Alice tried to smile along with the others, but her mind was whirring. Would her mum even let her join the pony club if Angus was going to teach? Alice thought back to the scrapbook and her mum’s bitter words blaming Angus for Blue’s injury. Was Alice’s new dream over before it had even started?
As soon as the show was over, Alice slipped off quietly from Hannah and the rest of the group. After seeing Finn in the show, she just wanted to chat to him. Taking a deep breath, she walked round to the Flying Fillies’ lorry. Finn and Sasha were rugging their horses up, the atmosphere cheerful. Alice hugged her coat round her as she approached, just as Finn turned and gave a start. For a second, as their eyes met, Alice felt a spark before Finn smiled.
“Hey, Alice.”
“Hey,” Alice mumbled. Finn looked different. Happier, more relaxed. Maybe Hannah was right, maybe he was cheerful. Or maybe he was just cheerful with Hannah. She shook the thought from her mind.
“Are you involved with the pony club at last?” Finn asked, and Alice nodded. “How is my favourite red pony?”
Alice didn’t know quite what to say, even though she had plenty she wanted to say. After a summer of seeing each other all the time, Finn had basically walked out of her life, and she wanted to know why.
Seeming to sense her mood, Finn turned to Sasha. “Sash, can you look after things here for a minute? I want to catch up with Alice.”
“Course. Hi, Alice!” The older girl gave Alice a friendly smile and she waved shyly back. She was still slightly in awe of the effortlessly glamorous Sasha.
Turning to Alice, Finn pointed towards a stable block to the left of the arena. “Come on, let’s get out of the cold.”
Alice tried not to think about the fact that Finn knew his way around already, but it was a relief to get out of the biting wind. Sitting on a hay bale, Finn gestured for Alice to do the same. She sat down cautiously. Finn seemed so … grown up.
“So,” she began, just as Finn started to talk. They both laughed a little awkwardly.
Finn smiled. “Go on.”
“I just wondered what’s going on,” Alice blurted out. “You seemed to enjoy working with Mum. I thought you’d be at the Horse of the Year Show after everything…” And what about me! she added in her head.
“I knew you’d be OK. You ride the ponies brilliantly,” Finn said. “Dad really needed my help in Spain. And anyway—” he paused —“I didn’t think your mum really wanted me around any more.”
“How could you know that?” Alice cried, ignoring Finn’s compliment and feeling anger rise up inside her. “You didn’t even bother to get in touch. You said you’d text me… You said you wanted to see how I did with Secret…” She hadn’t meant for it all to come out in a big rush.
“I am sorry,” Finn said. “I just had all kinds of stuff going on, like with my dad coming back and the new pony. She’s taken up loads of time.”
Alice took a deep breath, trying to see things from Finn’s point of view. “Tell me more about the new pony,” she said after a pause.
Finn’s face lit up. “She’s amazing,” he said. “She’s come so far in such a short space of time. I’m getting there, slowly.”
As he spoke, lost in his own world, Alice felt her tummy flutter at the deep connection Finn had with horses.
“Dad was the one who rescued her, but she seems to prefer me,” Finn continued. “So she’s my special project. Our horses are on holiday from now until spring, so I can spend lots of time with her.”
“I’d love to meet her,” Alice said sincerely.
Finn smiled. “I’d like that.”
Sitting there with Finn, Alice forgot all about Hannah’s comments and the months that had passed. It was just her and Finn again, like it used to be.
“Are you still going to ride for my mum?” Alice asked, mentally crossing her fingers.
“Well,” Finn said. “Samantha has asked me to ride Archie again. If your mum’s here now, I can ask her if she thinks that might work out.”
Jumping up, Finn reached down to pull Alice up, her freezing cold hand in his. His hands were equally cold, but Alice’s seemed to burn in Finn’s grasp. They both quickly dropped their hands to their sides.
As they crossed the yard Alice thought back to the last time her mum had spoken to Finn, at Samantha’s party when Angus had returned. Remembering her mum’s scrapbook entry, she tried to connect the Angus her mum had written about, who had played a part in Blue’s catastrophic injury, to the man who had gone back to Spain to rescue a pony.
As Finn opened the doors, Alice was aware that Hannah was staring intently at them both.
Her mum gave a start of surprise as she spotted Finn. “Hello, Finn,” Josephine said with a thin smile. “Sounds like it was a great show.”
“Thanks.”
There was an awkward silence as Josephine waited for Finn to continue.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t able to ride at the Horse of the Year Show,” Finn said sincerely. “It’s just that with everything going on…”
“It was disappointing,” Alice’s mum said briskly.
“I would’ve loved to have ridden,” Finn continued, stumbling a little on his words, “but Dad needed my help.”
“Of course. Angus needed you.” Alice’s mum frowned and she shook her head. “I can’t believe I never realised you were his son,” she said. “You look so much like him.”
“If you had realised who my dad was, you’d never have given me a chance,” Finn said quietly.
Josephine sighed. “You’re right,” she said. “It was a shock seeing him after all these years. When I knew him he lived up north. I never expected to see him again…” Josephine looked as though she was going to say something else, and then stopped herself. “Well, as you know, Samantha has asked if you can be Archie’s main rider this season. He’s not coming back for a few weeks, so shall we discuss a schedule nearer the time?”
“I’d like that,” Finn said.
Josephine nodded. “Excellent. And will your father be happy with this arrangement?”
Finn shrugged. “As long as I’ve got time for everything else: the displays and the mare’s rehab.”
“And will you let me know if your father decides to whisk you away somewhere just before an important show?” Josephine said, her voice bitter again.
“He’s here to stay,” Finn said, looking at Alice. “What with the Flying Fillies and the new pony and everything.”
“And my new teaching job.”
Angus had appeared behind his son. His eyes and hair were as dark as Finn’s. Immediately the atmosphere shifted: tension crackling in the air.
Josephine folded her arms. “Teaching where?” she snapped as Alice held her breath.
“Here,” Angus said calmly. “I’ll be running the showjumping lessons.”
Josephine’s mouth dropped open.
“It’ll be nice to see you back at a showjumping arena, Josie, if Alice comes along,” Angus continued.
“I’ve stayed away from showjumping for many years,” Josephine replied in an icy voice. “Ever since Blue.”
Angus gazed at her. “I still feel guilty about Blue every day,” he said quietly.
“Oh!” Josephine laughed bitterly. “I always thought you were too arrogant to feel guilt.”
Angus’s eyes grew blacker, and his hands clenched and unclenched, just as Finn’s did when he was wound up. Alice cleared her throat, hoping to diffuse the tension, and Angus gave a start as if noticing she was there for the first time.
“Finn’s been raving about Secret,” he said to her warmly, and Alice couldn’t help but feel pleased, imagining Finn talking about her with his dad.
“I’ve been jumping him recently,” Alice blurted out. “His scope is amazing but I need help. He can get a bit … uncontrollable.”
“He sounds great,” Angus said. “I like a challenge. Sounds like you just need to let go and trust him.”
Alice was suddenly aware of her mum.
She looked furious.
“‘Let go’?” she said, her voice dangerously quiet.
Angus frowned. “Josie, I’d never put Alice or Secret in danger.”
“‘Let go’?” Josephine repeated, louder this time. “Where have I heard that before? Was it when I trusted you and took your advice?”
Her voice was shrill now, attracting attention.
“Josie—”Angus’s voice was quiet, level —“I will never forget what happened that day. I thought I was doing the right thing. I was young, like you, and I’m sorry.”
“The right thing?” Josephine laughed bitterly. “Your ‘right thing’ cost me my confidence, my pony’s career, and nearly his life! How can I trust you with my daughter and her pony?”
“But my son rides for you,” Angus said, “so we’re going to have to get along somehow.”
“Do we?” Alice’s mum retorted. “How do I know you’re responsible now? Running off to Spain, leaving poor Finn and Sasha to fend for themselves…”
“You know nothing about that,” Angus replied, his eyes black.
Alice was aware that the room had grown quiet as everyone, including Hannah and her friends, watched the argument with open mouths. Alice felt herself redden to the roots of her pale hair and willed the floor to open up underneath her.
Finn just stared blankly ahead.
Josephine glared at Angus, lowering her voice. “I’ll be watching you, Angus,” she said coldly. “Come on, Alice. Goodbye, Finn.”
She was stopped by June Darby, who was just coming into the room and picked up on the tension.
“All OK?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Fine, thank you.” Josephine seemed calm again, and she made polite conversation with her. Alice hovered next to her, trying not to make eye contact with anyone, but aware that Hannah was gliding across the room towards Finn. Alice watched as Hannah hugged Angus and then Finn, who actually hugged her back.
“So nice to see you both again,” Hannah said in a tinkly voice. “I’m so excited about everything!”
As she spoke, her eyes met Alice’s, and she smiled a cool, satisfied smile that didn’t reach her eyes. Then Alice’s mum tapped Alice on the arm, gesturing that it was time to go. It felt as though everyone in the room was watching them leave, and as Alice pushed open the doors, the icy air hitting her hot, red face, Hannah’s laugh rang in her ears.
Chapter 4
“What happened, Mum? How exactly is it Angus’s fault that Blue got injured?”
Back at home a few hours later, Alice was still burning with embarrassment following the argument at the equestrian centre. She had to know what had happened all those years before.
Josephine was sitting in the kitchen with a cup of tea. She gazed out of the window across the yard, and sighed deeply.
“Because Angus thought he knew what was best, for Blue and me,” she said flatly. “It turned out he didn’t.”
Alice waited for her mum to continue.
“Angus and I were on the same showjumping team, and we were at a competition in the north,” Josephine said quietly. “Blue and I were having problems. We weren’t gelling, getting our striding wrong, making silly mistakes. He was hot-headed and tricky, but it made him the jumper he was. I was getting frustrated. Angus said I was putting too much pressure on both Blue and me as a partnership.”
Just like Secret and me last year, Alice thought. Finn had pointed out the same thing then.
“Mum, I found your scrapbook,” Alice said quietly, as her mum looked up sharply. “I know something happened at the beach. But what?”
Her mum sighed again and rubbed her eyes. “Angus persuaded me to take Blue down to the beach early one morning with him,” she said finally. “I knew Blue would find it too much. He was nervy and flighty – it was part of the reason why he was so good: no one could catch him in a jump-off – but Angus took his ponies to the beach every morning to relax them, and he was doing so well, I thought I would give it a go. Angus had a way about him, and I believed him.”
It was as if Alice was no longer there as her mum continued in the same flat tone.
“I knew it was a bad idea from the start. I should have stopped … said something. The waves were huge. Angus was laughing and just said to ‘let him go’, that he’d relax when he’d had a run. He set off, no tack, just laughing at me. He always could ride well. I remember it so clearly, the way he turned round, telling me to let Blue go.”
Alice could picture the scene. A storm-lashed beach, a dark-haired boy just like Finn, arrogant in his confidence. And her mum, clinging on to a pony. She shivered.
“Blue got spooked and bolted straight for the sea but he tripped where the sand was shifting, and went over. I don’t remember much after that.”
Alice was silent, imagining the scene.
“I was unconscious, but I was told that Blue was on the verge of being shot there and then on the beach because they thought he’d broken a leg,” Josephine continued. “Angus persuaded the vets to take him to the hospital because he suspected it was the tendon. I owe him that, at least. Blue could never be ridden again – you must have seen the vet’s report. And I nearly gave it all up as well. I haven’t really ridden since. I tell people I prefer to concentrate on the groundwork instead. But the real reason is that I totally lost my confidence.”
“Oh, Mum.”
There was nothing more Alice could say. She understood now why her mum had been so upset about seeing Angus again. It must have brought everything back. But no one had forced her to ride Blue down on the beach.
Alice frowned. “Mum,” she started carefully, “Angus must have thought he was doing the right thing. Finn told me he adores horses.”
Pain flashed over her mum’s face. “Angus didn’t plan to injure Blue,” she said softly, “but he always thinks that his way is the right way. Don’t you see why I’m worried about him being at the pony club? What if something happened to Secret? Or you?”
“It won’t, Mum! Secret and I are different.” Alice reached out to her mum and held her hand. “You need to trust us.”
Her mum gave a shaky smile and squeezed Alice’s hand, before heading into the yard. Alice breathed out deeply. What a mess. She could see what Angus had been trying to do. He loved horses, just like Finn. She felt torn in two directions: loyalty to her mum, and her desire to succeed with Secret.
Nothing was mentioned about Angus or the pony club for a few days. But then one afternoon Josephine leaned on the arena fence watching as Alice jumped. Secret had flown over the fences, ears pricked and eyes bright, and despite feeling slightly out of control Alice was laughing joyfully as she pulled Secret up and gave him a pat. It felt brilliant when it went well. No sign of the bored pony from the show ring!
Alice was pleased that her mum had caught one of her and Secret’s more successful sessions. Unlike the previous week, when Secret had jumped Alice clean out of the saddle.
“What about trying a competition next week?” her mum suggested. “They hold fun shows at Hilltops, as well as pony club stuff. We’ll start small: you can just trot around.”
“OK,” Alice agreed, pleased her mum was encouraging her jumping. Then she frowned as her mum continued.
“I asked the district commissioner of the Purley branch of the pony club if you could join there, since we almost overlap areas,” her mum said casually, not quite meeting Alice’s eyes. “They said that’s fine. After all, it doesn’t matter what branch you join.”
Alice saw red. The Purley branch was further away, but it wasn’t just that. What about Finn, and all the people she’d met on New Year’s Day? She knew it was going to be hard, going back and facing everyone after Angus and her mum’s argument, but she was determined to make it work.
“Yes, it does matter!” she cried, making Secret jump. “I want to be part of the local pony club, Hilltops! I never have time to see friends from school so I want to be part of something right here, and make some proper friends.”
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“OK, Alice, calm down. We’ll enter the showjumping for now, and I’ll talk about branches when you’re not so wound up,” her mum snapped, and Alice could tell she’d touched a nerve. Her mum had apologised more than once in the past for Alice missing school parties and get-togethers due to the busy show season. Alice decided she would use this to her advantage.
“And I want to do lessons! Proper group lessons, locally. With the chance to get into a team,” she continued, emotion flooding through her. “It’s great riding here, with you, but this is our chance to do something new!”
“All right!” Her mum held her hands up. “It was only a suggestion. But, Alice, remember what I said… I’ll be keeping a close eye on Angus.” Her words hung in the air as she strode away, a dark frown on her face.
The day before the novice class at the equestrian centre Alice was bubbling with excitement, thinking about jumping Secret. She hadn’t felt like that about a competitive event for a long time. However, her excitement was tinged with nerves. Most of the pony club members would be there, and Alice would have to face them all. But, more importantly, Finn and his dad would be there.
It was freezing cold, and riding under bare trees silhouetted against an iron-grey sky, Alice thought back to the summer and sighed as she passed the sign to the bridleway that led to the downs. She often thought about the ride she had had with Finn there, cantering along side by side, jumping the log with Finn’s encouragement. It was when she had realised what Secret had been trying to tell her, that he didn’t enjoy showing. That ride had been such a turning point in their relationship, both with Secret, and with Finn.
Chapter 5
There was a familiar four-by-four in the yard as Alice clattered back through the gates. Samantha! She must be visiting Josephine to discuss her ponies’ return to Park Farm.
Samantha crossed the yard to give Alice a hug as she finished untacking Secret.
“It’s so great that Finn’s coming back to ride this summer. He’s got such a bond with Archie,” Samantha said, beaming. “Isn’t it super?”
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