by Unknown
“What if you could meet her?”
“Yeah, pretty much impossible, considering I was declared dead when I was sixteen. It’s bad enough that I told you my secret, I can’t bring another innocent person into this.”
“We don’t have to tell her anything. We are, after all, identical twins. She wants me to go on a picnic with her tomorrow. I want to go, but there’s an emergency at the church that I really need to attend to. This would give you a chance to meet her, and get to know her while I take care of other obligations.”
Jackson playfully elbowed his brother.
“Oh, I see how it is. Use me to pawn off your fiancée when you have more pressing matters to attend to.”
Jonathan knew his brother was teasing him. He felt bad that he even had to choose between the girl he adores, and the people who depend on him. At least this way, his brother would get a chance to be out in the open, and it will give him a chance to get to know Clara. He wanted his brother in his life as much as possible. This was one way to include him.
“So, what do you say. Are you willing to pretend to be me for a day?”
“I have to admit, it’s not such a bad idea. I haven’t been out in plain site during the day in years. But, what if she tries to kiss me?”
“Come up with an excuse. Tell her you have a slight cold and you don’t want to get her sick.”
“What if she wants more?”
“Not likely. We decided that we would wait until after we’re married, so no chance of that happening. Relax and go have fun, but you better keep your hands to yourself.”
Jonathan gave a little laugh, but Jackson could see he was serious. This girl was defiantly something special to his brother.
“All right, I will try your crazy plan and meet her tomorrow. When and where do I pick her up? You better give me the low
down on her, and any secrets in your relationship so that I don’t screw this up.”
Jonathan smiled. He was exited for his brother to meet Clara. He wrote down some information on a sheet of paper, and handed it to Jackson.
“Here is her address, and the time to pick her up. Don’t be late. It’s not like me to be late.”
~~~~
The next day as Jackson approached Clara’s house, he was starting to second guess his decision to pretend to be Jonathan. He is nothing like Jonathan. She would probably see right through him. Jackson had grilled his brother the rest of the day with questions about their relationship. He was so afraid of making a mistake, or worse yet, blow his cover. Jonathan had given him thorough responses. By the end of the night, Jonathan had felt confident that his brother could handle the task of meeting his fiancé without any incidents.
Now as Jackson took a step toward the front door, he felt extremely nervous. He had expected Clara to be the one to
answer the door. He was not prepared for her father to be the one to greet him.
Clara’s father gave him a once over, and Jackson thought for sure he was busted. But, her father just cleared his throat and greeted him with a smile.
“Well, hello Jonathan. Clara said you would be coming by to pick her up today.”
“Mr. Mitchell.”
“Now Jonathan, we’re way beyond you calling me Mr. Call me Trent. Soon, you’ll call me dad. Come on in, Clara is almost ready.”
“Thank you.”
If Jacksons’ nerves were on edge before, he was now more nervous than he had ever been in his life. He had never had to deal with the dad situation. It was clear to him that Trent liked Jonathan. He really hoped he didn’t blow it today.
Trent led Jackson into the parlor. “Can I get you a drink?”
Jackson felt as if he really could use a stiff drink, but Jonathan doesn’t drink alcohol, so he had no choice but to decline. “No thank you. I’m good.”
Jackson watched as Trent turned to pour whiskey into a glass for himself. Jackson had to stop himself from licking his lips. He regained his composure before Trent turned back toward him.
“So, I hear you have a meeting with the President later this month. Between you and me, there is no reason for him not to give his blessing to you both. Tell me, how are your parents? I haven’t seen them since they left for West America on a mission for the President.”
Just hearing Trent mention his parents put Jackson on edge. He hadn’t seen them since the night of his casting ceremony. The night he had walked away from everything to join the group of assassins. He had watched his funeral on a monitor. His parent’s hadn’t even shed one tear for him. It was his brother who had cried for him. Even though Jonathan knew he was still alive, he still wept for his brother, and the life he would never have.
Jackson didn’t know how to answer him. Before he could come up with a lie, he heard footsteps coming down the hall.
He breathed a sigh of relief when Trent said, “That must be Clara now. We’re in the parlor pumpkin.”
“Dad, I told you to stop calling me that.”
Trent laughed and went to greet his daughter. He gently kissed her on the cheek.
“Jonathan was just about to tell me about his parents. Weren’t you?”
Jackson couldn’t speak. He was mesmerized by the beauty before him. Clara was more beautiful than he’d imagined. She stood around 5’5 inches tall with long chestnut hair that hung in loose curls down her back. Her eyes were a deep bluish green, almost turquoise color. He had never seen that color of eyes before. They were mesmerizing.
She wore a cute little blue sun dress. He followed the length of her body from her shapely tanned legs down to her sandal covered feet. She looked innocent, yet there seemed to be something in her eyes that was begging for an adventurous side to come out.
Jackson swallowed hard. He cleared his throat in order to find his voice. He held out his hand, and said the only thing he could say,
“Are you ready to go?”
17
Three years ago
As Clara and Jackson rode the train to their designated picnic spot, she did most of the talking, which was fine with him. Jackson knew that Jonathan was usually quiet, which made it easier to pretend to be him. Since Jonathan and Jackson met on a regular bases, it was easy to communicate with her.
Jackson was content to listen to Clara carry on about her plans to help his brother with the church. She had amazing ideas on how to help the lower class. He could tell that she was excited to be a part of Jonathan’s work. Jackson knew how much the church and the people meant to Jonathan, so hearing Clara’s enthusiasm for helping, put him a little more at ease about their relationship.
It didn’t take long for Jackson to realize that Clara was a very giving person. It made him yearn for someone to love him, someone like Clara. She just seemed to be so full of life.
After listening intently to Clara, Jackson decided that it wouldn’t hurt to relax a little, and enjoy her company. This would be the closest he would ever get to a relationship.
Besides, it wasn’t like he was going to kiss her or anything.
Thinking about kissing Clara, sent Jackson’s eyes downward toward her moving lips. For a moment he became lost in the thought of kissing her lips. So lost, that he hadn’t realized he was leaning toward her to do just that.
Her voice brought him back to reality.
“What are you doing? Are you feeling all right?”
Jackson shook his head to clear it.
“I’m fine. Why do you ask?”
“Well, you just tried to kiss me.”
“Oh, did I?”
“You know public display of affection is off limits until the President declares us officially engaged. Why do you think I want to take you for a picnic in the woods?”
Clara gave him a mischievous look.
Uh oh, he’s in trouble. She’s trying to seduce him, no wait, she’s trying to seduce Jonathan.
Jackson could see why Jonathan had lost his heart to this girl. He felt he was in danger of doing so himself, and he had just met her less than
an hour ago.
While Jackson pondered how he was going to survive the next few hours with Clara trying to seduce him, she grabbed his hand, and led him to a path in the woods. They walked in silence for fifteen minutes. Clara seemed to come alive in the woods, and he was content just to watch her. He was relieved that she no longer felt like talking.
Five minutes later, they found themselves at a secluded lake. Jonathan had told Jackson that he had never been to the lake before, so he felt safe commenting on it.
“Wow, this place is amazing. How did you know this was here?”
“My mom used to bring me here when I was a child. She told me to keep it a secret. To keep it a special place for me, and someone I cared about. She had a dream that we would build a house here someday, but my father refused to leave the city. He said he needed to be close to the Capital in case the President needed him.”
Jackson smiled. He felt himself relax a little bit more. He did feel a little guilty that it was him, and not Jonathan she was sharing this information with.
“Thank you for bringing me here, and sharing this with me. It means a lot to me.”
Clara smiled at him. If she did that one more time, he knew it was all over. Her smile lights up her face, and he couldn’t get enough of it.
He watched her as she placed a blanket by the lake. When she began to take food out of her basket, he immediately went to assist her. He wanted nothing more than to please her at that moment.
While laying out the food, their hands accidentally touched. Jackson jumped back. Such a small touch had ignited so many feelings inside him. Feelings he never thought possible. Clara was not sure what to think of his abrupt movement away from her.
“Jonathan, are you sure you’re all right? You’ve been acting distant since you arrived at my house.”
Jackson knew he had to re-assure her. He didn’t want her to start getting suspicious.
“I’m fine. I promise. There’s just a lot going on at work, and with the church. Really, I’m just tired. Please think nothing of it.”
“You poor thing. Forgive me, I know you’re under a lot of pressure, and adding wedding preparations to that list doesn’t help matters.
“Nothing to forgive. I just want you to be happy.”
“You know how happy I am with you. I love you.”
Jackson almost faltered. He knew those words were for his brother, but they sounded so good to his ears. He longed for someone to love him. But he knew it would never happen for him.
They ate in silence. Again, Jackson was relieved with the lack of communication between them. The less they communicated, the less chances he had to screw up.
After lunch, Clara jumped up, and started to undress.
“Um. What are you doing?”
“You did remember to bring a swimsuit right? I told you earlier this week you would need one.”
“Of course I remembered. I’m sure I have one in my bag here.”
Jonathan had handed Jackson a bag last night before they parted. He thought nothing of it at the time, but now he could only hope that he would find a swimsuit in the bag, and thankfully a swim shirt. If Clara saw him without a shirt on, she would see the scars that would give him away.
Clara turned around while he slipped out of his clothes. When Jackson turned back around, he couldn’t take his eyes off of her body, which was clad in a two piece swimsuit. If he made it through this day, he was seriously going to kill his brother.
All Jackson could think of while they were immersed in the water, was Clara’s body. If she wasn’t engaged to his brother, he would make her his right here and now. It was only because of Jonathan that he fought his urges.
They swam around and splashed playfully at one another for a bit. Jackson was reminded of a time when he and Jonathan used to go swimming together as kids. He pushed the memory down. It was no use in thinking of the past.
Jackson watched as Clara dove under the water, but she didn’t immediately come back up. Jackson started to panic when he felt a hand on his calf. Clara pulled herself up right in front of him. Her mouth was just inches from his. He could clearly read the desire in her eyes. He swallowed hard. This was not good.
Clara leaned in and lightly bit his ear, then whispered seductively, “I want you.”
Jackson’s knees buckled and he almost collapsed in the water.
“I know we agreed to wait until after we’re married, but I don’t want to. Don’t you want me?”
Jackson hadn’t wanted anything more in his life.
“You know how important it is to me to wait until we’re married.”
It hurt Jackson to say those words, but he was supposed to be Jonathan. If he were free to be himself then he would have taken her the moment she had come up from the water.
“How about just one little kiss then?”
Jackson pulled away from her.
“I think it’s about time to get out of the water now.”
He could see the hurt look on her face, and he hated that he was the cause of it. It was better to have her mad at him than to deal with his brother’s wrath.
“You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking. We should go.”
As Clara left the lake to dry off, Jackson watched her. Her spirits seemed to be low now. He had seen so much life in her eyes earlier. She’s a free spirit just dying to get out. He wants his brother to be happy, but he feels that the life Jonathan wants to lead will only smother Clara’s fire and passion.
Jackson could have sworn he saw a tear streak down her cheek. He couldn’t take it any longer and he charged out of the water. When Clara turned around to say something, he didn’t let her get a word out. He placed a hand on one side of her face, while his other hand grabbed her around the waist in order to pull her closer to his body. His lips devoured hers in a passionate kiss. He wanted her to feel just how much he wanted her.
Clara responded with immense passion. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in closer. He moaned in part ecstasy, and part agony. He pulled her body tighter against his own.
Clara felt like she was floating. Her body was on fire. Jonathan had never kissed her like this before. She didn’t know what had come over him, and she didn’t care. The only thing she wanted more of, was him.
“Make love to me Jonathan.”
Hearing Jonathan’s name was enough to bring Jackson back to reality. It took all his strength, but he gently separated their bodies.
“I want to more than you know. You have to believe me. I just feel that it would be better to wait until after we’re married like we agreed.”
Jackson was expecting Clara to become angry. It surprised him when she didn’t.
“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I know how much it means to you to wait. Please forgive me.”
Jackson was surprised that she felt the need to apologize. It should be him apologizing to her, and to his brother.
“It’s not your fault. I take all the blame for this. I forgot myself for a moment. You’re just so beautiful, that I forgot myself for a moment.”
Clara smiled up at him. “Let’s just forgive one other, forget this every happened, and enjoy the rest of our day.”
Jackson returned her smiled. He felt relieved to have dodged the situation. “Sounds like a plan to me.”
For the next few months, Jackson would fill in for Jonathan when he asked him to. Jackson didn’t mind. He loved spending time with Clara. When they were together it was as if his life as an assassin was only a dream. For a moment, he could pretend to be a normal guy and forget about the people he had killed.
There were a few times when their passion took over. It wasn’t something Jackson was proud of, but he never took advantage of Clara. It was hard for him to be around her and not want to kiss her or just to simply hold her hand.
If Jonathan knew something was going on between them, he never mentioned it. He was sure she would mention things to Jonathan as a reminder of what they h
ad supposedly done together, but the subject never came up between the brothers.
Jackson could have went on like that forever, but it wasn’t meant to be. He received a mission to take out a target, and it just happened to be the same night his brother was brutally murdered, and Clara was attacked. It was the night his life would change forever.
18
Clara - Present day
I listen intently while Jackson tells his story. Thinking back, it all makes sense to me now. I couldn’t ever figure out why Jonathan would be so passionate one moment, and so distant the next.
Then, the realization of what Jackson and I had done took hold. I couldn’t believe that I had betrayed Jonathan, and with his very own twin brother. On the other hand, did Jonathan think so little of his brother, and me for that matter? Why would he put us in that kind of a situation?
“Clara.”
Hearing my name brings me back to reality.
“Please say something. Say anything.”
I’m angry, and I want him to know it.
“Get out!”
“Please let me explain.”
I don’t want to hear another word come out of his mouth. I just can’t be around him right now.
“Nothing you can say to me at this moment will take away the pain I feel right now. I want you to leave before I really lose my temper.”
Jackson could only nod. He knew she needed time to process the information that he’d just given her. He would have preferred to have left it alone altogether, but she had a right to know the truth. He would respect her wishes and leave her alone, for now.
I watch as Jackson walks out the door, and softly closes it behind him. I know he expected more from me, but I can’t give him what he wants. I need time to fully process all the information he just unloaded on me.
I fall to the floor with my face in my hands. I’m ashamed of how I had betrayed Jonathan. Even if I didn’t know I was doing it, it still feels wrong. I feel more ashamed of the way I had responded to Jackson then, and the way my body responds to him now. I keep waiting for the tears to fall, but they don’t come. Perhaps I don’t feel as guilty as I should, or perhaps, I have cried enough tears over Jonathan Blake.