The More I See

by Mondello, Lisa

  He didn't have to see the scowl on Isadore's face or the fist planted firmly on her aproned hip to know that was the picture in front of him now.

  "You be polite to her. Ms. McElhannon seems like a very nice young girl."

  "I'll be my usual charming self."

  "Hmm, that's what I'm afraid of."

  He fought the smile that pulled at his cheeks as he felt along the wall of the kitchen and down the hallway.

  He had a good idea where Beau was at, but the arena was not a place he wanted to be right now. Not when his nerves were frazzled as if he'd been running a caffeine IV into his veins all day.

  Twelve steps. He pushed through the front door. Three steps. He gripped the rail and eased himself down to the walkway. This was his ranch. He knew every inch of it, had committed it to memory long ago and could call up any image at will. He didn't need a stupid dog to help him get around.

  The walkway led to the gravel driveway and beyond that, the field of high grass. He could almost see the tall blades bending against the light breeze, creating a ripple of green and gold in the sun. In the distance, he could hear a tractor, most likely mowing and scoring the piles of clippings to bake in the sun before being tied into bales.

  Cody walked toward the sound, slowly, deliberately, noting the sudden change beneath his boots as he moved from gravel to grass.

  "Where are you heading?" Beau called out from his left. His brother was still a good distance away.

  "For a walk. You got a problem with that?"

  "No, but you might when you end up in the pond you're heading towards."

  Cody groaned as heat crept up his neck and seared his cheeks. "At least by then I'll know what direction I'm heading in."

  "That's for sure. Do you—"

  Beau was about to ask him if he needed anything. A simple question, Cody knew. He just hated hearing it from his big brother.

  New wife, new baby, Beau seemed to have it all. And now he was here working Cody's horses and filling his size 12 boots with ease.

  Cody supposed he should feel grateful. Although they never seemed to see eye to eye on just about anything, he trusted Beau like no one else. And yeah, his love for his brother ran deeper than the earth he was standing on, despite the bad feelings that had worked their way between them over the years. That was never going to change.

  But right now, Beau's very presence on the ranch nagged at Cody like an annoying insect.

  He didn't want Beau's help. Didn't want anyone's help. He wanted to be able to get up in the morning and work like he'd done his whole life.

  He couldn't see how his hands had changed over these last eight months, but he knew they had. He could feel it. The calluses, buried deep in every inch of his palms, had been there his whole life. A working man's hands. Now they'd grown soft from a lack of the physical labor that had dug those marks in deep. He fisted his hand and squeezed, trying to feel what was no longer there.

  In the distance, Cody could hear an unfamiliar dog barking and the musical laugh of a woman. Not just any woman. Alyssandra Orchid McElfen or whatever.

  The woman had a mouthful of a name to go with that sharp-edged attitude.

  Still, as much as Cody wanted her gone, he couldn't help but wonder what the woman was like. How that sass in her voice translated to the way she walked or her looks. When she was angry, did she stand rigid, balling her fists at her hips?

  Unlike the softness his hands had developed, a woman's touch was a softness he'd missed sorely these past months. And for all the steam Lyssa had spewed at him by the pool, Cody found himself wondering about the woman whose carefree laughter was floating to him from the distance.

  There hadn't been an ounce of pity in Lyssa's voice, which to Cody was a welcome relief.

  If he heard one more worried syllable asking how he was getting along, he didn't think he could stand it.

  He sighed as he sat on a section of freshly mowed grass and absentmindedly sifted through the stray clippings that were now baked bone-dry from the hot sun. It didn't matter what Lyssa and his father had cooked up for him. He didn't need a dog.

  And he didn't want anyone's pity because his life was now dug deep in a hole. In a matter of weeks his eyes should be healed enough to try for another transplant. Despite what his old man thought, Cody hadn't given up. He was dealing with what life dealt him. His own way.

  Lyssa was right about one thing, he realized as he sat there in the hot sun. Something as simple as walking across the yard, the same yard that had been his playground as a child, had become a dangerous affair.

  Early on, when Cody had refused to believe the doctor's assessment that his eyes were shot, Cody had surged on. He was a worker from the cradle. Hands in dirt, feet in muck, and he didn't care. Nothing was ever going to keep him down, never mind a simple chemical accident.

  It was just stupid drain cleaner that had landed him where he was. It wasn't as if the ranch hadn't had other young hands that were wet behind the ears and stupid in the ways of basic safety. It had been sheer bad luck that had him in the crossfire when the chemical cocktail the impatient ranch hand had mixed exploded. It was also Cody's fast action that had prevented that young hand from getting killed.

  Tossing a handful of blades to the ground, he chuckled wryly at the irony. At one time Isadore had said he had eyes like a hawk, seeing every little detail that happened on this ranch no matter where he was standing. Every acre was etched in his memory. He knew every swell of green pasture, every upturned stone that built the natural fences along the property, as if Mother Nature herself had laid them that way on purpose. He closed his eyes and imagined it as it had been the last time he'd sat by the pond and looked out at the ranch he knew so well.

  The Silverado Ranch had always been his home, and his childhood memories, plentiful and lush, only dug his roots in deeper, and made the love for this land that much stronger. It was lost to him now. But the memories were there.

  They'd been a trio as kids, him, Beau and Jackson, running through the fields when their old man had relieved them of their daily chores. Brock was too young to keep up with them, the gap in years too wide from the older three boys. Too young to share in the trouble young boys usually met up with when exploring. And they hadn't really wanted him tagging along. Not then, anyway.

  It was one of Cody's deepest regrets now. In times of crisis, he could count on his brothers. But the space in age between Brock and the rest of the Gentry boys had left the youngest boy on his own more times than not.

  In the beginning, it was always the three of them, tamping down hay fields, running tracks in the high grass as they played cowboys and Indians. It had been a daily event, dashing through the vast playground that was theirs. Something as simple as finding the skeleton of a cow was like the biggest archeological find to three young boys out on an exploration. Bringing that find home to show their dad had their chests puffed out with pride.

  Back then, their dad was just their dad. A cowboy from the cradle like his old man, and his before him. He used to say the land owned him, not the other way around.

  But that had changed when Hank Promise moved in and bought the property now known as the Double T Ranch. The father Cody had known and loved had changed. And it had changed them all. Nothing ever felt the same again.

  But what used to be was now all stored in his mind in a vivid spectrum of color. Now all he saw when he opened his eyes was a cold blackness.

  The dog was getting closer, Cody realized with uneasiness. The prance of running paws on the ground grew louder and louder still until he could hear the dog panting. What was the dog's name again?

  Before he could gather himself up and stand, the dog was by his side, licking his face.

  "Knock it off," he groused, pushing the dog away with one hand while trying to stand.

  Despite his attempt to keep it back, a smile tugged at his lips.

  "Otis, heel," Lyssa commanded, still from a comfortable distance. That little bit of time allowed Co
dy to stand up on his own without having to deal with the awkwardness of declining help.

  The dog was still by his side, panting.

  "Your name is Otis, huh?" He reached out and immediately the dog nuzzled his face to Cody's palm, allowing him to scratch behind his ears. He bent his head to get closer to the dog and whispered, "Don't get too used to this. I'm really a mean old bugger," he said with a slight chuckle.

  Otis barked and Cody laughed.

  In truth, he'd always loved dogs, all animals really. Something about what this dog represented gnawed at him though. It wasn't the dog's fault.

  "Score one for Otis. You two look like best buddies already."

  He heard the smile of satisfaction in Lyssa's voice and he snatched his hand away.

  "Don't you keep your dog on a leash?"

  She was out of breath, Cody realized, as if she'd run a mile. And with that image, he pictured the rise and fall of her chest as she took in air.

  It wasn't good for him to think about Alyssandra McElfen, or whatever her name was, as a woman. The scent of her drifted to him on a slight gust of wind. A hint of vanilla mixed in with the sun-baked grass and dirt and gave Cody a heady feeling he wanted to shake off.

  "Actually, I only keep him on his leash when he's in training, so he knows he's working.

  When he can

  roam free and exercise I let him. He's a working dog, but he's still a dog."

  Otis was back for more affection and Cody obliged before he could think otherwise.

  "He's tall. What breed is he?"

  "German Shepherd. Most guide dogs are retrievers because their temperament is good and consistent. But we use shepherds, too. He's beautiful, not just his color and stand, but his personality. He's such a sweet thing."

  "Now where have I heard that before?"

  She chuckled and Cody had the amazing image of Lyssa's nose crinkling just slightly, the mental image of it making his head swim. He wondered how true that was.

  "Don't let him scare you off," Beau called out. This time the sound of his voice was closer than it had been before he'd sat down. Terrific. Now he had to deal with his brother too.

  "She's the one that brought the beast," Cody said sarcastically.

  "I was talking about you and you know it." He could tell Beau had turned toward Lyssa by the change in his voice.

  "Cody's been an ornery old goat since the day he was born. Never forgave Doc Masterson for swatting his behind. But we keep him around for laughs."

  "At least I'm not ugly."

  "Says you," Beau shot back.

  "Did you have anything to do with this?"

  "Lyssa? Hell no, that was all Dad's doing, but I'm glad he did. It'll be nice having some female company on the ranch again."

  The smile in Beau's voice was like fingernails to a chalkboard.

  "Mandy ought to appreciate that."

  "Mandy is the one who introduced us. She picked Lyssa up from the airport."

  "Your wife is very nice," she said, the smile in her voice so obvious that it had Cody gritting his teeth. She hadn't talked to him that way.

  "Great, so everyone knows everyone now. Everyone likes everyone. Now I can leave."

  Beau's sigh was more of a grunt. "Well, if it were my choice I'd haul you out to the back of the barn and beat you with a board like an old rug just for your rudeness. We were raised better than to treat our guest with so little hospitality."

  "I learned from you."

  "Hey, you were still getting your dirty diaper changed when I was standing up by the—"

  "Enough already!"

  No one answered and Cody took the few seconds of silence to calm himself.

  "Sorry about that, ma'am," Beau finally said, quietly.

  "Lyssa," she corrected, her voice soft and sweet as summer rain. It irked Cody to no end how the smoothness of her voice changed when talking to Beau. With him, she'd been sharp, her voice holding little of the warmth he heard now.

  He supposed he deserved it. No, he had deserved it. He'd been a horse's behind earlier.

  Had he been this ill-mannered with company as a child he probably would have been hauled out behind the barn for a whippin' by his old man.

  Cody turned to leave, and a wave of panic smacked him square in the chest. His head began to swim when he realized he had nothing to hold on to, nothing to ground him but the vast earth beneath his feet. Somehow in the commotion of the dog, the conversation, he'd gotten himself turned around and now had no idea which direction to take back to the house.

  He hated it. Hated the helplessness consuming him. Hated even more that now he was forced to swallow a baseball-sized lump of pride and ask for help.

  "I need to finish up with Sweet Sassy's Smile before I can get back to the Double T.

  Maybe you can talk this old bag into showing you around, Lyssa. It was nice meeting you."

  "Likewise."

  To Cody, Beau said, "Sassy's coming along real nice. You ought to think about coming out to see her. I can't imagine why but I think she misses you."

  Cody's heart squeezed. Sweet Sassy's Smile, his four-year-old cutting horse, was his pride and joy. For two years he'd been training her every day. That is, until the accident. He'd never felt more connected to any living creature as he did when he was riding her, whether in the arena or out in the fields. It had been a long time. Too long. It hurt too much.

  "You think about it." Cody could hear Beau's wide strides move along the grass, then hit the dry dirt as he walked away.

  A cold ache settled inside him. He shouldn't be at war with his brother. The things they'd argued about as kids didn't matter now, and maybe they never had. But to hear Beau talking about Sassy, knowing he was enjoying the very thing that had driven Cody his whole life, tore into his soul.

  Now Beau was gone and he was alone with Lyssa, the savior his father brought to the ranch to exorcise the demons from his son's soul. Or at least get him a little further than from the house to the pool.

  A gust of breeze kicked up some dust and blew it his way. He had no choice, Cody

  realized. Asking Lyssa for help now would be like saying yes to this ridiculous plan they all had to bring him out into the world again.

  Just get it over with, he told himself sharply. He could lock himself in his room later if he wanted. Until then he could handle this much humiliation.

  Before he could push the words past the prideful lump in his throat, Lyssa said, "I need to unpack my things and put out a bowl of water for Otis. If you don't mind, I would appreciate you showing me to my room."

  He would have sighed with relief if he didn't catch himself. "Showing" Lyssa to her room would be easy as long as he kept up conversation and followed her to the house.

  Maybe she knew that or sensed his panic. If his father had hired her, she must have been working with the blind for some time and knew he was standing there practically wetting his pants with fear. She was a smart woman for handling him when he didn't want to be handled at all and for that, a smile crept up inside him.

  "After you," he said smoothly. And thank God, he couldn't see her smug smile.

  #

  Chapter Two

  Not again.

  Lyssa groaned as she let the sheer curtains float back into place, unable to stand seeing Cody stretched out on that lawn chair by the pool one more second.

  It was common for people to sink into depression after losing some function of their life, but for Cody Gentry, that had been allowed to go on far too long.

  To start as a team, both Cody and Otis needed to be willing. Cody hadn't gotten there yet.

  Not by a long shot.

  In the three long days since she'd arrived at the ranch, Lyssa had seen Cody very little except for his daily jaunt out to the pool. He kept to himself in his room mostly. Any coaxing on her part only made him withdraw deeper.

  From what Beau had told him, Cody had become a bit unreachable. The stubbornness and determination that had made him a hardworkin
g man his whole life was now the demon that chained him down.

  He didn't want to move on. His whole life hinged on the success of future surgery. Until then, he was in limbo.

  Lyssa had to change all that. Having Mike Gentry away for the next month didn't help either. The owner and patriarch of the Silverado Ranch had left her stranded with no direction to reach the very person he'd hired her to teach. Moreover, he'd lied about Cody's willingness to participate. And then he'd left Lyssa to deal with that lie on her own.

  Well, she'd deal with it all right, with some strong words to Mike Gentry as soon as she could reach him.

  She slipped the leash on Otis and stroked him behind the ears the way she knew he liked it. If circumstances were different, she would have packed her bags that first day and taken Otis with her. She was certainly free to leave, but because of the agreement made between Mike Gentry and the school Otis was not.

  Most of the guide dogs Lyssa trained were owned by the school, and the school continued to hold ownership even when they were placed with a handler. When a blind person no longer needed the services of their guide dog, the dog was returned to the school and placed with another handler. Extensive training went into each dog and their ability to act as guide to their handler was too invaluable to waste.

  However, there were cases where a handler chose to retain ownership of a dog, which, on Mike Gentry's insistence, was the case with Otis. If Lyssa left the ranch now, she would have to leave Otis behind. All his skills, all his training would be wasted on a man who wanted nothing to do with him.

  That simply wasn't an option for Lyssa.

  It wasn't going to be easy for Cody. It never was when you had to try to redefine yourself.

  Yeah, she'd gone through that herself when she'd regained her eyesight. What to do? So many things were now open to her when she could finally see the world in front of her face.

  Kim had just graduated high school and was ready to go off to college when Lyssa

  finished college and started training at the school as an apprentice. Her younger sister had been her best friend. She had other friends, sure, but there was no one like her sister. And soon after she'd finally been able to see her sister's bright smile, she'd left for college.