by R. J. Ross
“Golf first!” Ariel says from under a pile of pillows. Only her arm comes out, waving weakly before falling again. “After another… hour of sleep,” she mumbles.
“Has anyone seen Skye?” Doris asks.
I look around, taking in the empty pizza containers, a pile of half-eaten cookies, several piles of glittery or feathery clothing… “Nope,” I say, crawling over to the cookies to finish them off. My stomach is growling at me.
“Did she fall through a wall again?” Ariel asks, pushing the pillows off. “Remember the time we found her with her head through the floor?”
“Yeah,” Doris says, yawning and pushing her hair out of her face. “Hey, while she’s missing, somebody get me some scissors. I’m chopping this junk off.”
“You can’t cut your hair off, it’s one of our calling card… thingies,” Ariel says, standing and stretching. “Plus, Skye would be pouting for an entire YEAR if you did that. But we can braid it again.”
“If we do it now, I can avoid the whole flowers and ribbon debacle, right?” Doris says, grabbing a brush from a nearby table. “Catch, you’re on brushing duty,” she tells me, tossing it to me.
“I get to brush it?” I ask, staring at the mass of hair.
“Do it as quickly as possible, Skye might wake up soon,” she says, heading for the kitchen. I chase after her as she starts to dig through the fridge. “You don’t need me to stand still, do you?” she asks.
“Already half done!” I say cheerfully. She’s moving so slowly that it’s no big deal. Her hair is so thick and silky that I’m fighting the urge to hug it. “Do you want me to braid it a certain way?”
“Ariel can do that part,” she says as she starts cracking eggs into a pan. “Done yet?”
“Done!” I say as I finish brushing. “How do you keep it so silky?”
“That would be me,” Ariel says, joining us with a yawn. She holds out her hands, and I watch in wonder as they shift into liquid form, flowing into Doris’s hair. Soon it looks like the hair is in a giant bubble. The strands start separating and then braiding together as Doris scrambles eggs, like this isn’t an amazing thing. “I always make sure to wash it this way, too, since she hates taking the time to do it, herself.”
“It’s a pain in the… neck,” Doris says. I think she just censored herself for me, but I won’t point it out. “If Ariel wasn’t here, I would have shaved it off, Skye or no Skye. You done yet?”
“All done!” Ariel says, the water pulling away from Doris’s head. The hair is now braided and pulled up into a ponytail, one that still hangs well past Doris’s waist.
“Oh, wow, I should have had you do mine,” I say. Not that I don’t like my new ‘do, it just would have taken less time. “So… um… do we want to call Malina before we go golfing, or whatever?”
“I probably should,” Ariel says hesitantly. “Or maybe we should find out about what happened with Skye’s stalker guy! That would be interesting, right?”
“Finding out about a stalker is more interesting?” Doris repeats as she tosses some sausage into another pan.
“It’s important, right? He’s a creepy camera guy that was trying to record us, right?”
“Nico records us, but I don’t see you complaining about him,” Doris points out.
“Nico doesn’t record our bedrooms, and he’s pretty much just a security system with a sarcasm setting, right?” Ariel says. I choke on a laugh.
“He is!” I agree. “We’ve got the same thing back at school.”
“Girls! Girls! They have the Jerky Mc’jerkenstein that experimented on me AT THE HALL! He’s in the ER! I want to go and pull his plug! I don’t know if it’ll do anything, since technically he’s not dying, but I’ll feel better!”
Doris keeps flipping the sausages. “You can do it after we send Carla back to the school this afternoon… and you need to go get cleaned up,” she says, as if this isn’t a big dramatic moment at all.
“Fiiiiine, spoilsport. Also, you left out the flowers again,” Skye says with a pout before she heads off to the bathroom.
“I meant to!” Doris calls after her.
***
*Across the Galaxy*
The small hut has light streaming in through the cracks in the wall. Trent is trying to get some sleep, but he’s failing thanks to the light beam right across his eyes. He brings up an arm, trying to block it from view. For the past two nights they’ve been fighting the big ones. In theory, they’ve gotten them all, but he’s not going to swear to it. That’s why his mother had finally made a call to Cosmic. They’re waiting for their replacement to show up, now.
“Thank you so much for your hospitality,” Jeanie says to the woman of the house. “You’ve been so kind to me and my son.”
“No, it’s nothing compared to what you’ve done for us,” the woman says, sounding a bit teary. “Your son, he’s actually young, isn’t he? We didn’t realize at first because he is so… large of stature.”
“He’s a growing boy,” Jeanie says with a laugh. “He takes after his father.”
“But we have allowed him to be placed in danger,” the woman says. “I am so sorry for that. Had we known—”
“It’s fine,” Trent says, giving up on his nap. He’s going to get rid of this uniform as soon as he gets home, he decides as one of the holes pulls on his chest hairs. He looks like he’s been dragged in by a cat. He hadn’t even been able to replace it, because the entire population of this planet makes Emily look tall. “All it did was ruin my uniform.”
“They could have killed you!” the woman says, angrily. “We do not allow our own children near them, what right do we have to allow…” she stops as he stands, walking over to her, “you?” she finishes, staring up at him.
He grins. “My girlfriend hits harder than the big ones do,” he tells her.
“Your girlfriend is terrifying, then,” she says. He starts laughing, and Jeanie rolls her eyes before smiling.
“His girlfriend is adorable,” she says. They all look over as someone knocks on the door. “And here they are! Do you mind if I get this?”
“No, not at all.”
Jeanie crosses the tiny room, opening the door with a hospitable smile. “Welcome! We’ve been waiting for you.” She moves out of the way to allow the tall green skinned alien to come in. “My name is Star Spangled, this is Kid Liberty, and this is your hostess, Me’kal’ni’ta. She’s a wonderful guide, and quite handy with a bow and arrow. And you are?”
“Cosmic,” the man introduces himself, nodding. “I believe you two know my mentor?”
“We do! He’s doing very well on Earth,” Jeanie says. “Did he tell you what you’ll be dealing with?”
“Yes, thank you,” he says, looking over at Trent. “And will you be becoming one of the Cosmic?” he asks in an interested tone.
“No, I’m strictly Earth, but thanks for the compliment,” Trent says. “Do we need to call Cos—I mean, our Cosmic to head home?”
“No, I would be happy to help you,” this Cosmic says, “if you would step outside, that is? Pardon us, Ms. Me’kal’ni’ta, I will be returning quickly.”
“It is of no problem,” Me’kal’ni’ta says with a slight nod of her own. The three of them walk out of the hut, Jeanie calling out her farewells to everyone they walk past, addressing them each by name.
“I cannot help but notice,” Cosmic says to Trent, “that your female companion has no holes in her clothing.”
“Ah, that’s because Mom’s faster than I am,” Trent says. “She’s ah, a lot tougher than I am, too… at least for now, that is.”
“That glorious woman is your mother?” Cosmic asks.
“Yep, and she’s married,” Trent says, pointedly, “with two kids.”
“Ah, yes, of course,” he says, a faint hint of purple on his cheeks. “Do you wish to change garments before returning home?”
“They don’t make clothes big enough for me, and I hated to tax their supplies. Everything that ne
eds to be covered is, right? So it can wait.”
“Then I shall be sending you to my mentor, now,” he says as they reach the outskirts of the town. “You trust me, yes?”
“Do you have some sort of badge or ring to show us to prove you’re a Cosmic?” Trent asks curiously.
“I have this,” Cosmic says, bringing up the sleeves of his robes and revealing a glowing tattoo on his wrists. He holds his hands out and opens a portal to a very familiar snowy world. “Will it be sufficient?”
“Trent! Jeanie!” he hears Tatiana call from the hole. “You are coming home, now?”
“We’re coming!” he calls back, getting excited. The Cosmic next to him looks at him curiously. “What?” he asks, seeing the look.
“You suddenly seem much younger,” Cosmic says. “Is this woman your family?”
“Close enough,” he says as Tatiana sticks her head through the hole. Cosmic takes a step back, his green skin turning a pale color. “Good to see you, Tatiana!” Trent says.
“This place, it is not on my list of vacation spots,” Tatiana says as she looks around. “Ah! Trent! We must get you new clothes.”
“She’s…” Cosmic says.
“Tougher than Mom, I think?” Trent finishes for him before taking to the air.
“If so, it is merely because I am a bit older,” Tatiana says. “Jeanie! You are coming, yes, kitten?”
“Tatiana!” Jeanie says, heading over. “Yes, I’m coming! I had to say goodbye to some people. They are very friendly, here.”
“Then we will be going now!” Tatiana says, grabbing their hands and pulling them both through the hole. It snaps shut without Cosmic doing a thing, leaving him standing there, shivering slightly.
“An actual negater capable of that…” he says, rubbing his arms. “What a terrifying creature.” He silently promises himself that he won’t EVER go to this… Earth.
***
“So… how have things been since we left?” Jeanie asks as she and Trent go through the snow and into the ice castle that passes itself off as Superior and Tatiana’s retirement home. “How is everyone?”
“Well…” Tatiana says, her expression going serious. “Skye, she is having a stalker problem.”
“A stalker?” Trent repeats. “Who would be that stupid? I mean, she dropped Uncle Rob like he was a bad habit, right? I mean, sure, he’s an A-class, but he’s a pretty strong one. I’d have trouble fighting him, at least…” The two females look at him and he shrugs. “Well, she’s dangerous, right? Even if she’s… um… so easy going.”
“Oh, Skye, she is no easy goer,” Tatiana says, blowing his excuses off. “She can be quite the fire bird!”
“I think you mean firebrand, Tatiana,” Marie says as they enter the work room. She’s sitting at the table, knitting, as if she’s perfectly content to stay as a prisoner. “You two would be… Liberties? I know the trend towards scruffy is a growing thing among the young ones, but… really, I think you might be going too far, child.”
Trent looks down, embarrassed. “Ah, well, the plants on the planet we visited liked how I tasted.”
“I can see that. They took several bites out of you. Would you like something of Superior’s? I believe he has a few shirts he stole from Nico hidden away.”
“Nah, I was thinking we would just teleport back home and I’d change there,” Trent says. “Does anyone have a teleportation watch?”
“I do!” Tatiana says, “But first we must feed you. It would not do well to send you home hungry.”
“Do you think we should check in with Skye? Emily said that Carla was down there, working with her,” Trent says, frowning slightly. He’s felt a bit protective of Carla ever since they ran across half the country together.
“And SITEC is in the South Branch,” Jeanie says. “We can have them properly dispose of our suits while we’re checking in. It would be terrible if we brought back something that might harm the norms.”
“We could do that?” Trent asks.
“How do you think the grass monsters got to the planet we just left, honey? Interplanetary travel is something that should be taken very seriously.”
“Yeah, that makes sense,” Trent says. “You don’t think we’re carrying any sort of virus, or something, do you?”
“Trent, honey, we’re supers. We don’t get viruses,” Jeanie says, “but you’re right that it’s better to be safe than sorry. We’ll have them check for that, as well.”
***
I tug my hat down just a little further, wondering if people will recognize me in my disguise. I mean, sure, we’re not working today, but if people see a hero hanging out with a trio of villains, it could ruin their reputation, right? So we put together the most ridiculous outfit—one that makes me look like a wannabe villain! I’ve got a huge red and black poofy hat that covers my ponytail, a skintight shimmery top and pants, both with the Deadly Darlin’s logo on them, and a mask that looks like a star on one side and a heart on the other. It covers more than half of my face.
“HELLO LOUISIANA!” Skye bellows from the rooftop of a building in the French Quarter. “Don’t mind us! We’re here to play mini-golf!”
Every single person on the street below looks up. “I thought we were supposed to NOT be minded,” Ariel says. You know, sometimes I really think that she’s not as innocent as she seems… Doris looks away, her shoulders shaking as she fights laughter.
“EXACTLY!” Skye says. “We even got special balls that bounce off things instead of breaking them!” she tells the watching crowd, digging through the “Technico” bag she packed with goodies. She pulls out four expandable mini-golf clubs and pushes a button on one. A golf ball hologram appears, glowing bright neon pink.
“OOOOH,” the crowd says. “Have fun!” a musician on the street corner yells, waving at us.
“I’ve got blue! Doris has red, and youuu… get…” Ariel hands out the other clubs, pushing the button on mine, first. “Purple!”
“I’ll set up the hole!” Skye says, bouncing from one roof to the next, pausing here and there as if contemplating angles of bounces. Finally, she stops half a block away and puts a tiny machine down. “We’re good! Carla, are you okay with rooftops? Jersey can carry you!”
“Isn’t it a bit late to ask that sort of thing?” Doris says only to shake her head. “It’s fine. If you need a ride, it’ll make you seem even more like a norm.”
“I can jump pretty far!” I say. People are climbing onto the roofs all around us, bringing out their cell phones to record our game. “Plus, all of the buildings are really close, right? So it’s fine! Did Technico make those for you?”
“Yeah,” Doris says, “after our very first game. Seems like the mayor complained to Century… and charged the Hall to fix all the windows we broke.”
“That makes sense,” I say. “Did anyone get hurt?”
“Nope! It was NIGHT golf!” Ariel says, lining up her shot and swinging. Her bright blue ball goes flying through the air—in the exact opposite direction that the hole is in. I watch as it hits the next building, bouncing off and flying over our heads. It ricochets off of a billboard, hitting a building’s corner, and then bouncing off of a window.
“We like to make it fancy,” Ariel tells me.
The crowd cheers as it finally lands on the same roof as the hole Skye had set up.
***
Ruckus looks down at the black suit she’s wearing, a hint of confusion on her face. Voltdrain hasn’t explained why they’re dressed like this, he’d just handed her and Dolly clothing and told them to change, but bring their uniforms with them. Now they’re standing in front of a rather smelly building, holding clipboards.
“Hello, we are here to inspect,” Voltdrain says, holding out a sheet and a badge to the man that’s walking towards them. “We’re with the EPA.”
Ruckus looks at Dolly, who looks back at her before pasting a business-like smile on her face. This is definitely NOT what she’d thought they’d be doing. But from
the look on the man’s face as he takes the paperwork Voltdrain offers, it’s legit. He grunts, and irritably motions for them to follow him.
“How did you do that?” Ruckus asks silently, moving to Voltdrain’s side.
“I have an… agreement with the government. If I pick up on something that is dangerous, I will inspect it, clean up what I can, and inform them of what is going on,” Voltdrain replies. “If you want, I can set you up for the specialized training that I went through with the EPA. The classes are very interesting. I believe they specifically tailored it for my abilities. It was very considerate of them.”
“So you’re specially trained for this?” Dolly asks.
“It is something I feel very passionate about. The norms are beautiful creatures, but… they are delicate. If I can do something that allows them to live healthier, happier lives, I will do so with all of my might.” They’re walking along as they speak, and his eyes run over everything, seeing things that no one else can. “I feel the same for you two, as well.”
“What?” Ruckus asks.
“That is why I would like to ask you about a prospective permanent third partner. Ah, but this is not the place. Perhaps later?” He moves forward, starting to write on his clipboard as he focuses on his work. “There is a leak, here.”
***
“Hurry it up, Farkinkle,” Mr. Cage says, pacing back and forth in Thelma Farkinkle’s tiny office. The basement has been cleared out, or they would be using that. As it is, he’s starting to get claustrophobic in this room. The mud creature smells like dirt, and being in a tiny room… he stops, shoving that thought aside as he looks over at the culprit. It’s on the table that Thelma had shoved all of her books off, staring at the pictures of the Deadly Darlin’s on the wall.