“You alright?” he asked, concerned at my silence. “Don’t feel pressured to tell me anything you don’t want to just yet. I’m sorry I omitted to tell you the truth. It was for the greater good.”
“That remains to be seen,” I muttered under my breath.
“Don’t be like that, beauty. I don’t mean you any harm. How could anyone possibly mean you any harm?”
Beauty, he’d said. With every moment that passed, I found myself giving him a second look. His skin was smooth but slightly rugged, suggesting he spent much time outdoors. His physique strong, he was otherwise of average build. Though he wasn’t the muscle Duayne was, he carried himself tall, and commanded respect in his demeanor. He’d stood up for me in that dive bar, and had gotten me out of harm’s way. Despite the fact that my instinct had been off of late, I decided to trust him. It wasn’t as though I had a choice anyway. I was in his car, and he was driving wherever he chose to drive, with me in it.
“You want to get out along the way, just say the word,” he stated, as though he’d read my mind. “I’ll take you wherever you want to go. I can turn back now if you want me to.” One hand on the steering wheel as he searched for a radio station, he added, “The offer still stands for you to lie low with me for a few days. A few days to figure out what your next move will be. Wherever it is you’ve been, you can’t go back there now. Not without reinforcements anyway.”
Reinforcements, I thought to myself. That was one way of putting it.
“What kind of music you listen to?” he asked.
“RnB, soul, jazz, some country and rock and roll…”
“Some country and rock and roll?” he asked. “Should be country and rock and roll all the way, baby!”
I smiled, nearly breaking a laugh. “I listen to good music. Across all genres,” I stated in finality.
He nodded in response. “Well, it’s strictly country and rock and roll for me,” he advised, turning the dial on the radio. “Nothing on the radio,” he muttered under his breath before turning the dial and searching again. The intro to the Isley Brothers’ Take a Ride came on and he let the dial rest on that song.
He hummed along momentarily before nudging me slightly. “Get some sleep if you can. Another hour and we’ll be there.”
“Okay,” I said in response. Ron Isley’s voice was soothing and comforting. I found myself relaxing somewhat in the presence of this man who I’d only just met. When the chorus hit, Daniel sang along. His voice was so beautiful and soulful, I couldn’t help but smile.
“So, you don’t listen to RnB but you listen to, and can sing along to the Isley Brothers?” I asked.
“Classic rhythm and blues slash rock. Of course I’m a fan,” he confirmed, flashing me a dimpled smile, yet again.
“I love the Isley Brothers too.”
“Guess we got something in common then,” he said, allowing his eyes to briefly leave the road and sneak a quick glance at me. “Do you want me to crank up the heat a little more for you?”
“Okay,” I replied, grateful for everything he was doing for me in stark contrast to everything Duayne had done to me.
“Look, I don’t know who did this to you, but I can guarantee you it’s only up from here on out,” he said with certainty. I felt compelled to believe him, despite the cloud of doubt that had followed me around since the disaster that was my relationship with Duayne.
A few miles into the journey, Daniel stopped at the filling station for gas, some snacks and a toilet stop. For him. I needed the toilet but I didn’t dare get out again in what I was wearing and not wearing.
“You sure you don’t need the bathroom?” he asked again.
“I’ll be alright to wait,” I replied, out of the car now, stretching my feet. I didn’t fancy walking into the public restroom without any shoes on – the floors would probably be drenched in urine. Plus, I needed to preserve whatever dignity I had left.
“Okay,” he replied, as though he knew it would be pointless to argue otherwise. “I’ve just gotta make a phone call,” he said. Keeping an eye on me as though I’d somehow disappear, he leant against his car and dialled a number on his mobile. Whoever he was calling this late clearly didn’t mind. “Collen. I need to call in a favor,” he said. After a slight pause, he stated, “Southern route, San Antonio….okay. I’ll ask her.” Putting the phone on mute, and turning to me, he asked, “You okay for us to stop in on an old friend of mine? Currently on the force?”
“Do I have a choice?” I asked.
“You do… then again, not really. I’m concerned that you just gon’ let this blow over. Whoever he was, he can’t hurt you like this and leave you for dead.”
“I hear you,” I replied. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do for me, but the best thing for me to do right now is to keep a low profile. I can’t lay any charges on him. I still have to deal with him.”
“You don’t,” Daniel stated. “A restraining order will help.”
“It won’t go far enough. I’ve tried it in the past. Didn’t work.”
“I hear you. But if he’s hurt you tonight, and forced himself on you, that ain’t right. At least let me introduce you to Colleen. She’ll give you some options,” he said. “Besides, it’s on the way, we can grab a bite to eat, you can get a change of clothes…”
“Okay,” I said quickly, not wanting to change my mind. I knew that rape needed to be reported. I knew that evidence had to be gathered after the fact. I knew that safety planning had to happen. I just never knew I’d need to do it for myself someday. I sighed deeply, suddenly overwhelmed.
“All good. See you soon,” he spoke into the phone, before hanging up. Turning to me, he stated, “The only way is up.” Observing me from a safe distance, standing next to his car in the moonlight, the reflection off the metallic black paint on his car gave his silhouette a light glow, angelic almost. “It’ll get better,” he promised, his words reassuring, his voice firm and kind.
I felt the tears roll down my face again, and I trembled slightly from the cool night air. The tar road felt like ice against the soles of my feet. “A change of clothes would be nice,” I managed, in between tears.
He nodded in response. Arms outstretched towards me, he offered comfort in the form of an embrace. I walked towards him and melted in his arms for a brief moment. “Better days ahead,” he said firmly.
We hit the road again moments later. Turning the dial to find a suitable station, he suggested I put in a CD. “Have a look in the glove compartment,” he said.
A brown leather bound Bible lay on top of a few CDs in the glove compartment. I randomly took some CDs out. Bruce Hornsby and the Range, Kiss and Queen.
“Which one – Bruce Hornsby and the Range, Kiss or Queen?” I asked.
Taking his eyes away from the road momentarily to glance at the CDs, he stated, “Your pick.”
Bruce Hornsby’s Mandolin Rain would make me cry but I put the CD on anyway. Daniel lightly squeezed my shoulder when the opening song on the album commenced. “Try to get some rest.”
Taking his suggestion, I sank back into the seat and closed my eyes, wishing I could undo and wish away the things that had happened before I met Daniel, but then realizing that had things not happened the way they had, Daniel and I would probably not have met.
We got to Colleen’s not long after. Colleen was tall, impressionable and beautiful. With raven hair cascading down her back, her pearl skin was striking, as were her chestnut brown eyes. In blue jeans and a flannel shirt, she was the picture-perfect country girl next door, except this girl next door had an armory full of ammunition, and served on the drug unit of the local police force. Despite it being early in the morning, she was wide awake and ready to problem solve. I instantly recognized her from a case I’d worked on, not so long ago. She recognized me too, but initially acted as though she didn’t, preferring to examine the dynamics between me and Daniel before saying anything.
“I have a rape kit here, but I recommend you go to t
he hospital,” she stated. “Help yourself to a spare set of clothes or two, some food, anything else you need. Resist the urge to shower and clean up, your body contains the evidence we need to hang this creep,” she said. “Emphasis on internal evidence,” she added.
Giving Daniel the once over, she asked, “You need me to come with? South Texas Medical ain’t far from here.”
“Should be okay,” he replied, suddenly reserved.
“You’re a long way from home, Counsellor,” Colleen stated, turning back to me. I’d hoped that she wouldn’t recognize me. No such luck.
I nodded in response, noting Daniel’s puzzled look.
“Don’t worry, this stays here,” Colleen stated. “You might not recall but we met on the Murphy case. Diminished responsibility. You’ve got a knack for delivering killer closing arguments. 99.9% conviction rate,” she stated. “They love you at the unit. Pity we can’t send all our files your way.”
“You’re a prosecutor?” Daniel asked, the look on his face priceless, part awe, part shock. “I now understand your reluctance to press charges,” he stated.
“Good,” I replied. “I’m glad you do understand. I just want this to be over and done with. I can’t go back to mine tonight. Can’t…”
“The offer still stands for you to lie low with me,” Daniel reminded me. Colleen raised a brow then gave him a stern look.
“So long as you’re helping, not hindering,” she said. “You’re welcome to stay here for a few days too,” she offered, as though it were a competition.
“Thanks,” I replied. “Both of you. Thanks.”
“Time’s getting on,” Daniel said abruptly, suddenly anxious to leave. “I’ll take you up to the Medical Centre now,” he offered. “Coll, thanks for everything. I’ll either loop back ‘round and see you later, or I’ll see you on my way back from South Texas, Tuesday.”
“Might be earlier if an APB is put out,” Colleen warned. “I don’t suspect anyone will let her go missing for long.”
“You won’t…” Daniel started.
“I won’t, someone else will,” Colleen confirmed. “I can guarantee it. A good prosecutor won’t go missing for long. Either way, I’ll know where you’ll be.”
“Alright then,” Daniel said, slipping his cowboy hat back on his head. “When you’re ready,” he said softly, turning to me. “Soon as you get what you need, we can hit the road.”
Colleen led me to the bedroom to get some spare clothes. Her house was relatively bare, indicating that she spent a limited amount of time there. “You’re a size 10?” she asked, giving me a once over. “How about some jeans and a blouse or t-shirt or two, for now?”
“Whatever you’re willing to part with for now, would be appreciated,” I told her.
“Good,” she said, taking some blouses off the clothes rack and folding them over the bed. She took out a pair of stonewashed jeans and deep blue denims from one of the drawers, along with a floral dress. “I’m not much into flowers. This’ll look good on you,” she said. She grabbed a small tote and put all the clothes in it.
“Thanks for everything,” I said, grateful for her generosity.
“You’re very welcome,” she replied. “I just hope you’ll be able to move on after this, make a clean break. Men like the one that did this to you ain’t good for nothin’.”
“Hope so too,” I replied, not fully knowing what my next step would be, knowing only that I needed to get away for some time, and let things blow over.
Leaning against the bedroom wall, she advised, “About Daniel, you want him to leave you be, just be firm with him. He’s got a heart of gold – loves putting himself into things, but he can get too involved if you let him,” she started. “He’s got a bit of a saviour complex,” she clarified.
“I hear you,” I replied, heeding her words. I’d sensed that already.
“He’s like a brother to me. Wouldn’t harm a fly. Just has a tendency to go into saviour mode and look for easy ways to solve things when there ain’t no easy solution.”
I nodded in response. I felt reassured by her words, but silently wondered about Daniel’s firm insistence on me going to South Texas with him. I didn’t allow myself to wonder for long. After everything I’d been through, I just wanted to escape, and he’d offered me that route.
“Now, for shoes…,” she started, contemplating what to give me. “Love my boots, as you can tell,” she stated, motioning at the collection of boots lined up against the wall of the walk-in wardrobe.
“In other words, you’re not parting with them,” I stated.
“You got it,” she said, with a wink. “I’ve got a pair of ballet flats and some sandals though…”
“Either would be perfect,” I replied. “I appreciate all you’re doing to help. I need to use your toilet though, may I?”
“No,” she said suddenly. “I mean, not until you’ve had a sample taken.”
“Okay,” I stated, not sure how much longer I could hold for – I was busting to go.
“Tell you what. I’ll take a sample now, you can use the toilet, and they can take another sample at the hospital.” Colleen suggested. “Ask for Doctor Edwards,” she suggested. “Tell her I sent you.”
“Okay,” I replied.
“Let’s do it now, get you out of your misery,” she suggested.
The sterile white sheets, privacy curtain and white walls at the hospital did nothing to allay my anxiety at having samples taken.
Dr. Lorraine Edwards was polite but firm. I answered her questions hurriedly, not wanting to linger on any one detail. The nurse that worked with her took pictures of the bruises and contusions on my body. As a precaution, I was started on a course of post-exposure prophylaxis and antibiotics - tablets to be taken daily for 28 days, to help decrease the likelihood of acquiring a sexually transmitted infection. Questioning complete, I was free to shower and clean up in the private bathroom adjoining the examination room.
Grateful for the myriad of hot beads of water falling on my skin in the shower, I found myself overwhelmed with emotion. As I stood in the shower, I realized that apart from being in Daniel’s car, it was the first time I’d been alone since Duayne had left me in the middle of nowhere. A flood of tears filled my eyes and fell, mixing with droplets of water. I don’t know how I got here. I watched the shower floor turn red; a crimson red at first then rose, to a barely there blush.
He said he’d never hurt me, but he had. I’d prosecuted many for the crime of rape, but never did I believe it would ever happen to me. He said no one else would ever want me, I was damaged goods. Part of me believed him.
The nurse rapped on the bathroom door. “Everything alright in there?”
“Yes,” I replied, my voice faint and hoarse from crying. I needed to get out. The hospital probably needed the bed. I needed to get away. Daniel was waiting.
He didn’t touch my face. All the same, I avoided making eye contact with myself in the mirror but looked long enough to ensure my hair was not out of place. The warm droplets of water in the shower had curled my locks, which would make for easy maintenance on the road. I planned to hit the road hard. For as long as I could.
Out of the shower, I dried off and put on the deep blue denim jeans and red blouse Colleen had given to me. The nurse had left a jug of ice water on the tray beside the bed, along with an egg salad sandwich. I bit into part of the sandwich, placed it back down, then poured myself some water. I wondered after Daniel. No sooner than I had wondered, than I heard rapping at the door. “Come in,” I called out.
Daniel stepped in. “Howdy,” he said, taking his cowboy hat off his head and cradling it in his hands. “Was just about ready to call out the search party,” he started, giving me a brief once over and a smile. Standing there for a moment, he held back saying something, and asked instead, “How are you feeling?” His smile vanished slightly when he noticed I’d been crying.
Outwardly I felt better, inwardly I felt worse. I struggled to find words to ex
plain. “I feel so…”
“It wasn’t your fault,” he said, walking up to me, until we stood face to face. “However you feel now, it wasn’t your fault,” he assured me. “Just tell me what I can do to help, and I’ll do it,” he promised.
“I’m so tired,” I told him. “I feel so tired but I’m afraid of sleeping. I feel I’ll see him in my dreams, but I need to rest.”
“Okay, so you stay here, overnight?” he suggested. “They can’t make you leave if you’re not ready to.”
“I can’t stay here. I can’t have anyone recognize me,” I said. “I need to take you up on your offer to lie low with you for a few days.”
“You certain?” he asked.
“So certain,” I replied.
“Be gentle with yourself,” he advised. “Don’t worry about judgement, worry about getting back right with you.”
“Thank you,” I said. “I truly thank you. You could be anywhere else, but you’re here with me, thank you.”
“Don’t mention it,” he said, offering to take my bag. “You eating the rest of that?” he asked, motioning towards the partially eaten sandwich.
“No,” I said.
“You mind if I helped myself to it?” he asked, famished.
“Go ahead.” He wolfed it down immediately. “You should probably get something more substantial to eat before we go any further,” I suggested.
“Most definitely,” he said, clearly still hungry. Taking a sip of water from my cup, he stated, “Okay. So, we leave now. As I mentioned before, you want me to take you back or anywhere else, you let me know.”
“Agreed,” I said, as though it were some sort of a pact. “I’m not going back to Austin tonight.”
“Forget tonight, there’s still tomorrow. I’ll show you. Something beautiful this way comes,” he said, boldly offering me his hand, which I took. I followed him out the door without hesitation, and without looking back. There was no going back now.
My Dusk My Dawn Page 2