Amber is more cautious. The sight of all these despondent souls clearly makes her uncomfortable.
I squeeze her arm reassuringly. “You ready?”
“I don’t know how to help them,” she whispers.
I give her a water bottle. “Simple. One at a time.”
Amber smiles at me, and her face tenses with new determination. Her long, aqua nails look a little out of place, digging into cardboard boxes and reaching out to dirty hands. But after a while, she moves just as quickly as everyone else. Her fear seems to dissolve with the realization of what she’s doing—helping people.
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
I continue handing out water bottles. I’m glad we’ve brought so many. Alyz has sent along one other special carton, which I’m keeping between my feet. It’s filled with chocolate bars, and I hand them out to children as they pass.
One little girl stops in front of me and looks up with huge brown eyes. I squat in front of her.
“Here’s your water,” I say. “It’s nice and cold.”
“Thank you,” she whispers. She looks at me like I’m a ghost.
I try to warm her with my smile. “I have something else for you. Do you like chocolate?”
Her mouth drops open, a silent answer. I reach into the hidden box and pull one out. I offer it to her, but she doesn’t move. Her deep eyes flit from the chocolate bar to my face.
I nod. “It’s for you.”
“Really?” Again, her voice is just a whisper. The sheer sweetness of her tugs at my heart. After a moment, her little hand reaches out and her fingers close around the treat.
“What do you say?” her mother asks.
“Thank you,” the little one says.
Suddenly, she flings her arms around me, and I feel her pudgy fingers grip my back.
I can’t move. That hug swallows me whole: her fear, her hope, her gratitude, her innocent, boundless love. Emotions radiate from her, flowing like warm syrup through my body.
Then she steps away, following her mother. I stumble backward. I’m overwhelmed by the sensation. When I’m far away from everyone, I collapse to my knees, feeling disoriented. Out of nowhere, images start coming to me, popping into my head. Pictures that make no sense.
Then I realize they make a lot of sense.
They're . . . my memories. They’re coming back.
I see a sweet little girl in long blonde pigtails, laughing and playing with her dolls. I watch her transform into a rebellious teenager, overflowing with independent but misguided thoughts. I hear the callous words I’d carelessly slung at my parents, and I see how they withdrew from me, unsure how to deal with what I’d become. I see how I treated Beatriz, John, and everyone else around me with disdain. How I felt entitled to walk over anyone who got in my way. I feel the swell of my ego as it grew and took control. I’m a witness to my transformation into a heartless bully, unconcerned with how I hurt people.
My entire body shakes with the effect of what’s happening. Tears stream down my cheeks, but I try to keep my sobs quiet.
The little girl had put so much of herself into that hug. She had given all she had, hugging a perfect stranger. Except now, I am no longer a perfect stranger. I know who I am, and I am crushed by the reality. Everyone had tried to tell me, tried to show me the person I’d been before, but I’d never really understood.
Now I do.
Not until this moment have I actually felt what I’d been. It’s too much. My mind struggles to absorb everything.
“Sia?” says Kyle, his voice soft with concern.
I feel his hand on my arm, but I turn away, my eyes squeezed closed. I can’t face him right now. I wish I could disappear. I am sick to my stomach.
But he persists. “Sia? Are you hurt?”
“No, I’m not hurt,” I manage. I open my eyes.
He’s crouched in front of me, frowning. “What happened?”
I shake my head. “It’s nothing. Go help the others. Don’t worry about me.”
He takes my hands in his. His green eyes seek mine. There’s a caring in them I haven't seen since . . . “Don’t worry about you? How can I not worry about you, Sia? Tell me what’s going on.”
I shake my head.
“Please tell me. Let me help you.”
I take a deep breath, and it comes back out in little shudders. “I remember, Kyle,” I say quietly. “All my memories are back. I remember . . . everything.”
He sucks in a breath and his jaw tightens. He’s bracing himself. This is it. The moment he’s been dreading all this time. “I see. And . . . how do you feel?”
“Overwhelmed.”
He nods slowly and lets go of my hands. “If you want to leave, I’d understand.” He swallows. “We all would.”
I see resignation in his eyes. He is expecting me to revert to who I’d been before. He’s sure of it.
He stands up and takes a step back. “I’ll get Amber to take you home.”
When he turns and starts to walk away, I stand. “Kyle.”
“What?” he asks, pausing midstride.
“Can we talk about this?”
He turns to me and shakes his head. “Nah. It’s okay. I get it.” He nods to himself. “It’s probably better this way. We come from two very different worlds.” He starts walking again.
Suddenly, my heart is drumming frantically. “Kyle!” I cry.
“There’s nothing else to say, Sia.” He’s not facing me, but at least he hasn’t gone any farther. This is my chance. Possibly my only one.
“Yes, there is.” I speak from my heart. “I love you.”
He spins around with a gasp. “What?”
I walk toward him, gazing into his beautiful eyes. The closer I get, the braver I become. I know what I have to do. I have known all along.
“I love you,” I repeat. Inches away, I reach out and touch his cheek with my fingertips. “I loved you yesterday. I love you today. And if you’ll let me, I’ll love you tomorrow.” My own words roar through me, filling me with hope and strength.
The next thing I know, he’s hugging me, his arms around my waist. He rests his chin on my shoulder, trembling slightly. “God, I was so afraid. I thought I’d lost you for good.”
I inhale, breathing in his sweet, familiar scent. “I’m still here. The old Sia is here, too, but I am stronger. And I’m not going anywhere.”
He brings his face to mine. “I’m glad.”
All that time, all those days and nights when I’d worried that he hated me, that he couldn’t stand to be near me, and all along . . . “You know what?” I say.
He shrugs and waits. The tension is gone from his face.
“It’s so weird. My mind is racing with memories, but there’s only one I truly want to recall.”
He lifts his eyebrows in question.
“All I want to remember is that kiss you gave me.”
He smiles. All fear leaves his eyes. They’re wide open, liquid with emotion. “Sia,” he says quietly and reaches for me. His palms are warm on my cheeks. My heart starts beating loudly, melting slowly. His breath tickles my lips. Then he’s there, kissing me gently. Far too soon, he pulls away. He rests his forehead against mine, and I think I might just die of happiness. “I love you too, Sia.”
And I feel like I’ve come home. Right where I belong.
EPILOGUE
There’s something about the ocean. What it is, I’m not sure. But something about it tugs at my heart and pulls out my emotions. It’s like the waves are a huge, empty space I can fill up with my thoughts. And I have a lot of those these days.
Kyle said he’d meet me here on the beach after his classes are over, so I have a little time to myself first. I don’t mind waiting, though. I’m lulled by the rush of the water, the crashing of the waves. A seagull glides overhead, angling into the sea breeze. It gives a shrill cry of joy over finding a crab. I smile, feeling at peace.
I’ve spent the last two years creating new memories that I plan on holding on
to forever. Kyle and I both go to the University of Southern California now. He’s doing well in business management, and I’m studying social work. Actually, social work has become a big part of my life lately.
Turns out Travis was right—my story grabbed a lot of interest. They gave it an appropriate title: The Cruelest One, and it was a box office hit, grossing millions at the box office. The movie’s success spread to everyone around it. Mom is one of the best examples of that. She’s been sober ever since rehab. She still attends therapy sessions occasionally, but she’s strong as a rock. Dad’s company is in the black again, and more great movies are pouring in.
I still hang out with Stacy, but I’m also good friends with Tiff, Roberta, and Ben. I find I enjoy doing different things with different people, and no one is better than another. Stacy’s really mellowed. She’s not overly obsessive about her appearance anymore, though she still loves to go wild with the makeup—especially on me.
No big surprise: Amber ended up going into showbiz. After graduation, she tapped into her love for fashion and shopping, and—wouldn’t you know it?—she got her own reality show doing just that. My dad’s company produced it. On the show, she’s a personal shopper to the stars, scouting fashion runways to get her clients the latest must-have outfits. “It’s my calling,” she tells me. “The reason I was born.”
I have to smile.
As for me, I found my calling in helping people. With all the money I made with the movie, I opened a new soup kitchen. Kyle and I own it together, since he got some money from the movie as well. It’s been the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. My guardian angel, Carol, is there, too, supervising things. Her warm spirit has truly helped the facility blossom. Even better, the job we were able to give her helped her get a real place of her own.
“Hey.”
I turn toward the voice and smile at Kyle. He steps off the boardwalk and makes his way toward me. The soft brown of his hair lifts with the breeze. He’s carrying his shoes, and his pants are rolled up over bare feet. I smile at him.
“Hey yourself,” I say. “Good class?”
He nods. He wraps his arms around me and rests his chin on my head, then murmurs, “Good class, but this is much better.”
We stand that way for a few seconds, just enjoying the moment. I never get tired of holding him and being held. As always, I inhale his scent. That sweet cinnamon, permanently infused into the fibers of his t-shirt, is a constant reminder of how lucky I am to have him.
“You got here just in time for the sunset,” I tell him, pulling away so I can see his face.
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” He pulls me in for a kiss.
We’ve become so familiar with each other’s touch, each other’s kisses that they probably shouldn’t have any effect on me, but they still do. My lips tingle as they touch his, and butterflies swarm in my stomach.
“Feel like walking?”
“Sure,” I say.
We start walking down the beach, toward the setting sun. The sand is warm from the day’s sunshine and soft as spun sugar. Just before it changes to a deep, vibrant orange, the setting sun hits the waves and reflects off them. A couple of kids hop around down the beach a way, tethered to kites. Their happy squeals compete with a gull that has now landed and toddles around the sand, searching for supper.
It’s hard to imagine anyone being as happy as I am right now. Crazy as it sounds, I’m grateful for all the stress I experienced two years ago. If it hadn’t been for that turmoil in my life, I never would have had the amnesia. And if I hadn’t had the amnesia, I never could have changed my life.
That time in my life was like a rebirth, and I ended up with the best of both worlds. I mean, I did go back to some things, like my closet—which now contains a rainbow of color, not just pink. I’ve gotten back into dressing up, though I can safely say fashion no longer controls me. Now I have control. Over everything I do.
That scary period of my life, that time when I couldn’t even remember my name, has become a landmark. A milestone. Now I can look back and say, “That’s when I changed my life.” Who else can say that and be so exactly right about the timing?
Time.
That’s an important thing.
And now I know what to do with the rest of it. I have a lifetime ahead of me, one I hope to fill with as much love and joy as I can find. One I will fill with beautiful memories.
Who am I? I’m Sia Holloway.
And this is the me I was meant to be.
THE END
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Josh Grayson was born in Mexico, raised in Massachusetts, and now lives in Virginia. It was his move to the South that stirred his imagination and gave him the courage to start writing. During his free time, Josh enjoys jogging, swimming, reading and dreaming up new stories. Sia is his YA debut novel.
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Table of Contents
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
CHAPTER NINETEEN
CHAPTER TWENTY
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
CHAPTER THIRTY
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
CHAPTER FORTY
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
EPILOGUE
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Sia Page 20