“Yep.”
Charlie continued to watch him, and Jake had the uncanny feeling the hired man could read his mind.
“Sometimes her heart gets in the way of her head,” Charlie said quietly.
Jake stopped to peer at the dark man in the lantern-lit barn. “That doesn’t give her the right to decide what’s best for everyone.”
“No, but it might explain why she done what she did.”
Jake returned to his task. “There’s no excuse to keep a man’s son from him.”
“Try lookin’ at it from her side before you be castin’ the first stone.”
Jake led the horse out of the barn and settled in the saddle. Looking at Charlie, he said, “I’ll be back for my son.”
Riding into town, he began to plan his strategy. When he returned to Kit’s, it would be to assume his duties as a father.
Kit peered into the mirror and tried to pinch some color into her pale cheeks. Her eyes, puffy and swollen from crying long into the night, were red-rimmed. How could she face Jake after all that had happened? One moment her life seemed complete in Jake’s arms, and the next the illusion was shattered into a million jagged splinters, each fragment shredding her heart.
She didn’t blame Jake for being angry. She’d deserved his wrath and had expected it, but she also hoped he would overcome his fury and do what was best for Johnny.
She inhaled and let out her breath in a steadying gust. Would Jake insist on telling Johnny immediately? Kit imagined herself in his position and knew she’d want her child to know as quickly as possible. She’d have to be prepared. How did a mother prepare to lose a son?
Blinking back tears, she ran a brush through her hair and ventured into the hall. She stepped over to Jake’s room and found it empty.
Had he taken Johnny away in the middle of the night? The blood drained from her face, and she pressed her hand against the wall to steady herself. Her heart pounding like a smithy’s hammer, she forced herself to move across the hall. Using every ounce of courage she possessed, she looked into her son’s room.
His dark head showed above the blankets, and his chest moved up and down with sleep-steady breaths. Relief flowed through her, as intense as her terror had been moments before. She crossed the bedroom to Johnny’s bedside and knelt on the floor burying her face in the bedcovers.
What if Jake never allowed her to see Johnny again?
Surely he wouldn’t be so cruel as to separate her from her son. He wasn’t that cold-hearted.
And she wouldn’t let him! No one would take Johnny from her, not even his own father.
Kit left Johnny’s room with reluctant footsteps and went downstairs in search of Jake. Not finding him, she went outside into the rain-freshened morning. The pungent odor of damp earth greeted her, followed closely by Toby, who skipped around her in excitement.
She scratched behind his ear. “Have you seen Jake?”
The dog yipped in reply and dashed toward the barn. Kit followed him at a more sedate pace, her body sore from the glorious lovemaking with Jake. She forced the sweet memories aside, unable to deal with them without remembering his angry words afterward.
She entered the barn and spied Charlie standing by the stall that held the new mother and her colt. She went to join them.
“Mornin’,” Charlie greeted her. “Both mama and baby appear to be doin’ just fine.”
Kit smiled, glad to find one ray of sunshine in her dreary mood. “That’s good. I hope I can see that colt grow up.”
Charlie turned to face her, his expression solemn. “Is it the loan?”
“Partly,” Kit admitted. “I have only ten days to come up with five hundred dollars.”
“Somethin’ will come up. It always does.”
Kit wasn’t so certain. The small income from her dime novels had pulled her through a couple of times, but even that had dried up. “Have you seen Jake this morning?”
“He rode out in the middle of the night.”
Shock robbed Kit of her voice for a moment. “He must’ve left right after I told him about Johnny.”
“Can’t say as I blame him.”
“I was only doing what I thought was best.”
“Did you ever wonder what was best for Cordell and Johnny?”
Kit pressed her spectacles up with her forefinger and turned her attention to the nursing mare and her hungry foal. “I thought I was doing the right thing.” She sighed.
Charlie studied her a moment. “You went and done it, didn’t you? You fell in love with him.”
Kit wanted to deny his words, but she’d had enough of lying to last a lifetime. “I didn’t mean to.”
“Ain’t no one ever means to fall in love. So is he gonna do right by you?”
“I doubt he ever wants to see me again. He was so angry, Charlie.” A sob escaped her. “What am I going to do if he takes Johnny away?”
Charlie put his muscled arms around her, and Kit accepted his awkward hug, grateful for the shoulder to lean on. Her body trembled as tears rolled down her cheeks, dampening Charlie’s rough-spun shirt.
“It’ll be all right,” the burly man soothed in a gravelly voice. “Cordell strikes me as a man who ain’t goin’ to shirk his duty.”
“But what if he figures his duty is to take Johnny home with him? First I lose Johnny, then I lose the ranch. I won’t have anything left.” Kit wept, her voice muffled.
“Hush, now; nobody’s gonna be takin’ Johnny or your ranch, not as long as you got me and Ethan.”
“I ain’t too old to take a scalp or two myself.” Pete Two Ponies stepped out of the shadows.
Kit moved away from Charlie, brushing her sleeve across her damp cheeks. She managed a smile. “I don’t think that’ll be necessary, but thanks anyhow.” Her smile faltered. “I’m not sure what’s going to happen, but I want you both to know that I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for Johnny and me.”
“Ain’t nothin’ gonna happen,” Charlie assured her. “Leastways, nothin’ we can’t handle.”
Kit wished she could be as certain. “I’d better get back to the house and put breakfast on.”
As she left a rustle of footsteps behind her made her turn to see who’d followed.
Pete’s creased face glanced upward, then to the east and west. Remaining silent, the gray-haired Indian closed his eyes a moment as if in supplication.
He opened his eyes, and Kit asked in a low, reverent voice, “Was that your morning prayer?”
He shook his head. “Naw. I was trying to decide if it’d be a good day to go fishing.”
“What’d you decide?” She kept her tone as dry as tinder.
He nodded with a slow, measured motion. “I think the fish will bite today. Mind if I take Johnny? Been a while since me and him been down to the creek.”
A grateful smile touched Kit’s lips. “And if Jake comes back to get Johnny, he won’t be around.”
Pete shrugged his thin shoulders, a picture of innocence. “If the boy isn’t here, Cordell can’t take him, can he?”
“I appreciate the offer, but ignoring the problem won’t make it go away.”
Pete stepped closer to Kit. “I ain’t saying to ignore Cordell, all I’m saying is that Johnny won’t be around when you two start arguing. That wouldn’t be good for the boy to hear.”
Pete was right; there was no reason to put Johnny in the middle. She nodded. “All right. I’ll get a lunch basket put together.”
Pete studied her with an impenetrable gaze. “Send Johnny down to the barn when he’s ready.”
Without another word, he limped away. Kit wondered what thoughts he hadn’t spoken. Did he disapprove of what she’d done? Did he agree with Charlie’s view that she should’ve told Jake earlier?
Straightening her back, she moved to the house. She’d get Johnny fed and away for a little while. Then she’d prepare herself for the inevitable confrontation.
An hour later, she handed Johnny a basket filled with sandwic
hes, pickles, boiled eggs, and an apple pie. “I hope you and Pete catch lots of fish. We haven’t had fried trout in a long time.”
Johnny lifted the checkered cloth covering the picnic meal and peeked at the pile of food. An enthusiastic smile lit his boyish face. “I can’t wait for lunch.”
Despite her worries, Kit smiled. “You’d better. That’s all you and Pete are going to get until this evening.” She took hold of his shoulders and steered him toward the open doorway. “Have fun, sweetheart.”
“I will.”
Kit watched him trot outside and across the yard.
“Johnny,” she called out.
He paused, glancing back.
The sun cast filaments of fiery reds and golds in his hair. Kit swallowed her fearful premonition and crossed her arms. “I love you, Johnny.”
His young face appeared puzzled, but he waved. “I love you, too, Ma. Bye.”
Pete stepped out of the barn with two fishing poles in hand and met Johnny. They fell into step, walking toward the trees that hid the creek from view.
Kit watched the slight figures until they disappeared in the shadows of the oaks and aspens, then she returned to the silent house. As she considered how to appeal to Jake, memories of the previous evening intruded, derailing her thoughts. She couldn’t even envision him without her pulse quickening and desire shallowing her breathing. How could she be in the same room with him without remembering what they’d shared? Without wanting to curl into his embrace and spend another night in his arms?
She had to think of Johnny. She had to think of a life without her son. She had to think of a way to convince Jake to allow Johnny to continue living with her. If she didn’t, she’d have nothing left.
The morning crawled by as Kit scrubbed floors until her hands were red and wrinkly and her back ached. Though the physical activity kept her busy, her idle mind refused to set aside thoughts of Jake. After lunch, she escaped the suffocating confines of the house and continued training the bay gelding she’d begun to work with earlier in the week.
While she put the horse through its paces, she could dismiss from her mind worries about the ranch and Johnny. The familiar leather between her fingers and the warm spring breeze wafting across her face lifted her spirits.
An hour after she’d begun working with the yearling, Kit spotted a rider approaching the ranch. Sunlight slanted off the horse’s spotted coat, giving horse and rider an ethereal glow against the greening backdrop of budding trees. Kit’s stomach fisted, and for a moment all she could do was stare at Jake. Sweat slicked her palms, and her anxiety seemed to telegraph itself to the young bay, who skittered sideways. Kit forced her attention back to the colt and soothed it, unstrapping the lead from its halter. The animal trotted away, shaking its mane.
Kit looped the leather strap around her hand and elbow, watching Jake out of the corner of her eye. He drew his horse up by the corral, dismounted, and loosely wrapped the reins around a pole. He wore his hat with the brim pulled low over his eyes, shading his features, but Kit could see the anger in the stiff set of his broad shoulders and the flexing of his fingers. The return of the tied-down holster around his hips added to his aura of danger.
With deliberate motions, she strolled across the enclosure and swung the gate open. She stepped over to Jake, stopping a few feet in front of him. Her traitorous gaze noticed his long, muscled legs and thighs encased in snug tan trousers, and the dark blue shirt taut across his chest with his customary brown vest worn over it. A few curling hairs peeked out above the V at the base of his neck, and Kit remembered too clearly how they’d tickled her nose when she’d caressed him.
Passion careened through her like a runaway stage, and she fought the urge to touch him. “Hello, Jake.”
“Where’s my son?”
His terse question plummeted her hopes that he might have forgiven her. She lifted her chin. “He’s not here.”
“Where is he?” His tone snapped with impatience.
“He’s with Pete. Let’s go up to the house and talk.” She turned away, and Jake grabbed her arm, spinning her around to face him.
“I came for my son,” he said flatly.
Panic threatened to overwhelm Kit’s carefully constructed facade. She breathed deeply, pressing the hysteria into a corner of her mind. “We need to talk first.”
Kit parried his smoldering glare, and with a muttered curse, Jake released her. Her heart threatening to strangle her, Kit led the way to the house. Even though she didn’t glance behind her, she felt Jake’s hostile gaze drilling a hole into her back. Once inside, Kit went into the kitchen and poured them each a cup of coffee. She handed Jake a mug, and after a moment’s hesitation, he accepted it silently.
“We don’t have anything to discuss,” Jake stated.
Kit sipped her coffee, burning her tongue on the hot liquid. She allowed the silence to grow as she gathered her turbulent thoughts.
“Where do you plan on taking Johnny?” she asked, her voice breathy with nervousness.
“To live with his father,” he answered, in a crisp tone that cut to the core of her mother’s heart.
Kit flinched. “What about me? Are you going to tell him that the woman he believes is his mother isn’t really? That he has no mother, and he can’t ever see me again?”
Doubt flickered in Jake’s granite visage, but he quickly masked it. “He’ll understand once I tell him.”
“He’s only five years old, Jake. All he’ll understand is that you’ve taken him away from the one place he’s always felt loved and secure. What’s that going to do to him?” Kit pressed.
“You should’ve thought of that five years ago.”
Defiance surged through her, and she plunked her cup down on the table. She took a step toward him, aiming an accusing finger at him. “Tell me, Jake, where were you five years ago? Even if I’d wanted to tell you, I wouldn’t have been able to find you.”
Jake kept his gaze locked with hers. “You didn’t even try.”
She leaned forward, his face only inches from hers. “Where would I have started? And even if I had found you, would you have come back? When you left Chaney, you were hell-bent on revenge.”
Jake glanced away. His conscience mocked him, reminding him what kind of person he’d been back then. Would he have returned to care for a child he hadn’t even known he’d fathered? He swallowed hard and shoved his doubts aside. “He’s my son, my own flesh and blood.”
“What would you have done with a baby? What kind of life could you have given him?” she persisted.
Kit’s words hit too close to the truth. While he’d hunted his father’s murderer, Jake had raised enough hell to give even the devil pause. What kind of life was that for a child?
Drawing on a heavy dose of anger, Jake refused to give in to Kit’s arguments. He wouldn’t allow her to sway him from his objective. “I checked the court records. You never legally adopted him.”
She drew back as if she’d been slapped, and the color drained from her face. Then she shot back fiercely, “I don’t need a piece of paper to prove he’s my son.”
“The court does.”
Her lips thinned in irritation. “I’m not talking about legalities, Jake, I’m talking about the heart. I love him. Isn’t that enough?”
“Love didn’t keep my mother here.” The words tumbled out before Jake could stop them.
She studied him with an intensity that seemed to bore straight to his soul. “So you want your son growing up thinking his mother never loved him, either? Do you want your son to feel that same pain you’ve felt every day since your mother left you?”
Jake slammed his cup down on the table, and coffee sloshed over his hand and across the scarred wood surface. “You’re not his mother!”
“I’m the only mother he’s ever known,” she said, her voice gut-wrenchingly soft, her eyes glimmering with moisture.
A lonely black pit yawned within Jake. For a moment he was six years old again.
“Why are you packing, Ma?” young Jake asked curiously.
“I’m going to take a little trip, sweetheart,” she replied.
“I want to go with you.”
She paused in the middle of folding a dress, and sat on the bed. Patting the mattress, she urged Jake to join her. He scrambled up, and his mother grasped his small hand.
“I wish you could, Jake, but your father needs you. He loves you very much,” she said.
“Don’t you love me?”
She pulled him close to her chest, kissing the top of his head. Her familiar flowery smell soothed him. “Of course I do, more than you’ll ever know. But I have to go away for a little while.”
Jake’s bottom lip quivered. “I’m going to miss you, Ma.”
“And I’m going to miss you. If I could take you with me, I would. You have to believe me, Jake.” His mother’s tone sounded funny, like when he cried after he got hurt.
“When will you be back?”
“I’m not sure, sweetheart, but remember, I’ll always love you, no matter what. Please promise me you’ll remember that.”
Jake eased out of her embrace and gazed up at her. Tears rolled down her cheeks, frightening him. “I promise. I love you, Ma.”
For months he’d waited for her to return, but she never did. Finally, he’d given up on her and his promise. He’d also learned how women’s tears were used to hide their lies.
He swallowed the bitter hurt. No, he didn’t want Johnny to know that kind of torture.
“What do you suggest we do?” Jake demanded.
Kit blinked as if surprised. “I don’t think you should take Johnny into town to live with you.”
Anger returned, giving his tone a sharp edge. “You think he should stay living with you like nothing’s changed?”
She glared at him, her eyes flashing behind the round lenses. “You can’t expect him to accept so many changes at once. We can tell him you’re his father, and let him get used to that first.”
“And when do I get to see him if I’m in town and he’s here?”
She drew back. “You can ride over here whenever you’d like.”
Maureen McKade Page 23