“Claudette, the men in the Brotherhood are off limit,” Craig stated bluntly.
She tossed her auburn red hair and winked at him. “You wanna bet?” she asked.
“This isn’t a challenge,” Craig stated. “It’s a warning.”
“Whatever,” she stated. She wasn’t listening. Her emerald green eyes blazing with a mix of determination and rebellion, she spun on her heels and walked away from him and straight towards David and Dante.
“She needs to be stopped,” Craig said fiercely, without offering an explanation as to why she was not allowed to mix with the men of the Brotherhood. I watched as Craig stepped to her and pulled her aside. He whispered something in her ear that visibly caused her to recoil.
I watched as her face paled, and she stepped back from him for a moment. Then in indignation, she stated loudly, “How dare you play God like this!”
Craig tried to calm her down, but it didn’t work. “How dare you!” she said again. “What, do they know?” she asked. “I’m guessing they don’t.” I noticed David taking a keen interest but he eventually turned away, lured by Dante’s animated chatter. Craig leant forward and whispered something to Claudette again. His arm outstretched ahead of him, he gestured for her to walk ahead of him. She abruptly did, and they were gone. I stood there wondering what had gone down. David made his way towards me and asked the same thing. “What was that about?”
“I wish I knew,” I replied.
“Guess we’ll find out soon enough,” David replied. Glancing at his wrist watch, he mumbled something about the time. “Should be going soon,” he advised. I agreed. Daniel wouldn’t be too happy if I stayed out much longer. “I’ll take you home,” he offered, motioning towards Shania and Jonah. It wasn’t likely that we’d all be leaving together.
After saying a quick hello to Daniel, David said goodbye to me at the door. Following twenty questions on how the evening was and went, Daniel retired to the living room, and continued watching TV. A re-run of True Detective Season One was on.
I decided to call Shania to check in with her. Jonah had dropped her off at her apartment, after a few night caps at the local. Her excited chatter over the phone that evening was enough for me to see she was smitten by Jonah, and that he in turn was smitten by her. As I washed up the baby bottles I’d bought earlier on that day, I had her on speakerphone.
“Girl, he was so fine. Too fine for his own good,” she said.
“Too fine? That’s a new one. When is anyone ever too fine!”
“Well, I’d say he is. I can’t believe he’s single,” she said. “Those trousers he was wearing were so tight I could see his religion!” she exclaimed.
I laughed in response. Daniel who’d caught the tail end of our conversation stated loudly, “Hey, hey, hey, enough with the dirty talk.” Despite his scolding, he came and positioned himself at the end of the kitchen bench, eager to hear more.
“Is that who I think it is, the fun police?” Shania questioned.
I laughed in response. Daniel raised an eyebrow and frowned before turning to go. “You know you ain’t right Shania. You’re turning out to be a bad influence on this here lady of mine.”
“Right,” she replied. “Anything else you’d like to say? Wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to her. Mind your own business. Bye!”
“Yeah, whatever,” he replied, clearly irritated. Since David had been on the scene Shania had taken a strong disliking to Daniel. Probably because Daniel’s behavior towards me had markedly changed. Probably because she had a soft spot for David. “I’m going out for a bit,” Daniel told me. “I’ll be back in a few hours.
I looked at the clock above the photo frames of us on our wedding day. 8 o’clock. I’d given up asking Daniel where he was going. If it wasn’t investigative work, he’d be out drinking, and would stay out til he was sober enough to get home, or come home drunk.
“I’m popping out to see Craig,” he stated.
The fact that he was alarmed me. They hadn’t been seeing eye to eye on a lot of things of late, and dropping in to see Craig may not have been the best thing to do. So late.
“Okay,” I replied.
“I’m still here,” Shania chirped out.
“I know, girl, Daniel’s just heading off.”
“Good,” she replied. “We can get back to discussing Jonah’s religion.”
“Shania, come on now!” Daniel exclaimed.
I nudged him and planted a kiss on his lips. “I’ll see you later.”
“You know, I used to like you Shania. I used to like you a lot,” he spoke into the phone, hanging around for a while longer than he should have.
“I used to like you too, until you joined the Squad,” she stated.
“I don’t get it,” Daniel replied.
“The Fun Police Squad,” she stated, laughing hysterically.
I tried not to laugh but it was impossible. Daniel frowned before stating, “I’m out. See you in a bit.”
A message came through from David as I settled down on the couch, popcorn and remote at hand. I planned to watch a movie until Daniel came back. Hope you’re okay, the message stated.
All good, I replied. He’s gone out, says he needs to talk to Craig.
A knock on the door startled me. It can’t be David. I opened the door to find Johnny standing there. He seemed a bit off.
“Can I come in?” he asked, casting a quick glance behind me. I was in my PJs, ready for bed. “Sorry I came over without notice, and so late.”
“Don’t be silly, come in,” I said. He did.
He slipped off his shoes, and I noticed he wasn’t wearing any socks, he was barefoot. He then slipped off his jacket and when he turned to drape it carefully over the coat rack, I noticed vertical scratch marks on his neck. When he turned back to me, I motioned for him to follow me into the lounge room and towards the sofa where I asked him to sit.
“Rough night?” I asked as he sat down.
“Something like that,” he replied.
“Daniel’s just gone into town for a bit. You happy to hang til he gets back?”
“I’d love to,” he said, his tone morose. “Thank you.”
He sat there, head in his hands. I noticed the same scratch marks stretch across his collarbone.
“The marks on your neck, rough sex?” I asked, for want of a better thing to say, but knowing that was not the case.
He hesitated before replying. “You know, I wish it were something like that, but it isn’t.”
“So, what’s it like?” I asked.
He shook his head. “I need to leave Michaela. I can’t continue to live like this. All the things she says, all the things she doesn’t say, the lot of it is doing my head in.”
I felt for him. “Sorry to hear that Johnny.”
“Don’t be. I got myself into this, I just can’t see a way out,” he stated.
There’s always a way out, I thought silently, remembering how I’d felt with Duayne.
“Can I get you something to eat or drink?” I asked.
“Something to drink,” he answered. “Whisky, rum, gin, whatever you’ve got.”
“We’ve got the lot,” I told him. “You know Daniel. Help yourself,” I insisted.
“Thanks, I will,” he stated, getting up. He’d been around our place enough times to know where things were kept.
Daniel came back home in a burst of energy. He made no mention of his visit to see Craig. Happy to see Johnny, he spoke a little too loudly, his tone only dampened by Johnny’s sad mood.
“Man, what happened to your neck!” he exclaimed, not hiding his shock.
Johnny shrugged and said nothing.
“Rough sex?” Daniel asked.
“I wish to fuck it was,” Johnny replied. “I try, I really do. When Michaela gets into one of her moods, she lashes out, and I just let her do what she needs to do.”
“Sorry to say that buddy but I never liked that witch. You’re better off without her,” Daniel sai
d bluntly.
“I hear you,” Johnny replied, taking a big swig out of his glass of whisky. “I know if I go back to her tonight, I’ll probably end up staying with her.”
“So don’t go back to her tonight,” I suggested.
“I haven’t got anywhere else to go,” he advised. “She doesn’t trust me with the finances, you know, what with me being… an addict. I usually have 20 dollars to my name at any given time. That and a petrol card.”
Swallowing hard, he added, “Leaving her means losing everything I have and everything I’ve known,” he said, his voice cracking.
“I’ll get you another glass of whisky,” Daniel offered.
“You’re staying here with us,” I insisted. “No buts. You are.”
Johnny half laughed, close to tears. “That won’t go down well with Michaela.”
“Too bad,” I replied. “What won’t go down well is her being put in her place. Stay here for as long as you need to. She’ll have to come here to get you to go back home.”
He shrugged in response but agreed with me. “Okay.”
I offered him a hug, which he took, wholeheartedly. One of the babies kicked hard against his belly and he pulled away abruptly, surprised. “Whoa, nelly.”
I laughed a hearty belly laugh.
“Someone in there either likes me a lot or doesn’t like me at all,” he imagined.
“You want kids, someday?” Daniel asked, re-entering the room, bottle of whisky and two whisky tumblers in hand.
“I’ve always wanted kids, but Michaela…” he started. “Let’s just say, she wasn’t planning on having any with me - she didn’t think I’d make a good father,” he recalled painfully.
“That’s a rotten attitude to have,” I stated. “You’re better off without her.”
“I second the sentiment,” Daniel said. “Just need to get you to see that too.”
“No one’s perfect, Johnny, any other woman would be happy to have you,” I assured him.
He shook his head to the negative, disagreeing with me. “Not sure I believe that entirely, but I know I can’t be with her anymore.”
“Good,” Daniel replied. “Cheers to that,” he added, raising his tumbler to Johnny’s for a toast. “Here’s to better days ahead.”
“Aye,” Johnny replied. “To better days.”
Despite the bad influence Johnny and Daniel could be on each other, and let’s face it, they were just as bad as each other, there was so much love between the two of them, and I was grateful he was in our life. Johnny was the brother Daniel wished he had, the brother David wished he was to Daniel, but would never be.
Johnny stumbled into the living room one evening, after clearly having had too much of something. “Speaking with Michaela today was a mistake. She thinks I’m using, I may as well use,” he stated.
“Daniel’s not going to be too happy to see you in such a state,” I told him. “Not here, not now.”
“I know,” he said. “I need to get clean.”
“That’s awesome Johnny, glad to hear it!”
“Just not tonight,” he replied. “Or tomorrow night, or…”
“Okay,” I stated, firmly gripping him by the wrist. “I’ll get you something to eat, and I expect you to settle down. Whatever it is you’ve had, no more. Give it a rest will you?”
“You’re an angel,” he stated, clumsily taking off his jacket. “I’ve just had a few drinks tonight,” he confessed.
“Seems like you’ve had more than that,” I noted. Some white powder rested on the tip of his nose. I dabbed it off.
“My bad,” he said. “I might’ve had bit of angel dust too. Angel,” he joked.
“Please stop this nonsense Johnny. Enough is enough alright? You can’t expect Michaela to support you when you’re not even trying.”
For a moment he looked hurt. “I try, believe you me. I try. It’s hard to measure up when there are all these expectations. From Craig, from Michaela, you…”
“No, Johnny. The only expectation I have from you is that you start caring about yourself enough to want to change.”
“You’re right,” he said sombrely. “I need to get over my weak ass, and everything will change.”
“That’s not what I said Johnny,” I stated. “Nor is it what I meant,” I explained. It was late, and I wasn’t in the mood to reason with him when he was high, so I directed him to the guest room.
“I don’t want to sleep!” he protested.
“I’m not trying to get you to sleep, I’m trying to contain you,” I told him.
“I’m more interested in staying up and talking,” he said, resisting my attempt to redirect him. “Food first,” he insisted, standing firmly in place. “Food first, then I’ll go to sleep.”
“Okay, you win,” I conceded, heading back to the kitchen. He followed.
“I’ve got a bone to pick with you, Temwani,” he said all of a sudden.
“Do you now?”
“Make me up one of your awesome omlettes and I’ll tell you more,” he promised, planting himself firmly before the kitchen bench.
“You win again,” I said, getting busy with the omlette making. The quicker he could eat, the quicker he could lose his state and return to normalcy. Or so I hoped.
“Daniel loves you like crazy,” he started. “Everything he does is for the love of you.”
“Including going out on a bender with you, like almost every other night?”
“No,” Johnny stated. “We haven’t done that for a while. Not since that night at the Bayou when he lost it. What I meant was, most of the time he walks around pretty tore up inside about the fact that you might be falling for his brother.”
“Daniel knows how I feel about him. I can’t spend any more time convincing him that I’m not planning on being with David any time soon,” I insisted.
“Any time soon, she says,” Johnny noted.
“That came out wrong.”
“You have considered it, then?” Johnny questioned.
“You need to get to bed,” I advised.
“You have considered it,” he said again. “Heartbreaker.”
“I’m only human,” I replied, cut at the fact that he’d called me a heartbreaker.
“So is Daniel. He’s not perfect. He’s bound to make mistakes. Don’t judge him by the yardstick David’s set and loves to go by. David’s as perfect as they come.”
“I won’t and I don’t,” I replied, placing his omelette on a large plate and serving it up with some cherry tomatoes.
“Thanks darlin’,” he said, before devouring his meal.
“I’m not a heartbreaker,” I stated. “He’s breaking mine.”
“I hear you. Well, at least he’s got your back and you’ve got his. I’m sure it’ll all work out in time. Once David goes back to Australia, I’m sure things’ll work out.”
Once David goes back to Australia? Had he been making plans to leave without informing me?
“You, know, I lucked out with Michaela,” he announced. “She doesn’t cook, she doesn’t clean, she doesn’t even put out for me. Anymore that is.”
“That’s pretty sad,” I replied. “How long have you been with her?”
“Six years now,” he said. “Long enough to know she doesn’t care for me at all. Long enough to know she’s been using me. I’m just a meal ticket to her. Now that her meal’s running out, what with me not having a job anymore, she doesn’t give a toss about me. Probably never did.”
“Surely there’s some love involved? Six years is a long time to pretend, don’t you think?” I asked.
“You’ve seen her, Teme. No fucking love involved whatsoever,” he replied, and I cringed at his swearing.
“You did say her tolerating you was some kind of love,” I reminded him.
“I know. I’ve wisened up since then. I suspect she’s givin’ a little something on the side to someone I know.”
“Who?”
“One of the guys who deals,” he stat
ed firmly. “Either way, she’s no good for me,” he stated.
“She’s not,” I confirmed. “You’re not doing right by you either. You’re no good for you,” I added.
“I know, it’s fucked innit it. I want to change but I’m so caught up in this pain and…” he broke off.
“I wish you wouldn’t swear as much, Johnny!” I exclaimed.
“I wish I didn’t as well. My life is just fucked.”
“Johnny!”
“Sorry. Don’t mean to, I can’t help it,” he claimed. Reaching into his pockets he produced a lighter, some cigarettes and some keys. His keychain had a silver whisle attached, and a black sapphire cross wrapped in angel wings. One which I recalled seeing somewhere else before.
“Can I see that?” I asked, reaching out for the key chain.
“Sure,” he said, slightly puzzled.
“Where did you get this?” I asked.
“Some girl passing by cared enough to give this to me many years ago when I was on the street.”
I dropped the keys in shock. I’d picked up a similar pendant at the Camden markets many years ago, and had given it to a man I saw sleeping on the streets of Guildford. One afternoon as we walked out of our criminal law procedure lecture, I noticed the swag at his feet. The same swag I’d seen him sleeping in near the bridge, by the cinema complex.
Johnny knelt down to pick up the keys at the same time as I did. In that moment I recalled his face and he recalled mine. I had given him that pendant, all of ten years ago.
We spoke without saying a word. I handed the keys back to him.
“What are the odds, ey?” he asked.
“What are the odds indeed,” I stated, suddenly overwhelmed with emotion, my eyes watering with tears as I recalled how I had wondered after him for many years.
“You truly are an angel,” he said. “Daniel’s lucky to have you.”
“I’m lucky to know you,” I told him.
He helped me get up. “I’m sorry for putting you through this, for involving you in my sorry excuse of a life. As you can see, despite the time gone past, I’m still a bit of a mess.”
“No apology needed. I’m glad I’m in your life,” I told him.
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