Secrets Vol. 2

by Ella Steele

  “I’ve told you things that I never told anyone. I’d tell you anything you have the guts to ask without adding those ridiculous clauses to at the end.” He flicks the light and the room goes black.

  My heart is racing and I twitch when I hear the camera shutter. It’s a prolonged exposure and I know that I can’t move or I’ll mess up the image. A blue light appears and he starts to move around me, running the light up and down my sides quickly.

  His voice fills the shadows, “If you asked, I’d tell you that you inspire me. Your passion ignited something within me, something that I thought was gone a long time ago. I’d tell you that I think you’re too young for me. That I’ll only hurt you if I act and do the things I want to do with you.” The light is over my lips and they part. My gaze is on his face. He’s close to me, kneeling, crawling around my naked body on the floor. “Stay like that. That’s perfect, Anna.”

  The question I want to ask burns in my mind, but I don’t move. Cole grows quiet as he crawls around me, covering my body in light, inch by inch. When the shutter clicks again, I know I can speak.

  I start to sit up, but his hands are on my shoulders holding me down. “Don’t move. Everything is perfect. I don’t want to reset the pose.” I still under his hands, and he releases me, saying, “Ask your question, Lamore.”

  “How do you feel about me?” Before I can say anything else, the shutter on the camera snaps open and I’m still again. Cole doesn’t respond right away. His light is next to my hair, moving in rapid sweeps over the right side of my body.

  Finally he says, “Too many things. I feel like I know you, but I’m not entirely sure I do.” Moving to my breast, he waves the light close to my skin. I fight the urge to move, to speak. He continues, “I feel like I want to know you more. There is nothing about you that doesn’t captivate me. You’re addicting, and I can’t help myself, Anna. I want things from you, things I can’t have. I feel things I shouldn’t feel.” His voice trails off as he moves around me.

  My body reacts to his words and it becomes harder and harder to stay still. He’s so close. That light sweeping over my body puts his hand just above my skin. As it passes over, I wish he was really touching me. My mind is racing with thoughts. While I know the age difference is large, I don’t know why he holds back.

  When the shudder snaps, I ask him, “What do you feel, Cole?”

  He presses the button almost immediately. I barely had time to ask. He speaks as he works. A dim blue glow outlines his face. He looks haunted, pained almost. His voice is a breath, barely a whisper. He doesn’t move this time. The light doesn’t flash, outlining my body. He just sits there next to me on his knees, staring into the darkness, “I feel like I’m falling in love with you Anna. And it doesn’t matter what I do, I can’t stop.” He’s breathing hard, looking down at me.

  When he answers this time, I reach for him. I thread my fingers behind his neck and pull his lips down on mine. Cole tries to pull away, but I don’t let him. I can feel him warring with himself. The tension in his back and the strength of his arms says he’s trying to resist, but I hold him to me, gently stroking his lips with my tongue. When I push inside his mouth, when the kiss deepens, he melts into me. His body relaxes and Cole kisses me back, softly at first. His hands find my face and I hear the remote fall to the floor. His body lines up with mine, and I can feel his erection through his jeans. He presses against me and I moan, wanting to feel him inside of me. My hands drift down his sides, feeling the curve of his body beneath my hands.

  Cole’s fingers tangle in my hair. As his hands slide down my face, he touches my neck, skimming my breasts until they land on my hips. He pulls me tighter to his body and kisses me harder, sweeping the inside of my mouth with his tongue. Every kiss grows hotter, making my heart pound harder. His hands on my bare skin are sending currents through my body and I can’t ignore them. I realize that I don’t want to. The room is so hot that Cole’s body slides against me. Running my hands under his shirt, I place my palms on his back. When Cole holds me tighter I feel safe and wanted. His fingers find my nipples and he teases me, holding them between his fingers, kissing me gently.

  I gasp as he does it and arch my back to thrust my breast toward his mouth. I want him to kiss me, to taste me. There’s nothing in this moment besides me and him. The lostness, the longing I’ve felt for so long, fades away as I feel my body growing hotter in Cole’s arms. I want to feel his body moving with mine. I want to know every inch of him. I want to slide my tongue over his beautiful body and make him scream my name. Cole’s kisses explode with passion. He moves like this isn’t real, like I’ll suddenly tell him to get off of me. His warm kisses trail my neck as his breathing increases. Another hard breath rushes from my lungs. Every muscle in my body is tense, crying out for release.

  Cole shifts his weight so that one of his legs is between mine, and the other is off to the side. The muscles in his arms are corded tight as he holds himself up to keep from crushing me. I take his hand in mine and lower it slowly. His fingers are beneath mine. As I move his hand, I feel his palm slide over my stomach and down to my thigh. Cole lifts his lips from my neck. He breathes hard, watching me, feeling my skin. His palm is hot as his hand moves lower and lower.

  Our eyes lock. This is more than kisses, more than lust. I feel it. I know he feels it. As his hand slides over the crystals on my lower lips, I look into his eyes. He doesn’t breathe. My mouth is parted, waiting for him to reach his fingers between my legs and stroke me. My knees part and as I move his hand there, but he stops. The sound of my pulse roars in my ears. Cole breathes slowly, stilling his hand. It rests just a little too high. His thumb rubs one of the stones on my skin, hesitating.

  Breathless, Cole pulls his hand away and sits up. “I’m sorry, Anna.”

  I don’t know what happened. Sitting up, I try to take his arm, but he’s already pushing off the floor. I can see him in the dim blue glow of the light he was using. I roll onto my side and grab his wrist before he can walk away. Just as I grab him, the blue light flickers once and dies. There is nothing but touch and shadows.

  We are disembodied voices in the dark. I can’t see him. I can only sense where he is. I swear that I can hear his heart pounding in his chest. My hands search for his face. I find his cheeks and slide my hands across his strong jaw, feeling the stubble beneath my fingers. “Cole, stop. I want this as much as you do...” He’s quiet. The tension grows between us. I lean forward until I can feel his breath on my lips. “Cole?”

  “Anna, I—”

  I breathe, “Do you want me?”

  He says nothing, but he doesn’t pull away. Every inch of my skin is prickling. I can’t release him. Not until he says it’ll never happen. The longer the silence stretches, the more my heart sinks. I finally add, “If you don’t, I’ll never mention this again, but if you do... if you really think you’re falling in love with me—”

  He pulls away and rips my heart out of my chest. I’m shaking, and I can’t stop. I hear his footfalls cross the room. The light flips on. He tosses me my robe. It falls on the floor next to me. He doesn’t turn back.

  Facing away from me like I’m too difficult to look at, Cole says, “Get dressed. I got what I needed.”

  The way his voice carries across the room makes me shudder. It’s like part of him is locked away and I’ll never get it. As he hurries away from me, I’m shocked into silence. I don’t understand what’s happening, why Cole shuts downs like this. Sitting naked on the floor, I realize that the only time Cole behaves like this is when he acts on his feelings.

  CHAPTER 12

  By the time I pull on my robe, Cole is nowhere to be found. I walk to my room and shower, washing off the rest of the adhesive that clings to my skin. I want to know why Cole ran. How could he say he’s falling in love with me, and then refuse to touch me? For a moment, I feel sick, like maybe he didn’t want me, that he just said those things to touch me—but that isn’t like him. I’ve seen him shoot other women. Col
e isn’t that guy. He doesn’t give or take affection lightly. The water pelts me in the face and I realize that I can’t rationalize what happened. I can’t make it go away.

  By the time I get dressed, it’s midafternoon. I pull my hair into a high ponytail and go to search for Regina. As mortifying as it is, I have to smooth things over with her. When I find her, she’s in the storage area sorting through old backdrops. Her red hair is draped over her shoulders as she hunches over boxes, unpacking them one by one. Regina glances up at me as I enter the doorway and quickly averts her eyes.

  Before I can say anything she straightens and blurts out, “I had no idea you two were intimate. I thought it was a shoot.” She drops the fabric that was clutched between her fingers. The look on her face tells me that she’s equally as horrified.

  I lift my hand to silence her, “It was a shoot, but—” I shrug like I don’t know what happened “things took an interesting turn. I would have told you, you know. If we were…” I trail off. The knot in my throat is strangling me. If we were what, Anna? There’s nothing between me and Cole, save a few kisses. In the back of my mind, I hear his voice—that hushed tone confessing that he’s falling in love with me. I can’t ignore it.

  Regina watches me for a moment. She doesn’t seem to know what to say. “It’s not my place to ask or know about anything like that. You don’t need to tell me anything, Miss Lamore. I just hope that I didn’t make you so uncomfortable that I lose my job.” Regina’s face flushes as she says it. The woman could have avoided me for days and never asked, but she’s too blunt for that.

  I smile. I like her straight-forwardness. Shaking my head I say, “Your job isn’t affected by my stupidity. I promise.” She smiles at me and I nod.

  When I turn to leave, she says, “For what it’s worth, I haven’t seen Mr. Stevens with anyone for some time. You must have really turned his head.”

  I stop and look back at her, “What do you mean?”

  She hunches over the box and goes back to work. I can tell she doesn’t want to say more, but she does, “Let’s just say that his playboy ways are something of an illusion.”

  I don’t know what to say, so I nod. Regina goes back to work. I walk away feeling more confused than before. I wander out of the studio, planning on going for a ride on my motorcycle to clear my head when I notice Cole’s car is gone. No Porsche. I close my eyes and shake my head. What did I do? Sighing deeply, I walk over to the bike and lean against it.

  It has to be me, right? I mean, Cole was in the moment and then something made him run. It was like he was sprayed with ice water. He didn’t even stick around to give me an explanation. I can’t figure him out and its driving me nuts. I wonder if that little shoot just destroyed our relationship. I wish I could take it back. I wish I hadn’t done it. Tears sting my eyes, but I refuse to cry. I rub my eye with the back of my hand when a voice makes me jump.

  “It’s beach time baby! I figured why wait until you invite me. I mean, how hard could it be to find this place?” Emma is standing there with her head tilted to the side and a wry smile on her face.

  “Emma,” I turn toward her and feel the tears break free.

  “Whoa!” she says when I wrap my arms around her and start sobbing in her ear. She pats my back, “What’s wrong? What happened?”

  I shake my head, too upset to talk. Sniffling I say, “Let’s just get out of here. Tell me you drove, because I can’t see straight to drive us.”

  She nods, taking me to her car on the other side of the house. When we’re inside, I bite back the sobs that want to keep coming as tears stream down my cheeks.

  “What the hell happened?” she asks, looking over at me.

  “I thought everything happened, but it turned out to be nothing. Emma, take me away from here.”

  CHAPTER 13

  We drive along the parkway. The scent of the ocean fills my head as I tell Emma what happened with Cole. She listens and doesn’t say anything for a long time.

  When she finally speaks, she seems confused, “Edward seems to think you guys are still together.”

  I slam my head back onto the seat and look up at the ceiling. “No, Em. We broke up a while ago. He took it really hard.” Silence fills the air as the little car bobs and weaves through traffic. After a few moments I ask, “I guess he’s not doing too well?”

  She shakes her head, “Apparently not. He said you needed space, but that you guys were fine. He’s always been a bit of an idealist, but this is a little weird—even for him.” She tilts her head to the side as she changes lanes, saying, “Then again, it’s not like I’m usually friends with his girlfriends. You know how people can act one way with one person and totally different around another. It seems like my brother’s got a little of that going on.

  “But he’s not what’s bothering you. Why are you so bent out of shape? I mean, did anything happen with Cole before now?”

  I shake my head, staring out the window. “Not really. I don’t know why it’s bothering me so much. It’s not like Cole promised me anything. I just hoped that—” I swallow my words. I don’t know what happened, but I intend to find out. Things can’t stay like this between us. I don’t want to push Cole, and I don’t want to take something he isn’t willing to give. I just wish I knew why. There’s something between us, something preventing him from acting on his feelings. I feel it stuck there like a chasm that will swallow us whole.

  Silence fills the car. Emma finally says, “You really like him, don’t you?” I nod. She laughs, “When you first met him, I thought you hated his guts. You did a 180 pretty fast, Anna. Even for you.”

  “Even for me? What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Nothing bad,” Emma says. “Don’t take it like that. There are two types of people that flip that fast. The first group is the flakes, the people who don’t know what the hell they want. That’s not you. You’re in the second group—the people who know exactly what they want, but they can’t find it.”

  “The thing is, I think I have found it. Cole isn’t like anyone I’ve ever known.” He’s passionate, driven, powerful.

  “He’s kind of old for you, isn’t he?”

  “Thanks for stating the obvious, Em.” I snap. “Sorry,” I say pushing my hair out of my face. I look over at her. “Do you think that’s why he’s acting the way he is? Because I’m too young?”

  “Anna, if I ever have a clue why a guy does anything I’ll die of shock.” She darts between cars as we drive toward the city. She glances at me before jerking the wheel back, “One thing is certain—he thinks you’re hot and is too chicken to act on it. You can either forget the whole thing happened or corner him and get your answer.”

  That sounded like a bad idea. Cornering Cole. I shiver thinking about it. We drive in silence when it finally dawns on me that Emma drove two hours to see me and didn’t call first. I glance at her, just noticing that she seems happy, but is trying to hide it. A lopsided smile spreads across my lips, “You’re awesome, you know that?”

  She laughs, “Yup! But what’d I do?”

  “Something major had to happen for you to come all the way out, without a phone call…” I smile at her, waiting for her to tell me. When she grins, I know I’m right.

  “I got a job! It’s mine, Anna.”

  “That’s great! Is it the one you wanted, over at the paper?”

  Emma’s giddy now. She nods, “Yup! All I have to do is finish the internship, graduate, and it’s onto the lowest branch of the newspaper totem pole.” She squeals and I can’t help but feel excited for her. “It’s perfect, Anna. And oh my God! You should have seen me at the interview. I nailed it! Like, totally nailed it! I’ll be working alongside Stacy James—”

  “No way,” I say leaning forward.

  Nodding enthusiastically, she slaps her hands on the steering wheel and squeals, “I know, right? He’ll oversee the internship and I’ll start getting my own stories in a few months. It’s totally perfect!”

  “I’m
so happy for you, Em. I know how much you wanted this. You’re gonna rock it. Just imagine, your own newspaper article with a little square picture of your head. It’ll be retweeted worldwide and you’ll become an overnight sensation.”

  She snorts, “That’s why I was coming to get you! I knew you’d be the perfect person to celebrate with!” She glances at me, “I have a beach bag filled with towels, bikinis, and trashy romance books. My original plan was to lounge on your beach, but I think some time away from Cole will help your brain work better. We need a Cole-free zone. Why don’t we detour to Jones Beach and hang out for a while? You can relax and I can celebrate.”

  Leaning my head back against the seat, I say, “That sounds completely perfect.”

  Emma cuts across six lanes of traffic and I think I’m going to die. We make it onto the exit ramp for the beach and we both start laughing.

  CHAPTER 14

  The beach is one of my favorite places—when it’s empty. Today it’s overflowing with people. Emma parks in a distant field and we pick a spot on the sand between several other sun-seekers. I lift my face and breathe in deeply. The sound of the ocean fills my ears, as the salty breeze lifts my hair. Emma throws down the towels and smooths them out. While Em runs off to change, I lay down on the towels in my tank and cutoff jeans, adjusting my sunglasses so they’re in the right place. As I lace my fingers behind my neck, I close my eyes.

  This is perfect. It’ll give me time to think, to decide what I want to do before I see Cole again. Part of me wants to ignore the whole thing and not deal with the drama, because since I met Cole I’ve noticed that is the one thing he promises—lots of drama. I’m not sure if I’m up for that. Especially with the way my life is. I have plenty of drama on my own. Kicking it up a notch with Cole might make my head implode.