Remembering You

by Tricia Goyer

  Grandpa Jack paused in the middle of the cluster of men and scanned their faces. He placed a hand over his heart. He opened his mouth to say something, but—overcome with emotion—he closed it again. He looked at the faces, his eyes resting on each one before moving on, and she wondered if he saw them as they used to look—young, strong, handsome, brave, a bit scared. From the look in his eyes, he did.

  “I’m Ava.” She stepped forward. “Yes, I’m Jack’s granddaughter, and we’re excited to be here.”

  “Jack, it’s good to see you.” The jumble of voices started up again.

  “Jack, remember that time back in forty-two when you passed out when you saw it was a female nurse who would be giving you your physical?” The man’s chuckle was deep and filled the ornate foyer.

  “Or the time your boots got baked in the oven when you’d been trying to dry them?” another man chimed in.

  Everyone seemed to be talking at once. Their faces were bright with excitement. Their eyes sparkled. Gray heads bobbed as they spoke. Hands patted her grandfather’s shoulders and arms pulled him into hugs. Ava looked around for Dennis and Paul but didn’t see them. Maybe Dennis had taken his grandfather upstairs to his room before parking the car?

  The men continued, their voices ricocheting off the sparkling tile floor, the burgundy plaster walls, and around the crystal chandeliers, before drifting back down to them.

  Ava turned to Tana, attempting to speak up over the many voices. “What do you think? Should I ask the front desk clerk if he has one of those portable defibrillators on hand?” She chuckled.

  “This many excited seniors worries me,” Tana said.

  Ava laughed and gave her friend a one-armed squeeze and then went to the front desk to check in.

  “The room is under Jackson Andrews.” Ava leaned against the counter.

  “Yes, I have the room here,” the clerk said, impressing her with his English. “One hundred seventy euros a night.”

  Ava glanced at Tana. “How much is that in dollars?”

  “Approximately 225 American dollars,” the clerk answered for her. “Will that be on a credit card?”

  “I don’t understand. I thought the hotel rooms were already covered.”

  The clerk frowned and cocked one eyebrow.

  “Maybe you should ask your grandfather,” Tana suggested.

  “That’s a good idea.” Ava tucked a long strand of blond hair behind her ear. She hurried over to her grandfather, still deep in conversation, sharing old war stories. Tana followed.

  “Did anyone tell Jack yet?” a shorter man interrupted, glancing at his watch. He was stocky and round, and his face looked jolly, even with concern in his eyes.

  “Tell me what?”

  The room quieted, and it was only then Ava realized that their flushed faces had to do with something other than just meeting old friends.

  “It’s a big problem.” A tall man strode forward. He didn’t look as if he had lost an inch of his height over the years. The man’s commanding presence showed he used to be in charge of many of these guys. Even after sixty-seven years, they looked at him with respect.

  “Ava, this is Mitch Thompson, one of our former commanders,” Grandpa Jack said.

  “The tour guide’s been hospitalized somewhere in North Africa. They were doing a tour with veterans there. There was a bus accident. All the guys are okay,” he continued, but before he could finish, a few of the other veterans started in about friends they knew who’d fought in North Africa. Friends they hoped weren’t on that tour.

  “Excuse me.” Ava moved closer to Commander Mitch. “Are they bringing in another tour guide?”

  “There is no one else. Our tour guide had his own company. He ran the show himself.”

  “Is the tour canceled then? Did we come here for nothing? Are we going to have to head home?” Ava placed her fingers on her temples, pressing them hard. Trickles of sweat beaded on her brow and the men’s voices faded in and out as if someone was turning the volume in the room up and down.

  “There’s more,” the man added, running his hand through his graying hair. “We’re also out of luck concerning the hotels on the battle route. The hotel manager said the guide usually paid as he went. We’ll get our money back later, but that doesn’t help us now.”

  An older woman approached, placing a hand on Ava’s elbow. Her permed hair and the laugh lines around her eyes indicated she was much older than Ava, but not as old as the veterans. She was probably a daughter, Ava guessed.

  “What he means, honey, is that the rooms have been reserved, but they haven’t been paid for yet.”

  “My sister here called the chairman of the Mauthausen memorial committee,” the man said, “letting her know that we might not be coming for the ceremony next week. The committee was horrified we’d been left in such a situation. They’ve booked hotel rooms for us in the village of Mauthausen. They—” Emotion filled his voice, and he lowered his head, focusing on the floor’s marble tiles. “They are covering the cost of our rooms and food for the week. They also chartered a bus to drive everyone there. It should be here soon. We’re packing up and leaving for Austria.”

  “We’re heading to Austria tonight?” Ava pictured the map of the battle route. The tour was supposed to start in France and then travel through Belgium and Germany, finally ending in Austria. Looking over the agenda for each day, she’d written a short outline of places where she’d shoot footage and things she’d talk to Grandpa Jack about along the way. By heading to the last stop now, the veterans would lose so much…and she wouldn’t get the footage she needed. She suddenly felt sick, and her eyelids were weighed down with the weariness of every mile the airplane had just carried her.

  The permed-haired woman continued talking about how nice everyone on the committee was and how generous their gift, but Ava wasn’t listening. Instead, she glimpsed her grandfather’s face out of the corner of her eye. His head was lowered, his shoulders slumped. This had meant so much to him. Back in California, his dining room table had been covered with maps of the trip, along with maps of Belgium and Germany from 1942. He’d studied them on their airplane, his quivering finger following the lines on the map. There was a seriousness in his gaze that told her the path itself was just as important to him as seeing his friends again—if not more important.

  Grandpa Jack lifted his head and turned to her. He swallowed down emotion and his chin trembled. “We’re not going to Belgium?”

  His face became blurry. Tears filled her eyes as she saw his disappointment. He was the one who always took care of everyone else, and she’d never seen such desperation in his eyes.

  “Ava, I need to go to Belgium.” His voice was no more than a whisper. “I just have to.”

  “I don’t know how that’s going to work, Grandpa. But I’m sure Austria is nice.” She took his hand in hers. She felt Tana’s hand on her shoulder and appreciated the strength in her friend’s touch.

  Even though Ava tried to comfort her grandfather with her words, her heart pounded in her chest, and she knew this could be the end of it all—of her idea for battle site videos, of Todd’s trust in her, and maybe even her job as head producer. She pictured another red marker crossing out the script she’d planned for this trip.

  Her grandfather opened his mouth and then closed it again. He, too, was struggling with his words.

  “I can’t imagine coming all this way and missing out on so much. I just won’t have peace until I see a few things—places I’ve been.” His chin lowered and he fingered the handle of his suitcase, looking even wearier than he had when they first got off the plane. The spunkiness he’d had during the car ride was now gone.

  “There’s nothing really to see, just fields and trees.” Tana offered Grandpa Jack a smile. “I’ve gone before and there are only a few places that have actual memorials, and you’ll see the same types of little villages on the way to Austria. There’s really not much difference.”

  Ava knew Tana was trying
to help, but Grandpa Jack’s eyebrows furrowed even more. “It’s not just the countryside. There are other things. There is…” His voice trailed off, and then he looked away.

  “What, Grandpa?” Ava again thought about him on the plane, studying his maps. Moving from the hand-drawn battle-site map to the topography map. He studied every turn in the road and every hill, as if he was trying to find a path he couldn’t quite place.

  “What matters most is returning to the places that mattered to me.” His voice rose in volume. “I didn’t spend all this money just to see a hill someone else fought on.” He leaned against a high-backed red velvet chair for support.

  Tana looked to Ava. “I don’t think I said the right thing.”

  “It’s not like he’ll have a chance to come back in a few years,” Ava whispered, more for herself than Tana. She’d never gotten around to apologizing to her grandfather for their last confrontation, and even though they both tried to pretend it hadn’t happened, the underlying tension was there. She couldn’t imagine the tension—the sadness, the regret—if they didn’t get to tour the battle sites.

  Then again, could she do it alone? It would mean renting a car and driving in several countries. There were people who liked to prey on tourists. They could get lost or robbed. Her grandpa could get sick…and then where would she turn for help?

  If they went to Austria, everything would be paid for. She wouldn’t have to worry about food, hotels, the dangers of solo travel—or the limited budget on her credit card.

  Then again, she also had her assignment to consider. Todd was expecting video footage from battle sites. He’d gone out on a limb to help her. There were two guys counting on her. Her boss and her grandfather. She didn’t want to disappoint either one.

  “Have you seen Paul? Or Dennis?” Grandpa Jack scanned the room, his eyes widened, desperate. “I’d like to talk to them. Maybe we can make different plans than the rest of the group.”

  Ava looked around too. A boulder grew in her stomach, and she wished she had made more of an effort to talk to Dennis on the ride over. Maybe she should have apologized for what had happened so long ago. Maybe now that he knew it would be her with Grandpa Jack, he was hightailing it—trying to put some space between them.

  Ava rubbed her forehead, and she wondered when the guys had gotten the news. Surely if Dennis had known about the problems with the tour, he would have said something.

  He didn’t even say good-bye.

  “You’re right, Grandpa, we need to talk to Dennis and Grand-Paul.”

  “Ava, what are you going to do?” Tana no longer seemed put together or sophisticated as she chewed her thumbnail, eyes wide.

  “I’m not sure,” Ava muttered, pressing her fingers to her lips. She didn’t need to worry about where Dennis was. Even her worry over her job took a backseat for the moment. The videos weren’t the most important thing here. She needed to focus on her grandfather first. He needed this.

  Ava turned to Grandpa Jack and saw the deep sadness in his eyes. Tana grabbed Ava’s hand and patted it. Then she pulled Ava to the side. “Look at him, he’s heartbroken. You have to go.” Tana squeezed her hand tighter.

  “I’m not sure I can do it. I’ve never travelled in a foreign country. This isn’t like driving from Seattle to Northern California. I don’t know the language, or rather the languages. I don’t know how to drive on the roads.”

  “It’s not that hard. If I can survive here, so can you.”

  “Can you come with me? It would make me feel a whole lot better.”

  “Sorry, I have to work. But I can help you with the arrangements.”

  As Ava watched her grandfather’s age-spotted hand wipe tears—tears he was trying to hide—she knew what she had to do. She had to drive Grandpa Jack across Europe, taking him to the places that mattered most.

  He had places he needed to go, and a past he needed to confront. And she was the only one who could take him.

  Ava took a deep breath. “Okay, where do I start?”

  Chapter Seven

  Ava paused at the hotel room door before knocking. She heard voices inside and a tinge of anger punched at her lungs, making it hard to breathe. Grandpa Jack had asked the hotel clerk if Dennis and Paul had checked into a room. To Ava’s amazement, they had. Either they were clueless about the problem with the tour, or maybe they had the same plan as she did. Maybe they were going to strike out on their own.

  But Dennis could have at least let her know he was heading up to their room. He could have looked for her to try to talk about changes in their travel plans. Obviously, if they hadn’t taken the time to find her in the lobby, they weren’t interested in Ava and Jack’s plans. Ava wasn’t here to ask for company. She needed advice, though.

  She knocked, and Dennis answered the door.

  “Did you hear about the big problem?”

  “The tour cancelation? Yeah, I heard about it, but it’s not going to change our plans. I was on the phone with the rental car place asking if I could keep it for another week.”

  “So you’re not going to get on the bus?”

  “No. I know my grandpa wants to spend time with his friends, but he didn’t come this far to miss out on the battlefields. I was going to talk to you to see if you’d be interested in going together—following the original route.” He sounded all business.

  “Yes.” The word slipped out of her mouth and with it, some of her pent-up anxiety. “We’d already decided that too—that we weren’t going to head to Austria with the others.” She bit her lip. She looked into Dennis’s dark blue eyes and heat rose up her neck. She looked at his jaw, his neck, remembering when she’d snuggled under his chin with his arms wrapped around her. Ava pushed her lower lip out, trying to hide her attraction. Even though he wasn’t the same charming Dennis she remembered, she couldn’t deny how handsome he was. She hoped that the uptight Dennis from earlier was gone. He seemed a little more at ease, and he had asked if she would—they would—join them. “I’ve never driven around Europe before. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to do it alone.” She tried to make her voice sound natural.

  “Great.” Dennis nodded. “We’ll head out in the morning.”

  “You want to meet downstairs at breakfast?” Nervous energy seemed to radiate from her chest, and she wondered if he could feel it. They were really going to do this—head off across Europe alone. The small hairs on her arms rose at the thought of all those miles spent together. As she looked at him, it was the old Dennis who stood before her. There was no snobby attitude, just an easy presence that made her wish they could begin their adventure now.

  “Sounds like a plan.” He stepped back from the door.

  Ava turned and started down the hall.

  “Ava!” he called after her.

  She turned. “Yeah?”

  “I’m sorry you thought I abandoned you.”

  She knew he was talking about today, but deep down she wished the apology was for fifteen years ago. Even though she was the one who’d broken things off, she wished he had come after her. She wished the apology was for all the times between then and now that he could have reached out.

  She brushed her hair over her shoulder and shrugged. “That’s okay. No harm done.” She thought about saying more—about adding that she was looking forward to the coming week. He stepped back inside the door before she could.

  As she hurried to find Tana, she smiled at the adventure awaiting them.

  The elevator doors opened, and another hotel guest waved her inside. Ava crossed her arms over her chest as she stepped into the small elevator. A handsome Parisian with slicked black hair and wearing a business suit eyed her, but she focused instead on the lighted, numbered panel. Even then, she could feel his eyes on her. His closeness. She was consumed with his presence in the small space. Being in close proximity with Dennis in a car for a week would have the same effect. She wanted to be close to him but feared it just the same. Feared all the memories it would bring back. Feared a
ttraction and yet another longing for something—someone—she couldn’t have.

  Chapter Eight

  After Ava checked in, she made sure her grandfather got dinner. Then she and Tana hoofed it over to a mobile phone shop around the corner and picked up a cell phone for Ava, putting Tana’s number on speed dial. While her grandfather got ready for bed, Tana called to check in with her boyfriend, Pierre, and Ava found their previous itinerary online and called the hotels. She also took a minute to check to see if she’d gotten a return e-mail from Jay, but there was nothing.

  “You’ve come here at a good time.” Tana linked her arm through Ava’s as they walked down the hall toward the lobby. “Europeans go on holiday in August. It’s a nightmare trying to find a rental car and hotel rooms then.”

  “Good thing World War II ended in May. Wouldn’t want to mess with everyone’s holiday.” Ava chuckled, trying to ignore the unsettled feeling she had over using her expense credit card for the room. Todd knew that her expenses would be on the card, he just didn’t realize how much they would be. She’d thought about calling him and explaining, but he hated dealing with the financial side of things. It would be better for her just to take care of everything when she got home—save him from all the forms that needed to be submitted, the hassle. She also tried to ignore the unsettled feeling she had over Jay’s not e-mailing her back.

  She pushed both thoughts out of her mind and squared her shoulders. A lot had happened to disrupt their plans, but tonight was her one and only night with Tana. She needed to be present for that.

  She scanned the front lobby of the hotel. The clock was already inching toward ten o’clock. Her stomach grumbled, but she doubted there would be a restaurant open this late. Ava had eaten her last granola bar hours ago when her grandfather was enjoying dinner with friends.

  The foyer that had previously been packed with old men, suitcases, and anxious family members was now empty, and Ava assumed everyone was on their way to Austria. Well, everyone except Grand-Paul and Dennis. She hoped they were upstairs resting peacefully.