“Oh, bullshit! I took you out on lots of dates. How many times did we go to dinner, or to a movie to see some lame chick-flick? Or both? You know, you are just cruisin’ for it, aren’t you?”
“Oh, relax, Jen. Just be yourself. Have fun. Pretend you’re just meeting a buddy for drinks or something, you know — no pressure.”
“Well, I’m not looking for anything serious. But, still… I don’t want this to be a disaster either.” Jenna’s eyes opened wide. “Oh, geez! What if he asks me back to his place? What do I do?”
“You slap his face and walk out is what you do!” Marvin told her.
“What do you want to do, Jen? If you want to get laid, go.”
Jenna gasped. “Oh, shit… I don’t know. Marvin and I were together for so long, I’m not even sure I’d know what to do.”
“Know what to do for what?” Marvin wished he could hear JoAnne’s side of the conversation and figured there should be a few more perks to this existence. Jenna better not be thinking about going out and better not even be considering having any sex with this blowhard, whoever he is.
“Jenna, listen. You’re a grown woman, you’ll remember. I’m not trying to push you into anything, but you’ll know when you’re ready. When you do, start out slow.”
“Well, I guess. But the thought of sex with someone new makes me nervous…”
“It damn well better, if you know what’s good for you,” Marv
threatened and thrust the can in Jenna’s direction.
“But, at the same time, it’s exciting to think about. I don’t know, maybe I’m putting the cart before the horse. We haven’t even had dinner yet. But something tells me, if he makes a move — I think I might jump at the chance.”
“Oh, no you don’t! No you don’t!” The mercury in Marvin’s thermometer broke through the top and he hurled the can of soda.
It soared past Jenna’s face and she let out a scream. The can landed in the gutter across the street exploding in a splash of dark amber liquid and left a swath of wet spots splayed across the sidewalk. A man stopped in his tracks, looked up at Jen and flipped her off, and grumbled, “Stupid fuckin’ bitch.”
“What? What? Jen? Honey, what’s wrong?” JoAnne’s voice came loud and clear through the receiver.
Jenna stood frozen, speechless.
Marvin heard JoAnne and responded. “I’ll tell you what happened. This bitch is going down,” he yelled. He rushed toward Jenna and attempted to throw his arms around her in a vice grip. His momentum carried him through her, through the railing, and he landed on the sidewalk nose first. He screamed with his face buried in the concrete and didn’t notice the old man who leaned against the building directly under the balcony, shaking his head and quietly tsk-tsking. “Shit!”
-23-
It took JoAnne quite a while to calm Jenna down enough to get any verbal responses. “I’m telling you, Jen, it had to be a bird. It swooped in a little close. Too close for you to actually see what it was.”
“Then where did the exploding can come from?” Jenna’s voice was still filled with fear.
“I don’t know. Maybe someone dropped it out of a window from that building.”
“I watched it fly across the street, Jo!”
An exasperated JoAnne gave up. “Fine. It was a can of soda. Maybe someone in the building next to you hurled it at the guy walking down the street.”
“I don’t know…”
“Is there anyone there with you, in the apartment?”
Jenna looked over her shoulder into the kitchen. “…No.”
“Then it had to come from somewhere else, didn’t it?”
Jenna heaved a sigh. “Okay. You’ve got to be right. Wherever it appeared from, it sure flew damn close to my face. And if I find out who did it, I’m gonna kick someone’s ass.”
“Now, go relax. Have a glass of wine, take a nice long shower, take a little nap and then get your sexy on, girl!”
“Thanks. I’ll call you tonight.”
“No you won’t. You’ll call me tomorrow morning and tell me whether he’s as talented as that bulge in his crotch makes him look.”
Jen felt her cheeks flush and laughed. “You are so bad!”
“Listen, honey, at my age I should only be so lucky. Now go get ‘em, girl.” JoAnne hung up.
Late in the afternoon, Jenna put the last touches on her make-up and checked her hair one more time. Marvin came through the front door as she picked up the new purse from the top of her dresser and walked into the living room.
“Ho—lee—shit!” Standing in the archway, Marv could only stare at her in lust and appreciation. “You look fantastic!” he said as Jen walked through him.
A shiver ran down her spine and she hesitated for a brief second, but she passed it off as nerves before the date. She opened her purse to make sure she had everything she needed. Satisfied, she picked up her keys, walked out, locked the door and gave it a couple of good yanks to be sure. Though she tried to tell herself otherwise, she still wasn’t entirely convinced someone hadn’t been in the place. Missing cans of soda, the spilled coffee, the cooking smells, and a few times the shower walls were wet and one of the towels had been damp to the touch.
Marvin followed her to the restaurant. When she was shown to the table, he slid into one of the chairs and didn’t even care if anyone saw it had moved. A young server came to fill her water glass and offered her a menu.
“Oh, I’m waiting for someone. There’ll be two of us tonight.”
“Three actually,” Marvin corrected her.
“Very good, ma’am,” he responded with a broad smile and his eyes swept across the front of her blouse.
“Hey, hey! Put the eyeballs back in your head, asshole,” Marvin told him.
“I’ll be right back with another menu. Can I bring you something to drink from the bar? A glass of wine, perhaps?”
Marvin smiled up at the waiter. “A scotch, neat. Four fingers. This could be a long night.”
“Um, sure. How about a glass of Zin?”
“Red or white?”
“Red.”
“Yes, ma’am. I’ll be right back.”
Marvin noticed him try to make a subtle adjustment to his crotch as he turned to leave. “You better tame the snake, ya punk, or you’ll be right back – right through the back door to the alley.” He got up to follow the guy. “I guess I’ll have to serve myself, since you don’t seem to care about everyone at this table.”
Marvin went behind the bar, took a glass from the shelf, and looked at the selection of bottles. “Well, it’s not the best, but if it’s all you have, Johnny Walker Black Label it is.” He changed his mind and tossed a few ice cubes into the glass, then poured the tumbler to the brim. He laughed at the reaction of the woman sitting at the end of the bar. For sheer entertainment, he watched her changing expressions of horror and dismay when he replaced the bottle on the shelf. She leaned in and squinted, shook her head as if to clear it, and took a large gulp of her drink. He lifted his glass in salute, “Cheers! I hope that’s as bad as your night gets.”
Marvin took a detour to the men’s room. By the time he returned to the table, Jenna’s date was seated across from her. Yep, one of the interns from the law firm. Marv couldn’t remember his name, but he recognized him from the frequent visits to the office over the months. Visits Marvin made just to spend time with her, to be near her. He scowled at the guy and sat down again.
He supposed the man was okay-looking, but he sure didn’t like the fact that, through the entire dinner, this schmuck couldn’t seem to focus his eyes on anything but Jen’s boobs. Marv kicked a foot through his leg and smiled when the guy twitched.
Jenna and her date ordered dessert. Order two or three. Maybe you’ll gain some weight and this bastard will lose interest. Now on his third glass of scotch, Marv was beyond caring if people saw things move by themselves or disappear. In fact he wanted people, at least certain people, to freak out; like this horn-dog sitting ac
ross from his fiancée, for instance.
Marv pushed the guy’s water glass over the edge of the table at the same moment the waiter placed his crème brûleé, and laughed. “That’ll cool you down where it counts, won’t it?”
Jenna let out a little screech, and her date jumped from his chair with soaked pants.
“I’m so sorry, sir.”
“No, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it.”
“Oh, Larry, are you…” Jenna left her question hanging in the air.
Marv slapped himself in the forehead. “That’s right, Larry!”
“I don’t know how that happened, sir. I didn’t see the glass, honest. ” The waiter tried to dab Larry’s wet pants with a napkin and Jen stifled a giggle
Larry backed away from him. “Hey. Hey! I think I can clean myself up. Jesus, man, it’s just water and a little ice.”
The waiter blushed and handed Larry the napkin. “Of course. I’m truly sorry. I —”
“It’s no big deal. Really.”
“The dinner is completely on the house, sir.”
“No it’s not. Don’t be ridiculous. It’s just a little water and ice. It’ll dry.”
“I’m very sorry. Sir, —”
Larry raised his hands to stop him. “Just — Don’t you have other tables to take care of?”
“Yes, sir. I apologize again.”
By this time Jenna was in stitches. Larry glared for a minute and then found his sense of humor again. “Well, that’ll dampen things and cool me down,” he said as he raised his brows suggestively.
Jen laughed but blushed with delight. “Do you want to go? That’s got to be very uncomfortable.”
Larry squirmed in his chair. “It is, a little. Should we go then?”
Marv, who thought up until now the entire episode was funny, frowned in confusion. “What? Wait a minute.”
“Yeah. You need to get out of those wet pants.” Jen pushed her chair back.
“No. No, no, no, no! This is not what you’re supposed to do!”
Larry stood to signal the waiter, who rushed over. “Management insists the evening is on the house. I apologize again for my clumsiness and, please, I hope you’ll come back?”
Larry pulled his wallet out and slipped a hundred dollar bill into the waiter’s hand, winked at him and smiled. “We’ll be back. And even better? I’ll be sure to request you.”
The waiter looked down at the bill in his hand and stared at them as they left the dining room.
Just as a man at a nearby table was about to dig into his steak, Marvin grabbed the knife from the table. A loud, low growl issued from his throat. He lunged for Jenna and stabbed at her over and over, swiping air and howling like a dog banished from the pack. He didn’t notice the small tear that sliced the hem of her skirt when he lost his grip on the final swing and it winked back into view of the living.
Jenna glanced over her shoulder toward the floor behind her to see what must have bumped the back of her leg. Then she and Larry walked out the door, hand in hand.
In frustration, Marvin marched back to the table where the man waited for another steak knife, picked up the plate of food and hurled it across the dining room with a very loud “Son-of-a-bitch!”
“Shame! Shame on you! You gon’ give all us a bad rap, you keep that up,” said the old man who had appeared next to the reservation podium and shook a finger at Marvin.
“Screw you!” Marvin yelled and rushed out the door without looking at him.
-24-
Mike looked up from the section of the morning paper. “Hey, Tommy, listen to this.
“Pandemonium broke out last evening in Mr. C’s Italian Bistro and Steakhouse when, apparently, a man’s steak dinner flew across the room of its own accord and smashed against the wall.
‘I swear I didn’t touch the plate! In fact, I was waiting for a steak knife. Mine had disappeared. Right in front of my eyes!’ explained the customer who wished to remain anonymous.
The scene didn’t start there, though. Darlene Bartholomew, a frequent customer of the bar area, claimed to have witnessed a tumbler flicker from view just before ‘a bottle of Black Label scotch disappeared for a minute and showed right back up. But I could tell there was less in the bottle, a lot less. It kind of freaked me out.’ Another witness described seeing a steak knife drop out of thin air as a young couple walked out of the dining room.
It was like the place is haunted, or something,’ reported one employee, who insisted on not being identified.
The management refused to comment for this article, except to assure the public this kind of commotion has never happened in their establishment before. ‘We aren’t haunted, and it’s really a very quiet and safe place to dine.’
Mr. C’s is located on Bennett Street and has been a local favorite for over twenty years.”
Tommy shook his head when Mike finished reading the short article from the Dayton Daily News. “You know, dude? It’s assholes like that who give us all a bad name.”
“I know. What are they thinking?”
Tommy got up from the bed and stretched. “You want some coffee before we meet Marvin at Epstein’s? I can make a pot.”
“Nah, we better not. The maid is scheduled to come up here this morning to scatter the dust.”
“ ’K,” Tommy pulled on the jeans and shirt Davy had helped him pick out. “I suppose that means we should straighten up the beds.”
“I guess so. You do that and I’ll get rid of the paper and trash.” Mike got up, pulled the scattered sections of the Sunday paper into a single pile and carried it with him while he emptied the trash cans from the bathroom and kitchen of the penthouse suite, then walked through the door and out into the hall of the hotel.
“Jesus H, Mike. Why don’t you put some pants on before you go wandering around the neighborhood.”
Mike looked down the hallway toward the elevator. “Oh, hey, Brody! We were just cleaning up before we headed over to the deli to meet you. Go on in, I’ll be back up in a few minutes.”
“Tommy’s here, huh? He’s been staying here a lot lately.” Marv noted when they passed each other.
“Yeah, I guess so. I think he got tired of the old lady’s snoring.”
Marvin went through the door. He called out when he didn’t see Tommy. “Hey, hippie! Where are you?”
“Hiya, Marvin! In here, making up the beds so the maid doesn’t have a heart attack.”
Marv followed the sound of Tommy’s voice. “Does he walk around like that all the time?” Marvin asked, poking a thumb over his shoulder in the general direction of the hallway.
“Yeah. We both do actually. Why?”
“I’ve never seen either one of you walk around out there in the buff.”
Tommy started laughing. “He went to take the trash out in the nude? Man, that’s funny! But, then again,” he shrugged after he thought about it, “who’s gonna care? It’s not like any people will see him.”
Marvin shook his head. He didn’t think he’d ever understand it. Though he had to admit he slept butt naked. “What about other deadheads? We don’t count? Besides, isn’t it a little cold to be walking around like that?”
“It’s warm enough; it’s the end of April already.” Tommy scowled at him. “Geez, Marvin… Dude… Lighten up a little.”
“Lighten up… I don’t want to lighten up.”
“Okay, spill it. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“You know, you’re a very bad liar, dude.” Tommy walked out to the living area and through the kitchen to inspect everything. He didn’t care about it being spotless, he just didn’t want to leave obvious clues the suite had been used.
Marv followed him, the sour look on his face increased when Mike came back.
“What’s the matter, Brody? Everything okay?”
“Yeah. Fine. Jesus Christ, will you go put some pants on?”
“Yeah, yeah. I’m going, I’m going.” Mike tossed the comment over his shoul
der and walked into the bedroom. “What’s your hurry? Are you that hungry?”
“It embarrasses him, Mike,” Tommy hollered to him.
“It does not embarrass me. It’s just –”
“Oh, for God’s sake, Marv,” Mike yelled back, “it’s not like we didn’t see each other when we were kids in college.”
“Mike, in case you hadn’t noticed, we’re not kids. And we’re not in college anymore.”
“Marvin, in case you hadn’t noticed, we really aren’t in anything anymore.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Dude, I think what Mike is trying to say is, we aren’t over there. We aren’t kids, students, doctors, or,” Tommy pointed to Marvin, “advertising agents anymore.”
“Then you tell me: what exactly are we?”
“Entities in a parallel world. Plainly put, Brody, we’re ghosts.” Mike pulled his polo shirt over his head on his way back out of the bedroom, which effectively ended the conversation.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Mike aped Marvin’s sour tone and studied him for a minute. “Okay, come on, Brody. Why are you upset? What’s got your panties in a bunch?”
“Nothing!”
“I call bullshit.”
The phrase made Marvin look up and smile. He remembered how his group of college buddies would call each other out when they suspected someone was lying. “Ahhh. It’s nothin’. Nothing I can’t get past. Really.”
Tommy came up to him and looked him in the eyes with mock sympathy. “There, there,” Tommy told him and patted his shoulders, “it’ll be all right. Come on, son, you can tell me. Tell your Uncle Tommy all about it.”
Marvin laughed. He could always count on these two jokers to bring him out of a funk. “Come on, let’s go! I’m hungry for one of your famous omelets. I’ll tell you both all about it when we get there, but —”
“But what?” Mike asked, slipping his shoes on.
“Only if Tommy doesn’t open for everyone this morning.”
“Why, dude?”
“Because you schmucks’re going to laugh at me again,” Marvin said, though he knew they could just as well get really pissed off over the situation.
[Marvin's] World of Deadheads Page 11