Thomas shrugged. “Connie has a plan. I don’t know, I have to admit, I’m with you on this one. It’ll be all right for the next few weeks, but when Connie leaves for Germany….”
Thomas set the coffee cup down and rested his hands on his thighs, frowning.
“Hopefully he has enough sense to know when it’s coming, and call in sick,” said Nora. “Still, that’s quite a lot of extra work for you, having to arrange last-minute care for Jessie like that. I honestly don’t know how most parents manage.”
“Same way I’ve managed for the last six years – depend on their unbondable beta family members,” said Thomas, unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice, and just hearing it made him feel worse. “But I can’t tell Connie not to go. She’s wanted a mate and kids her entire life; just her bum luck to present as a beta. If it weren’t for the new law….”
Thomas couldn’t see Nora’s reflection in the window very well, but he could hear her shift on the couch, the squeak of the leather and the clink of her spoon against the teacup.
“Yes,” she said finally. “The law brought quite a few new opportunities for betas to make lasting, legal commitments to each other.”
Thomas sat up a bit straighter and looked at Nora. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think. Are you... seeing anyone?”
“No,” said Nora shortly, before hastily adding as Thomas opened his mouth to apologize, “No, it’s all right. I suppose it’s a reasonable question to ask, just… not one I’ve ever had to consider how to answer politely. I suppose that’ll change now. I’m not seeing anyone. But I have a great many friends who are planning their own marriages, or giving thought to doing so at some point in the future.”
“Aha,” said Thomas, smiling. “Then all betas do know each other.”
Nora threw back her head in a soft laugh, and then leaned forward to set down her teacup. “Yes, we have meetings every Tuesday. Or did you think Connie was really going to Bunko all those years?”
“I knew she was keeping something from me,” said Thomas, grinning as Nora smiled.
The chat with Nora left Thomas feeling calmer – but by the time he had returned to his office, with an hour and a half left to go before the end of the day, Thomas could feel the strange worry again. He kept looking at the clock, counting down the minutes, and systematically went through every last inch of paperwork left to do on any of his projects, until he’d managed to clear most of his emails and every last bit of busywork that he normally left for the secretaries to complete.
It was just after five, and Thomas was buried in one of the last bits of scheduling, when his door opened and the supervisor of Thomas’s section poked his head in.
“Good God, Tom, are you still here?” asked Enrique, amazed. “Go home. None of these buildings are going to fall down overnight.”
“You don’t know that,” said Thomas, automatically, but Enrique snorted in derision and kept walking down the hall, though he didn’t close Thomas’s door. Thomas could almost taste Enrique’s disgust.
“You work too hard!” Enrique called, his voice growing fainter and more echoey as he got further away. “Someone might think you’re avoiding home altogether!”
“Just gunning for your job!” Thomas shouted after him.
“Fuck you, man!” But Enrique was laughing as he said it, and Thomas, grinning, reached to turn off his computer.
He was still grinning when the elevator came to take him downstairs. By the time he reached his car, however, he was back to his pre-Nora, nervous self.
“Stop it,” he told himself as he sat in his car, keys in the ignition but the engine still cold. His hands were tight on the steering wheel. “It’s just home. It’s just a nanny. It’s just the way your life is now.”
What are you so afraid of, Bear? asked Felicity from where she sat on the passenger seat. He’s a very nice boy.
“Yeah, exactly,” said Thomas, and started the car.
Half an hour later, he pulled into the driveway, having spent the commute formulating a plan. He would go in, kiss Jessie and Connie, greet Kieran politely, and then go straight up to the bedroom where he would quickly change out of his suit and into something more casual. Jeans, a button-down shirt. Maybe a sweater. An ugly one. With holes in it. And the pair of jeans with the frayed hems and the hole at the knee, because he didn’t want Kieran to think he was trying to impress him or anything. God no. The exact opposite.
Bear, said Felicity gently. At some point, you have to go inside.
“I know that,” snapped Thomas, and then rubbed his face. “Sorry, I… why am I apologizing to a memory?”
Felicity would have looked amused. Just because I’m a memory doesn’t mean I’m not real.
“I never should have bought you that last Harry Potter book,” said Thomas wretchedly, and wrenched the car door open. Up the steps to the heavy door leading to the laundry room, which led into the kitchen, which led to where his family – and a nanny – were waiting.
Thomas took a breath, and opened the door to laughter.
The laundry room, between the garage and the rest of the house, was typically cold and dark when he came in, and he usually never heard anything from the rest of the house. The room was still cold and dark, but Thomas could smell whatever Connie was making for dinner – roast chicken, he thought, with butter and rosemary and sweet potatoes.
And the laughter – trickling in, bright and light-hearted. Jessie’s giggles and Connie’s chuckles and someone else who had to be Kieran, just as mirthful as the others.
Thomas stayed in the laundry room for another minute or two, just savoring the laughter and the rich smells coming from the kitchen. It was an odd sensation, almost dizzying in a strange way, listening to the sounds of life in his own house – sounds and smells he couldn’t ever really remember hearing before, not since….
Not even before Felicity’s death.
Go, whispered Felicity, as if she was amused at his hesitation, and Thomas went.
The house was warm on his skin; the smell coming from the kitchen was even better when he stepped inside. Connie was fiddling with something on the stove, and looked up with a bright smile when Thomas closed the laundry door behind him.
“Oh, good, you’re home, I was beginning to worry.” She didn’t sound very worried, though – she sounded relaxed and happy in a way that Thomas didn’t remember hearing her sound in years.
“Sorry, I should have called to tell you I was running behind.” Thomas looked around; he could hear Kieran and Jessie, still laughing, but he couldn’t see them. The warmth was creeping into his skin, though – he could feel his muscles easing, the worry that he’d had about coming home to a strange omega slowly ebbing away. “Are they getting along?”
“Of course!” said Connie. “They’re setting the table.”
“Fa!” squealed Jessie, and ran pell-mell into the kitchen, flinging herself at Thomas before he even saw her properly. He hoped she wasn’t still holding the silverware. “We learned about penguins today.”
“Fascinating,” said Thomas. “Did you behave yourself for Kieran?”
“I always behave myself,” said Jessie, as imperious as a tiny queen, and Thomas set her back down.
Kieran stood in the doorway between the kitchen and the dining room. He looked at ease there, though he hung back as if hesitant to interrupt Thomas’s homecoming. Just seeing him was enough for Thomas’s body to let go of the last of his tension – as if he could relax and feel comfortable in his own home for the first time in what felt like years. “She’s been very good. We finished her homework and she showed me the playground down the street.”
“And my climbing tree,” added Jessie.
“The most important part,” agreed Thomas, unable to tear his eyes away from Kieran.
“All right, dinner’s ready,” said Connie. “Thomas, tell Kieran he’ll eat with us.”
“I don’t have to,” said Kieran quickly.
“No, but you will,” said Connie firmly, and shoved
a bowl of potatoes into his hands. “And you’ll help carry things in, too.”
Kieran spent more time during dinner helping to cut Jessie’s chicken than he did eating. He teased her into eating just a little bit more, taking only occasional bites of his food, while talking to Connie about her upcoming marriage plans. Their conversation was fluid and easy, and neither of them seemed particularly interested in bringing Thomas into the conversation.
That was all right by Thomas.
There was something about Kieran that made him feel both comfortable and restless, and Thomas didn’t think it was entirely due to his presentation. Omegas were meant to put alphas at ease; it was to do with the pheromones they secreted. It was what made alphas protective and careful of them, drew them closer and closer, and then the extra kick of pheromones during an omega’s heat would push the alpha into claiming them as their own. That was how biology worked.
Thomas could feel it already working. The mood in the house felt lighter, friendlier, than it’d felt just the week before. It wasn’t that the house had been cold, exactly – but there was something different about the way Jessie leaned into Kieran, as if she’d been missing something that only he could provide. Something about the way that Connie had automatically gravitated toward him, hiring him nearly on the spot, and pulling him into her plans for her upcoming marriage.
Something about the way that Thomas felt soothed and settled, when he looked at Kieran. Even when it was painfully obvious that Kieran had absolutely no interest in looking back at him.
Thomas brooded until he felt Connie tapping him on the head.
“You doofus,” laughed Connie. Thomas realized the table was empty, or about to be. Kieran and Jessie were clearing their plates, still chatting away. “Dinner’s over, and you barely touched it.”
Thomas glanced down at his plate. The food was surely cold, and Thomas’s stomach rumbled. He quickly began to eat.
Connie sat back down beside him, a strange, sympathetic look on her face. “Hey. You okay?”
“Long day,” said Thomas through a mouthful of food.
“I know, but… you know you were staring at Kieran all the way through dinner?”
Thomas couldn’t meet Connie’s eyes.
“Something you want to tell me?” prodded Connie.
“Yes,” said Thomas. “This chicken is delicious.”
Connie rolled her eyes and patted his arm. “He’s a nice kid, you know.”
“I’m sure he is. Is there more of that broccoli?”
“I’ll get it,” said Connie, and went back into the kitchen.
Thomas stared at the plate of food, not wanting another bite, and feeling more alone than he’d felt since… hell, years.
Until he heard Kieran’s voice, somewhere in the background, talking to Jessie, and the comfortable warmth spread through him again. Thomas had nearly pushed back from the table, intending to go and find him, when he realized what he was doing.
Fuck.
Under no circumstances could he possibly feel this way about the person he’d hired to take care of his daughter. It was wrong, immoral, and if he were to act on his impulses? He’d be taking advantage of Kieran in every way possible.
And yet… Thomas couldn’t look at Kieran without thinking of the way Kieran glanced at him, curious and shy, and not want to talk to him. Want to hear his voice, want to get to know him.
Want… a chance. For something, even if it was only a little bit of Kieran’s time.
Connie had cleaned up most of the mess in the kitchen before Thomas finished his dinner. The kitchen was neat and clean, and he rinsed off his plate before joining the rest of his family in the living room. Jessie was curled up on the couch with Kieran as they read through books, clearly on their way to an easy bedtime.
Thomas slipped upstairs to shower and change, since he hadn’t had the chance earlier. He listened as he dressed again, to the sounds of Kieran and Jessie chatting down the other end of the hall, as Jessie brushed her teeth and changed into pajamas.
There was a good chance he’d be able to slip by them and into his home office – except Kieran stuck his head out as Thomas was tiptoeing past Jessie’s bedroom.
“She’s asking for you,” he said, a bit pointedly, and Thomas nodded briskly.
“I’ll take over from here.”
“Right-o,” said Kieran, and turned back to Jessie. “G’night, Jess, see you tomorrow after school!”
“I like him,” said Jessie after Kieran had gone back downstairs. She was wearing the same pink pajamas she always wore, and holding three of her favorite stuffed animals on her lap, all squashed flat by years of loving. Her hair was damp and shining, every curl meticulously combed until not a single tangle remained. She smelled like coconuts and sunblock, and Thomas thought that for a white kid, Kieran had done a very good job with Jessie’s hair; he’d even used the silk wrap to pull it back from her face, and give the curls closest to her scalp a chance to make it to morning and still remain neat and tidy. Connie had to have coached him through it.
“Do you?” asked Thomas mildly as he sat on the chair next to her bed.
“He combed my hair so it didn’t hurt a bit,” said Jessie, which answered that. “Can we keep him?”
“He’s a person, not a possession,” said Thomas. “Even if he is an omega.”
Jessie nodded thoughtfully. “Don’t you want to keep him?”
“I don’t know, I haven’t spent a lot of time with him.”
“I like him,” repeated Jessie, and snuggled down with her stuffed animals. “He smells nice.”
“All omegas smell nice,” said Thomas. “That doesn’t mean you always have to like them.”
“Lullaby,” ordered Jessie, and Thomas obliged.
Kieran was just putting on his coat by the time Thomas came downstairs. He glanced over at Thomas, a bit apprehensively, a little like a deer in the headlights.
Connie was nowhere to be seen.
“Jessie likes you,” said Thomas, stopping in the doorway. It was as far from Kieran as he could get, without actually being in the next room.
“I like her too,” said Kieran, awkward, and he shoved his hands in his coat pockets. “So. Do I keep the job?”
Thomas frowned. “Did Connie say you were on a trial period?”
“No, but….” Kieran paused. “Look, I get it. I’m an omega, it’s got to be weird coming home and finding me when you don’t expect me.”
“I did expect you, and it was weird,” said Thomas, and Kieran made an amused sort of snort.
“Well, if you didn’t like it, then – it’s not like it’ll hurt my feelings or anything, if you don’t want to keep reliving that sensation. I’d understand.”
Kieran’s voice was steady and emotionless, but Thomas could see the movement in his pockets, as if Kieran was clenching and unclenching his fists, or maybe fiddling with whatever he kept in there. He wondered if Kieran had felt the sort of unease that Thomas had felt coming home, in staying all afternoon and evening in a strange alpha’s territory.
It probably hadn’t felt very reassuring, even when Thomas had come home and proceeded to ignore him.
It’d be best if he let the kid go, Thomas thought. Easier for both of them. That was exactly what he should do.
“Jessie likes you,” said Thomas instead. “Connie thinks you’re reliable and dependable. And I have absolutely no interest in bonding with anyone.”
Kieran nodded slowly. “Not to mention I’m not your type.”
“There’s that, yeah,” agreed Thomas.
“Connie won’t always be here,” Kieran reminded him.
“Look,” said Thomas, a bit impatiently, “if I really wanted you, Connie’s presence wouldn’t matter a damn. And if I haven’t jumped you by now, do you really think it’s likely that I would – with my own daughter upstairs? Not all alphas are complete bastards when it comes to consent, you know.”
Kieran flushed, and straightened his back – and for
the first time, looked Thomas dead in the eye. “Oh, I know,” he said grimly. “Fine. I’ll see you tomorrow night.”
Something about the way Kieran had tensed up – as if he knew all too well about alphas and their lack of consent boundaries, made Thomas’s own protective nature perk up a bit. For a moment, he wanted to reach out and pull Kieran back, keep him in inside where he could keep him safe.
No, Thomas told himself firmly, remembering his words to Jessie earlier. He’s not mine to protect.
Kieran was still waiting at the door, tension in his neck, looking at Thomas expectantly. As if waiting for… oh, right. Waiting for an answer, some sort of goodbye.
“See you tomorrow,” said Thomas. Kieran gave him a nod, and Thomas didn’t move until the door had closed after him.
The house still felt warm – the kitchen still smelled as delicious as it had when Thomas first stepped into the house earlier. But the moment the door closed behind Kieran, something was missing. Something that turned the warmth and scent and comfortable surroundings into a thing that was less familiar. Thomas had the idea that he should have felt relieved, but he couldn’t help but regret the loss. Already there was something tickling the back of his head, as if to prod him into some kind of action.
Connie appeared a minute later. “Jessie asleep?”
“Just now,” confirmed Thomas, and let himself move into the kitchen. Maybe a brandy would help calm his nerves.
Connie looked around. “Where’s Kieran? I was going to offer him a ride home.”
“Left already,” said Thomas shortly, reaching into the cabinet with the drinks.
“Left?” repeated Connie, incredulous. “But… how? He’s not going home alone is he? It’s after dark, he could get hurt or lost or worse.”
Ding. And there it was, the worry that had been creeping up on Thomas since the door had closed behind Kieran, now voiced and therefore unable to be ignored. Thomas winced, and determinedly reached for the brandy anyway.
“I’m sure he’s fine, he didn’t seem worried about it,” he said. “Maybe he called for a ride.”
Connie stared at him. “You really don’t care that he’s an omega, do you?”
The Omega Nanny Page 5