by Cher Etan
Meaghan laughed and nodded, “My neighbor’s kid was pregnant for the second time by her fifteenth birthday. She dropped out of school I think, not sure though. She thought I had airs so she didn’t talk to me much.”
Dr. Shelley laughed and nodded his head. “Yeah. Good times”, he said. He lifted his coffee cup to her in salute and she returned the gesture. They drank, feeling more at ease and smiling at each other.
“I have this youth development project that I run back home. We do mentorship, inner city rescue and we have a clinic where we exchange dirty needles for clean ones every other Saturday. I’d really love it if you would think about joining us,” he said.
Meaghan perked up. “What? You’re joking. I’d love to do that. Hell the reason I’m working at the Queens clinic is to give back to my community. Don’t know when I’ll find the time though.”
“Well if it helps, we have some paid positions for clinicians. It comes with a good medical plan too; though I imagine you’re on Obamacare already? Anyway, I know you work locum at some other hospital so instead of that you could come to us hmm? It could work?” Dr. Shelley suggested.
Meaghan opened her mouth to say something but her heart was too full. After such a shitty day to be offered such a thing was…well it had come just in time.
“I accept,” she breathed smiling.
“Don’t you want to come check us out first? See what we do? Maybe ask how much the pay is?” Dr. Shelley teased.
“Okay then I accept subject to finding out all of the above Dr. Shelley,” she said grinning.
“Brilliant. I just know we will work well together Meaghan Leonard, M.D. I really look forward to having you on our team. We work with a whole lot of young upcoming doctors but we also have seasoned professionals. Dr. Ben Carson came by just last month to give a talk,” he told her.
“Really? Wow. Tell me more,” Meaghan said eagerly.
“Okay but first I have one request,” Dr. Shelley said.
“What?” Meaghan asked.
“Call me Conrad.”
Meaghan smiled, “Got it. Conrad. Now tell me more.”
Conrad lifted his hand to the waiter to indicate they were ready for more coffee. And then he told her everything there was to know about his project. Meaghan listened with rapt attention getting more and more excited to be part of something so practical yet with the potential to make such a difference. She couldn’t wait to tell Bain all about it.
*****
Bain walked into La Trattoria that night to have dinner before heading to the strip club to catch his boyfriend’s show. He was feeling particularly out of sorts and dinner with Luigi always made him feel better. It wasn’t like he was cheating on Daniel after all; Luigi was married…to a girl. Meaghan had been really busy recently and they hardly seemed to see each other anymore. Oh they still texted incessantly, but it wasn’t the same. Bain missed his best friend and he wanted to talk with someone who would understand.
“Hey Jude, is Luigi around?” he asked the maitre d. There was always a table for him so he didn’t even have to ask about that even though the restaurant was packed.
“He’s in the kitchen. I’ll tell him you’re here,” Jude said as he led Bain to his table. “It seems we’re really popular tonight,” he continued in a voice which said he had some juicy gossip to impart.
“Do tell,” Bain obliged. He wasn’t above a bit of gossip now and then.
“Meaghan was here earlier today with some doctor guy. And then Dean came in after them and sat at another table, spying on them.” Jude told him a look of utter glee on his face. “What do you think is going on?”
Bain was taken aback at this story, it did not sound like either Dean or Meg. He kept his expression non-committal though. He didn’t want to fuel any gossip fires.
“Well I’m sure I don’t know,” he said.
“Oh,” Jude said sounding disappointed. “Well I’ll fetch Luigi.”
Luigi didn’t keep him waiting long, and when he did come, he was a veritable mine of information.
Chapter 2
“Hey babe, we need to talk,” Bain said as soon as Meaghan picked up. “In person,” he emphasized.
“Yeah we do, I have some news!” Meaghan said sounding ever so pleased with herself.
“Good, well so do I. My place, one hour?” Bain asked.
“Okay. I’m heading out the door,” Meaghan said.
Bain hung up and turned to Daniel who was curled up on the sofa next to him. “Darling, I’m gonna need some privacy for this conversation,” he said to him.
Daniel made a face. “Wow, and here I thought we were past keeping secrets from each other.”
“This isn’t a secret. It’s a private conversation. We can still have private conversations right?” Bain said.
Daniel had lasted longer than his average boyfriend. It was over six months now and they were still together, still going from strength to strength. Still, Bain wasn’t ready to include him in his inner circle of trust. That would take a lot more than just having sex with him almost every night. I mean Daniel was fire; in bed and out of it. He also cooked like a dream – but Bain wasn’t ready to say he knew him well enough to trust him with his friend’s secrets. So he’d just have to take himself home right now.
Daniel sighed and stood up, “Okay then Bain. Have your private conversation. I’ll just go home to my tiny lonely one bedroom apartment and pine away there for you.”
That was another thing about Daniel; he had been dropping way too many hints about wanting to move in with Bain. They just weren’t there yet.
Meaghan beat the buzzer by twenty minutes, “How did you get here so fast?” Bain asked.
“I took a taxi,” Meaghan said breezing in and taking off her coat. “It sounded urgent.”
Bain smiled, Meaghan always could read his tone and mood without need for words. He sighed internally. Luigi had been able to do that too…
“What’s up?” she asked.
“Have you seen your boyfriend today?” he asked as a preamble.
Meaghan frowned in puzzlement. “Nope, the hospital had an emergency and I’ve been working all day.”
“Is that all you’ve been doing?” Bain asked.
“Ye-es,” Meaghan said puzzled by his tone. “I was at work all day and then one of my supervisors took me for coffee and then I went home.”
Bain’s forehead cleared and Meaghan’s wrinkled even more to see it. “What’s up Bain?”
“Well, did your…supervisor take you to coffee at La Trattoria?” he asked.
“Yeah! How did you know? Oh, Luigi told you?” Meaghan said, asking and answering her own question.
“Luigi told me that you were having coffee at his place and Dean was spying on you,” Bain said sitting down on the sofa and crossing his legs.
“What!?!” Meaghan said.
“He thinks you’re cheating on him?” Bain said picking up a magazine and pretending to leaf through it.
“Luigi?” Meaghan asked in puzzlement.
“Dean,” Bain said rolling his eyes.
“Dean what?” Meaghan said totally turned around by the conversation.
“Dean thinks you’re cheating on him with your…supervisor guy,” Bain said.
Meaghan stared at him as if she had lost the ability to understand English. “What?” she said at last.
“That’s what I said,” Bain said.
Meaghan ambled over and dropped on the couch next to Bain staring in front of her in shock. She took the whiskey Bain held out to her without a word and drained it.
“Why the fuck would he think that?” she said after several moments absorbing the news.
Bain shrugged, “You’d know that better than me wouldn’t you?”
“Apparently I wouldn’t,” Meaghan replied dryly.
“So maybe you should ask him,” Bain said with another shrug.
“Ask him why he thinks I’m cheating on him? He’s never so much as brought up such a thing.
Where would I even begin without ratting you and Luigi out?”
“Aww Meaghan, you’re always so sweet and loyal. But I give you permission, throw Luigi under the bus.”
“What? Why?” she asked.
“Because…the bastard broke my heart and I’ve never said a word about it. This is my pay back,” Bain said.
Meaghan looked at him, really looked.
“Hey Bain?” she said softly. “How are you?”
“I’m good, how’re you?” he replied automatically.
“No Bain. I mean, how are you?” she asked bending her head so she could meet his eyes as he looked down at the magazine.
He looked up and met her eyes and then he inclined his head in a gesture of helplessness.
“I don’t know,” he said leaning forward to rest his head against hers. “I should be happy. I am happy. But I feel so restless.”
“You don’t know what’s wrong?” she asked stroking his thick brown hair slowly.
Bain sighed. “I think I’m just…I keep wanting things I can’t have and not wanting the things I can have. It’s stupid.”
“What are you trying to self-sabotage this time Bain? Is it Daniel?” she asked.
“He could be a gold digger,” Bain protested.
“Why coz he’s a stripper? You’ve known that for six months. What’s changed?”
Bain sighed, burying his face in her bosom. “Why can’t I be straight? Then you and I could be together.” He moaned. Meaghan smiled.
“Aww thank you Bain but to get back to the topic of why-“ Meaghan persisted.
“You’re such a good friend,” Bain interrupted. “I mean you must be freaking out about Dean and the whole cheating thing yet here you are trying to sort me out.”
Meaghan smiled, “Very good try Bain but you’re not distracting me. What’s up?”
Bain sighed again, “I think Daniel wants to move in with me.”
Meaghan found that her mouth was open and closed it before the flies started moving in.
“Okay. And…?”
“And…?” Bain repeated in disbelief, “What do you mean, ‘and’?”
“I mean, what’s the problem? You two spend every night together anyway.”
“That’s different,” Bain protested.
“How?” Meaghan wanted to know.
“I can always throw him out any time I like and we don’t have to worry about who is paying which bill or how untidy he is.”
“Okay so you don’t want to permanently share your space with someone. Makes sense. Have you tried to tell him so?”
“I have…tried. But he has these puppy dog eyes…” Bain looked at her helplessly like he was at his wits’ end.
“So what then? Break up with him, begin the search anew?” Meaghan waxed poetic.
“No. I don’t want us to end. I just want us to go on the way we are now. Is that too much to ask?”
“You’re asking the wrong person. You should be having this conversation with Daniel.”
Bain smiled, “God I’ve missed you.”
Meaghan lurched forward and enveloped him in her arms. “I’ve missed you too. Let’s not disappear on each other again like this. Ever.”
“Deal.”
As if it had heard them, her notifications pinged. Meaghan looked at the screen expecting the hospital but it was a message from Dean.
I need to see you. Where are you?
It reminded Meaghan of the other message she’d gotten from Dean today, asking her where she was. She’d said she was at work, while she was really at La Trattoria. She glanced over at Bain who was still looking miserable wondering what to do. If she told Dean where she was he’d ask her to come over to his place. Bain and Dean didn’t live too far from each other. But she felt like she couldn’t cut short her night with Bain. They still had so much to talk about, catch up with. He was her best friend long before Dean was her boyfriend and she’d been putting him last for way too long. But…Dean thought she was cheating on him. If it wasn’t so sad it would be really funny.
I’m at Bain’s.
She typed and sent the message and then leaned back with a second drink that Bain placed in her hands. She was just opening her mouth to speak when her notifications pinged again.
Come over
He said, as predicted. Meaghan’s head thunked on the seat rest as she tried to think of a way to say no that wouldn’t seem like blowing him off…again.
Its girls’ night Dean. Bain has some stuff he needs to sort out. He needs me. I’m off tomorrow though. See you then?
There. That sounded about right. She heaved a sigh and sent it with Bain looking over her shoulder.
“You can go if you want,” he offered.
“I really can’t. it’s been a really long day; I don’t think I can deal with tantrums tonight anyway.”
Bain smiled. “Does Dean do tantrums?” he asked in amusement.
“Bain, if you’d asked me half an hour ago, I would have said Dean didn’t do stalking. Shows how much I know.”
Bain laughed, “Yeah. Wow, your problems are making my problems seem like made up or something.”
“Nah Bain, I know you. I’ve seen you in pain. And you are in pain over something. Now we’re going to get properly drunk and we’re going to sort this out,” she said in determination.
“Yes ma’am,” Bain agreed with a grateful smile.
*****
Dean stared at the text from Meaghan, his blood literally boiling. He composed a text;
I don’t believe that after everything we’ve been through you would-
Then he shook his head and erased it. He tried again.
How could you do this to me-
And then shook his head again vigorously grimacing with how pathetic it sounded and also how hurt he was feeling. It was pathetic and he never would have believed it of himself if it wasn’t happening to him right now.
You lying bitch. Are you with him right now-
Dean almost sent that one but then he erased it because it sounded too much like the texts Samantha used to send him in the first months after their break up. He would not be that guy.
Never mind. It’s fine. Whatever.
He stared at that one for a long time, thumb hovering over the send button. Then he hit it with a sigh and threw his phone on the bed. He stood up and extracted a full bottle of whiskey from the bar not bothering with a glass. He downed a good quarter of the bottle in one gulp and then lay down, feeling dizzy already. He had this heavy weight on his chest that he couldn’t seem to shift and he just wanted to escape somewhere where he could forget. At least for a while. He leaned forward and snagged the whiskey bottle, cradling it like a baby. He moved back so that his back was against the headboard, and stared out his window at the stars of New York. They could possibly be lights, he’d heard it said that the stars over New York City were invisible. Either way, they were glowing pin pricks of light gleaming against a black back drop of infinite sky and he could get lost in it. Better than thinking about Meaghan maybe moving on from him, finding someone else…but why would she do that? They were happy. Weren’t they? I mean the sex was off the charts regardless of Meaghan’s relative inexperience. Dean could sincerely say he’d taught her everything she knew – and they’d discovered a few more things along the way too. They didn’t have much time together, their schedules were crazy what with him running a company and she being an resident surgeon in training. It was a wonder they found any time to be together –and that doctor guy was at work with her all the time. They definitely could find more time to spend quality time together. Not that his and Meg’s time wasn’t quality. They’d certainly learned each other’s bodies to an expert degree by now. But maybe they could possibly spend more time talking…she’d seemed so intensely engaged with the conversation she was having with that guy. They probably had more in common as well. Both doctors and shit…
Dean took a bigger sip of the whiskey and then another one for luck. By the time he bl
acked out, the bottle was three quarters empty.
*****
The pounding woke him up. He didn’t know if it was in his head or from some external source. Either way he needed it to stop. He clutched his head, trying to keep it from rolling off the bed and onto the floor; possibly careering out the door and smashing into bits on the parking lot asphalt. On second thought, that would definitely stop the pounding forever so…
He squinched his eyes open and looked around. The bottle of whiskey was on the floor, bottle open and alcohol half poured on the woolen carpet. There was no way he was salvaging that. The carpet would have to go. Which was sad because it was one of his favorites – he’d acquired it at an antiques auction when he’d moved out of home. It was his first piece of furniture that he’d purchased for his new home. A home he’d envisaged maybe one day sharing with Meaghan…maybe more like fantasized. It wasn’t like his family even knew he was with her. His father was still very much in the dark. And there was really no way to tell him without a guarantee that he wouldn’t have a stroke. The thought of Meaghan made his heart sink; likely it wouldn’t be a problem anymore now that she was moving on.
The pounding hadn’t stopped and now his phone was ringing. Someone needed to make it all stop. He picked up his phone and answered it if only to stop it ringing.
“Make it stop,” he whispered into the phone.
“Open the door Dean,” Meaghan demanded.
“What?” Dean asked in confusion. He noticed that the pounding had stopped.
“Open. The. Door. Dean,” Meaghan repeated biting off each word angrily.
Dean frowned; he didn’t understand why Meaghan sounded so furious with him. He stood up slowly and shuffled to his front door; Mindy who ran the bookshop had opened up downstairs so at least he didn’t have to negotiate the stairs; all he had to do was open the door to his apartment.
“Hi,” he croaked as she stepped into his house and marched to the living room. “Please, come in,” he mumbled as he closed the door and followed her slowly. He felt like an eighty year old man in the body of a two hundred year old man and walking was a real challenge but he managed it.