to spend time tonight with a bunch of sweaty men instead of your wife and children during the holiday season. When the hell are you going to understand that you’re married? You’re not a bachelor who can just do what the hell he wants without thinking about anyone else.”
“You’re totally overreacting. I’m always with you and the kids. If this were a regular party, I’d be going with you to your family’s dinner. But it isn’t, and I need to be there. All the officers will be there. There’s nothing more to say about it.” He walked out of the kitchen.
Cara came rushing up to him, grabbing his arm to spin him back around. “It’s either your family or the club.”
A jolt of white-hot anger shot through him. He whirled around and put his face close to hers. “Don’t you ever fuckin’ ask me to choose,” he hissed.
Moving back, Cara glared at him. “You can’t go. We have to be at my parents’ tonight.”
He glowered at her, burning rage seeping through all his pores. “What the fuck did you say?”
Cara crossed her arms and lifted her chin. Her defiant gaze met his. “I said you can’t go.”
Gritting his teeth, he grabbed his money clip and keys from the side table. From the corner of his eye, he saw her watching him. He went over to the door and turned the knob. Turning slightly, he swept his gaze over her frowning face.
“Don’t you ever tell me what to do, woman.” Cara started to say something, but he cut her off. “You need to fuckin’ respect me. I don’t tolerate that shit from anyone, even you.”
“And running off to the club and abandoning your family is treating me with respect?”
The vein in his temple pulsed. “I’m not abandoning anyone. You know I have to go tonight.”
“I don’t know that.” She continued to glare at him and it just made him madder.
Afraid he’d put his fist through one of the walls, he shoved his hand in his pocket. “Then you should. We’ve been together long enough for you to know I’m VP and there’s shit I have to do.” He held his hand up, silencing her. “Don’t say another fuckin’ word. I’m not one of your goddamn clients you can tell what to do. I’m outta here.”
He stepped out and slammed the door behind him. When he jumped onto his Harley, his whole body trembled with fury. He’d planned on taking the SUV, but he was so pissed he needed the frosty air to cool him off. Cara went too damn far. Abandoning my family. Fuck her!
The frigid wind roared around, chilling his skin beneath his jacket. In his haste to get away, he’d forgotten to tie back his hair, and the wind whipped the strands against his face and blew them above his head. Instead of cursing the cold, he embraced it as it revitalized him. His breath rose before him in puffs of moisture, and he squinted against the blinding glare of sunlight bouncing off the pristine snow.
By the time he arrived at the clubhouse, his nose was numb, his hair wet, and his fingers were almost white from gripping the handlebars. The warmth of the great room seemed suffocating after coming in from the bitter, energizing cold.<
br />
“Hey, brother,” Throttle greeted him as Hawk went over to the bar and grabbed several napkins, running them over his hair. “Did you ride your Harley over here?”
“Yeah. It was fuckin’ awesome.” Hawk drained the shot Rusty put in front of him, then held up three fingers to the prospect, indicating he wanted a triple. Rusty nodded and in less than ten seconds, Hawk grasped a larger glass of Jack.
The great room was beginning to fill up as brothers from all over Insurgents’ territory filed in. Steel strode in with Goldie and Diablo, and the trio came over to Hawk and Throttle.
“How was the ride?” Hawk asked.
“The drive was good. We couldn’t take the bikes because the snow was fucking insane in the San Juan Mountains,” Steel said as he sat next to Hawk.
“Heard the Deadly Demons and the Satan’s Pistons aren’t involved in the drug shit threatening the territory,” Diablo said, grabbing a handful of pretzels from a bowl on the bar.
“Damn straight,” Rock said as he joined the group.
Hawk nodded and looked at his phone as it vibrated. It was Cara. He slipped it back in his pocket. There was no fucking way he was ready to talk to her. Asking me to choose was not the way to go, babe.
A portly man with long blond hair came over to Hawk and high-fived him. “Long time, brother,” he said.
“Rollo. How the fuck have you been?” Hawk handed the brother a bottle of Coors.
“Can’t complain. I hear the pussy’s real good around here.” He brought the bottle to his lips.
Hawk, Throttle, and Rock laughed. “That’s what we hear too, but you’re gonna have to ask one of the brothers who isn’t hitched,” Throttle said.
“That’s right. You all went and did some stupid shit and got old ladies.” Turning to Steel, he pointed to Goldie and Diablo. “What about you guys? Are you pussy-whipped?”
Goldie shook his head. “Hitched, but not pussy-whipped.”
As the men talked, Hawk saw Banger heading his way. They bumped fists, and Banger said his greetings to the Night Rebels brothers. Several of the club girls came in and out of the kitchen, bringing in trays of food that they set down on a long table.