I couldn’t help that I kept looking out my window at the parking lot, noticing as the minutes ticked by after four. I could help that I took the lipstick out of my purse and went to the bathroom to apply a fresh slick over my lips and smoothed my hair with the palm of my hand. I could also help that, when I went to my desk, I barely focused on the file in front of me.
Maybe he got tied up.
Maybe he’d forgotten.
The minutes continued to pass. Now, they started to fly.
Maybe he wasn’t coming at all.
I found myself growing more worried that his failure to show had more to do with the fact that we’d just had intimate relations and this was too soon to see each other again than with whatever excuse he could dream up.
Damn, I was a fucking mess. I couldn’t remember ever being this stressed over a guy—at least not since my teenage years.
My nerves were shot, and I found I just couldn’t concentrate on cerebral activities, so I began filing papers. It was crazy in this day and age that we still had physical files, but it was only a matter of time that they’d all be gone—and it wasn’t as bad as it used to be. At the moment, I was grateful, because it gave me something to do. There were also a few files I’d set aside that had tasks for Janae, so I gathered them up for delivery to her.
Just as I walked out of my office, I heard the front door open. Janae’s hand was outstretched to me but she smiled at the person who’d entered the lobby. “Mr. Craig, isn’t it?”
Oh, shit. Show time.
I should have known. I turned my head in time to see him give a slight nod to Janae, and I tried to force a smile, but I could tell it probably looked phony. Worse yet, I was still overwhelmed by the power of his presence. Even now, I felt drawn to him.
What the fuck was wrong with me?
“Hey, Sam. What’s up?” I could feel the back of my neck grow warm, because I knew Janae would most certainly note the casual way he addressed me—but there wasn’t a thing I could do about that now.
“Let’s go to my office.” I noted that he’d changed his clothes since this morning into a short-sleeved light blue button-down shirt with dark blue jeans. And my brain reminded me that I knew what was underneath it all.
Fuuuuuuck.
He took a seat as I shut the door and, when I sat at my desk, I could tell he didn’t have a clue about what was coming. He had a slight smile on his face and he seemed calm and at ease. “What’s going on?” Aw. Poor guy. He probably thought I was going to update him on his case.
God, I was an asshole.
I forced myself to look into his beautiful green eyes as I pushed the words out of my mouth. Why hadn’t I rehearsed this earlier today? “Ryan, what I’m about to tell you isn’t going to be easy, so please bear with me.” The way his eyes narrowed told me I had his attention but he still couldn’t see it coming. “What we did last night…”
He cocked an eyebrow, but he still wasn’t sure what I was going to say. What we’d done last night had blown me away on so many levels, but I wasn’t going to tell him that. He searched my eyes for an answer, so I shoved more sentences out of my reluctant mouth.
“I should say that what I did last night was way out of line. I crossed the boundaries of the attorney/ client relationship.”
I watched as he processed the information. “So?”
Shit. This was going to be like pulling teeth. “So…I am strictly forbidden to do that. There are rules we agree to when we become attorneys, and one of those rules states very clearly that, by having sex with you, I’m taking advantage of your trust and my position.”
“I didn’t say no.”
“That doesn’t matter. The rules include consensual sex.”
Ah, there it was. He was finally beginning to understand, and I could see that in his eyes. He took a little time, his eyes scanning mine for hidden meaning, his jaw rippling as he processed. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking, and it was driving me crazy. When he finally spoke, it was like a knife cutting through the air. “You know, you could have just said you didn’t want to see me again.”
My poor stomach had been through the ringer today, but we weren’t done. It nearly hit the floor as I realized that Ryan thought this was some elaborate ruse to dump him. “No, Ryan, that’s not what’s going on here.”
His jaw clenched again but, this time, when he spoke, it was through tight lips. He looked out the window towards the parking lot. “Whatever.” But he didn’t get up and leave, which meant I could continue talking.
“Seriously, Ryan, you don’t understand. I, um, I had an amazing time last night, and I’d love to do it again—but I could be disbarred because of what I did. I could be prevented from ever practicing law again.” He gave a slight nod but still wouldn’t look me in the eyes. I let out a long breath of air, wondering what I’d have to do to get through to him. “Ryan, you have to believe me.”
I expected him to yell at me or to get up and storm off, slamming the door behind me—but what he did next was somehow worse. He turned to look at me and all I could feel was coldness emanating from his body. “So what happens now with my case? I’ve already paid you guys a lot of money.”
“I know. You’ve already retained our services, so we won’t let you down—but my partner will have to handle your case from here on out.”
“Your partner?”
“Yes. Adam Solano.”
“But how does that work? You know what’s going on.”
Damn, this was harder than I thought. “He does, too, Ryan. Believe me when I say that Adam is the best lawyer I know. I’m not just saying that because he’s my partner. It’s true. He will handle your case well.” I was tempted to oversell Adam, telling Ryan he would handle the case even better than me, but that wasn’t necessarily true, and I figured saying something like that would just make things worse. I forced myself to maintain eye contact with him, but he looked over to the side of me, and I couldn’t tell what he was focusing on—but it wasn’t my eyes. “We’ve been partners for a long time, so I should know.”
“Fine.”
“Your case is textbook. He could do it with his eyes closed.”
Oh, why did I have to add that cherry on top? Because that sure caught Ryan’s attention.
He finally looked in my eyes again. “So now my case is textbook.” His jaw clenched once more. “Anybody could do it, right?”
“I didn’t say that. You’re taking this all wrong.”
“How am I supposed to take it?”
I leaned forward, hoping to keep him from looking away again. “I made a mistake, okay? Plain and simple. Don’t take it so personally.”
When he leaned forward to get even closer to me, his voice dropped and when he spoke, it was quiet and deliberate. “How the hell am I supposed to take it? It is personal.”
“Look, Ryan—”
“So where’s my lawyer?” I opened my mouth, ready to answer him, but he wasn’t going to let me. “If he’s going to represent me, I need to meet him.”
Abrupt. I could respect that—but I hadn’t expected it. I realized then that there was more to Ryan Craig than I’d given him credit for. He was stronger and more forceful than I’d perhaps initially anticipated—and that made me want him again.
What the hell was wrong with me?
I took a deep breath, putting on my lawyer face. It was time to be professional and stop arguing my case. “Okay. One second.” When I picked up the phone, I pressed the speed dial button to my partner’s line.
Adam’s voice was crisp and clean. “Yeah?”
“Adam, could you come to my office for a minute, please?”
“Sure. Just give me a second.”
I hung up the phone. Now there was an awkward silence, that feeling of discomfort and unease poised in the air, hovering over us. I hoped Adam wouldn’t take his sweet time making his way to my office. Now that the ice had been broken, I was ready to be done with the whole situation.
Ryan’s ey
es were glued to the window now, so that helped. “He’ll be here momentarily.” There was nothing else to do but wait, so I folded my hands on my desk, wondering if there was any way to repair the damage I’d done. The man across my desk who, less than twenty-four hours earlier, had rocked my world in ways few men ever had, now believed I was dumping him in spectacular fashion. I wanted to tell him that wasn’t my style. It really wasn’t. If that were the case, I just wouldn’t call him again or return his calls. That he was my client made things infinitely more difficult—and now I completely understood why that rule was there in the first place.
But it was a little late for that revelation.
There was nothing else I could say or do that would make things better. I had the right to remain silent, and that was exactly what I intended to do.
Unless my partner took fucking hours to get here.
Fortunately, another thirty seconds and then he put me out of my misery.
His air was authoritative but not unkind, and he took charge immediately. “Mr. Craig?” Ryan stood without hesitation and shook the hand Adam offered. After introducing himself, he said, “As you probably know, I’ll be representing your case for the duration.”
Ryan nodded. “Can I talk to you about it for a few minutes?”
“Sure. Come with me.” Adam pointed toward the door, and both men walked out of my office. But Adam looked back at me before leaving, and I couldn’t quite read his expression. Understanding? Compassion? Disappointment? Probably all of the above and more.
And then, left alone in the quiet of my office, I, Samantha T. Paulson, Attorney at Law, felt closer to tears than I had in ages.
What the hell was that all about?
Chapter Eleven
Shit. Ryan spent forever in Adam’s office. What the hell was going on in there? Questions or even an update shouldn’t have taken that long.
But part of my problem was the perception of time passing. It felt long because I was an emotional fucking wreck. And I worried what Ryan was thinking.
Dumb.
I didn’t get shit done while Ryan and Adam talked behind the closed door. Mine was open and I looked across the empty lobby from my desk as my intestines once again jumbled themselves into pretzels. Later, when Ryan finally left Adam’s office, I didn’t hesitate getting out from behind my desk. No debate with myself, no moral banter. I just did it. It was like I didn’t even care how much trouble I could be in at this point.
When I caught up to him, he was already at the front door walking out. “Ryan…”
He turned for just a second, long enough for me to see his jaw constrict. I couldn’t read his eyes, but he paused a moment while I crossed the lobby. Just outside, he stopped and we both stood on the sidewalk. Even though the sun was lower in the west, it was still hot out—hot enough that I’d have to take my suit jacket off if I were here too long.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?”
“What else could you possibly have to say?” Before I could come up with a good answer, he nodded his head toward the parking lot. “I have to get back to work. Make sure you say it in the time it takes me to get to my truck.”
Okay. Ouch. He started walking quickly. Now I was used to walking fast, but in my heels and with his stride longer than mine, I felt like I was all but running to keep up with him.
So he was angry. And probably hurt.
And this was all my doing.
But the words coming out of my mouth didn’t necessarily resonate with what my head knew. Instead, my heart hijacked the conversation. “Ryan, this is crazy. Didn’t you hear anything I said to you in there?”
When he reached his truck, he turned to face me. But I didn’t know if seeing the pain in his eyes was better than looking at his back. “I heard everything you said.”
“Then why are you acting like this?”
He looked up to the sky, shaking his head in frustration. When he looked back at me, he licked his lips before speaking. “How would you act in my position?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, maybe you need to think about it.”
“I am so sorry, Ryan. I didn’t mean—”
“If you’re sorry, then you really do need to think about it.”
I started to say something else. After all, it was in my nature to argue points, to ensure that the other party fully understood my side of the case. But I could tell that he wasn’t in the mood for talking—or listening—and it wouldn’t have done any good. “Maybe you’re right.”
Why did I have the urge to ask if I could call him later? Adam taking the case was my Get out of jail free card, so why did my heart want to blow it?
It didn’t matter what had already happened. Now was the time to let it all go. After all, it wasn’t like I was in love with the guy. So I made a deal with myself right then and there: if I still felt an inexplicable urge to see this man again after Adam was finished with his case, then I would allow myself to make a move. Ryan might not care after that point, but at least it would be a better time. For now, though, I had to walk away.
I said goodbye and turned and, as I crossed the parking lot, I could hear the door to his truck close. I forced myself to not look behind me as I walked quickly back toward the office. What was harder was not making eye contact with Janae when I entered the front door—but I managed. But I could feel her eyes on me. I needed a little alone time to deal with the strange emotions flooding me. Over a twenty-four hour period, my heart had been through the gamut from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows and even someone seasoned in those matters would have her head spinning. I needed to take a few breaths and then plough through the work on my desk to help me bury this shit deep inside. I could process it later when there was a little distance and then get on with my life.
When I closed the door to my office, though, the strangest thing happened. Some floodgate deep inside me opened and out poured a torrent of tears. Where the hell were those coming from?
How fucking stupid.
Ryan and I had been intimate for one night—one night—and it didn’t matter how great the sex was, how well we connected. It was just one night, and it was irrational for me to react this way. But, no matter how much I knew that to be true, I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. Fine. If my heart wanted me to cry, I’d just let the tears fall. I grabbed a tissue and blew my nose, relieved that I didn’t have anything pressing on my agenda for the remainder of the day.
Then there was a light knock on my door.
I really didn’t want to talk with anyone, but it wasn’t like I could ignore it. It was probably Janae, sensing I was out of sorts and coming to give me a hug. Maybe it was something a little more serious, though, so I grabbed another tissue, wiping under my eyes to collect any makeup dislodged by the tears, and cleared my throat, hoping my voice wouldn’t sound fragile or unsteady. “Come in.” Taking a deep breath, I squared my shoulders, putting on a business as usual façade.
Adam walked through the door and took one look at me before closing it behind him. “You okay?”
Goddammit. Here came the tears again.
“Come here.” Adam got closer to my desk, his arms extended. Of course, he’d know how I felt even better than I did. I got up and felt an overwhelming warmth as his arms held me close. As I sobbed against his chest with eyes closed, my muscles growing weak, I realized that the emotion wasn’t all about Ryan. It was also about possibly losing everything—literally everything—I’d worked for over the years. My job, my business, and even my friendship with this wonderful man who probably knew me better than the law he practiced.
Wiping my face with my hands once the tears seemed to subside, I took a deep gulp of air. When Adam moved back a little to pull my chin up, he spoke in a soft voice. “This whole thing hit you pretty hard, didn’t it?” I nodded, screwing up my mouth. “Try not to worry, partner. The worst of it is over. No one will ever know.”
“Thanks for being such a good friend, Adam.”
Now that the tears had finally stopped, I could focus my eyes better, and I gazed out the window into the parking lot.
Was that really Ryan still sitting in his truck?
As I squinted my eyes, I was positive I could see him in the driver’s seat with one hand on the wheel—and it looked like he was staring right at me.
I thought he’d said he had to get back to work.
So maybe that wasn’t him.
But no. It definitely was. It was Ryan’s truck, and that was Ryan looking straight at me. What the fuck was he still doing here?
And why?
Maybe he regretted not listening to me—or maybe he felt bad for shutting me out. It was possible that he wanted to talk now. I pulled myself from Adam with the intent of talking to Ryan now, making it all the way to my door before my partner could really register what I was doing. “What the hell?”
By the time I got to the door leading out of the lobby, though, Ryan’s truck was pulling out of the parking lot. Why had he just been sitting in his truck watching me?
Adam was just seconds behind me, and I felt him place a hand on my left shoulder. “Just let him go, Samantha.”
I sighed, feeling emotionally drained. Worse, I knew Adam was right and I was almost acting like a pathetic needy girl. Nodding, I walked back to my office. Again, I refused to look in Janae’s direction, but I could sense her eyes on me. And, in my office, I looked over my war zone of a desk, knowing I needed to put in some actual hard time on these cases, but I just couldn’t take being here anymore. Feeling defeated, I packed up my things before walking out to the lobby. Janae had headphones on while she tapped away at the keyboard, and I popped my head in Adam’s office. “I’m going home now.”
“Okay.” He walked around his desk and gave me another hug. “Call or text if you need to talk, all right?”
“Thanks. Have a good night.” When I walked back out to the lobby, I paused at Janae’s desk. “I’m leaving for the day.”
Love and Lust (Small Town Secrets Book 2) Page 9