by Graham Downs
Stupid bloody idiot. Why? Why him? Why me? I'm the idiot. I can't stay with him. I love him. I have to stay with him. He needs help. I'm not strong enough. I have to be....
She balled her hands into fists, threw her head back, and screamed, "Why me?!"
Finally, she slammed her fists down into the bed and stared blankly at the floor. He doesn't even have the courtesy to come see why I'm upset. Why do I spend so much time worrying about him?
The door burst open, and Aiden danced into the room.
"Baby, guess what?" he said, completely oblivious to her pain, or even the tears running down her cheeks. "Enrico offered me a job. A real job, babes. For real money."
Eve sniffed and rubbed her eyes. Aiden still didn't seem to notice. "What job?" she asked.
"Enrico gave me some of his stock. He said I could sell it for him, and he'd give me ten percent of whatever I make."
The corner of Eve's mouth began to twitch, and then she cackled maniacally. She got up and marched towards him, causing him to step back to avoid being run over.
"Are you insane?" she screamed, punctuating each word with a finger in his chest. "Selling drugs? Shit, Aiden, that has to be the dumbest idea I've ever heard. I... no, I can't do this. I can't go on like this." She walked to the cupboard and got out a suitcase. She threw it on the bed, wrenched it open, and started unpacking his clothes from the cupboard.
It seemed like this was the first time Aiden actually had an inkling that something was wrong.
"Uh, baby, what are you doing?"
"You," she said and pointed her finger at Aiden. "You need to get out. This is my house, my bed, and I will not spend one more night with you in it."
Aiden hung his head, looking utterly crestfallen. I actually felt sorry for the guy.
"But baby," he said. "This is a job. I'm finally getting off my ass and doing something. I thought you'd be happy."
"Well, I'm not," she snapped. Then she took a deep, slow breath, and continued. "Aiden, I love you. I really do. But I can't handle the drugs anymore. We had a patient at the hospital today, over-dosed on heroin. He didn't make it. I kept thinking, what if it was you?"
"Oh, baby, I'm so sorry." Aiden moved to put his arms around Eve, to comfort her. She pushed him away.
"No. Don't touch me. You need to move out. We need to be apart, and I can't be with you anymore. Not until you're off the drugs."
Aiden looked Eve in the eyes. For once, she thought, he looked completely sober. "Baby, I'm so sorry. I'll get off the drugs, I promise I will. But I can't leave. Not tonight, anyway. Where would I go?"
"You've made that promise before." Eve's heart was breaking, but she knew she had to be strong. "Okay, you can leave tomorrow. But you will leave. Tonight, you'll sleep on the couch."
***
After Aiden left the room, Eve got up and closed the door, as an extra barrier between the two of them. She lay on the bed, on her side, staring at Aiden's empty cupboard.
There was a metal safe set into the floor, where Aiden kept his revolver. She remembered when he'd first bought it, and how long it had taken him to get approved for the licence. Then he'd taken her to the firing range and taught her how to shoot it. Good times. Fun times. Before the needles had messed him up. As far as she knew, he hadn't taken out that gun in years. Hadn't even thought of it. She doubted he even remembered it was there.
Had she been too hard on Aiden, she wondered? Should she have let him sleep in their bed tonight? Would he really change?
Eve searched her heart for an answer to that last question, and all she could think of was that he probably wouldn't. The tears came again, and eventually, she fell asleep.
Since there was nothing for me to do and angels didn't sleep, I just stood there, watching her. This was a terrible burden that had been placed upon her heart, and I didn't know how to help her. I thought of willing her to wake, to go to Aiden, apologise and invite him to her bed, but I wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do. Something inside me knew that this was the best thing for her—and it was her I had to think about, now.
She was restless. Shortly after midnight, she woke up thirsty. I followed her to the kitchen. She hesitated at the door, listening to the sound of Aiden's loud snoring coming from the couch.
Listen to him. He's sleeping like a log. Here I am worrying myself sick, and he doesn't even care.
After opening the tap and pouring herself some water, she got back into bed, but struggled to sleep.
She eventually drifted off at around four-thirty. I watched the digital clock tick past five-thirty in its bright red LED digits. That was her normal time to get up for work, but I felt sorry for her, so I stopped the alarm from going off.
***
When I finally allowed her to wake at six, it was with a start. I would have assumed her first thought would be about being late for work, but it wasn't. She jumped out of bed, and bolted to the lounge, to find the couch empty, with Aiden's blanket neatly folded over the back. On the seat was a note:
I'm gone. I would have SMSed, but I didn't want to wake you. I'm sorry for everything. Will be around while you're at work to get my stuff.
Love you,
Aiden
When she'd finished reading the note, Eve threw herself into the couch and, clutching the piece of paper in her hands, she sobbed.
A few minutes later, her sobbing was interrupted by the SMS tone of her cellphone. Her heart leapt as she picked it up, thinking it might be Aiden. It wasn't.
Where r u? Dr Wilson looking. Cant cover any longer. Soz.
The message was from Simone. Shit, she thought, looking at her watch. Work started an hour ago. Oh well, life goes on. She quickly sent a message back, promising to be at work within the next thirty minutes. Then she rushed back to the bedroom and threw on some clothes; No time to shower. Her sobbing had abated somewhat, but her eyes were still bloodshot, and she took the time to wash her face and hastily apply some mascara before leaving for work.
***
The whole drive to work, Eve was choking back tears. She kept thinking how she'd made a terrible mistake with Aiden last night. She imagined him lying in a ditch somewhere, with a needle sticking in his arm.
By the time she arrived at work, an hour and a half late, her mascara had run all down her face. No time to re-apply, she grabbed a few tissues from her handbag, spit on one, and tried to wipe it off in the rear-view mirror.
A minute later, and deciding that it would have to do, she walked into the hospital's front doors.
"Where have you been?" asked Simone, when she saw her. Then, noticing the mascara smears on her face, she dragged her into the tea-room. "Eve, what's wrong with you? What happened?"
Eve was about to make up some lie, when another nurse burst into the room.
"We need a crash cart in Ward 22B, stat!"
Oh no, that's all I need.
Ward 22B was Nita's ward. The old lady was supposed to be discharged yesterday. Why was she still here?
The next few minutes were a blur, as Eve and Simone rushed to Nita's bedside. Doctor Wilson was there a few seconds later, shouting orders. The three of them pumped the old lady so full of drugs in the space of five minutes... but then she flat-lined. Doctor Wilson administered CPR for a good ten minutes more, but in the end, he had to call it.
Eve exhaled deeply, as Doctor Wilson left the room. Simone put her hand on Eve's shoulder.
"I'm sorry," she said. "She was supposed to go home yesterday, but her son didn't arrive. Good thing, I think. Well, it would've been, if we'd been able to save her. Come, let's go have a smoke."
***
The two of them sat on a concrete bench, in the shade of the old oak tree in the clinic courtyard.
"I dunno, Simone," sobbed Eve as she took a drag on her cigarette. "I don't know how it happened. She was fine yesterday. All chipper and happy, and excited to go home."
Her friend gave her a hug. "I know, babe. Blood clots happen so quickly. No-one could have known."
Eve dried her eyes. "I know, and it's not the first time. It's just... oh, everything really. First last night, and now this."
"Yes, speaking of that, what the hell happened to you, Eve? You've never been late for work before, and your mascara was running. What's going on?"
With that, Eve broke down and sobbed bitterly. She told Simone all about what had happened the previous night, about Aiden's visitor and so-called "job", about her reaction when he told her, and about the message she'd found that morning.
"Oh, Simone," she finished, sobbing into Simone's shoulder. "What have I done? He could be lying in a ditch now, for all I know."
"It's okay." Simone patted Eve gently on the back. "I honestly think you're better off without him, Eve. All that loser was doing was dragging you down."
Just then, another nurse stuck her head outside.
"Simone," she said, then clicked her tongue sympathetically when she saw the redness under Eve's eyes. "Doctor Crane's looking for you inside."
Simone stubbed out her cigarette. "I'd better go, babe. Are you going to be okay?"
Eve sniffed. "I think so."
Simone squeezed her shoulder. "All right, then. We'll talk later. You stay a while. Compose yourself."
Simone got up and went back inside, and Eve lit another cigarette.
After two drags, the door opened again, and Doctor Wilson stepped outside. He fished a packet of cigarettes out of his shirt pocket and popped one in his mouth.
"Hello." He coughed nervously. "Got a light?"
Eve handed him a lighter. He jacked up his smoke and handed it back.
"Thanks," he said.
Eve took it and nodded politely.
He noticed the tears drying on her cheeks. "Sad news about the lady in 22B, isn't it? I hear she was supposed to go home yesterday."
"Yes. Her name was Nita. I was with her yesterday. She was in good spirits. But her son never pitched. And now...."
The doctor mumbled. "Ja, it happens. But it never gets easier."
They smoked in silence for a few moments, before he spoke again.
"So," he pulled sheepishly at his collar. "I've been watching you for a while." He suddenly went beet-red in the face. "Oh dear, that makes me sound like some kind of creepy stalker. I'm not good at this."
He took a nervous puff on his cigarette, and despite herself, Eve giggled.
"Anyway," he went on. "I've been thinking. Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?"
Eve's mouth dropped open. Was this man seriously asking her out on a date? She hardly knew him. But on second thought, maybe Simone was right. Maybe she did need a change from Aiden. Besides, she would've gone home that afternoon, and done... what, exactly? Sit and brood over a man who didn't deserve her anyway?
"I'm sorry," said Doctor Wilson, interrupting her reverie. "How insensitive of me. You don't even know my name." He stuck out his hand. "Hi, I'm Dennis."
"Pleased to meet you." Eve took his hand and shook it. "I'm Eve. And you know what? I would love to go to dinner with you."
Dennis' face lit up. "Really? That's fantastic. Pick you up at seven?"
Chapter Six
The rest of Eve's work day was uneventful. She would occasionally pass Dennis in the passages, and when she smiled at him, he blushed and returned with a sheepish grin of his own.
When she left work that afternoon, it was with a light and happy heart, but as she drove closer to home, she began to get nervous. By this time, I was getting used to her near-misses on the road, as she let her mind wander to thoughts of Aiden, where he could be, and what he might be doing.
She opened the door to their semi-detached house and stepped inside, half-expecting to see Aiden sitting on the couch with his belly falling out from under his brown tee shirt, a beer in one hand and the remote in the other.
But the couch was empty. On the coffee table lay a set of keys. She walked to the table and picked them up. Aiden's.
Choking back tears, Eve walked to their bedroom and opened Aiden's cupboard. It was empty except for the small safe bolted to the floor. Aiden's safe, where he kept his gun. She was about to open it but pulled herself away. Aiden was gone, and that was all that mattered.
Eve's tears were streaming easily down her cheeks now, but she wasn't quite sure whether they were happy tears or sad tears. He was gone. The man she'd given ten years of her life to, was gone.
Pull yourself together, dammit! She scolded herself. Here you are, about to be picked up by a sweet, honest, hard-working man. Not the most handsome man in the world, but so what? He's a doctor. Didn't your mother always want you to be with a doctor?
She giggled giddily at herself, then. It was only one date. A much-needed distraction from her sad, sorry life. She didn't really expect it to go anywhere. Did she?
About forty minutes later, Eve was freshly showered, primped, and plucked. All the tangles had been brushed out of her hair, which she let hang loosely down between her shoulder blades. Her mascara was freshly re-applied, and she was determined not to cry it out again.
She sat on the bed staring into Aiden's empty cupboard. The doorbell rang. Standing up, she set her shoulders, said "Goodbye Aiden," and went to the door.
Standing in the doorway stood Doctor Dennis Wilson. His short brown hair had a neat part down the centre, and his thick round plastic-rimmed glasses added to his dorky grin.
It was weird to see him out of his doctor's scrubs. He does clean up well, though, thought Eve, with his white long-sleeve button-up shirt and thin black tie.
He shot out his arm, holding a mixed bunch of flowers. "These are for you."
"Thank you," said Eve, taking the flowers. "I'll just go put these in some water." She left him standing there in the open doorway.
In the kitchen, she rushed around opening cupboards. Vases, vases, vases. Do we even have any vases in this house?
Finally, she opened the cupboard under the sink and found what she was looking for. An opaque, pink, square vase. It was a bit small for the massive bunch Dennis had just presented her with, but it would have to do. Quickly, she put it in the sink, opened the tap and filled it with water. Then she unceremoniously dunked the bunch of flowers into it.
The rushed back to Dennis and was about to give an apology for taking so long, but he smiled and held out his arm. She slipped her hand through it, and they walked down the driveway to his car.
He opened the passenger door for her. Eve's heart soared as he helped her into the car and closed the door. Then he moved over to the driver's side and got in.
"All ready?" he said, turning the key in the ignition. "Let's go."
***
Dennis proved to be the perfect gentleman. He took Eve to an exquisite restaurant, with white tablecloths and high-back chairs.
He pulled out her seat for her and waited for her to sit down, and as he took his own seat, a violinist began to play on the stage.
Eve reflected how she'd never been to such an expensive place. She hoped it wasn't costing Doctor Wilson too much. Then she had a harrowing thought and hoped that he wasn't expecting too much in return, either.
A waiter came to ask if they would like anything to drink. Dennis asked for a bottle of their best Chardonnay and said they would like a few minutes to browse the menu.
Eve flipped through hers, gasping at the prices. Filet Mignon, Lobster, some dishes she couldn't pronounce. Dennis, who seemed to already know what he wanted, lounged back in his chair and stared at her.
"What?" She lifted her head from her menu and met his gaze.
His eyes flicked away. "I'm sorry. I don't know if anybody ever told you what a beautiful woman you are."
Now it was Eve's turn to blush.
"Did I say something wrong?" asked the doctor.
"No, not at all. It's just that nobody—well, except for my mother, nobody's ever told me that before. It's nice. Thank you."
"You're welcome, but it's the truth. So, have you decided what you would like to eat?"
/> "Well, I've always wanted to try the classic Surf and Turf. But it's so expensive."
Dennis waved his arms dismissively. His warm expression put her at ease. "You can order whatever you like. It's on me."
What a gentleman! Eve was beginning to think that it didn't matter what Dennis may or may not be expecting in return. It had been far too long since any man had treated her this way.
The waiter returned and Dennis ordered Surf and Turf for Eve, and Fillet Steak, medium-rare, for himself. He poured two glasses of wine and pushed hers across the table.
"So," he said. "Tell me about yourself. Have you always wanted to be a nurse?"
She took a sip of wine. "Oh yes. My whole life, all I've wanted to do was help people. Nursing just seemed like the logical choice."
Dennis raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Why not a doctor?"
"Too much work. Besides, you doctors never really have the personal relationships we have with the patients. You come in, bark orders, and leave. We have to explain to the patients what's happening, and answer their questions." She felt her face grow hot. "Oh, I'm sorry. No offence."
"None taken." He winked at her. "Do you live alone?"
The question was so left-field that Eve recoiled, and choked on a sip of wine. She was about to answer that no, she didn't, but then she remembered. She burst into tears.
Dennis immediately shifted his chair around to sit next to her. He put his arm around her shoulders. "Hey. It's okay. What's wrong? I'm sorry."
"'s fine," blubbered Eve. "S-so sorry. You m-must think me a fool. I'm embarr-assing you."
"No, you're not," cooed Dennis, although truthfully, people were beginning to stare. "Come now, tell me. Tell me all about it."
And so she did. She started with last night, and her fight with Aiden, and worked her way backwards. Before she knew it, she'd told him their entire history together, all the pain and suffering, all the way back to him catching her eye at some random pub ten years ago.
By the time she'd finished, she'd regained her composure somewhat. As she sniffed, their food arrived. The waiter saw the tears on her cheeks and gave an apologetic shrug as he placed their plates in front of them and backed away.