He moved her over to the small sofa in front of the window, setting her down. Rain continued to beat and drip down on the glass behind her.
Killian remained standing in front of her, arms folded across his chest. “I am going to be hiring guards. This cannot happen again.”
She looked up at him sharply, words painful as they scraped through her throat. “What? No. Guards will scare the children. And they will scare off any child in need coming to this house.”
“This is not a negotiation, Reanna.” He ran his hand through his hair. “Guards will be hired. I will tell them to be discrete. But this place will have guards.”
He turned from her, pacing away, and then back to her. “Bloody hell, Ree, if I had not still been outside…your neck…” His hand went under her chin, tilting her head up, and he looked closely at her throat.
A flash of rage, completely uncontrolled, coiled his body. Growling, he spun away from her, punching the nearest wall. Plaster went flying.
Shocked into cringing silence, it took Reanna a moment to understand what had just happened. Whatever it was, it was not normal. She looked from the hole in the wall, to Killian’s back, staring at his heaving shoulders near to splitting his dark jacket. He did not turn back to her.
She stood up and slowly approached him. Fingers light on his shoulder, he twitched at the touch, but didn’t pull from her. “Killian, what just happened to you?”
The heaving slowed. But it still took long moments for him to speak. “The marks on your neck. You are beginning to bruise.”
Reanna’s eyebrows pulled together, confused as she rounded him. Her hand went to her throat, fingers covering the throbbing points in her skin. “I imagine they are, but what was that? The wall? Why?”
He closed his eyes, shaking his head. “The marks on your neck. I never thought…I never believed I would see anything like that again. Feel anything like that.”
“Killian, you are scaring me.” Her throat hurt with each and every word, but she kept on. “What you are talking about?”
She grabbed his upper arms and pushed him. At first he remained rooted in spot, until he took the tiniest shuffle backward. Reanna kept pushing until she had him sitting on the sofa.
She bent, resting on her heels in front of him, arms light on his thighs. She looked up at him, hoping she was covering the bruising from his sight. His knuckles were already bloodied, and she didn’t want him punching another wall. “Tell me what is going on. Tell me what that was.”
His eyes glazed slightly as he looked at her. Reanna watched as he disappeared into himself. Disappeared from her. And then he took a deep breath, shaking his head as his face turned grey, melding into the grey of the rain behind him.
He wasn’t going to tell her.
“No. Unacceptable. You are telling me what that was, right now.” Reanna grabbed his forearm, squeezing it. “Right now, Killian. Honesty.”
Another deep breath, head still shaking, and his eyes went to the ceiling. Moments passed, and then words started to trickle out. “Do you remember when I told you my father killed himself?”
Reanna nodded, a rock sinking into her stomach. “Yes.”
“He hung himself in the stables at Holloton. We had no staff then, because he had lost everything. Empty stables. So it was just me. I found him. I was six. His body was still jerking to a slow death. I could barely reach his feet, but I pushed up on his toes. He only had one shoe on. I tried for an hour to lift him. He was dead for most of it. My mother found us.”
His eyes moved across the ceiling, eventually dropping to Reanna. “She covered it up, his suicide, in order to keep the title safe. But I still remember the burns around his neck after she cut him down and sliced away the rope.”
Reanna’s hand went in front of her mouth, trying to push back the bile that her heart pounded into her mouth. She had no breath, not even enough to speak his name. All she could do was tighten her hold on his leg.
“After that, with no money, she sold everything not entailed, but still there was not enough money to pay the debts. And your father kept visiting, kept demanding what he was owed. She thought she hid it, his visits from me. But I watched. I knew. Months went by and every day he would visit, harass her, demand the money. Until one day, he proposed she whore herself out to him to erase the debts.”
Reanna’s frozen breath escaped in an outward gasp. “No…”
“It was what he was after all along. My mother refused, at first. But as she ran out of the last things to sell in the home, the things that would at least buy us food, she had to watch me go hungry every other day. So she eventually agreed. She convinced him to send me to school. And then she left for one of your father’s estates. I only saw her once after that, alive. In six years, only once. She looked like an old lady. Gaunt, lifeless, and she had marks like this on her neck.”
Killian’s fingers, light as air, ran across Reanna’s neck, pausing at each distinct bruise. His hand pulled back as he stared at the marks.
“The next time I saw her, it was when her body was delivered back to Holloton for burial. The day after I left for the military. The rest of the story, you know.”
Reanna forced down the lump in her throat, eyes not leaving his face. Watching the pain etch his eyes.
This was what she had been fighting all along, and never known it.
The pain of a six-year-old boy. The pain of a boy losing his mother. His father. It had truly never been about her. It was her father. “Killian, I am so sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?”
“My father—”
“Stop.” He leaned forward, eyes pinning her, voice vehement. “You are not your father, Reanna. You do not own anything he did. This is not your fault. Do you understand? You do not apologize for his actions. You are the innocent in all of this.”
She nodded, silent.
He straightened, closing his eyes.
“Is this all of it? The whole story?”
His head tilted in a slight nod as he exhaled. “There is nothing more to tell.”
Chest aching, Reanna went to her knees, slipping herself between his legs as her arms lifted. Slowly, her hands slid along both sides of his jawbone, moving upward to fully cup his face.
Killian’s eyes closed as he drew in air. His hands went over hers. “This. This is all I want. Your hands holding me. A home. I am at your mercy, Ree. Whatever. Whenever.”
Her fingers curled on his skin, voice cracking. “I am yours, Killian. I will deny it no longer. If you tell me I can trust this, I will. All of me. You have all of me, mind included.”
His arms were around her in an instant, dragging her body upward, even as he crashed down into her, his mouth attacking hers. His tongue found the depths of her mouth, desperate, searching to feel the words she had just uttered.
She met his demand, teeth on his tongue, as her knees came up, wrapping herself around his waist, pressing her body into him, soft against hard.
“Trust it, Ree. Trust me.” One of his hands went deep in her hair, and he shifted her head, gaining access to pull back and trail the heat of his mouth down her neck.
She needed her body next to his and fought him, arching inward, but he refused, leaning back so he had full reign on her chest, fingers finding their way under the top lace of her muslin dress and pulling the fabric down.
His mouth captured her nipple before the cool air could shock the free bud. She curled around his head, fingers deep into the thick of his dark blond hair. Already, her core was alive, begging for release, begging for Killian deep within her.
He pulled back at her shudder, looking up at her face, his eyes reflecting the same unsatisfied smoldering reverberating through her body.
His hand went up to her face, gripping her jaw. “God help me, Ree, I want you. I need to be inside you right now. But not here.”
“You are not a man who denies himself what he wants, Killian.”
His eyebrows arched. “Do not look at me like
that, Reanna. This moment is taking every shred of will I possess to not rip this dress apart to get to your skin.”
The tip of her tongue escaped, licking her lips. “And I am not about to deny you. Never again. You locked the door. And the street…” She looked over his shoulder through the window, and then went up on her knees, thrusting her breasts in his face while she leaned over him, grabbing the drape and pulling it across the glass, blocking the street view.
She moved back, making sure her nipple teased his cheek, sliding across his lips. He couldn’t resist taking it in his mouth with a growl, rolling the nub between his teeth, owning it.
Her head tilted up, eyes closed as the shards of pleasure shot down her body. After a moment, she pulled away, looking down on him. “Are you about to deny me?”
Sliding a hand down his chest, she reached between them, grabbing his hardness, fingers enveloping through the fabric, tugging. Her mouth went down to his ear, hot breath wrapping the back of his neck. “I need you deep, Killian. Right now. Making me yours. Complete. Honest. All of you.”
“Damn, Reanna.” He turned his head, capturing her mouth again.
His hand was diving under her skirts before she caught a breath from the kiss. His fingers plunged deep into her folds, and she curled at the touch, her head landing on his shoulder as her body both arched for more and fought bursting. She didn’t want it. Not without him buried inside her.
She lifted herself on her knees, edging from his hand, and she ripped at his buckskin breeches, freeing him. Fingers engulfing him, she bent down, invading his mouth as his pushed her skirt up, bunching it at her waist.
“You are not going to let me strip you, are you?”
“No,” she said, breathless. “No time for that. We have everything we need right now.” She positioned herself above him, letting the wet tip of him play along her folds. She hovered for an instant, playing, enticing, driving herself into agony until she could take it no more.
Killian’s guttural moan pushed her into movement, and she lowered herself slowly, trembling, as every line, every ridge of him filled her.
When she had taken every bit of him in, she arched back, beginning slow gyrations that only served to pitch her body into a frenzy. Near screaming, she bit her lip, trying to hold back.
Killian would have none of it. He wrapped his hands around her hips, lifting her up and down, plunging ever deeper into her. Deeper than Reanna imagined he could go.
An instant before her scream, her body writhing, he reached up and grabbed her neck, dragging her down to him. He swallowed the scream that broke free as her body convulsed hard in orgasm.
It was minutes before sound or sight made their way into Reanna’s consciousness, and she found herself draped over Killian’s shoulder, gasping for breath, the aftershocks still sending tremors through her body. Eyes going wide, she popped up, looking down at him. “You are not done.”
His hand went up to her cheek, slipping under dark errant tendrils of hair. “Yours was too beautiful to miss. Your body giving over completely to me.”
Her hips started to swivel before she could reply. “I can still feel you throbbing deep within me. Do not deny me.” Her right hand went to her breast, cupping it as she lifted it to his mouth.
He didn’t take a breath before he attacked it, tongue circling, teeth pulling. She lifted herself until he was almost out of her, plunging down repeatedly, controlling every quake of his body. She taunted him, rewarded him, and when he could take it no more and strained for release, rasping growls escaping, she quickened her pace to match his groans.
His eyes were on hers when he came, deep in her, every muscle vibrating under her hands. Eyes that were honest, grateful, and open.
Promising the future. Promising a home.
{ Chapter 20 }
His breath hot on her naked chest, Killian fought to gain control of his muscles. His arms vises around her body, he knew he had her crushed into him hard. Too hard. But he didn’t care.
She was his.
There was nothing left to tell. She knew everything, and she still wanted him. A miracle. By some good grace of an angel above, she still wanted him. He was never going to let her go again. Never.
But he also knew his footholds were tenuous. He wasn’t about to make demands. Wasn’t about to scare her.
Despising his own arms for allowing her even a breath of air away from him, he loosened his hold and looked up at her. “Come home with me, Ree. For real. For forever. It is your home. It needs you in it. Or, hell, if you want to stay here, I will crawl into that cramped room of yours upstairs, and live with you there, even if my head hits the rafters. Either way, my home is with you.”
She smiled and her lips brushed against his forehead. “I must say, what you have done here—you have set this place up to run so smoothly, I almost felt unneeded when I came back.”
“I doubt that. You are a goddess to these children.”
“But you have made it very easy for me to say yes. To come home with you. And I think you knew exactly what you were doing in that regard.”
Killian shrugged, smirking. His wife had become rather canny. “I do like to plan things. And I could do nothing but remain most optimistic that you would eventually forgive me. It really was the only option I was willing to accept.”
She laughed. “Who said I forgave you?”
A dagger sliced through his chest, and Killian’s eyes turned hard. “You have not?”
Her hands went to his jaw, her blue eyes holding his gaze, twinkling. “I forgive you—no, I forgave you a long time ago. But that does not mean I wanted to tell you. To admit to it. To trust it. But I imagine I could not have done half the things we have been doing the past weeks, were that not the truth. Or, I am a trollop. That is also a possibility.”
“I will take the side of forgiveness over the trollop possibility.” He craned up and nibbled her earlobe. “I rather like you as an enthusiastic wife. Inspired imaginations and all.”
The madcap thudding of several children running down stairs echoed into the room.
Killian’s hands went to Reanna’s skirts, pulling them down behind her. “I imagine they will be trying to get in here within moments. I have to complement myself for my restraint.”
“That was restraint?”
Killian shrugged as he pulled up the bodice of her dress. “I did not rip your dress in two. Does that not qualify as restraint?”
“I could say the same about myself and your breeches.” Smile turning into a grimace, Reanna moved up on her knees, groaning as her legs slid off the sofa, feet meeting wood floor. “This place does have its drawbacks. I deserve the opportunity to rest my legs in peace after such strain.”
Killian stood up next to her, righting his breeches and shirt. Heart pounding in his chest, he looked down at Reanna, watching her smooth her dress and tuck rogue hair back into her chignon.
“Because I will not get two words in with you after we open that door, I need to know. It is honestly your decision to make, Reanna. I will be where you are.” He caught a lock of hair, twisting the silk of it around his finger before tucking it into her upsweep. “So are we to live here, or where we have the comfort of a bed in which I don’t have to silence your screams? And where there is plenty of time to rub your legs back into working?”
“Those are important points to consider.” She laughed, wrapping her arms around his waist and settling her chin on his chest as she looked up at him. “It is really my decision?”
“Yes. But I do prefer you make the one I am hoping you will.”
“Well, at least you admit to it.” Her fingers slipped around him to pointedly poke him in the ribs. “But as long as I can be over here daily, I think, above all, I like you best in your element. Big bed. Plucking flowers from the garden for me. Besides, if we bring the chess set over here, the children are bound to steal and lose all the pieces before we even set up to play.”
“Not that we would ever actually get the o
pportunity to play.”
“True.”
“Are you sure? I want you happy, Reanna. Willing. Not performing a duty. After all I did—”
Her forefinger went over his lips, cutting his words. “Make no mistake, Killian, I love you. And I love that that you want me happy, but truly, I only want to look to the future. Truly.”
Killian nodded, silenced by this beautiful woman who had forgiven him in every sense of the word. He did not deserve her. Or maybe he did. Maybe this was fate showing him that he was—could be a better man.
And now it was up to him not to let fate—or Reanna—down.
“Oh. I almost forgot.” His hands went on her arms, stepping away from her hold but keeping contact. “I wanted to show you something earlier. But we have no carriage at the moment.” He stepped to the window and pulled open the drape. “The rain seems to have stopped and I see a few stray rays of sun. Will you walk with me? Although it may rain again.”
“I will walk anywhere with you. Through anything with you.” She slid her hand into the crook of his arm. “But I will choose my footwear accordingly.”
Killian laughed, true and easy. Comfortable. Comfortable with his wife.
After navigating the gaggle of children all vying for their attention, especially the boys with Killian, since they hadn’t seen him in weeks, Killian and Reanna managed to escape only by promising to return in a few hours.
They set out, passing under streaks of sunlight in the air thick with humidity from the rain. Six blocks passed in comfortable silence before Reanna looked up at him, eyes twinkling.
“I have been curious about something for the past year.”
“You have? A whole year you sat on curiosity? Do tell.”
“What is your favorite color? I have always wanted to know.”
His favorite color? Killian didn’t break stride as he contemplated the answer. He knew from whence the question arose—she had asked Aggie that very question before their wedding. And at this moment, he was going to actually consider a real answer. A novel concept.
“I did not think it a hard question?”
Hold Your Breath 02 - Unmasking the Marquess Page 22