“Can we go to the playground?” she demanded.
“It’s gorgeous out, why not?” agreed Connie.
Half the children from the bus had the same idea; by the time they reached the playground, there were children climbing all over the equipment. Connie led Kieran to a bench by the side where they could easily watch Jessie play.
“I remembered something this morning,” said Connie, as Kieran handed her one of the cookies Cameron had sent with him.
“What’s that?”
“You were the one babysitting Jessie when Brent and I went on our first date.”
Kieran laughed. “Oh, that is funny. Maybe I was destined for this job.”
“Certainly appropriate for it, yeah,” agreed Connie. “If you’d told me a year ago that I’d be planning a marriage and getting ready to go to Germany with him, though….” She shook her head. “I don’t think I’d have believed you.”
Kieran pulled his feet up on the bench. “It’s good, though, yeah? Being able to mate with someone you love and want like that?”
Connie smiled. “Yeah. Just… doesn’t feel real yet, you know? The idea that I’m going to be leaving Jessie behind. I thought I’d spend the rest of her life raising her, and now I’ve got this other option.”
“I think it’s good,” said Kieran. “Everyone should have a chance for happiness.”
Connie glanced at him. “What about you? Do you think you’ll be happy working for my brother?”
Kieran shrugged. “Sure. Jessie’s great.”
“And Thomas?”
Kieran paused, wondering how well Connie could read him – assuming she could at all. “He’s quiet.”
Connie huffed a laugh. “Yeah, he’s that.” She glanced out at Jessie, who was hanging upside-down on the monkey bars. “I’m sorry if he was rude to you last night.”
Kieran shook his head. “He wasn’t rude.”
Connie snorted. “He barely said three words to you.”
Until the end of the night. “It’s not like having long conversations with your nanny is in the job description.”
“He wasn’t always so stand-offish. Before Felicity died—”
Connie stopped talking so abruptly, Kieran wondered if his hearing had suddenly disappeared. But when he looked at her, he was surprised to see that she’d closed her eyes and dropped her face down, exactly as if she was trying to hold in a sudden burst of emotions.
After a moment, she took a deep breath and went on exactly as she had.
“Jessie’s mom, I mean. She wasn’t an angel or anything – she was a lot like Jessie, actually, a bit of a spitfire. But she drew Thomas out. It wasn’t that he was a recluse, just that he was happier on his own, encased in his little bubble. Felicity liked people. She was always on the go, always wanting to see and do and be somewhere, and Thomas – he liked to indulge her.”
“She sounds brave,” said Kieran wistfully. Connie chuckled, and he flushed. “I mean – most omegas I know are happier staying in.”
“Like it’s not brave to work in a busy coffee shop on Saturday mornings?” teased Connie.
Kieran shook his head. “That’s not bravery. That’s just… what I do.”
“Felicity would have said the same thing.” Connie took a bite of the cookie. “You remind me of her, a little bit.”
Kieran wasn’t sure how to answer that – and he really didn’t know how to explain the queer feeling it gave him. “Just a trick of the pheromones,” he said lightly. “She sounds like a nice person, though.”
“She was,” said Connie. “It was completely unfair, what happened.”
Kieran paused. “What happened…?”
“She died. When Jessie was six days old. Some kind of blood thing, I never quite understood it. The doctor kept using some kind of acronym – GDA, I think.”
Desmond’s pinched white face, the beep of the monitors tracking his heart rate and blood pressure, the bags of blood dripping into his arm. Half the family shoved into the little room, all sharing stupid platitudes about how it wasn’t meant to be, that he’d get pregnant again before he knew it, that sometimes things just worked out that way, while every one of them thanked God that Desmond was still alive to hear them.
All the family… which didn’t include Vera, who was out in the hall on her phone, thinking only of the texts she needed to send, pacing until it was time to go back to work with barely a goodbye in Kieran’s direction.
“Gestational Diabetic Anemia,” he said. “It’s a combination of a couple of complications, when the mom and baby are different presentations, and the mom develops gestational diabetes. By themselves, they aren’t generally fatal with careful monitoring, but together?” Kieran tried to shrug; instead, he felt himself hunch over a little bit, unable to push the memory of Desmond’s monitors out of his head.
“Shit happens,” finished Connie.
Kieran nodded. If Felicity had died because of GDA, that meant Jessie would present as an alpha when she was a bit older. Kieran thought he could see it already in the way the little girl bossed everyone else, including the adults.
“Anyway, Thomas asked me to help, and I’d just finished college and didn’t have a clue what I wanted to do, so here I am,” continued Connie. “Ye olde traditional beta sister watching the kids – didn’t really think I’d enjoy that role, but I have.”
On the playground, Jessie tumbled off the bars. For a moment, she didn’t move, and Kieran was nearly on his feet to check on her, when he realized that Connie was completely still, unconcerned.
Watching him, watching Jessie.
And sure enough – after a moment, Jessie sprang to her feet, laughing, and ran around to climb up on the monkey bars again.
Kieran settled back down on the bench, wondering why he felt he’d just been tested.
He also wondered if he’d passed.
“It’ll be a wrench, leaving her,” he said, because the way Connie was looking at him, just then… it wasn’t that it was uncomfortable, exactly. Just that it seemed to be full of expectations that Kieran didn’t think really applied.
“Yes,” said Connie. “But I think I’m leaving them both in good hands.”
Kieran glanced at her. “Uh….”
“Thomas does like you,” said Connie. “He’s just an idiot. Most alphas are.”
Kieran’s mouth quirked. “Well, you’re not wrong there.”
“And the sooner everyone realizes that I am never wrong, the smoother life will be,” said Connie firmly.
Kieran shook his head. “I’m just here to take care of Jessie.”
Connie’s eyes were wide; her expression was innocent. “Of course you are!” she exclaimed. “Oh, look, I think it’s starting to rain a bit – Jessie! Time to go!”
Jessie came running over. “Is Fa home?”
“Not yet,” said Connie. “And you still have homework to do.”
Jessie took Kieran’s hand and held it tightly. “Good, Kieran and I can build the Lego city before Fa comes home to play with us,” she said firmly, and Connie’s smile was so indulgent and all-knowing that Kieran wanted to scream.
I’m just here for Jessie, he told himself as they headed home. Connie can do whatever matchmaking she likes; I’m not Thomas’s type, and he’s not mine.
“Homework, Jess,” said Connie as she unlocked the front door. Jessie let out what was surely a typical six-year-old complaint, but she promptly dug into her backpack for her homework folder anyway.
“Can Kieran help me?”
“That’s the idea,” Kieran assured her, wishing he could keep his coat on. The house was a bit cooler than it had been the night before. He’d bring a sweatshirt the next day, he decided, as he led Jessie to her desk for homework.
“Help yourself if you want snacks,” called Connie, before disappearing into the kitchen.
“Hungry?” Kieran asked Jessie, but she shook her head.
Helping Jessie with her homework really amounted to sitting next to her
and reminding her not to clench her pencil so hard between her fingers. Kieran wondered what he’d do when Jessie was a bit older and the homework was more difficult, before he shook the idea out of his head.
Don’t be ridiculous. It’s not like her homework will be that difficult for years – or that you’d still be around to help her with it.
Still. It was easy to think that way, given how comfortable Kieran already felt, on his second day of nannying. The house just felt comfortable – a little cold, sure, but Kieran didn’t feel like he was a stranger anymore. Even visiting friends’ houses growing up, he’d always been a little uncomfortable in them, as if he was invading someone else’s territory. As if he had to be on his very best behavior at all times.
An omega thing, Kieran had always heard. It was tricky for an unbonded omega to enter an unfamiliar alpha’s territory and still feel comfortable, a preservation instinct honed over centuries.
But from almost the first time Kieran had stepped into the Whittaker house, he’d felt comfortable. There wasn’t a prickling on the back of his neck, there wasn’t the half-worry in the back of his mind that he had to stay on guard. There wasn’t the constant pressure for him to go somewhere else, where it was safe.
It felt a little like coming home, realized Kieran. Even if it wasn’t his home. Kieran wasn’t worried, exactly… but there was still that small bit of tension, that sense that he was just waiting for something to happen, even if he didn’t know what it was or when it would occur.
“Done,” announced Jessie finally. She shoved the finished homework – not the neatest, but at least done correctly, Kieran noted – into her folder, and pushed back from her desk. “Can we play Legos now?”
“Yes,” said Kieran, partially because the playroom was closer to the kitchen, and likely to be a bit warmer.
It wasn’t – at least, not on the floor where Jessie was building her Lego city. The kitchen smelled delicious from whatever Connie was making, but there was still a chill on his skin. Not enough to make him shiver, just enough that he was really missing his sweater.
He was laughing at something Jessie had said when he felt the warmth creep up his skin, starting at the top of his head, and radiating out and down, right to the tips of his fingers and the ends of his toes. It was better than stepping under a hot shower, or drinking something hot and sweet. Kieran sucked in a breath, relishing the sudden flush of warmth, closing his eyes and just basking in it, like molten sunshine.
He didn’t even hear the laundry room door open.
“Fa!” cried Jessie, and Kieran’s eyes sprang open to see Thomas step into the room. “You’re home! You’re late again.”
Oh, thought Kieran, as the warmth continued spreading through him, his muscles relaxing and every last vestige of tension leaving his body.
“Traffic,” said Thomas, eyeing the city surrounding Kieran. “What’s this?”
“Jessie-ville,” said Kieran. He sounded normal enough, he supposed. At least, Thomas didn’t seem to notice anything. Kieran reached over to put the final blocks on a building that he’d privately dubbed the Leaning Eiffel Tower of Pisa-slash-Jessie-ville.
“Very nice,” said Thomas, and then Jessie pulled him down to the floor, sat him across from Kieran, and proceeded to order him to finish a building that might have been a school or warehouse or torture chamber, Kieran hadn’t been sure which.
That was all right by Kieran; it let him observe Thomas without much fanfare. He and Jessie switched focus to the moat surrounding the city.
It was funny, seeing Thomas sit in the middle of the Lego city. He looked vaguely uncomfortable, as if he didn’t do this every day, and he was definitely ignoring Jessie’s directions to only use blocks of certain colors. Thomas was using whatever blocks came to hand, every color under the sun.
“Fa,” complained Jessie. “You can’t use pink for the walls, they have to be blue!”
“Right, sorry,” said Thomas, a bit guilty, as he pulled off the pink pieces. “Aren’t pink pieces up to code?”
“No,” snorted Jessie.
“Here,” said Kieran, almost taking pity on him, and he handed over a handful of blue pieces from the moat. “We’re monopolizing them at the moment.”
“Thanks,” said Thomas, and reached for them.
Kieran could feel the warmth radiating from Thomas’s hand – but it wasn’t until he tipped the Legos into it that he caught a whiff of something that smelled utterly fantastic. Dry and soft, hot like sunshine and fresh air, so sharp that it almost crackled as Kieran breathed it in.
Thomas stared at him, dark lips parted, damp from where he’d just licked them. Kieran’s breath caught in his throat. For a moment, he thought Thomas would drop the Lego and twist his hand to grasp Kieran’s wrist. Kieran could imagine how it’d feel, that big hand on his wrist, pulling him closer until all Kieran could see was the deep mahogany of Thomas’s skin, the warm-dust smell of it, the way his arms would fold over and hold him close…
“Thanks,” said Thomas again, pulling away, and Kieran wondered why he felt such a loss at a contact that didn’t happen.
“Anytime,” he said, forcing the smile, and turned back to the moat, heart thumping in his ears.
* * *
It was almost a repeat of the night before.
The kitchen was empty, when Kieran came back downstairs after putting Jessie to sleep. Connie had disappeared after cleaning up the kitchen; there were a few last pots and pans in the drain, the dishwasher was humming along, and the coffee maker was already set up for the next morning.
Kieran took his coat off the hook in the laundry room, and stepped back into the room, so he could hear Thomas sing Jessie her lullaby. He had a nice voice – not particularly beautiful or strong, but deep and confident from having sung the lullaby for the last six years. Kieran took his time pulling on his coat, and remembered, briefly, the cold he’d felt earlier, and how that chill had disappeared the minute Thomas had walked in.
As if he’d been the one Kieran was instinctively missing, to feel completely at ease in foreign territory. Which was ridiculous – the entire reason the territory was foreign was because it belonged to Thomas. Thomas’s presence shouldn’t have made it more comfortable; it should have made it less comfortable.
All the same. Kieran didn’t want to go just yet. He lingered, listening, knowing full well that when Thomas was done, he’d come downstairs, and find him waiting there.
Kieran knew he should zip up his jacket and slip out before Thomas reached the end of the song. Play it safe and not give into the temptation to wait and see Thomas one more time before the night was over.
Instead, he waited, and listened as Thomas closed Jessie’s door. Kieran’s nerves tingled as Thomas came down the stairs, slow and steady, and Kieran could barely remember why he’d thought it was a good idea to wait. By the time Thomas crossed the living room to lean against the doorframe on the opposite side of the room, his gaze never leaving Kieran’s face, Kieran could barely breathe for nerves.
“You shouldn’t have left so quickly last night,” Thomas said. It was almost a whisper, deep and dark with promise. A line straight out of every horrible porno Kieran had ever heard about.
Kieran nearly jumped out of his skin. He stared, wide-eyed, and every single instinct that had been telling him all along, no, no, stay, it’s totally cool was suddenly in complete rebellion.
“I… what?” he asked, his voice high-pitched and uncertain, and somehow that was enough to break the strange feeling in the room.
“Sorry, I… I meant that Connie wanted to give you a ride home.”
Kieran let out a long breath. “Oh. Okay. Just…” He ran a hand over his hair. “My mind went somewhere else when you said that, you know?”
“Not really,” admitted Thomas. Sweet innocence looked adorably ridiculous on him, thought Kieran, and he was glad Jessie-ville was in between them. “I know I startled you.”
Kieran laughed, not entirely at ease just
yet. “Well, that and one of the worst pick-up lines from porno history ever, yeah.”
Thomas’s mouth fell open, and he groaned and leaned against the doorframe. “Oh, God. I didn’t mean it that way.”
“I know,” Kieran assured him. “It’s nice of Connie to want to drive me home, but… it’s okay. I don’t live that far away.”
Thomas frowned. “I thought you lived on the other side of town.”
Kieran was about to shake his head when he realized what Thomas meant. Your parents live on the other side of town. Which they did. Which Thomas obviously thought was where Kieran lived as well. Which in any other circumstance, as an unbonded omega – he would have.
“I mean,” said Kieran hastily, “I’m fine. I can take care of myself.”
“I never doubted it,” said Thomas.
Kieran felt the rush of warmth over his skin again as the words hung in the air between them for a long moment. He was still on edge, just a bit – every muscle in him might have been warm and comfortable, sure, but there was something that stayed wary and cautious all the same. As if it was waiting for Thomas to spring, even though Kieran absolutely believed that Thomas wouldn’t move until the door had shut between them.
“Thanks,” said Kieran. “Um. See you tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” said Thomas, and smiled for maybe the first time since Kieran had met him.
He looked… happy, when he smiled. Handsome, strong, and friendly.
He looked safe.
Oh, shit, thought Kieran, and his resolve began to slip as the strange pull that urged him closer to Thomas began to take over, as tense and uncertain as a rubber band drawing them together.
There is no way you are going to stay impartial about this man. If you’re smart, you’ll quit now before it’s too late.
And then Thomas took a step closer – one hand outstretched as if to reach for Kieran, to draw him in. Kieran could already feel the way the fingers would curl around the back of his neck, gentle but unassuming pressure, pulling him in. Tilting his face up, reaching down for a kiss….
“Kieran,” said Thomas, low and so unbelievably open, Kieran could hear the unmistakable sound of longing in them. “Do you….”
The Omega Nanny Page 7