by Graham Downs
A tear ran down my cheek. I wiped it away just as Liz burst through the door.
"John," she huffed. "Adam. I'm really sorry to disturb you, but there's something you both need to know."
"Go on," said John.
"Well, I tried to watch Adam's last assignment," she began. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. But I know you, John, and you wouldn't say he was innocent if you didn't believe it with everything you have."
She looked around conspiratorially before continuing. "Well, it's the strangest thing. When I pulled the assignment up on the monitor, all I saw was blackness. I knew something was there, but it was like I was being prevented from seeing it somehow."
"Interesting," said John. "Why do you think that was?"
"I don't know," said Liz. "Nothing like that's ever happened to me before."
There was another knock on the door, and a stern-faced angel walked in. Standing at attention, he announced, "I come as an envoy for the Tribunal. They wish to speak with the guardian angel known as Adam."
John turned to Liz. "Well, it may be moot now. We're on. Go, see what you can find out." Then, turning to me, "It's time, my friend."
***
John and I walked side by side, following the envoy into the Tribunal chambers. After he'd escorted us in, the envoy left.
It really wasn't what I was expecting. The room was nothing but inky blackness. Above me, all around me, below me. John and I saw three glowing forms, hovering above us. Aside from that, we were alone.
"Speak only when spoken to," whispered John. "Address them as 'Sirs', and be confident."
A deep voice boomed from the middle form. "Adam, you are charged with negligence in the matter of the death of the mortal Eve Matthews. How do you plead?"
I swallowed hard, but remembering John's instructions, I composed myself and tried to speak as calmly as possible. "I am not guilty, Sirs. I did everything I could to prevent the death of my ward."
"Yes," cried John. "He's innocent!"
"Silence," said the voice. "That will do, for now."
"Let us continue," said a slightly higher pitched voice, coming from the second form. "When the accused arrived in the victim's world, where was he?"
A third voice responded. "He was on the roof of a car, and the victim was behind the steering wheel."
"Yes," interjected John excitedly. "That's right. And he stopped her from having an accident. How is that 'negligent'?"
The first voice came again with a force of thunder, shaking the chambers and almost making me fall to my knees. "Enough! Need we remind Guardian Angel Trainer John that he is here at the pleasure of this court? He does not need to be here. One more outburst and he will be ejected."
John shrank back, and his voice broke as he answered. "Yes, Sirs. My apologies."
"Good," said the voice. "We shall proceed."
"Indeed," said the second voice, once again. "When the victim returned home, the accused allowed her to be swayed by the drug addict, Aiden Singer. Did he fail to notice this Aiden's manipulation of the victim, and foresee what might come?"
I gulped. I still didn't remember many specifics, but I had a recollection of averting my eyes, letting my sense of modesty cloud my judgement. I had to admit as much to the Tribunal, but also that the whole assignment was very much a haze in my mind.
"I see," said the third voice again. "So, the accused admits that he can't recall the details of the assignment. Did the outcome mean so little to him?"
"Sirs," I began, trying to speak as clearly as possible. "My trainer posits that it is because I care so much that I cannot remember. All I feel when I think of the whole ordeal is sadness and regret."
"The accused's level of remorse is not in question here," responded the second voice. "Although it may serve as a mitigating factor in his sentencing, should it come to that. What is in question is whether the accused, through his negligence, caused the death of the victim, Eve Matthews. Is that clear?"
"Y-yes, Sirs," I stammered.
The trial went on that like for hours. The blackness of the room seemed to engulf me, as I sank deeper and deeper into it. I realised that they were right. With Rebecca, I actively participated in keeping her safe, from the time she was three years old, up until the point where I saved her from the razor-blade.
With Eve, there were so many times I could have intervened. But I did nothing. I could've done so many things. Why had none of them occurred to me at the time? Why could I not remember any of the specifics?
By the time the Tribunal had finished, I was prepared to shout at the top of my lungs, "Enough. Enough. I'm guilty. I don't deserve to be a guardian angel. Throw the book at me. Everything you have. Sentence me to the deepest, darkest pit of eternal damnation."
But I was too afraid. I didn't say any of those things.
"This court has heard enough," said the first voice. "We find that the accused, the guardian angel known as Adam, had ample opportunity to save the life of the victim, Eve Matthews. He did nothing. Therefore, he is henceforth forbidden from any further contact with the mortal world."
John and I gasped. He looked at me, sympathy pouring from his eyes.
"However," continued the first voice. "We have also seen enough evidence to show that the accused is remorseful of his crimes. It is this court's determination, therefore, that he be permitted to remain in this realm. That is all. We are adjourned."
With that, the three forms disappeared, leaving John and I standing alone in the darkness.
Chapter Eight
"And then I told him, 'That's what she said!'"
On the screen, a group of men in Boer War uniforms lounged around a table in a smoky bar, playing cards. The group roared with laughter, and I saw the joke teller's angel standing behind him, laughing right along with them.
Liz walked up behind me and put her hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry about what happened with the Tribunal."
"Idiot," I said to the screen, not registering her presence. "Doesn't he understand how pointless this is?"
"Who? The man telling the joke?"
"No, his angel. We get sent out there to help protect people. But it makes no difference. That man could walk out of that bar and take a bullet to the head, and there'd be nothing his angel could do about it. Then he'd get hauled in front of the Tribunal and get found guilty of negligence."
"Adam, I need to tell you something," said Liz. "I've found out why I can't see your recording."
"It doesn't matter," I said, and waved her away.
Liz grabbed me and turned me around to face her. "Yes, it does. Adam, listen to me. I thought it was strange, because nothing like that's ever happened to me before, but then I remembered something John taught me when I first became an angel. He said nobody could take part in anything involving their own mortal lives."
"Ja, so?" I shrugged.
"So I pulled some strings, and got a friend of mine at archives to pull my file."
"Your what?"
"My file. All about my mortal life. We all have one, but you're not supposed to ever read your own. Anyway, I pulled some strings and got hold of mine. And Adam, I think I was Eve Matthews."
I took a deep breath and told Liz to start at the beginning.
Apparently, our files don't contain our human names, but Liz said that she had shot herself when she was mortal, after seeing her drug addict boyfriend overdosed on heroin and reading his suicide note.
When she'd finished, I blinked at her. "Okay, so you're—were—Eve. That's quite a coincidence. I mean, what are the chances? I still don't see how it helps me."
"You're right, Adam, it is a coincidence. Too much of a coincidence. I don't think it's actually forbidden, but I've never heard of an angel's case having anything to do with the mortal life of a member of the same team. Think about it, there are billions of guardian angels out there, and millions of angel teams. Why assign you to a case involving an angel with the same trainer as you?"
I didn't have an answer for
that one.
"Also," she said. "Maybe it has something to do with why you can't remember any specifics. Have you seen the recording?"
"No," I said. "But I think it's about time I did. Let's go find John."
***
John listened intently to Liz's story, rubbing his chin.
"Interesting," he said. "Yes, I suppose it would make sense. It's the only explanation I can think of, at any rate, for why you couldn't see the recording."
"John," I said. "Do you think now would be a good time to let me see it?"
"Well," replied John. "The trial is over, and you're technically not a guardian angel anymore."
"Thanks for putting it so bluntly." I felt tears well up all over again.
"Yes, well, sorry about that. I wish there was something more we could do, but there isn't. Anyway, as I was saying, I don't think there's any harm in it now. If you're sure you want to, that is."
I most definitely was sure I wanted to. More and more, I was buying into Liz's logic. Something was not right, and the answer would be in there somewhere.
"All right then," said John. "Let's call it up."
John called up the recording of the Eve Matthews assignment and pressed Play. I saw nothing but a blank screen.
"Are you sure it's playing?" I asked. "I see nothing."
"See?" said Liz. "That's what I was talking about. It's just nothing."
"I don't see anything either," said John. "Strange. Maybe it's just because you're here, Liz. Would you leave the room, please?"
Liz got up and walked out. When John and I were alone, he said, "Okay, let's try this again."
But the result was the same. Nothing but a blank screen.
"I was just watching this again before you arrived," said John. "I don't understand it. Maybe someone deleted it?"
"No, I don't think so," I said, getting excited. "I think it's because of me. I'll leave, and then you try again, okay?"
"I don't see how it could have anything to do with you." John scratched his head. "Angels watch their own recordings all the time, to hone their skills. There is absolutely no reason why you being here should affect it in any way."
"Just humour me, John."
John sighed. "All right, Adam. Please leave the room."
I went outside and found Liz standing there.
"And?" she asked.
"Still nothing. I told John to try again after I'd left."
"Do you really think—" was all Liz could get out before a voice came from inside.
"Incredible! Just incredible!"
***
As soon as I walked back in the room, the screen John was watching went black. Liz arrived a few seconds behind me.
John gawked at us, his mouth gaping open.
"So," he said, "we can't view the assignment with Liz here. And we're fairly certain she's a major player in the scenario. We can't view the assignment when you're here. So that can only mean—"
"That I'm a major player as well," I finished. "That's even more of a coincidence, but I'm still not sure that's not all it is."
"Oh, this is more than a coincidence," said John, waving his finger. "It may not be strictly against the rules to take part in an assignment involving a team member. But this... No angel can take part in one that directly affects his or her mortal life. This is absolutely forbidden. And it's probably why you struggle to remember it, too."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Adam, have you ever wondered why you can't remember details about when you were alive? I mean, you can remember things like Hitler or the Boer War, but you can't remember anything about your own life?"
I pressed my finger to my chin. "Well, now that you mention it, that is a bit strange."
"I can't remember if I told you this during training, boy, (I must've, or I wasn't doing my job properly) but there's a reason we angels can't remember anything about our mortal lives. We are, quite simply, forbidden to know. Which is also why we're forbidden from taking assignments involving those lives. We wouldn't be given those assignments. Ever. It just wouldn't happen."
Liz was wringing her hands, and her eyes were darting back and forth. "I-is it really that serious?"
"Oh yes," replied John. "You'd better hope whoever got you your file never tells, or you'll almost certainly find yourself in the other place."
"Don't worry," I said. "I'll never tell."
Liz' lip curled into a smirk. She asked, "Okay, but who could he be? Not Eve, we know that. How about that doctor she was dating? Or that friend of hers. Simone, was it?"
"Not Simone," I said. "Last I checked, I was a man."
"So?" said John. "Did I ever say we angels had to be the same gender as we were in life?"
I tried to picture myself as a woman. I shuddered.
John's demeanour changed. He was no longer a purely intellectual angel with a mystery to solve. He gripped both my shoulders and looked into my eyes, and once again he became the kind, concerned trainer-cum-father-figure.
"Adam," he said. "Listen to me very carefully. If we can prove you were given an assignment involving your mortal life, then the judgement can be overturned. You couldn't have done anything. You were powerless to interfere with your own mortal life. Do you understand what I'm saying to you?"
I gulped. Yes, I understood all too well.
"Oops," said Liz, interrupting. "I think my leave is over. I'm being called back."
As we looked at her, she was blinking in and out of existence. She looked a bit green, and I knew she was probably seeing the spiral. She had my sympathies. I knew what that felt like.
Just before she disappeared completely, she uttered one last word. "Bye."
***
After Liz had left, John got a concerned look on his face.
"Don't worry," I said. "She'll be fine. She was born to work in the field."
"Yes, the field," said John. "I hope that's where she's gone. I mean, I'm sure that's where she's gone."
"What do you mean?" I asked. "Do you think she's been found out?"
John swallowed hard. "I don't know. Best not dwell on it." He looked at me. "I think we need to take a look at your file."
"Okay, but John, even if this works, I don't know. I'm not really sure I want to go back out there. Maybe I'm not cut out for this business."
"Of course you are," snapped John. "I knew from the moment I laid eyes on you. Besides, you were chosen, and the choosers know what they're doing."
"Do they?" I asked. "I mean, how do you know they didn't make a mistake? If we're right, they made a mistake with my assignment."
"Oh, no, they didn't," said John matter-of-factly. "That was no mistake. If we're right, somebody did this on purpose. And I intend to find out why."
"All right," I said. "Then we need to get hold of my file. Couldn't you just pop down to Archives and retrieve it?"
"Not that simple, I'm afraid. As a trainer, I'm not really allowed to see my students' files. And unlike Liz, I don't have those kinds of connections. At least, not ones I'd risk on such dangerous business."
His eye's glazed over for a second, and I knew he was thinking about Liz again. I hoped she was going to be okay.
"What I can do," he went on, "is to see if we can't get another audience with the Tribunal. They need to know of this possibility, so they can look into it."
"Do you think they'd listen, though? They might not even agree to see us. We have no proof, after all. We're just grasping at straws."
"You're right. An audience with all three might be too much to ask for at this stage. But I know Gabriel's clerk. He was the one who said your remorse might be a mitigating factor in your sentence. He might be prepared to see us."
"Gabriel?" I asked, bemused. I was finding it difficult to see the Tribunal as anything other than balls of light, much less think they might actually have names.
John grinned at me. "They're just angels, Adam. Albeit ancient angels. They put on a show in court, but that's more to intimidate people
than anything else. I must admit, it's very effective. They even had me scared, standing there in their presence."
"Anyway," he continued, "I think Gabriel might be our best bet. I'll contact my connection, and ask if he'll see us. You go get some rest. It could take a while."
***
John was right: it did take a while. The Tribunal members were obviously very busy angels.
Eventually, the two of us found ourselves standing in the audience chamber of the angel known as Gabriel, one of the members of the Tribunal.
From his appearance, you would never have guessed that this was one of the angels responsible for keeping all law in this realm, but John assured me that he was.
Gabriel was shorter than I was, and even through the translucent blue outline that marked everyone here, I could see that he had a warm and kindly face.
He saw me staring, and chortled.
"Not what you were expecting, am I?" His voice sounded normal as well, nowhere near that boom that had come from the shapeless form during my trial.
"Well," he said, "we do have to keep up a certain appearance during our ceremonial duties, don't we?"
John stepped forward, interrupting.
"Your eminence," he said, "Thank you for agreeing to meet with us. Certain things have come to my attention which, if proven, could nullify your judgement against the angel Adam."
"Oh?" replied Gabriel. "What sort of things?"
"I believe," replied John, "that on his last assignment, Adam was (whether deliberately or not, I do not know) thrust into a situation where one of the mortals involved was... himself, while he was alive."
Gabriel took a step back and brought his fist to his mouth. His eyes went wide. Once he'd composed himself, he asked, "And by what logic do you come to this conclusion?"
I looked at John. I didn't think he would betray Liz; even though Gabriel respected him enough to agree to this audience, he was still a member of the Tribunal, and I knew Liz would be in a lot of trouble if he found out how she'd come to her conclusion.