by nikki blaire
“So, Ayda huh? That sounds like a sophisticated name.” She intentionally avoided looking directly at him.
“She’s sophisticated.” He shrugged. “You got a problem with it?”
They both knew where she was going with this conversation, so he felt it was best to get it over with.
“I mean, you and I were still trying to figure things out, so I am surprised.”
“We were still having sex, Trinity. That’s it. Our situation was figured out once you told me not to transfer to New York.”
They walked back to the bench, so they could watch Sasha while they talked. Trinity sat down then looked out over the horizon. The morning was warm and sun-kissed, but the air between them was cold because their relationship had finally died.
“I love you, Tremaine.” She let her head fall for a moment. “I just couldn’t keep taking a backseat to everything and everyone. I knew you were never really into me, but when we decided to be together for Sasha, I thought that would change.”
“It did. Don’t play me like I never showed you love, but that’s just not what we were. We didn’t know each other.”
“But you never tried to get to know me. You filled all of your time with other people, and then you filled it with Sasha. You never tried to see me as something else.”
“You’re my kid’s mom. How else was I supposed to see you?” He was so lost in this conversation. He had given Trinity everything that she asked for and was a good father to their daughter. How was that not enough?
“This Ayda girl...when I say her name, your eyes. They kinda light up. It’s obvious that you think very highly of her. Despite me being Sasha’s mom, you never really thought of me as more than the jump off who messed around and got pregnant. You said we were together, but it was half-hearted.”
“It was my first real relationship, Trinity. I didn’t know how to do anything exactly right. Plus, we had a kid. If that’s how you felt then you should’ve talked to me.”
She finally faced him with remnants of old hurt floating in the lines of her expression.
“Don’t try and act like I’m crazy for thinking that. Don’t make it seem like all I had to do was talk to you. It wasn’t that simple. This new, communicative, and responsible you is not who you were. This may be what Ayda gets, but that’s not how you were.”
“But you could’ve had him.” He choked out. They had not had much of a conversation about their break up since then. He would have liked to have it on a different day, but it needed to happen.
“You never gave me the chance to grow up. You gave up on me before I even got the chance to be what you needed. That’s how I see it.”
“Well, I see it as you didn’t want me until I was gone.” Trinity shrugged. “I guess we’re at an impasse.”
“I wanted our family. I always made that clear.”
“Crystal clear.” She laughed. “And just like I said, you wanted our family, but that’s not the same as wanting me.”
He wanted to respond, but knew that it was best if he let Trinity have the last word. That was what she wanted anyway. She was convinced that she was right, and on some level, she was. She had not been the girl of his dreams at first, but their child gave them a new connection that he valued more than that. Maybe he had not showed her properly or told her in those exact words, but she had never let him know that it bothered her.
“We should get back.” He stood then held out his hand to help her up. “Where are you staying?”
“The show put us in a hotel. I didn’t know they were going to though. They told me once I landed.”
“Sure they did.” He shook his head, while she headed across the park to get Sasha.
Chapter Sixteen
Sleeping until the late afternoon had done wonders for Ayda’s hangover. Earlier that morning, she left Renee’s house, stumbled into an Uber, and arrived home just to get back in bed. Now, she was up, refreshed, and facing the consequences of her actions. Tremaine had been right. She had not expressly ended things with Michael, or any of the men that she had prior dealings with, after she and Tremaine decided to be exclusive. Instead, she had just stopped talking to all of them. It was easier and gave her a safety net just in case she and Tremaine didn’t work out.
That plan had backfired tremendously.
“That’s what you get for trying to have a damn plan B, C, and D.” She grumbled to herself, while she poured a cup of coffee. She thought about pouring wine for a moment, but decided that alcohol had contributed enough to her demise. She sat down at the table to enjoy her coffee when her phone buzzed across from her. She glanced at it, silently hoping that it was Tremaine, but was disappointed to see her mother calling instead. She rolled her eyes and let the call go to voicemail. Claudette’s musings about nothing would have to wait until she felt better.
Tremaine hadn’t called since last night, and she assumed he had given up on her. Part of her wanted to go after him, but she had never chased a man before. Her pride had never let her go there. She sipped her coffee to ruminate over her options, but even the taste of it made her think of Tremaine.
“Screw this.” She pushed the cup aside, just as her phone buzzed again. She picked it up then swiped to answer her mother, who was calling again.
“Ayda, dear. I’ve been calling Renee to check if our lunch is on your calendar today, but she hasn’t answered. I don’t want to say a bad word about the girl, but,”
“She’s not in the office today, Mother. Neither am I. So, we’ll have to reschedule lunch, okay. Great. Bye.” She tried to rush her off of the phone, but Claudette Forde was not easily dismissed.
“Well, why on Earth aren’t you in the office?”
“I was hung over.” She growled in her mother’s ear unintentionally.
“In the middle of the week?” Claudette shrill voice sent a sharp pain through Ayda’s head. “If we need to send you to one of those places, so you’re drinking doesn’t become a problem—”
“Mother, I was out celebrating. I got the promotion. I’m the Vice President of Community Engagement now.”
Claudette sounded off with another squeal.
“Congratulations, Ayda, dear. What will you wear? We must go get you a vice presidential wardrobe. You have nothing to wear right now.”
“Fine, Mother. We’ll do that.”
“When? I need to make an appointment with the tailor.”
“Next week, Mother. Okay? I’ll have Renee schedule something.” Claudette was finally obliged enough to end the conversation to Ayda’s relief.
“Alright, well, okay. I’ll talk to you later. I hope you’re rushing me off of the phone to tend to that amazingly handsome man that you,”
That was Ayda’s breaking point. Tremaine had ruined her coffee, and now her own mother was being used against her. She had enough, so she hung up before Claudette could finish.
“That’s it.” She slapped her hand on the table, sending coffee onto the counter. She was going to end this torture.
“I’m going over there.” She hopped up from her seat then pressed to her bedroom. She pulled on leggings and a sweatshirt then tried to tame her hair. She grabbed her wallet and keys, and then breezed out of the door, headed to Tremaine’s. Although she had never been to his house, she knew he lived in the company’s other building. She did a quick Internet search then got in her car and headed to his address. She had parked and walked right up to the elevators when she finally remembered that she didn’t know his apartment number.
“Dammit.” She sighed in defeat. She turned to walk back to her car, when she heard the lobby doors open in front of her. She looked up and saw Tremaine walking into the building. Her first instinct was to hide, but halted once she saw him hold the door open for Sasha and a woman to walk through. He was smiling, looking happy, and she felt all of the air leave her lungs.
“Trinity.” She gasped. It had to be her. Sasha was eagerly chatting away, while she held the woman’s hand as they walked in. Ayda too
k in the entire scene, and then focused on Trinity. She was beautiful, glamorous, and petite. Her skin was a golden light brown and matching honey blonde hair cascaded down her back in loose waves. She effortlessly strutted in cuffed jeans and a white crop top that revealed a flat, honey-colored stomach. Ayda wanted to gag. She had come all the way over here looking like a mess to find Tremaine, the finest man she had ever seen, with the most beautiful woman she had ever seen.
Figures.
She thought to herself. Trinity was exactly the kind of woman that she had always figured Tremaine went for. Perfectly shaped, pretty face, and Instagram ready at all times.
“Ayda?” She heard her name over the din of her thoughts. She had been spotted.
“Ms. Ayda!” Sasha’s unmistakable voice repeated. She had to stay there and say something now.
“Hi, Sasha.” She chose to talk to Sasha first. It was less nerve wracking. She bent down to give the little girl a hug before looking at Tremaine. “Hey. I was...coming...by...to…” She wanted to lie, but she wasn’t sure of how much Trinity knew of their current situation, so she chose to just let her words fall away.
“Coming to?” Tremaine was wearing a cocky grin that she wanted to slap off of his face. His fine, dimpled face.
“I was coming to talk to you.” She settled on that as a sufficient answer. “Hi, I’m Ayda.” She held her hand out to Trinity for her to shake. Her confidence was wavering, but she wouldn’t let Trinity or Tremaine see it.
“Trinity.” She smiled, revealing perfectly white teeth, which was annoying. The woman had no flaws.
Strikingly beautiful, my ass. Trinity is strikingly beautiful.
She scanned over Trinity again when her familiarity became apparent.
“Trinity Cosgrove?” The name escaped from Ayda’s lips. Being in public relations and marketing, she was on top of up and coming actors and entertainers. It was easier to get a spokesperson for a client before they hit it big and Trinity Cosgrove had been a prospect for some of Prestige’s clients.
“The one and only.” She smiled again then took Sasha’s hand. “I’m gonna take her upstairs, so you all can talk.” She flashed another smile then led the little girl away.
“That’s Daddy’s friend, Ms. Ayda, like I told you, Mommy.” She heard Sasha say as they walked into a waiting elevator.
Once they were alone, Ayda’s throat felt as if it were closing. She was so energized on the drive over, but now she felt like the walls were closing in.
“So, now you wanna talk?” Tremaine crossed his arms, which made his pecks flex. Ayda tried not to be distracted by his attractiveness, but it was hard for her not to imagine him naked. She had prepared a speech, but her mind was drawing a blank. “Look, Ayda, if you came here just to mess with my head even more,”
“Mess with your head?” His words pulled her back to the present.
“You’ve been MIA for almost 24 hours and then you show up at my house looking like you just hopped out of someone’s bed, so yea...mess with my head.”
Ayda rolled her eyes at him.
“How can you talk about there being someone else when you’ve conveniently forgotten to mention that Sasha’s mother is Trinity Cosgrove. She’s got a verified Twitter for goodness sakes.”
“Does she?” He shrugged. “I wouldn’t know.”
His smug response only riled her up.
“Were you ever gonna tell me?” She spat at him. “You made it seem like the woman is nonexistent, but here she is...just cheesing and smiling like it’s nothing. How long has she been here? Did you know she was coming? Actually, of course you did. You probably set it up.”
She was mad all over again and ready to leave. She tried to walk around him, but he stepped in her way.
“I didn’t bring her here. She just showed up this morning.”
Ayda glared up at him, finally angry enough to see past his smooth skin and sexy lips.
“So, you had no idea she was even in town? She just showed up on your doorstep?” He grew quiet, which was all the answer that she needed. “You embarrassed me and damn near called me a hoe in the middle of the street because of a guy I haven’t seen or talked to in weeks, but I’m supposed to be cool about walking in on you and her playing house?”
“Ayda,” He tried to reach out and grab her, but she was too quick. She was out of the door and headed to the parking lot, but Tremaine’s long legs carried him faster than she could get away.
“Ayda.” He called her name again, after gaining on her. He reached her just before she made it to her car and spun her around to face him.
“How do you not get what my issue is with what happened?” She could tell he was trying not to yell, but his voice still boomed with vexation and his eyes were boring into her. She had never seen him this upset before and she wanted to cower, but stood her ground. “It’s about more than what he said to me, Ayda. It’s the fact that he felt bold enough to say it and that you didn’t even bother to check him. Michael, this is my friend Tremaine. We’re going.” He repeated her words back to her.
“That’s all you said when he clearly felt some entitlement to you. So, now I’m wondering who’s texting you, calling you, coming over at night when I’m not there. I never did before, but when a man comes and tells me that I’m just someone on the roster, and you don’t correct him, what am I supposed to think? He felt comfortable as hell stepping to me over you.”
“Comfortable. You want to talk about someone looking comfortable? When I come here and find Sasha’s mother here of all places when you’ve literally made her seem like a ghost lady that no one can ever get a hold of. She’s clearly comfortable and you conveniently left that out during the times that I specifically asked you about her. You’re mad at me when you had a whole baby mama in your back pocket, just waiting for you when you get home.”
“Ayda, listen to yourself. You really think that I would’ve been able to hide Trinity from you when you’ve been around my daughter? That I just had her stored away somewhere in D.C. while I’m running around the same city with you?”
“Don’t patronize me, Tremaine.”
“Oh wait, no, you think after we fought, I flew her here from New York, just to have sex with her, and kept her here overnight on the off chance that you would come over and see her?” He chuckled which sent her over the edge.
“You left this part of your relationship with her out, where she comes over and hangs out from to time to time.” She got in his face.
“She just showed up! I told you that!”
“And I’m supposed to believe it? When you’ve already lied about her?”
“When did I lie, Ayda? I never lied to you about anything.”
“You omitted! Omission is still lying, especially when it’s about important shit, Tremaine. Very necessary shit like her coming to D.C., which I can tell from your face earlier that you knew! And this girl is famous. She’s Trinity Cosgrove! You kept it from me for a reason. You wanna ask me what you’re supposed to think, well what am I supposed to think?”
“I haven’t touched her in almost a year!” He threw his hands up. “You want me to go get her and have her swear to you?”
“Almost a year,” Ayda laughed sarcastically. “You want a cookie? A sticker?”
Tremaine’s nostrils flared and his fist clenched, so he put more space between them. Anxiety flashed in Ayda’s mind for a moment, but she calmed herself. She knew Tremaine wouldn’t hurt her, but her body still reacted with the same fear.
“When was the last time you had sex with Michael, huh? I’m sure it was a lot less than ten months ago.” Ayda gasped. That was a low blow. “And let’s be clear,” Tremaine continued.
“I don’t have a problem with putting the nigga in his place, but it was clear as hell that you never did.”
“We’ve been over this. I didn’t know what to say that you and I were because we hadn’t talked about it.” She felt like a broken record, repeating the same thing over and over.
&nb
sp; “But we were going to and you knew that. You knew where my head was and I’m sick of people telling me that I’m wrong for thinking they should know what’s up. You should know exactly how I feel about you because I show you every damn day. So, don’t play me like you’re out here wondering. You’re not.”
He backed further away from her, the sadness apparent in his eyes.
“Tremaine,” She tried to reach out and touch him, but he moved out of reach.
“Naw, I’m not putting myself in this same situation again. Maybe I was wrong for how I said everything the other night, but shit, it’s how I feel. And as for Trinity, I don’t know what else you want me to do.”
She didn’t know what she wanted him to do either. Her mouth was dry, but her eyes were starting to well up with tears. She definitely did not want him to see her cry, so she pulled out her car keys then rushed to the driver’s side door to get in. Tremaine hung his head then turned to walk back to his apartment building, while Ayda started the car, then jerked it out of the parking lot.
She sped home, made her way to her apartment, and then clomped to her bathroom. She needed to calm down, so she stripped while she ran a hot bath. Once the tub filled up, she let her body sink to the bottom. The water tinged her skin, but it was nothing compared to how she felt inside. She hadn’t felt this way in so long that she almost didn’t recognize the feeling — heartbreak. This was why she kept her heart out of the mix. Her cold, ice queen exterior was just a front to protect her. Tremaine had exposed her vulnerability and she had fallen for him. She had been picturing something more with him...and Sasha. It may have been premature, but it was the truth, and she had no choice but to face it now that she was alone. She also had to face how her past eroded away at her confidence. She could strut around her office and get all of the promotions in the world, but it wouldn’t change the fact that she was insecure after dating Aaron. He had broken her spirit and made her distrust men. Instead of seeking help, she had self-medicated by diving into her career and overindulging in meaningless sex.