From the movie camp came an answering wail.
Not coyotes, but stuntmen—led by the raucous Riff, whose singing had been dubbed in West Side Story—howling at the moon, whistling over emptied Jack Daniel’s bottles, clanging tin plates together.
Charlie’s girls joined in his chorus.
The film folk fired off blank rounds, and sang songs from the Westerns they’d been in. ‘Get Along Home, Cindy, Cindy’. ‘Gunfight at O.K. Corral’. ‘The Code of the West’.
Charlie dropped his acoustic, and plugged in an electric. The chords sounded the same, but the amperage somehow got into his reedy voice, which came across louder.
He sang sea shanties.
That put the film folk off for a while.
Charlie sang about mermaids and sunken treasures and the rising, rising waters.
He wasn’t worse than many acts Leech had signed to his record label. If it weren’t for this apocalypse jazz, he might have tried to make a deal with Charlie for his music. He’d kept back the fact that he had pull in the industry. Apart from other considerations, it’d have made Charlie suspicious. The man was naive about many things, but he had a canny showbiz streak. He scorned all the trappings of a doomed civilisation, but bought Daily Variety and Billboard on the sly. You don’t find Phil Spector wandering in the desert eating horse-turds. At least, not so far.
As Charlie sang, Leech looked up at the moon.
* * *
A shadow fell over him, and he smelled the Wolf Man.
“Is your name George?” asked the big man, eyes eager.
“If you need it to be.”
“I only ask because it seems to me you could be a George. You got that Georgey look, if you know what I mean.”
“Sit down, my friend. We should talk.”
“Gee, uh, okay.”
Junior sat cross-legged, arranging his knees around his comfortable belly. Leech struck a match, put it to a pile of twigs threaded with grass. Flame showed up Junior’s nervous, expectant grin, etched shadows into his open face.
Leech didn’t meet many Innocents. Yet here was one.
As Junior saw Leech’s face in the light, his expression was shadowed. Leech remembered how terrified the actor had been when he first saw him.
“Why do I frighten you?” he asked, genuinely interested.
“Don’t like to say,” said Junior, thumb creeping towards his mouth. “Sounds dumb.”
“I don’t make judgements. That’s not part of my purpose.”
“I think you might be my Dad.”
Leech laughed. He was rarely surprised by people. When it happened, he was always pleased.
“Not like that. Not like you and my Mom... you know. It’s like my Dad’s in you, somewhere.”
“Do I look like him, Creighton?”
Junior accepted Leech’s use of his true name. “I can’t remember what he really looked like. He was the Man of a Thousand Faces. He didn’t have a real face for home use. He’d not have been pleased with the way this turned out, George. He didn’t want this for me. He’d have been real mad. And when he was mad, then he showed his vampire face...”
Junior bared his teeth, trying to do his father in London After Midnight.
“It’s never too late to change.”
Junior shook his head, clearing it. “Gosh, that’s a nice thought, George. Sam says you want me to do you a favour. Sam’s a good guy. He looks out for me. Always has a spot for me in his pictures. He says no one else can do justice to the role of Groton the Mad Zombie. If you’re okay with Sam, you’re okay with me. No matter about my Dad. He’s dead a long time and I don’t have to do what he says no more. That’s the truth, George.”
“Yes.”
“So how can I help you?”
* * *
The Buggy Korps scrambled in the morning for the big mission. Only two vehicles were all-terrain-ready. Two three-person crews would suffice.
Given temporary command of Unit Number Two, Leech picked Constant as his driver. The German boy helped Junior into his padded seat, complementing him on his performance as noble Chingachgook in a TV series of The Last of the Mohicans that had made it to East Germany in the 1950s.
This morning, Junior bubbled with enthusiasm, a big kid going to the zoo. He took a look at Chocko, who had recently been sloshed with red paint, and pantomimed cringing shock.
Leech knew the actor’s father sometimes came home from work in clown make-up and terrified his young son.
The fear was still there.
Unit Number Two was scrambled before Charlie was out of his hammock.
They waited. Constant, sticking to a pre-arranged plan, shut down his face, covering a pettish irritation that others did not adhere to such a policy, especially others who were theoretically in a command position.
The Family Führer eventually rolled into the light, beard sticky as a glazed doughnut, scratching lazily. He grinned like a cornered cat and climbed up onto Unit Number One—actually, Unit Number Four with a hastily repainted number since the real Number One was a wreck. As crew, Charlie cut a couple of the girls out of the corral: the thin and pale Squeaky, who always looked like she’d just been slapped, and a younger, prettier, stranger creature called Ouisch. Other girls glowered sullen resentment and envy at the chosen ones. Ouisch tossed her long dark hair smugly and blew a gum-bubble in triumph. There was muttering of discontent.
If he had been Charlie, Leech would have taken the boy who could fix the motors, not the girls who gave the best blow jobs. But it wasn’t his place to give advice.
Charlie was pleased with his mastery over his girls, as if it were difficult to mind control American children. Leech thought that a weakness. Even as Charlie commanded the loyalty of the chicks, the few men in the Family grumbled. They got away with sniping resentment because their skills or contacts were needed. Of the group at the Ranch, only Constant had deal-making potential.
“Let’s roll, Rat Patrol,” decreed Charlie, waving.
The set-off was complicated by a squabble about protocol. Hitherto, in column outings—and two Units made a column— Charlie had to be in the lead vehicle. However, given that Junior was truffle-pig on this expedition, Unit Number One had to be in the rear, with Number Two out front.
Squeaky explained the rules, at length. Charlie shrugged, grinned and looked ready to doze.
Leech was distracted by a glint from an upper window. A gush of dirty water came from a pipe. Janice Marsh’s fish-face loomed in shadows, eyes eager. Stranded and flapping in this desert, no wonder she was thirsty.
Constant counter-argued that this was a search operation, not a victory parade.
“We have rules or we’re nothing, Kaptain Kraut,” whined Squeaky.
It was easy to hear how she’d got her nickname.
“They should go first, Squeak,” said Ouisch. “In case of mines. Or ambush. Charlie should keep back, safe.”
“If we’re going to change the rules, we should have a meeting.”
Charlie punched Squeaky in the head. “Motion carried,” he said.
Squeaky rubbed her nut, eyes crossed with anger. Charlie patted her, and she looked up at him, forcing adoration.
Constant turned the ignition—a screwdriver messily wired into the raped steering column—and the engine turned over, belching smoke.
Unit Number Two drove down the track, towards the arch.
Squeaky struggled to get Unit Number One moving.
“We would more efficient be if the others behind stayed, I think,” said Constant.
Unit Number One came to life. There were cheers.
“Never mind, li’l buddy,” said Junior. “Nice to have pretty girlies along on the trail.”
“For some, it is nice.”
The two-buggy column passed under the arch.
* * *
Junior’s feelings took them up into the mountains. The buggies struggled with the gradient. These were horse-trails.
“This area, it has been
searched thoroughly,” said Constant.
“But I got a powerful feeling,” said Junior.
Junior was eager to help. It had taken some convincing to make him believe in his powers of intuition, but now he had a firm faith in them. He realised he’d always had a supernatural ability to find things misplaced, like keys or watches. All his life, people had pointed it out.
Leech was confident. Junior was well cast as the One Who Will Open the Earth. It was in the prophecies.
Unit Number Two became wedged between rocks.
“This is as far as we can go in the buggy,” said Constant.
“That’s a real shame,” said Junior, shaking his head, “’cause I’ve a rumbling in my guts that says we should be higher. What do you think, George? Should we keep on keeping on?”
Leech looked up. “If you hear the call.”
“You know, George, I think I do. I really do. The call is calling.”
“Then we go on.”
Unit Number One appeared, and died. Steam hissed out of the radiator.
Charlie sent Ouisch over for a sit-rep.
Constant explained they would have to go on foot from now on.
“Some master driver you are, Schultzie,” said the girl, giggling. “Charlie will have you punished for your failure. Severely.”
Constant thought better of answering back.
Junior looked at the view, mopping the sweat off his forehead with a blue denim sleeve. Blotches of smog obscured much of the city spread out toward the grey-blue shine of the Pacific. Up here, the air was thin and at least clean.
“Looks like a train-set, George.”
“The biggest a boy ever had,” said Leech.
Constant had hiking boots and a back-pack with rope, implements and rations. He checked over his gear, professionally.
It had been Ouisch’s job to bottle some water, but she’d got stoned last night and forgot. Junior had a hip-flask, but it wasn’t full of water.
Leech could manage, but the others might suffer.
“If before we went into the high desert a choice had been presented of whether to go with water or without, I would have voted for ‘with’,” said Constant. “But such a matter was not discussed.”
Ouisch stuck her tongue out. She had tattooed a swastika on it with a blue ball-point pen. It was streaky.
Squeaky found a Coca-Cola bottle rolling around in Unit Number One, an inch of soupy liquid in the bottom. She turned it over to Charlie, who drank it down in a satisfied draught. He made as if to toss the bottle off the mountain like a grenade, but Leech took it from him.
“What’s the deal, Mr. Fish? No one’ll care about littering when Helter Skelter comes down.”
“This can be used. Constant, some string, please.”
Constant sorted through his pack. He came up with twine and a Swiss army knife.
“Cool blade,” said Charlie. “I’d like one like that.”
Squeaky and Ouisch looked death at Constant until he handed the knife over. Charlie opened up all the implements, until the knife looked like a triggered booby-trap. He cleaned under his nails with the bradawl.
Leech snapped his fingers. Charlie gave the knife over.
Leech cut a length of twine and tied one end around the bottle’s wasp-waist. He dangled it like a plum-bob. The bottle circled slowly.
Junior took the bottle, getting the idea instantly.
Leech closed the knife and held it out on his open palm. Constant resentfully made fists by his sides. Charlie took the tool, snickering to himself. He felt its balance for a moment, then pitched it off the mountainside. The Swiss Army Knife made a long arc into the air and plunged, hundreds and hundreds of feet, bounced off a rock and fell further.
Long seconds later, the tumbling speck disappeared.
“Got to rid ourselves of the trappings, Kraut-Man.”
Constant said nothing.
Junior had scrambled up the rocky incline, following the nose of the bottle. “Come on, guys,” he called. “This is it. El Doradio. I can feel it in my bones. Don’t stick around, slowcoaches.”
Charlie was first to follow.
Squeaky, who had chosen to wear flip-flops rather than boots, volunteered to stay behind and guard the Units.
“Don’t be a drag-hag, soldier,” said Charlie. “Bring up the freakin’ rear.”
Leech kept pace.
From behind, yelps of pain came frequently.
Leech knew where to step, when to breathe, which rocks were solid enough to provide handholds and which would crumble or come away at a touch. Instinct told him how to hold his body so that gravity didn’t tug him off the mountain. His inertia actually helped propel him upwards.
Charlie gave him a sideways look.
Though the man was thick-skinned and jail-tough, physical activity wasn’t his favoured pursuit. He needed to make it seem as if he found the mountain path easy, but breathing the air up here was difficult for him. He had occasional coughing jags. Squeaky and Ouisch shouldered their sweet lord’s weight and helped him, their own thin legs bending as he relaxed on their support, allowing himself to be lifted as if by angels.
Constant was careful, methodical and made his way on his own.
But Junior was out ahead, following his bottle, scrambling between rocks and up nearly-sheer inclines. He stopped, stood on a rocky outcrop, and looked down at them, then bellowed for the sheer joy of being alive and in the wilderness.
The sound carried out over the mountains and echoed.
“Charlie,” he shouted, “how about one of them songs of yours?”
“Yes, that is an idea good,” said Constant, every word barbed. “An inspiration is needed for our mission.”
Charlie could barely speak, much less sing ‘The Happy Wanderer’ in German.
Grimly, Squeaky and Ouisch harmonised a difficult version of ‘The Mickey Mouse Marching Song’. Struggling with Charlie’s dead weight, they found the will to carry on and even put some spit and vigour into the anthem.
Leech realised at once what Charlie had done.
The con had simply stolen the whole idea outright from Uncle Walt. He’d picked up these dreaming girls, children of post-war privilege raised in homes with buzzing refrigerators in the kitchen and finned automobiles in the garage, recruiting them a few years on from their first Mouseketeer phase, and electing himself Mickey.
Hey there ho there hi there...
When they chanted “Mickey Mouse... Mickey Mouse”, Constant even croaked “Donald Duck” on the offbeat.
Like Junior, Leech was overwhelmed with the sheer joy of the century.
He loved these children, dangerous as they were, destructive as they would be. They had such open, yearning hearts. They would find many things to fill their voids and Leech saw that he could be there for them in the future, up to 2001 and beyond, on the generation’s ultimate trip.
Unless the rains came first.
“Hey, George,” yelled Junior. “I dropped my bottle down a hole.”
Everyone stopped and shut up.
Leech listened.
“Aww, what a shame,” said Junior. “I lost my bottle.”
Leech held up a hand for silence.
Charlie was puzzled, and the girls sat him down.
Long seconds later, deep inside the mountain, he heard a splash. No one else caught the noise.
“It’s found,” he announced.
* * *
Only Ouisch was small enough to pass through the hole. Constant rigged up a rope cradle and lowered her. She waved bye-bye as she scraped into the mountain’s throat. Constant measured off the rope in cubits, unrolling loops from his forearm.
Junior sat on the rock, swigging from his flask.
Squeaky glared pantomime evil at him and he offered the flask to Charlie.
“That’s your poison, man,” he said.
“You should drop acid,” said Squeaky. “So you can learn from the wisdom of the mountain.”
Junior laughe
d, big belly-shaking chuckles.
“You’re funnin’ me, girl. Ain’t nothing dumber than a mountain.”
Leech didn’t add to the debate.
Constant came to end of the rope. Ouisch dangled fifty feet inside the rock.
“It’s dark,” she shouted up. “And wet. There’s water all around. Water with things in it. Icky.”
“Have you ever considered the etymology of the term ‘icky’?” asked Leech. “Do you suppose this primal, playroom expression of disgust could be related to the Latin prefix ‘ichthy’, which translates literally as ‘fishy’?”
“I was in a picture once, called Manfish,” said Junior. “I got to be out on boats. I like boats.”
“Manfish? Interesting name.”
“It was the name of the boat in the movie. Not a monster, like that Black Lagoon thing. Universal wouldn’t have me in that. I did The Alligator People, though. Swamp stuff. Big stiff suitcase-skinned gator-man.”
“Man-fish,” said Charlie, trying to hop on the conversation train. “I get it. I see where you’re coming from, where you’re going. The Old Lady. What’s she, a mermaid? An old mermaid?”
“You mean she really looks like that?” yelped Squeaky. “The one time I saw her I was tripping. Man, that’s messed up! Charlie, I think I’m scared.”
Charlie cuffed Squeaky around the head.
“Ow, that hurt.”
“Learn from the pain, child. It’s the only way.”
“You shouldn’t ought to hit ladies, Mr. Man,” said Junior. “It’s not like with guys. Brawlin’ is part of being a guy. But with ladies, it’s, you know, not polite. Wrong. Even when you’ve got a snoutful, you don’t whop on a woman.”
“It’s for my own good,” said Squeaky, defending her master.
“Gosh, little lady, are you sure?”
“It’s the only way I’ll learn.” Squeaky picked up a rock and hit herself in the head with it, raising a bruise. “I love you, Charlie,” she said, handing him the bloody rock.
He kissed the stain, and Squeaky smiled as if she’d won a gold star for her homework and been made head cheerleader on the same morning.
Ouisch popped her head up out of the hole like a pantomime chimneysweep. She had adorable dirt on her cheeks.
“There’s a way down,” she said. “It’s narrow here, but opens out. I think it’s a, whatchumacallit, passage. The rocks feel smooth. We’ll have to enbiggen the hole if you’re all to get through.”
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