I was in a kick-ass mode and it didn’t matter that I was ill-equipped to carry it out.
“He lost his job yesterday and took it out on me,” Sammie said so quietly I had to strain to hear her.
“Is he there?” I whispered back before realizing that I had no reason to whisper.
“No, he’s out somewhere,” she replied.
“Then why are you whispering?” I asked tired of trying to drag information out of her.
“Throat hurts.”
“He didn’t!”
“Yeah, he did and almost succeeded. Lucky for me I passed out and he got scared.”
“I’m coming over there.”
“No! I don’t know when he will be back and you know he can’t stand your ass.”
“I still don’t understand why he is hating on me. I only met the trifling motherfucker once!”
“He doesn’t want me to have no friends! I just don’t know how much more of this I can take. He won’t let me leave but when I stay he beats my ass up. Part of me wishes he had killed me last night. I made the mistake of asking him if my kids could come and live with us and he became uncorked!” She started crying and I joined her.
“I told him that I wanted a baby,” she said quietly.
“You did what?” I screamed at her. “Why would you want to bring an innocent child into this sick shit you call your life?”
She still was talking so low that I had to strain to hear over the loud beating of my heart.
“Marie, I need someone to love me for me,” she said.
“Sammie, I love you for you! You can’t even think about bringing a child into the relationship you are in. What you need to be doing is trying to find a way to get the fuck out of that sick shit!”
“I thought he might change with a baby; it just might be what we need to make this marriage work.”
“You don’t honestly believe that, do you? The man is abusive and controlling. Do you want that for your child?”
“I don’t know what I want, Marie. Anyway it doesn’t make a difference what I want. He told me that if I tried to trap him with a kid that he would kill us both.”
“Look, if I can’t come over there, could you at least come over here. I want to take a look at your neck and we have to talk seriously face-to-face.”
“I won’t promise but I will try to be over there real soon.”
Damn, if it wasn’t one thing, it was another. I had been riding this emotional roller coaster with Sammie since the first day we met. I loved this girl but I was tired of the dumb shit.
She finally broke down and told me about the bizarre shit she had done in California. I didn’t judge her. I just listened and the more I heard, the more I wanted her to get out before he killed her. I begged her to come live with me but she wouldn’t do it.
When I thought about it, all my friends were bugging. Leah and I had been spending more time together. She had her nose wide open by this guy her girlfriend had introduced her to. I tried to open her mind but she wasn’t hearing me. The ringing of the phone interrupted my thoughts. The kids were taking a nap so I snatched it up quickly.
“Hello,” I said.
“Girl, guess what?” It was Leah. I must have thought her up.
“I was just thinking about you. This is too funny. I’m not going to guess so you might as well tell me.”
“Kentée proposed!” she gushed. I was speechless. I had only met the man once and was not impressed. They had only been dating for about three months and something didn’t feel right.
“Well, aren’t you going to say something?” she said.
“Congratulations, I guess. Did you give him an answer?”
“YES! Of course I did. He is a good man.” Again, I didn’t respond. All kinds of thoughts flooded through my head. I wanted to speak but was afraid to hurt her feelings. I also didn’t want her to think I was “hating” on her.
“I’m going to say what is in my heart and hope that it does not destroy our friendship. I am saying this out of love and I hope you hear it as such. Will you try to keep an open mind and listen?” I asked before going any further.
“Sure, I’ll listen,” she responded with a hitch in her voice.
“Stop me if I get something wrong. You met this man who was living with his wife. Supposedly, they were living separate and apart with him living in the basement. Now I can accept that ’cause Keith and I were doing that,” I said, pausing to regroup my thoughts. Leah did not say a word.
“He is paying all the bills and is the perfect husband but his wife uses him. He was content to live that life until he met you. Am I getting this right so far?” I asked to see where her mind was.
“So far, that’s right,” she said with a heavy voice. I could tell she was about to freak on me but I continued anyway.
“The question I have in my mind is, if he is such a ‘good’ man, why is she willing to throw him away?”
“Oh, well, he said she is crazy,” she responded.
“That’s just it, ‘he said.’ Before you agree to marry him, why don’t you talk to her? It couldn’t hurt could it?” I asked in all sincerity.
“Marie, I respect your feelings but I know this man and you don’t. I don’t want to upset the apple cart by bringing her into our relationship.”
“Leah, she has been in your relationship all along since he is still living with her. Don’t you want to know if they still have a physical relationship? Don’t you want to know if he is really paying the bills or is it the other way around?” I asked, getting an attitude.
“No, I don’t! He makes me happy and I make him happy. That’s all that really matters. I would hope that as my friend, you would be happy for me!” she said, suddenly angry with me.
“See, that’s why I wasn’t going to say anything! Regardless of how this relationship pans out, I’m here for you! Let me make myself clear. I am happy for you if, and I stress the word if, he is right for you and his motives are pure. Please believe me, I only want to see you happy, girl. Yes, there are a lot of haters out there that want everyone to be miserable just like they are but I ain’t the one. I’ve been around the block for a minute and I am skeptical; that’s all I am saying. There ain’t no hate in my game, I promise you, and that’s the God’s honest truth. I said what I have out of love for you and if you are happy, then I’m happy for you.”
Leah backed off a notch and started going on about the wedding plans. I wanted to ask her if she knew if he was already divorced but I figured I had pissed her off enough as it was.
“How about I cook dinner for you two?” I asked, throwing her a bone.
“That would be nice. Let me get with Kentée and find out what his schedule looks like. We are busy looking for an apartment and are making plans for a small courthouse wedding. I’ll get back to you and I am sorry for flying off the handle at you. I have had enough flack from my own family and that shit is getting old real quick,” she said.
“Cool, just give me enough time to plan the menu,” I responded. We hung up and all I could do was shake my head. I could not shake the feeling that Leah was making a big mistake. It was just not logical to me that a woman was throwing away a good man, especially since they were so hard to come by!
Her reaction also made me take a look at myself. I was lonely but I still didn’t think my life had turned out too badly since I moved to Atlanta. I had no further contact with David, but Dennis and I kept in contact by mail and an occasional phone call.
The only real sore spot in my life was Keith. He was calling on a regular basis asking to see the children. Although I had nothing against him seeing them, I was not ready for the drama that went with it.
Although Kevin never asked about his dad, Keira continued to make nightly prayers to see her father. It was touching to hear but I could only do so much.
I got busy cleaning up the house. It was coming along well and I was quite proud of it. After I finished, I had time on my hands and thought about going over to g
et Mom to take her out for a change. She still made our meals during the week and I wanted to show her how much I appreciated it. The doorbell stopped me from picking up the phone. Sammie was on the front porch.
“This is a surprise,” I announced as I opened the door and practically dragged her in. I looked around, a recent habit I had developed, checking to make sure she was not being followed. My earlier conversation with Sammie had me feeling paranoid even though I refused to admit it. I didn’t want Jessie coming to my house acting a fool.
“Hey, girl,” she whispered. I took a good look at her face and neck and cringed.
“I ought to whip your ass,” I said mad as hell that Sammie continued to allow Jessie to put his hands on her. I got even madder when I thought about the fact that she could have whipped his ass with both hands tied behind her back.
Sammie had been gaining weight. Although she never would have been labeled petite because of her height, she always had a nice waistline and fat butt. The more weight she gained, the more disproportionate she became. Her face was huge and her stomach and butt were massive.
Although I didn’t want to say anything that might hurt her feelings, I worried about her rapid weight gain.
“I don’t have much time but I needed to tell you a few things just in case something happened to me,” Sammie whispered.
Fear pricked my heart and ran up my spine. Sammie was so serious that I didn’t know what to say. I led her to the sofa and we sat down. Luckily, Keira and Kevin were still upstairs.
“What are you talking about?” I said, fearing the worst. I noticed for the first time the skimpy attire Sammie was wearing. It was different from the vibrant business attire that I was used to seeing her in. She was dressed like a cheap whore.
“Just in case something happens to me, I need someone to know the truth,” she continued and I waited for her to go on.
“Jessie has been pimping me again. Ever since we moved from Althea’s, I’ve been walking the streets.” Sammie hung her head in shame. I could not think of anything to say to her so I just nodded my head for her to continue.
“Also, Jessie is hooked on heroin. I didn’t want to face it before but it is true. I caught him shooting up and now all the pieces of the puzzle are beginning to fit. He spent all the money my daddy left me and we can’t make it on what I was making at the temp service. I haven’t worked there in over a month. I had been doing this part time for about three or four months but for the last month, I have been at it full time.”
“Girl, this is crazy! You don’t have to do this. I told you that I got your back. Move in with me; we can get through it,” I pleaded with her with tears of outrage running down my face.
“Yeah, then what? Do you want him to stalk you and me and possibly kill both of us in our sleep? I don’t think so! I told you, you just don’t understand. Jessie’s new love, heroin, does not care whether it’s right or wrong. The only thing he cares about is being able to score more drugs and I am the means that he is using to continue to get it and that’s the bottom line. He would kill me if he knew that I told you. I’m only telling you now ’cause he don’t watch my back like he used to.”
“Girl, I don’t understand this; he has been using for some time. Weren’t there signs?”
“Now that I think about it yes but, back then, I did not pay attention.”
“But going from snorting heroin to shooting up, that’s a big step. It should have been written all over him!” Sammie just shrugged her shoulders and shook her head.
“Hey, wait, back up. What do you mean, watch your back? This is getting too confusing. Are you trying to tell me that he watches you have sex with other men?” I asked.
Sammie nodded her head. “He used to. He would drive me down to Boulevard and Moreland and make me stand on the corner for hours until I made enough money. We would do it in the back of the car,” she whispered.
I was appalled at her acceptance of the situation. You could not get me to go on Boulevard in the daytime let alone at night. Of course, selling my body would have never been an option either, unless you had a gun to my head and even then I think I would have opted for the bullet, but that’s just me.
Once again, I urged Sammie to get out but I guess I really didn’t comprehend how profound Jessie’s control over Sammie was.
“Sammie, I can’t say this to you enough. I got your back, girl, and one of these days you are going to hear me. If you need a place to stay, come with it. You only have to say the word and we will handle the other bullshit as it comes.”
Sammie shook her head. “It sounds worse than it really is.” We both knew that wasn’t true. I played along not knowing what else to do. I had never felt so helpless in my entire life.
“I’m fine, at least I was,” she said. “Jessie would conduct the actual money transfers and stand guard while I do the do in the back of the car. Jessie said that’s where most whores make their mistake by getting hotel rooms or doing it in gas stations.”
She told me that she was doing at least three to four guys a night. I felt sick to my stomach and my agony left me at a loss for words.
“How much money are you making?” I asked her. Sammie was the only person I knew that was prostituting and I was always curious.
“I don’t even know. I never get to see any of it anyway.”
“Un-fucking believable! You are doing all the work and you don’t get a dime? I’m sorry, girl; all I can say is it wouldn’t be me. If I were going to be a trick, then I damn sure would be getting a treat. You know what I’m saying.”
“I don’t have a choice. Aren’t you listening? He will kill me if I don’t. You don’t understand, Marie. He’s not just doing drugs now; drugs are doing him. He will do anything, and I mean anything to get them,” she shouted, straining her already abused vocal cords. “My number one problem right now is that he does not play lookout anymore. I’m on my own. I just wanted someone to know if I turned up missing.”
Comprehension was slow to evolve but I finally understood; short of leaving the state, Sammie was stuck with him until the shit played itself out. And that is exactly what happened.
No longer content with the money that he was getting from Sammie’s whoring, Jessie started pimping himself. In the beginning he would only offer himself to women but later he really didn’t care. Sammie was not exactly sure how much money he was spending daily on drugs but she assumed it was quite a lot ’cause they no longer had any electronics in the house. Hell, he even sold the damn cordless phone.
He sold the TV, radios, DVD player and most of the CDs and DVDs that they had been collecting. He stopped doing hair all together. He spent his days copping and the rest of the night trying to finance the next day’s activities.
After a while Sammie and I stopped talking about her marriage and Jessie’s exploitation of her ’cause she felt hopeless and I felt helpless. Not knowing any better, we just ignored it. That didn’t mean that I wasn’t scared for her, but what was I to do if she couldn’t help herself? Her situation continued to get worse. She called me one night in tears.
“I’m scared, Marie,” she said.
“What now?” I asked, not meaning to sound so cold but she didn’t give me any other options. I couldn’t do anything but listen.
“Jessie is really nutting up. I am not bringing home the money I used to because he won’t watch anymore. It’s scary out there. Half the time, I don’t know who to trust and the men aren’t offering me much money. I told him it was different than when he was there but he wouldn’t hear it. He said, ‘Ain’t no nigger dumb enough to fuck with your fat ass! Shit, I make more money in one hour than you make all night.’”
“Then tell him to step it up a notch and sit your happy ass on the sofa and count the money he brings in!” I said. “Why do you continue to do this to yourself? I don’t understand Sammie. Just stop doing it. If he’s making all this money, you don’t need to subject yourself to that shit!” I angrily declared.
“Ho
w many times do I have to tell you this, Marie. He will kill me, plain and simple. I’m not ready to die yet.”
“Are you going out tonight?” I needed to know but I did not want to know. It was so much easier to plead ignorance.
“Yeah, I’m leaving now. I just wanted someone to know where I am, just in case…” She deliberately did not finish that statement.
“Shit, Sammie, what am I supposed to say or do when you talk like that? Do you want me to go with you?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. You would get both of us locked up and with Jessie out there doing God knows what, who would bail us out?”
She had a point there. At least with me on the outside, if she got in any trouble with the law, I could always go get her out of jail.
“Call me, girl, if you need me—do you hear me?” I demanded.
“I hear you.” She hung up the phone before I could say anything else to her. “Be careful,” I whispered into the dead line.
Chapter 18
I hung up the phone with Sammie feeling emotionally drained. Sammie had a way of doing that, sucking me into her drama and draining my energy. I needed an instant pick-me-up, so I called my mother. Our conversation was short but that was par for the course. The mother/daughter relationship had been strained ever since I made the decision to make my divorce final and that just didn’t sit right with me. Although Mom seemingly accepted my decision to separate from Keith, I knew that it was still a sore spot with her. Unfortunately, she did not understand that some marriages fail. She was lucky enough to find a man that was as committed to her as she was to him. Every time I tried to speak to her about my marriage we ended up fighting. She was totally against my conviction to make the separation from Keith final. As long as were separated, she felt there was still hope of us getting back together.
All That Drama Page 13