by Arlene James
Relief warred with exhaustion and the need to help Amanda Sue feel better, but Emily knew that she had to try to call Logan. He would want to know what was wrong with his daughter. She called his cell phone number repeatedly but continually got the system message that he was unavailable. Finally she called Carol and delegated the task, passing on the news in the process. By the time Amanda Sue had eaten her dinner, been wrestled into submission for the application of ear drops and had her vitals taken for the third time, Emily was emotionally and physically drained, but the baby was so clingy that she did not dare try to put her down for a nap. Instead, they curled up together in the rocking chair and turned on the television, choosing a program designed for toddlers. They were sitting there like zombies when the nurse came in with more medication for Amanda Sue.
This time the medicine made Amanda Sue sleepy, and Emily was finally able to kick off her shoes and stretch out on the bed provided for that purpose. Her last thoughts as she succumbed to the pull of sleep was for Logan. She hoped Carol had reached him and that he now knew Amanda Sue was going to be okay. She couldn’t help wondering, too, what he would say and do when he saw her again. Would he be angry as before, or did they have a chance of getting together for good, of being a real family?
Logan fought the urge to run and call attention to himself. His long, duster-style coat billowed out behind him as he strode through the impersonal corridors, trying to find his way with only the aid of small signs posted on the occasional corner. After persuading the emergency room nurse to give him Amanda Sue’s room number and slipping past the security guard, he wasn’t about to provide anyone with a reason to toss him out now. The hospital was proving to be a warren of corridors, squares inside of squares bisected by other squares, but eventually he found a promising sign and followed the arrow in the direction indicated. Thankfully, the nurse’s station was temporarily abandoned. He strode past without a pause. When he came to what he assumed to be the correct room, he had a decision to make. Did he knock and disturb whoever was inside or did he just slip in and take a look? He opted for slipping in quietly. What he found warmed him immensely.
Emily reclined with her back to the door on a bed next to the crib where Amanda Sue slept. He went to his daughter first, judging her condition by the gentle rise and fall of her chest and the paleness of her skin. His hands gripped the cold metal rails of the crib as he prayed again for the health and quick recovery of his precious little girl. At least, he told himself, she was resting peacefully.
Turning away, he bent over Emily. Shadows of weariness bruised the delicate skin beneath her eyes, and her clothing was rumpled and creased. Obviously she had come straight from the office, without taking time to change into more suitable attire. He hated to wake her, but at the same time he desperately needed to hear the sound of her voice and learn news of his daughter. He placed a hand on her shoulder and gently shook it. She came awake slowly, first murmuring, then rolling onto her back before opening her eyes. He lifted a finger to his lips, requesting silence, but she merely rubbed her eyes and looked up at him again.
“Logan?” she whispered, struggling up onto her elbows. He signaled for quiet again, pointed to the door, then picked up the shoes she’d left on the floor beside the bed. Sitting up, she slipped the shoes onto her feet and slid off the bed, while checking to see that Amanda Sue still slept. Together they moved out into the corridor.
“How did you get here?” she asked softly. “The last newscast I saw said O’Hare was still socked in.”
He made a gesture of dismissal even as he answered her. “That doesn’t matter. What about Amanda Sue? How is she? What does the doctor say?”
Emily told him exactly what Dr. Costas had told her. He sagged against the wall in relief and bowed his head. When he opened his eyes, they were filled with tears. “She is going to be all right, then? They’ll find an antibiotic to fight the infection?”
“I’m sure they will,” Emily assured him, gripping his hand. “The nurse says they have lots of new drugs to choose from. It’s just a matter of finding the one she responds to best.”
Logan nodded wearily, lifting her hand to his cheek. “Thank God. Thank God. And thank you for being here. What would I do without her? Or you?”
To his surprise, she turned her hand to cup his cheek. “I want to be here,” she said softly, “for both of you.”
He searched her eyes for a long moment, praying that she meant that in the way he hoped. “I’m going to hold you to that,” he told her finally. She nodded and leaned into him, sliding her arms around his waist.
He’d done a lot of thinking these past few days, and he’d come to the reluctant conclusion that if he’d asked her to marry him early on rather than reverting to habit and settling for seduction, they might have been together all along. One thing was certain, he’d been in love with Emily Applegate for a long time, but he’d been unwilling to admit it, even to himself. How could he expect her to believe his love was real without the ultimate commitment from him? He was determined to remedy that, and for the moment at least, she seemed willing to let him try. Pressing his cheek to the top of her head, he wrapped her in a fierce hug.
“We have to talk, Em,” he told her meaningfully.
“I know.”
Before he could say anything else, a nurse bustled up.
“The planes are flying out of Chicago again, I see,” she commented with a wry smile.
“I wouldn’t know about that,” Logan told her. “I rented a car and drove south until I found an open airport, then I hit Atlanta, Memphis and Dallas before I finally got a flight to San Antonio.”
“You must be exhausted,” Emily exclaimed, sounding endearingly concerned.
He nodded. “No more so than you, I expect.”
“I hate to say it,” the nurse interjected, pushing open the door, “but I have to wake this little lady now, so prepare yourselves for a bit more stress.”
Emily sighed, but Logan couldn’t help feeling glad for the opportunity to hug his daughter. Capturing Emily’s hand, he kept her close as they followed the nurse into the room. Going to the crib, the nurse reached up and snapped on the overhead light. Amanda Sue screwed up her eyes but then lifted an arm to shield them and snoozed on. The nurse took out a stethoscope, warmed it against her palm and lifted Amanda Sue’s gown to press it to her chest. Gradually, Amanda Sue roused and looked around her. Pushing at the nurse, she cried for Emily.
“I’m here, angel,” Emily said in a soothing tone, stepping close to the crib. “And look who else.”
Logan stepped to Emily’s side and smiled at his little girl. Amanda Sue blinked against the light, then her eyes flew wide and she hurled herself upward, crying, “Daddy!”
Logan caught her and lifted her against him. “Hello, ’Manda mine. Oh, I’ve missed you so much! I’m so sorry I wasn’t here when you got sick. Give me hugs.”
Amanda Sue wrapped her arms around his neck and nearly crushed it in her exuberance. She immediately twisted around then and pointed toward the door. “Oan go home.”
Logan chuckled, delighted to find that she was still his strong, willful little girl. “We can’t go home just yet, sweetheart. You have to get better first.”
“Which means, I have to take your temperature,” the nurse said, coming around the crib to try to insert the tip of the digital thermometer into Amanda Sue’s ear.
The fight was on then, and Logan wound up sitting in the rocker with Amanda Sue in his lap, her arms trapped in a hug while Emily inserted the thermometer and the nurse stood across the room demonstrating empty hands. Eventually, they got through the vitals check and managed to pour Amanda Sue’s medicine down her. After the nurse left them, Logan spent several happy minutes with his daughter, talking to her, kissing her, and holding her close until the medication began to work again and her eyelids drooped over her beautiful eyes. When at last she slept again, he laid her in her crib, covered her gently and stood watching her. When Emily moved to his
side, he wrapped an arm around her and held her close. This was what he wanted. Amanda Sue and Emily. Emily and Amanda Sue. Always.
“I’d better go.” Emily whispered. “I know you want to stay here, and you need to get some sleep.”
“So do you,” he said, “and I don’t like the idea of you driving alone so very late when you’re this tired. Don’t go. I won’t rest if you do.”
“But there’s only the one bed,” she pointed out.
“I know, and it’s only a single, but I don’t mind if you don’t. I’m so tired I’ll drop right off—especially if I have you close to me.” He coaxed her with a pleading look and a brush of his knuckles against her cheek. “I’ve missed you more than I can even tell you. Just let me hold you. Please.”
She nodded almost shyly, whispering, “I’d like that.”
For a moment he wished it could be more, much more, but here and now was not the place or time for more, and he was determined that if and when he made love with her again the time, the place and the circumstances would be perfect. He turned off the light and finally shrugged out of his coat, draping it over the rocker. Silently, he and Emily sat on opposite sides of the bed and removed their shoes. Then very carefully he lay down on his side and opened his arms. Emily sank down next to him, her back to his chest, and he looped his arms around her. After a moment she snuggled closer, and so did he. Closing his eyes, he began a prayer of thanks.
Emily stretched, happily aware of Logan’s big, warm body next to her. She hadn’t slept so soundly in a very long time. Somehow, she had to find a way to go back to him, a way to overcome her doubts and fears, because living without him just was not an option any longer. Perhaps it never had been.
“Well, good morning.”
The sound of a woman’s voice, slightly amused, definitely questioning, had Emily’s eyes popping open. A well-dressed redhead with an expensive handbag hanging from one arm stood next to Amanda Sue’s crib. Emily sat up, rousing Logan.
“Hello.” Her gaze went to Amanda Sue, who sat in her crib calmly trying to fit her teddy bear’s head into a plastic cup. Emily slipped off the bed, torn between embarrassment and mild alarm. Who was this woman? And should she be standing so close to Amanda Sue?
Logan groaned and sat up sluggishly, saying, “Hello, Mother.”
Emily’s gaze flew to Mary Ellen Fortune. She saw the resemblance now, but she wouldn’t have guessed at first glance that this woman could have grown children as old as Logan and Eden, not to mention Holden who was even older. Conscious of her own rumpled clothing and falling hair, Emily inwardly grimaced.
“You must be Emily,” Mary Ellen said, reaching across the crib to offer her hand. Emily gave it a quick shake and tried to smooth her skirt.
“Yes. How did you know?”
Mary Ellen smiled wryly. “Let’s just say mother’s intuition.” With that she turned to Logan. “I see you made it in. The nurse tells me our Amanda Sue is going to be just fine. Thanks for calling, by the way. Frankly, when my phone rings in the middle of the night I tend to assume it’s my wayward brother Jace. Then—would you believe it?—he called me this morning just as I was leaving the house.”
Logan nodded groggily and got to his feet. “How is Uncle Jace?”
Mary Ellen made a face. “Who knows? He sounded tired to me. Apparently this has been a difficult assignment.”
“Aren’t they all?” Logan quipped, smiling at his daughter. “Good morning, sunshine.” He walked around the bed and stood next to Emily, a hand on her shoulder. “How’d you sleep?” he asked softly.
She attempted a smile, heat working its way toward her face. “Fine.”
“Me, too.” He kissed her on the temple and turned to his mother. “Did Jace say where he is?”
She waved a hand. “Afghanistan? Turkey? He didn’t really say. In fact, all he did say is that he’s coming home—for good this time—and he really sounded like he meant it.”
“I wouldn’t make book on it,” Logan said. To Emily he explained, “Jace is a reporter with a taste for danger. You probably saw his face on TV during the Gulf War. Jace Lockhart?”
She considered. “Name sounds familiar.”
“But enough about Jace,” Mary Ellen said. “What does the doctor say about my granddaughter?”
Logan explained the prognosis while Emily excused herself to freshen up in the bathroom. Not that she could do much with the tiny hairbrush and the few cosmetics that she carried in her purse. Fortunately sample bottles of mouthwash and liquid soap were provided by the hospital and stored in the bathroom medicine cabinet. After cleaning up, Emily had to be content with brushing out her hair and applying a little lipstick.
When she went out, Logan quickly took her place. Mary Ellen was changing a diaper. Other than seeming subdued, Amanda Sue appeared well. She pointed at Emily and announced to her grandmother, “Mimly.”
Mary Ellen barely glanced up. “We’re very grateful to Emily, aren’t we?” she said to her granddaughter. “She’s taken very good care of you.”
Emily smiled at the backhanded compliment and approached the bed to stroke Amanda Sue’s hair. “I’m glad I could be here.”
Mary Ellen finished the diapering job and lifted Amanda Sue into her arms. “So am I,” she told Emily forthrightly. “I know that Logan trusts no one more than you when it comes to his daughter.”
“Well, Carol is certainly capable—” Emily began, but Mary Ellen cut her off.
“Carol is a dream, I’m sure, but my granddaughter—and my son—need more than Carol or any other nanny can give them.”
Emily didn’t know what to say to that. The implication seemed to be that Emily could, and should be, willing to be more than a caregiver to Amanda Sue and Logan alike. But it wasn’t that simple, and how could she possibly explain the situation to Logan’s mother? Cravenly, she was ready to bolt for the door when Logan reappeared.
“Mom, would you mind staying with Amanda Sue for a few minutes? I’d like to buy Emily a cup of coffee.”
Mary Ellen was delighted to occupy her granddaughter for a time. Logan gave Amanda Sue a kiss, assured her that Daddy and Emily would be right back, and steered Emily out the door without ever bothering to ask what she thought about his arrangements. Fortunately, she was only too willing to escape Mary Ellen Fortune’s sharp gaze.
“We can get coffee at the canteen just up the hall,” she pointed out as Logan steered her in the opposite direction.
“I don’t want coffee, I want privacy,” he said tersely. “I have something to say to you.”
Emily bit her lip, almost afraid to hear it, but she sensed that it would do no good to balk. She let him steer her through the maze of hallways, first one way and then another, until she began to wonder if he knew where he was going. Finally, he stopped at a small chapel.
“This might do.” He opened the door and practically shoved her inside. She looked around. They were, indeed, alone.
He led her to a short bench and indicated that she should sit down. She did so, and he sat next to her, taking her hand in his.
“First of all,” he began, “I understand why you left.”
She opened her mouth, intending to explain again what she’d been thinking and feeling, but he raised a hand to stop her.
“Let me finish, please.”
“All right.”
He seemed to search for the words. “Emily, I’m not proud of my record with women. I’ve been a fun-and-games kind of guy, and I always tried to be honest about it up front, but I realize now that I was fooling myself about that being enough. The truth is, I was afraid to try for more, afraid I’d be like my father.”
“Eden’s told me a good deal about him,” Emily said. “I think I understand that part of it better now.”
He nodded and rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb. “So do I. But I still let my…uncertainty cause me to make mistakes, and I apologize for that.”
She shook her head. “You don’t owe me any apolog
ies.”
“Yes, I do. I owe both of us an apology, because I didn’t do what I needed to do to make you believe that I love you with all my heart.”
Emily gasped, tears starting behind her eyes. “Oh, Logan.”
“Wait,” he said, “let me finish this.” She nodded, wiping away tears with her free hand, and he went on. “As usual, I focused on the sex—which was wonderful and I’ve missed it terribly, by the way—but it’s just a part of what I feel for you. It’s not even what I most want from you.”
“No?” she whispered tearfully, a terrible hope building inside of her.
“No. And it’s not someone to care for Amanda Sue, either,” he went on. “I have that. But my daughter has opened my eyes. Because of her, I’ve come to realize that fun and games is not enough for me.” He slid off the bench onto his knee, and Emily’s heart climbed into her throat. “Emily,” he said, “I cannot live the rest of my life without you. Please say you’ll marry me.”
For a moment, Emily couldn’t believe her ears, and then she laughed—and cried—and laughed again. “Logan, I love you!” she exclaimed, throwing her arms around his neck.
He pulled her off the bench and down onto her knees next to him, kissing her tenderly. “Is that a yes?” he asked afterward, his voice trembling with laughter and uncertainty.
She could only nod as tears began in earnest now. “If you’re sure. If you’re really sure.”
“Sweet heaven, Em, I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life,” he vowed. “I think I’ve been in love with you for a long time, but I never pushed for any kind of relationship outside of the office because I knew that you deserved better than I was willing to give. Then Amanda Sue came into my life, and everything shifted. I realized that I could be a good father and that I needed much more from you than an executive assistant. I thought that once I got you in my bed that would be enough, and in some ways it was. I was so happy with you, Em. I knew I was in love, and I wanted you to know it, too. In my heart, it was as if we were married already, and I let that be enough. I told myself that I was waiting for you to love me, too, but I knew that you’d never have made love with me if you weren’t in love with me. I avoided the commitment, Emily, and I’m so sorry for that. I want that commitment. I want you tied to me for the rest of my life, and I’m warning you now, I will never let you go again.”