“Where?” I laugh. “Omaha?”
“There are clubs! I’ve heard!” she cries, but then she laughs, too.
“Oh, look, Ryan’s finally here.”
I’ve been watching at the front window of Maddie’s living room for Ryan’s car, and as it pulls up I notice someone in the passenger seat.
“Mom, we’re leaving!” Maddie shouts.
“No, you’re not!” Mrs. Costello comes striding out from the kitchen, her shiny flats tapping briskly on the marble floor. “I need photos.”
Maddie groans. “Please don’t put this on Facebook.”
Mrs. Costello ignores her, waving us toward the staircase and hurrying to open the door before Ryan even rings the bell. “Come in, come in!” she trills, and Maddie and I watch as Ryan and Gabe Richmond step into the entry, looking a little nervous in dark suits. “Oh, good, I thought you girls didn’t have dates, but look at this!”
Ryan isn’t quite making eye contact with any of us. I turn to see Maddie’s face, wondering if this is some kind of weird surprise she arranged with Ryan, but she’s obviously as confused as I am. Gabe stands near me and smiles, not saying a word as Mrs. Costello arranges us next to the banister and takes a flurry of pictures with her phone. He and Ryan are wearing matching corsages.
Oh.
Oh!
At last we’re outside, Maddie and I skittering in our heels, hurrying to the car because it’s freezing and we didn’t want to wear coats. Behind us I can hear Ryan and Gabe whispering to each other.
“Ryan! Unlock the doors!” Maddie yelps, jumping in place next to the car.
When there’s no answer—and no chunk of the locks being released—she and I turn to look back at the boys.
Ryan stands close to Gabe, his head down. Gabe is saying something we can’t hear and seems to be trying to get Ryan to lift his gaze. He sees us watching and says something else. And then Ryan squares his shoulders.
And takes Gabe’s hand.
Beside me, Maddie makes a little gasping sound. So she didn’t already know—Ryan’s been keeping this secret from everyone. I feel even happier.
The guys walk up to us, and Gabe is grinning from ear to ear, but Ryan still seems worried. His eyes flit from me to Maddie and back, uncertain.
“Are you ready to go?” Gabe asks. He’s looking at us, but I’m pretty sure the question is for Ryan.
Out of the corner of my eye I see Maddie nodding, and I realize I’m waiting for her to say something. For her to say the right thing. Here we are, finally—Ryan is on a real date with a guy, it seems, and he’s sharing it with us. Or trying to. Gabe has to be the boy I saw Ryan kissing at halftime, the football player who’s about his height and now, I see, looks incredibly proud to be holding Ryan’s hand. As he should be.
Maddie still isn’t saying anything, so I finally jump in.
“You guys look really nice together,” I say, and on impulse I step forward and kiss Ryan and then Gabe on the cheek.
“That’s what I keep saying,” Gabe says with a pointed look at Ryan. “This one thinks we’re going to shock people.”
I check Maddie, who, it should be noted, does look a tiny bit shocked. But she’s smiling, too, and then kissing the boys’ cheeks, and giving Ryan a hug. “I had no idea!” she breathes. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Not everyone was ready,” Gabe says, swinging Ryan’s hand back and forth a few times. “And some of us have had to be very patient.”
Ryan’s expression relaxes the tiniest amount as he rolls his eyes. “I still think coming out at the big dance is a total cliché.”
“I don’t think people will be as surprised as you’d expect,” Gabe says. “Besides, it seems much more modern to have a Homecoming Out party. Right?” He looks at Maddie and me, still grinning. “Get it?”
It takes me a second, but then I giggle. “Ryan, your boyfriend is a huge dork.”
“And your best friends are freezing,” Maddie adds.
“Oh my God, you guys are all the worst,” Ryan says, finally pulling the car keys out of his pocket and unlocking his old SUV. Maddie immediately yanks open the back door and climbs in, and Gabe trots around the front to take the passenger seat.
Ryan doesn’t move, though, so I step closer again and fiddle with the rosebud on his lapel.
“This is really great,” I say softly.
“Yeah. So why am I so scared?”
I shrug, fiddling the delicate spray of baby’s breath, the soft green leaf, the cold metal pin. “People are scary sometimes.” I look up, into his eyes. “I’ll have your back if you have mine.”
“Great, now I’m on a clichéd reality show.”
“Well, I got real dressed up. Might as well put on a show!”
Ryan groans and pushes me away with one hand as I cackle. “Oh my God. I’ll do whatever you want, just stop.”
I’m still laughing as we climb into the warm car. Gabe has the radio on, and Maddie is nervously touching the ends of her hair, and for a second I feel genuinely nervous. For me, for all of us. But then Gabe pats Ryan on the shoulder, and Maddie gives me an encouraging smile, and I figure, what the hell. We’ve all been through way worse than a crappy school dance.
27
“WELL, THIS IS disappointing.”
Maddie swats Ryan’s arm. “I told you guys, we gave most of the budget to the storm relief fund! It’s really hard to decorate a whole gym with dollar-store stuff!”
Ryan gives her a look like she just grew a second head. “Not the décor, you weirdo. The lack of a, you know. Reaction.”
We all pause to look around, and Gabe’s expression is noticeably triumphant. It’s true, no one has so much as given the guys a double take since they walked into school holding hands, stopped at the professional photographer for a portrait, and now stand at the gym doors waiting to hand over their tickets.
“We’re a more empathetic generation,” Maddie says, sounding wise.
“That’s right,” Gabe agrees. “Because of Harry Potter.”
Ryan shakes his head and Gabe laughs.
“Really! It’s science! Kids who grow up reading Harry Potter are more empathetic.”
“He’s right,” Maddie says. “I read that study.”
“Well, then, thank you, Harry Potter.” Ryan catches my eye, and we stick our tongues out at each other at the same time.
As soon as we’re inside, Ryan nabs a table, and the four of us stand around it, not sure what to do next.
Suddenly everyone’s attention shifts back toward the doors.
Olivia is walking in, wearing a powder blue tuxedo. It’s tiny—I wonder if she got it in the boys’ department or something—and fits her perfectly. It also looks amazing with her long blond hair curling softly over her shoulders.
But what everyone’s really staring at is the guy she’s with.
“Come on,” Ryan mutters.
“She is completely stealing the show here,” Gabe agrees, but he’s laughing as he says it. I never noticed how cheerful Gabe is—or maybe that’s just when he’s with Ryan.
“She did get the lead in the show,” Ryan grumbles. “Drama queen.”
Olivia’s date has the highest pompadour I’ve ever seen in real life. He’s super thin, like a rock star, and his extremely slim-fitting tux is bright purple.
“Who even is that?” Maddie says, sounding as impressed as I’m feeling.
I don’t answer her, though, because just then I notice Cory near the refreshment table. Annabelle is tottering after him but looking over her shoulder at the same time. My stomach goes cold.
When I turn back to our table, I realize Olivia and the mystery hipster are headed our way. Olivia gives Maddie a hug, then nods at Ryan and Gabe in a very approving way. When she catches my eye, I smile. It seems to surprise her, which is kind of satisfying.
“Hi,” Maddie says to Olivia’s date. “I like your hair.”
“Thanks,” he says.
“This is Tristan,” O
livia says. Tristan nods at us in an incredibly cool way.
“I’m sorry, you guys; I have to go do committee stuff,” Maddie says, making a face. “I’ll be right back, though! Have some punch! Before some idiot spikes it!”
She hurries off and there I am, dateless. Not that anyone’s paying any attention to me.
I concentrate on not looking over at Cory. I’ve been able to ignore him completely at school, so why does this feel different? I just wish he wasn’t here. I wish I could be all-the-way happy—happy that Ryan is finally smiling, happy that some people, at least, got to bring the date they really wanted.
Under the table, I send another text to Alex. He hasn’t been writing back tonight, but I’ve sent photos of my dress and a few messages just so he knows I’m thinking about him. And that I’m not mad that he couldn’t come—but also still hoping he’ll be back for Winter Formal.
“Gross, Annabelle really came with Callahan?”
It takes me a second to realize that Olivia’s talking to me. “Yeah, I guess.” We both look over at the dance floor, where Annabelle has found more cheerleaders to dance with. Cory’s off to the side with Marcus and some other seniors from the team.
“I told her not to.”
Olivia and I look at each other with something like an understanding.
Then the moment passes and she turns to Gabe. “Isn’t this going to make life kind of hard for you?”
He shrugs. “A lot of the team already knows. It was a lot harder pretending I wanted to talk about boobs, honestly.”
Ryan snorts. “Oh, come on. Everyone likes boobs.”
Everyone laughs and then Ryan drags me onto the dance floor. After two fast songs, Gabe taps me out. Olivia and Tristan try to dance with me, but it’s awkward, so I go to find Maddie at the food table.
She’s not there, but someone walks up behind me.
“Nice dress,” Cory says.
I’m shaking a little before I even turn, but I manage to take a step back and hold my head up like I’m not bothered.
“I don’t want to talk to you,” I say, but my voice is barely audible over the music.
“You wanna go somewhere?” he asks, closing the space I’ve made between us. Looming over me.
The paper plate I’m holding drops to the table as I flinch. It’s not that tonight is worse than seeing Cory during the day at school—it’s that Cory is worse. I could feel it all the way across the room. He must be feeling all-powerful, after winning last night’s game and having yet another girl to pick up where Maddie and I left off.
I’ve been thinking about Cory so much, or trying to not think about him, and now that we’re actually breathing the same air, standing too close, my head spins.
“Come on,” he says, starting to reach for me.
“You seem to have a problem with people telling you no,” I say. I don’t even know where the words come from, but I’m kind of proud of them. My stomach feels a little firmer as his face twists in confusion.
“But you don’t say no, Rosie.”
See, I told you so, the voice in my head hisses.
“But I’m saying it now.” Everything is wavering. My voice, my vision. And he’s just smiling at me—why is he smiling at me?
“Why, because of Annabelle? That’s no big deal, she’s totally—”
“No, Cory, okay? Is that loud enough for you? NO!”
I’m pretty sure everyone in the gym turns to stare at us, but I’m too focused on Cory’s shitty smirk to care.
“Jesus, Fuller, what’s your problem? You used to be cool.”
I can feel, more than see, Maddie’s milky-white dress hurrying across the room toward us. The music is still blaring, bass pounding through my rib cage, batting my head around like a balloon.
I keep my eyes on Cory’s. I can see what he sees. A girl who drinks, who wears short skirts. Who gets dressed up so that people will look at her, think she’s pretty. A girl everyone does think is pretty. A girl who likes attention and dark rooms and boys and parties and dumb, flirty conversation.
It’s my fault he sees me like that—I am like that.
But it’s not my fault he doesn’t see that I’m a person, too.
Maybe, in that split second, I think about all the people picking up after the storm and moving on, my sister helping in the small ways she can. Maybe I think about Ryan and Gabe, Olivia and her tuxedo, being themselves even if it’s scary, or even if it’s not that big a deal. Maybe I think about Maddie and how she’s still coming, just outside my peripheral vision, ready to say the thing that will make Cory shrink or apologize or simply go away. Maybe I think about Alex and how sometimes what looks like bravery is just bad timing, but brave nonetheless.
But honestly I don’t really think of anything at all. I just reach out, grab a cup of punch from the refreshment table, and throw it in Cory’s face. There’s a satisfying splash of red, followed by an even better sputtering noise from his stupid mouth.
And then I walk away.
And it’s okay that I’m shaking, that I might fall down at any moment, because before I’m at the doors of the gym Maddie is there holding me up, helping me out into the hallway where it’s quiet and cool and no one can see me burst into tears.
“It’s a little creepy how your mascara still looks good.”
I lean closer to the mirror in the girls’ locker room. “They’re pretty serious when they say waterproof,” I say.
Maddie has a tiny brush that she’s gently running through my hair. I don’t know how long we’ve been hiding in here, but I’m starting to feel normal again, and the crying stopped long enough ago that I’m breathing evenly, which is nice.
“I still can’t believe you did that,” she says. On the counter, our phones both buzz with new messages. Ryan’s been checking in on us every five seconds, but Maddie says he needs to wait. “It was badass.”
I bite my lip. “It did feel pretty good.”
She meets my eyes in the mirror again. “Listen, I was going to tell you this sooner, but . . .”
“No. I don’t want any more surprises tonight. Even good ones.”
“Yeah, I know. But I think you might like this one.”
Putting down the brush, Maddie grabs her phone and taps through her texts. Then she holds the screen where I can see it.
“Why is Alex texting . . .” I stop when I see the message.
“He wanted to surprise you, and then he was running late. But he just got here a few minutes ago.”
A hundred different feelings crash through me. Just when I thought I’d had all the feelings I could have tonight.
“Oh,” I manage to say.
“I mean, normally I’d tell him to leave you alone, but he did say you invited him. Did you? Invite him?”
I nod. I guess I never told Maddie that, either.
“He can’t get in without the ticket.”
I laugh, but not because it’s funny. “I left it at home.” I lean all the way over, letting my hair fall, brushing the tops of my feet through my strappy sandals. “Maddie?” I say, my voice all weird from being upside down.
“Yeah?”
“Would you be mad if I left?”
“God, no. I’d leave, too, if I could.”
“I love you, Maddie.” I’m still dangling. It feels nice to be dizzy on purpose. It’s sort of balancing out all the other dizziness in my head right now.
“I love you, too, but you’re going to tip over.” She finds my hand through my hair and helps me stand back up.
“You take good care of me.”
“I don’t know, Rosie. I think you did a pretty good job taking care of yourself tonight.”
I let her lead me out of the bathroom and back to the front doors of school, where I give her a hug and wish her luck in the crowning ceremony I’m going to miss. I text Ryan a dozen sorrys.
Then I walk out into the cold, dark night, and at the end of the sidewalk that leads up to school I see a parked car with a guy leaning ag
ainst it. He looks like a movie star.
“Sorry I didn’t call,” Alex starts to say, but I’m already kissing him. And he kisses me, his hands warm and careful on my back.
After a long time, or long enough, at least, I pull my face back far enough to say, “Sorry I don’t have your ticket.”
“I’m a bad dancer, anyway.”
“That can’t be true.”
He shrugs one shoulder, lifting my arm up with it. “You can judge for yourself at the next one.”
“The next—dance?”
He nods, his mouth pinched with a secret smile.
“So you’re really back?”
“For the rest of the year. And then my mom wants to revisit the issue. What do you think—do you mind having me around for that long?”
Instead of answering, I kiss him again.
“Good,” he says against my lips.
When we finally get in the car, Alex says he has a surprise. He starts driving and I dig around in the backseat, finding his new Midcity letter jacket and putting it on. He gives me a funny look.
“What? Am I not allowed to wear it?”
“No, I just—I never noticed how beautiful you are.” He’s quiet for a long minute, watching the road, then shakes his head. “I’m kidding. Obviously you’re gorgeous.”
“I’m other things, too.”
He reaches over, takes my hand, and doesn’t let go.
When he pulls onto the familiar dirt road, I smile. We have a spot.
“Um, Alex, it’s freezing.”
“It’s not that cold. It’s still October.”
“No, it’s literally freezing—look, your car knows. It says thirty-two, which according to my shitty level of high school science is actual freezing.”
“Wow, you’re whiny in the cold. Is this what I have to look forward to all winter?”
Despite everything, the inside of my body goes instantly warm. All winter.
He turns off the car and opens his door. A blast of freezing air rushes in, making me gasp.
“Seriously, why don’t we just go to Village Inn or something?”
Alex laughs and climbs out, slamming the door. Then he’s opening the trunk and disappearing from view.
I sit in the warm car, rubbing my hands together, until I hear the trunk slam. Then I watch as Alex makes his way over to the ladder on the side of his dad’s shed-barn and turns back, waving to me in the glow of the headlights.
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