“Goodnight Josiah, love you too,” I said, planting a kiss on his plump cheek. He stole a quick glance Daniel’s way before running towards David. “Goodnight Daddy,” he said, giving David a hug and kiss on the cheek before running off to his bedroom.
Feeling his pain and very aware of the snub Josiah had given Daniel, David said, “Give it time. He’ll come around eventually.”
“Guess so,” Daniel replied, not looking hopeful at all.
“I want to rest too, Dad,” Adalia said sleepily to Daniel.
“Alright then. How ‘bout you say goodnight to everyone else?” he suggested. She looked into him with her big brown eyes and agreed. Suddenly filled with energy, she got up and ran straight to David. He swept her into his arms and hugged her deeply. “Goodnight princess.”
“Goodnight Daddy,” she replied. She then ran towards me for a hug and a kiss, before going back to Daniel.
He took her in his arms, got up and paced the room, rocking her gently. “Hush a bye, don’t you cry, go to sleep my little baby. When you wake you will have all the pretty little horses…” he sang. The beautiful and traditional lullaby, All the Pretty Little Horses was on point. We weren’t sure how long he would be with us, but he would promise Adalia all the pretty little horses.
It didn’t take Adalia long to fall asleep in Daniel’s arms. He carried her to her bedroom and after placing her in bed, he came back into the living room to sit with me. Seeing the sadness in his eyes, I offered to show him some photos.
“Later,” he said. “Can’t do it right now.”
I could see he was struggling to come to terms with things as they were.
“Do y’all have any beer, any alcohol?” he asked.
“There’d be something in the cellar,” I said.
“Let’s go down and have a look together, shall we?” he asked as a matter of factly.
I froze slightly, thinking for a moment that it would be a chance for him to make moves on me.
He read my mind. “Relax,” he said. “I meant what I said earlier. I’m not here to start any trouble.”
“Could’ve fooled me,” I replied.
“I hear you, sugarpie,” he said. My heart fluttered at the mention of that term of endearment. Sugarpie. Our days of loving seemed a world away. I realized then that I missed him deeply and still wanted him, but that there was no going back now.
“So, Adalia,” I started as we walked down the stairs. “How long have you been visiting her without us knowing?”
“Not as often as I’d have liked,” he said. “Mostly when David was away, but for quite some time now.”
“And you being here in Aus, how did you manage?”
“I have my means. I have my ways,” he said in deep thought. “If it wasn’t for me being here, I would’ve had to give it up a long time ago, as in, I woulda been locked up a while ago.”
And you’re here, and we’re harboring a fugitive. I thought.
We reached the cellar. Without hesitation, he opened the door and reached for a Riesling. Examining the year and make on the bottle, he asked, “Saving this for anything in particular?”
“No,” I replied. “David doesn’t drink, so the wine is mostly for guests and occasionally for me.”
“Would this be an occasion for you to drink?” he asked.
“If I wasn’t expecting, yes, Daniel,” I stated.
“Sorry, that slipped my mind,” he replied. “All the more reason for me to have a drink,” he said, slightly under a whisper. Opening the cellar door again, he put the Riesling back and reached for a Merlot instead. “Guess I’m drinking alone.” Closing the door, he stated, “I shouldn’t have stayed away so long.”
“No, you shouldn’t have left in the first place,” I said. “If you’d told me everything, I would’ve stood by you.”
“So you say…,” he acknowledged. “…but I saw how happy you could be with David so I made my mind up to keep you happy, no matter the consequence to me. I’m not gonna lie, it hurts me to see you with him.”
I shrugged in response, and we stood there in silence, for a moment. “Should you be drinking?” I asked, recalling how he previously couldn’t hold his liquor.
“I shouldn’t be, no. But having a brew these days has kept me warm, it’s kept me level, and it’s kept me sane,” he said. “We go back up?” he asked, changing topic. “Wouldn’t want to give your new man the wrong impression.”
“Sure,” I replied, leading him up the stairs, all the while very conscious that he was watching my every move lustfully.
Upstairs, David was in the kitchen baking. He tenderly kneaded bread dough on the bench top, in a sea of flour, stopping to acknowledge me as soon as I walked in. He searched my eyes for something he would not find.
“I’m just in the living room with Daniel. Just hearing what he has to say,” I offered.
“Good,” he replied, surprisingly. “I trust you,” he said. “I know where we stand.”
“I love you David,” I uttered.
“And I you,” he replied.
“Join us when you’re done?” I asked.
“Of course,” he said, before planting a generous kiss on my lips. Playfully, he dabbed a bit of flour onto my cheek and nose and smiled gingerly in response to my reaction. Proceeding to wipe it off with his apron, he confirmed, “I’ll be with you in a moment.”
In the living room, Daniel sat waiting for me. Once I sat down, he poured the Merlot into his glass, and the grape spritzer into mine. I noticed his hands were calloused, rough and cut in places. He caught me staring at him, became self-conscious and stated, “Been doin’ it rough sugarpie, been doing it pretty rough.”
After handing me a glass, he raised his to mine for a toast. “A toast, to a new chapter.”
Our glasses clicked then awkward silence ensued.
“I’m sorry I put you through what I put you through,” he apologised.
“So you’ve said. Apology accepted, doesn’t mean we can go back.”
“No,” he acknowledged. “We can’t go back, you’ve made that clear to me.”
More silence followed before I asked the obvious question, “When are you planning on heading back to Texas and are you planning on turning yourself in?”
“I’m not planning on heading back to Texas anytime soon, no, not unless I want to face the electric chair. I don’t,” he said. “I’ll stay here for as long as I can, and try to avoid extradition for as long as I can,” he said. “Maybe I’ll get to serve my time here,” he said wishfully, despite knowing the chances of that happening were pretty slim. “Jonah should really be serving time with yours truly, but I can’t do that to him and Shania, I can’t let that happen,” he said. “They’ve got a young family, much like ours,” he said. “I meant yours,” he corrected. He meant ours.
“I would’ve stood by you,” I told him again.
“I know that now,” he said, deep in thought. “I know a lot of things now…hindsight is always 20/20 you savy?”
I agreed. His hands were trembling.
“Cold?” I asked, wanting to hold him when he wasn’t mine to hold any longer.
“No, just the corticosteroids I’m on for the old asthma.”
“You really need to look after yourself, Daniel,” I urged.
“You know me. I’m trying the best I can, hasn’t been easy.”
“And your migraines?” The treatment he’d had meant the cancer was in complete remission and at bay.
“I have them every now and again, more now than before. Probably stress related,” he concluded. “I get by,” he assured me. “I’ll have migraines over a tumour any day,” he said.
“Well, you’re here now,” I replied, noting how different he looked from when I last saw him. No longer gaunt and clinging to life, he was muscular in physique but on the slender side. His skin was pale, likely from not going out too much in the day.
“You still makin’ that yummy cornbread of yours?” he asked.
&n
bsp; “Yep,” I replied, remembering how much he loved it, and how much he loved food.
“And the sweet tea?” he asked.
“Yep.”
“You happy to make them on demand?” he asked.
“Yep.”
“You planning on giving me something other than one word replies?” he asked, setting his wine glass down on the side table to the left of him.
“If you insist,” I replied.
“Hm…” he stated pensively. “I know we can’t get back to what we used to be, but I’d like for you to tell me what I need to do to get right with you. For me to go on, I need to feel that you’ve forgiven me, and still hold me dear.”
The nerve. “You’re asking for a lot,” I told him. “You’ve come back from the dead, you’ve asked for me to search myself to see whether there was any possibility of us being together again. You’ve asked for the kids to acknowledge you as Dad. You’ve pretty much picked up where you left off with David…” I broke off, as it became apparent that all I was saying was hurting him. “You’re asking for something I can’t give,” I stated.
He pondered for a moment before he replied. “Right now I’m just asking you to forgive me. Forgiving me doesn’t have to mean that we pick up where we left off. That’ll be nice, but as I know now, that’s not an option.”
I sighed. “I would’ve stood by you had I known what you were up to. I wouldn’t have condoned what you were doing, but I would’ve stood by you. Of course I forgive you,” I said.
“Well, it doesn’t feel like you have,” he stated, knowingly.
How I wished he would stop trying to read my mind and second guess me. “Forgiveness is not just words. It takes time. What do you expect, Daniel!”
“Alright,” he replied sharply, resigned to accept my response.
David snuck his head in the room in the knick of time. “Everything okay?” he asked, wiping his hands off on a tea towel.
I nodded to the affirmative.
“Okay,” he said. “I’ll be back soon enough, just finishing off in the kitchen.”
“Alright,“ I said, wanting him to be back sooner rather than later.
“You haven’t even touched your drink,” Daniel noted, clearly disappointed.
I’m not in the mood. “You can have it too if you like,” I replied.
Pouring it into his glass, he asked, “Those photos you mentioned earlier. Could I have a look now?”
I started from the beginning. Photos of the babies and us, three years ago, before everything changed. Looking at the photos brought him to tears. I felt for him. After all, he had a choice at the time. He chose to leave. He chose to walk away to protect us, or so he said. Now it seemed as though what he was trying to avoid by walking away, was going to happen anyway.
Wiping tears off on the cuff of his shirt, he took a moment to collect himself before continuing to view the photos. Hands trembling, he turned page after page after page. Tears streamed down his face and I wanted to hold him but I couldn’t. I wanted to hold him but I didn’t. The best I could do was to squeeze his hand. He squeezed back hard. “I feel I’ve missed a lifetime already,” he managed, when he got to the last page of the album.
“There’s still tomorrow,” I said, in an effort to reassure him.
“Tomorrow isn’t promised,” he replied, closing the album. “I’m gonna head off to catch some shuteye,” he announced, avoiding eye contact. “Thanks for letting me stay, after everything,” he said, before abruptly getting up and walking towards the guest room. Still getting up and walking away when the going gets tough. Some things never change.
David came to join me on the sofa moments later. “You alright?” he asked.
“I’m fine,” I lied.
“You’re not,” he replied.
“If you know how I am, why bother asking!” I retorted.
David paused momentarily before responding. “I ask because I care,” he said.
“I’m sorry, David,” I replied. “Sorry for being so short with you.”
“Don’t apologise,” he said, “I know it isn’t easy. I’m struggling to come to terms with the fact that he’s back too, but I’m not worried. I believe what is meant to be will be.”
“We’re not properly married,” I reminded him. “Technically, I’m still married to him.”
“I know this,” David said. “I also know that he still wants you,” he said abruptly. “Look. I didn’t want to tell you this just yet, but he asked me if he could have you back.”
Incredulous. “What did you tell him?” I asked, quickly, as my heart fluttered at the thought of the man I once loved being so bold as to claim me as his own again.
“I told him about our babies on the way, I told him about our life together. I told him about the future we have planned. I told him about his little ones, who are my little ones now, and how hard it was for you and them to adjust when he left. I implored him to reconsider his request in light of everything. I also said that the final decision ultimately lies with you. I’m surprised he hasn’t asked you outright.”
I sighed in response, overwhelmed with this new information. “David, you have the biggest heart,” I told him.
Taking my hands in his, he stated, “It’s no secret that I want you for myself. But I’ll support you in whatever decision you make. And I’ll be there for you no matter what you decide. I just hope that you’ve grown to love me enough to want to be with me and me only. I just hope that you choose me and only me, the way I chose you all those years ago.”
I squeezed the strong hands that held mine so tenderly. Though I still loved Daniel, David and I had built a life together, and shared dreams and hopes together. After all the years he’d been in love with me, I wasn’t going to be the one to bring it all to an end. He deserved better than that. Besides, we were finally having the children we’d prayed so long and hard for.
“I love you, David,” I told him. “I didn’t expect Daniel to leave the way he did, but he did, and that opened up the possibility of us being together. I’m not about to leave you now,” I said. “Not after everything we’ve been through together.”
“I know you still love him,” David said, squeezing my hands back. “I’ll stake my claim on you if I have to, but I just don’t want you to feel obligated to me,” he said. “Don’t stay with me out of obligation,” he stated. “You know me, I’ll have you any way I can have you,” he confirmed.
What did I do to deserve this man? I thought. “I’m yours,” I replied, planting a kiss on his lips. Secretly I wondered about the nature of the conversation David had with Daniel, and how far Daniel had gone to stake his claim on me.
Lying in bed, unable to sleep, I heard Daniel come out of his room, likely for a glass of water. I remembered his midnight haunts fondly. With David fast asleep next to me, I decided to get up and out of bed. Looking at the time on my way out, it was 2 am.
Daniel sat in the kitchen, in the dark apart from the moonlight. The change of clothes David had given him made him look less like himself and more like David. “Can’t sleep?” he asked.
I nodded in response.
“You and me both,” he said.
He tapped the stool next to him, indicating for me to sit down.
We sat in silence for a moment before he spoke again. “So, what’s it like, being with someone other than me?”
“That’s a loaded question,” I replied.
“It’s a simple question, albeit loaded,” he stated.
I hesitated for a moment before responding. “Well, being with someone other than you, is clearly different,” I said. “There’ll never be another you.”
“I’m not sure if that’s a compliment but I sure as Eve will take it as one,” he said.
“What about you?” I asked. “You been with anyone else since me?”
“No,” he answered quickly. “Just me, solo and my memories of you.”
“We shouldn’t be talking about this,” I warned.
�
��You asked.”
“You did too,” I replied.
“Yes, I did. I will stop talkin about this, but not before I say what I have to say,” he stated. Pivoting on his stool to face me directly, in a deep and commanding voice he said, “I know you remember me and how wildly in love we were.” His fingers brushed mine lightly and suddenly my body was ablaze with desire for him again. “I know you remember me and those nights, and how we made mad passionate love not just once, but many times over. I remember every inch of your body. Every curve, every angle. I remember you and I. Say the word, and we can get back to it. Except this time, I’ll be the man you need. I’ll appreciate you and cherish you like I should have done when we were together. Don’t tell me you don’t remember me,” he said.
I squeezed his hand gently. “I do remember you. But things are different now.”
He sighed in response. “For you, yes. For me, no.”
I expected him to dwell on things but he didn’t. Taking a swig of his water, he changed topic abruptly and stated point blankly, “I need you to go to Switzerland with the kids. If they’re coming for me, they’ll come for you. Can’t take any chances. Go there and get protected. Start anew,” he urged.
I bawked at his sudden request. “You need to tell me a lot more than what you’ve told me so far, before I even consider doing anything like that.”
Nodding his head in agreement, he stated, “Long story short, I’ve just caught wind that they’re on my trail. A day or so from now, I’ll be fixin’ ta leave. Or else I’ll be taken in. You won’t be safe here, our babies won’t be safe here, David won’t be safe here.”
Our babies. “They haven’t been babies for a long time now.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he replied. “They’ll always be babies to me,” he said. “You’ll always be my baby,” he added.
“Yeah, yeah,” I replied.
“Are we back to this already?” he asked.
“What, the fighting?”
“Yeah yeah,” he said again.
“You’re a trip,” I told him in jest.
“Yeah, yeah,” he replied. “You know, you still haven’t told me just what it’s like to be with someone other than me.”
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