Haruka: “Unripe girl... Unripe girl! Could you get any more enticing?!”
Miru: “Someone call the cops.”
From Listener D:
I have no idea what’s so great about young little sisters. They’re brats and in the way... When it comes to women, it’s got to be ones who are older and mature. I especially hate girls who think that cat ears are cute.
Odaira: “Die.”
Haruka: “Die.”
Miru: “Die.”
Chapter 3 - Q&A
TOKYO, KANDA
The day after we had all met Amaneko-chan, we paid the professor a visit. Professor Choumabayashi’s research laboratory was located in the town right next to AKIHABARA. The professor and Odaira-sensei had said they wanted us to all put our heads together to try and figure out what the deal was with Amaneko-chan.
It was the first time I had ever been to the professor’s research lab, but there were expensive-looking devices crammed into every nook, and there were unfinished moe goods scattered all over the floor.
“Hmm...” said the professor, pacing back and forth across the center of the room while deftly avoiding the moe goods everywhere.
She must be deep in thought about something...
“Have you figured out about Amaneko-chan?” I asked.
“I’m having trouble deciding-noda...” she said.
“So even your genius brain can’t solve this conundrum...?”
“No,” she said. “I’m debating in my head right now which tentacles are the most beautiful among all art and historical art in Japan-noda. The first series of Mahou Shoujo Ai is a pretty strong contender, but...”
I should have expected no less from the professor! She’s been thinking all day about works of art from the earliest times!
“I guess I’ll have to consult the Director of the Meguro Tentacle Museum-noda,” she said at last.
The Meguro Tentacle Museum was the only museum in the world dedicated to tentacles. Originally they had exhibited insects, but due to overwhelming demand from the people, they had changed the museum to display tentacles instead. I had learned that the competition in the art of the grotesque was quite fierce.
“This conversation is so specifically fetishistic that it’s getting on my nerves...” said Kuroha, giving us a stare down.
The little blonde girl next to her shook her head no. Odaira-sensei was, as usual, in the form of a young girl with blonde twin-tails.
“You realize that Hokusai Katsushika drew tentacles, yes?” he asked. “The Japanese are a people who love tentacles from the bottom of their hearts.”
Hokusai Katsushika was a famous Ukiyoe artist who had left behind a work of a woman being ensnared by an octopus.
“Hokusai Katsushika was in charge of creating the insert images for the novels of the great author, Bakin Takizawa,” Odaira-sensei explained. “The two surely would be considered the greatest pairing of writer and artist in the history of Japan. That being said, ‘the history of Japan’ only counts up to the present time. Because it will not be long before myself and Miru-chan’s work is released to the world, and a new golden collaboration will be born! ...Wait a second. Not ‘golden,’ but ‘golden shower’! Yes, Miru-chan, let’s become legends!”
“How about you shower in some molten gold and die, geezer?” replied Miru with her usual barb.
Odaira-sensei had chosen Miru to be the illustrator for his latest work, KIRARIN! PANTYS SKYBLUE.
“Why are you even here, geezer?” Miru added.
“I’m here to see you, of course!” he beamed. “But I’m also here to help figure out what the deal is with Gin-kun’s mysterious little sister. And I think it’s about time to get started.”
We all moved over to the break room and began to discuss with each other about Amaneko-chan. We were all seated on a couch that wrapped around a table.
There were so many unanswered questions about Amaneko-chan. First, I couldn’t be completely sure that she was actually my real little sister. The results of the DNA test had been positive, but it was also possible that the testing device had been fake.
And, if we assumed that she really was my blood-related little sister, my jitsumai, then how in the world had Amaneko-chan even been born? My birth parents had passed away, as far as I knew, so if Amaneko-chan was their child, then did that mean they were still alive? She had said that she’d been born in the Special Cultural District, so could it have been that our changing history had affected my birth parents somehow?
I asked everyone all these questions that were popping into my head. And then...
“Actually, Odaira-sensei and I already have a theory based on what you’ve told us so far-noda,” said the professor, matter-of-factly.
“Y-You do?” I stammered.
“Yup. It’s simple-noda. Jitsumai-chan was born in the Special Cultural District, right? So it’s pretty obvious that our changing history, which resulted in the creation of the Special Cultural District, also gave birth to Jitsumai-chan-noda.”
I could picture it in my head. A map of Japan, painted solid red... then, in the ARIAKE area of TOKYO, the Special Cultural District began to be painted over in blue, and an SD Amaneko-chan popped up.
“And that’s that-noda,” said the professor, clapping her hands together suddenly. A screen lowered down from the ceiling with a loud clatter.
“What is this for?” I asked.
“Before I explain our theory, I think we should go over the Special Cultural District once again-noda,” she said.
Oh, I see! She’s going to show the Special Cultural District.
We all focused on the screen, and a video of a magical girl being entangled in tentacles was displayed.
“Uwaaaah! Stop it! You’re going to break me!” the girl squealed.
Squeeze... Slurch...
I was surprised. The Special Cultural District really is just like the popular art of the past! This is exactly like those scenes from old computer games, so they must have maintained the traditions precisely.
“Oops, wrong video-noda,” the professor said.
Kuroha had rushed to cover up Miru’s eyes while glaring at the professor. “‘Wrong video-noda’ my butt! Don’t show Miru stuff like this! Hurry up and change it!”
The professor clapped her hands once again, not seeming the least bit guilty, and the screen changed immediately. Now it showed a cityscape of a town that used kanji everywhere.
“This time it’s actually the Special Cultural District-noda,” she said.
I could see an old-fashioned city and people wearing retro-looking clothing. It really did look just like ancient Japan. A 2D character popped up, just like on TV, and announced, “Tonight we bring you a special report on the Special Cultural District!”
The program began by interviewing residents of the district. Young and old, male and female, about ten people answered questions. Each and every one of them talked about how the Special Cultural District was great for preserving the old traditions of Japan and how Outer Japan was terrible and should go back to the previous culture.
“Nii, why do all of these people say the same thing?” asked Miru.
“They all probably want to be voice actors and are just reading off a script,” I explained. “But if that’s the case, they should have used a famous line from I Want To Have Onii-chan’s Baby or I Want To Have Grandpa’s Baby, at least...”
I Want To Have Grandpa’s Baby was said to be like the bible for retirees, and was another example of a great work of orthodox literature. It was a seminal work about how a grandfather falls in love with his granddaughter. His son and daughter-in-law are against it, but he elopes with her to ATAMI (three nights, four days), and the two of them eventually accept it. It’s about standing up to those (the granddaughter’s parents) who might get in the way of love. This was also a common element of little sister literature, just so you know.
“It’s not a script-noda,” said the professor. “This is how the people who live
there really think-noda.”
“Really?” I couldn’t believe it. It wasn’t like they didn’t have freedom of speech, so why were they all saying the exact same thing?
I recalled what Amaneko-chan had said to me:
“It’s all old-fashioned, and conservative, and strict... I’m sick of it-nodesu.”
Hmm, maybe it is kind of strict...
“I think this TV program must be biased,” said Kuroha. “Something doesn’t seem natural about how it only shows a single opinion.”
“You might have a point, Kuro-chan...” said the professor. “Well, let’s put aside the opinions of the residents for now-noda.”
The professor once again clapped her hands, and the screen went back up into the ceiling.
“Now then, Choumabayashi and I would like to tell a story,” said Odaira-sensei.
The professor and Odaira-sensei explained their theory for how Amaneko-chan, who shouldn’t have been born, had come into existence. I will summarize the most important points.
After giving me up for adoption, my birth parents should have ended up passing away due to some circumstances or another. However, because of how we had changed history and the world, after giving me up for adoption, they’d ended up moving to the Special Cultural District and surviving. They then gave birth to Amaneko-chan.
In other worlds, the existence of the Special Cultural District had saved the lives of my birth parents.
“I see... That really connects the dots,” said Kuroha, seemingly convinced. “But why would moving to the Special Cultural District allow them to survive?”
“Imose-kun, Jitsumai-chan said that she had a grandfather that was still alive, right?” asked the professor.
“Yes. Her grandfather loved old traditions, and it seemed like Amaneko-chan really hated him...”
“Maybe your birth parents were helped out by this grandfather?” the professor theorized. “They met him in the Special Cultural District, he helped them out, and they survived! Then Jitsumai-chan was born. This has gotta be right-noda!” exclaimed the professor, laughing proudly at herself.
I see... But I can’t accept it at face value just yet. Why? Because...
“Professor, we still haven’t solved the most important mystery,” I said. “This theory is all based on the assumption that Amaneko-chan really is my jitsumai. But we don’t know that for sure, right?”
“Yes, we do,” she said. “Jitsumai-chan is without a doubt your blood-related little sister-noda.”
“How can you be so sure?” I asked.
“Because the genetic testing device she used was an invention of mine-noda!”
Aha, so that’s it!
She went on to say with full confidence that her invention was 100% accurate-noda and it couldn’t make a mistake-noda. If she was that sure, I figured that Amaneko-chan must be the real thing.
“I guess in that case your theory is probably correct,” I admitted.
“That’s right-noda. Also, maybe this is a little late to ask, but couldn’t we just ask her directly instead of worrying ourselves about it?”
“True,” I said. “I thought maybe it would be better if I put it off until the next time we met, but Kuroha made me write her an email with a lot of questions. That was just yesterday, though, so she hasn’t replied yet.”
“Asking over email takes too long,” the professor said. “Let’s call her up directly-noda.”
“I forgot to ask her for her phone number.”
The professor let out a exasperated sigh. “When you meet a girl, the first order of business is to get her contact info, sheesh-noda!”
“Well, I bet that we’ve pieced together the main story ourselves, no?” asked Odaira-sensei. “Gin-kun, do you have any other questions?”
Questions, huh? I thought some more to myself...
Why hadn’t my birth parents tried to get in contact with me? Maybe they didn’t consider me their child anymore. It made me a little sad to think that, but I suppose that was the way it had to be. They probably had their reasons, for better or worse. But I figured that if I said this aloud it would just bring everyone down, so I kept those thoughts to myself.
Now that we had settled the major question, the professor started asking me all kinds of things about Amaneko-chan.
Was she cute? What kind of fashion was she wearing? Was she my type? etc...
As I answered, Kuroha started to look more and more upset, and even Yuzu-san looked ever-so-slightly concerned. Miru was pouting, as well.
“Looks like you’ve gone and made a few upset stomachs-noda...” commented the professor.
“Oh, should I go buy some stomachache medicine?” I replied.
“Ah ha ha! Never change, Imose-kun,” she replied. “Is there anything else you want to say about Jitsumai-chan?”
“Let me think...” I pondered. “Amaneko-chan said she wanted to revolutionize language.”
“Revolutionize language?” asked Odaira-sensei, looking apprehensive.
“That’s right,” I said. “It seems like she’s working to create a new Japanese. She said that not only kanji, but hiragana and katakana should be erased from Japanese, as well.”
“Well, that’s quite radical of her, indeed,” Odaira-sensei said. “If what Jitsumai-kun wishes for actually comes to pass, that would be the greatest revolution of language since the evolution of modern Japanese to current-day Japanese... No, even greater.”
A language revolution...
At the end of the 21st century, the population of Japan had been shrinking, and the government had wanted to import workers from foreign countries, so they’d eliminated kanji from use as well as restricting the language to only simple grammatical structures in order for foreigners to more easily understand Japanese, in effect legislating the “current-day” Japanese.
As a result, there had been an increase in the number of immigrants moving to Japan, but according to Odaira-sensei, the greatest benefit had been the higher chance of running into a little girl that was actually a natural blonde.
“Sensei, it’s true that the government had a specific reason to move to current-day Japanese, but the base of support for that decision was also an important part of it, yes?” I asked.
“Ah, yes,” he said. “As we all know, Kurona Gura’s Oniaka had influenced the DNA of Japanese.”
We all knew that what he said was correct. A single work of literature in the latter half of that century had radically changed culture. Amaneko-chan had said that my novel would change the era, too...
“Oh yeah... You made a joke about the 38th century and how they only used symbols and numbers, didn’t you, professor?” I asked. “Amaneko-chan is trying to bring about a Japanese like that, I think. She said that my novel would revolutionize Japanese.”
“W-What are you t-talking about-noda?” said the professor, looking shocked. “I told you, I was just joking back then, right? Don’t make it sound so serious, come on-noda...”
“You might have meant it as a joke, Choumabayashi-kun, but we shouldn’t be so sure. Just as Kurona Gura’s novel affected Japanese culture, Gin-kun’s writings could well change the future,” said Odaira-sensei, excitedly, writing letters on the table with his finger.
PAST→MODERN [Girl]
PRESENT→CURRENT [GIRL]
NEXT→FUTURE [ ]
“Gin-kun, write how you would express ‘a girl’ in the space for me,” he said.
I agreed and wrote “∀” in between the brackets.
“Nii, what’s that supposed to be? A smiley-face?” asked Miru.
“Miru-chan, knowing Gin-kun, it is surely a triangular pair of panties,” said Odaira-sensei. “I do wonder about it, though... I told him to write ‘a girl,’ but he wrote ‘a girl’s soul’ instead. In any case, I’m very much against you wearing such adult-looking panties as these!”
Ah, Sensei... Ever-so-literary of an analysis! However, that had not been my intention.
“You see, this is a symbol for
a little girl whose head is buried in the ground with just her lower body sticking out,” I explained.
Everyone went silent.
Yuzu-san jumped in with a little joke after listening to our debate. “If your novel ends up affecting the future, Gin-san, then maybe someone from the future will come here, just like how we went to the 21st century.”
“So Amaneko-chan is actually like, my granddaughter from the future or something?” I asked.
“Not possible-noda,” the professor said. “My device said she was your immediate sister-noda.”
Kuroha told us all to stop making stupid jokes, and we left it at that.
“But it’s quite a strange dream for a middle schooler to have, creating a new language...” pondered Odaira-sensei. “She should only care about the pattern of her panties. Was there something that sparked her interest, I wonder?”
“It’s probably thanks to her grandfather or the Special Cultural District, I bet,” I said. “She seems to be sick of old-fashioned things, after all. I think it’s wonderful that she has such a big dream. Oh and by the way, I think her panties are black.”
“Big dream? Yeah, right! Creating a new Japanese isn’t even the slightest bit realistic!” complained Kuroha. She clearly didn’t have a good impression of Amaneko-chan, so she wasn’t going to give her any benefit of the doubt. Perhaps the black/white panty divide they shared was also a factor.
“Kuroha, can you really not understand how Amaneko-chan feels at all?” I asked. “Well, I guess if the language changes again, you wouldn’t be able to become a classic literature translator any more...”
“It’s not about my future job... I mean, most people would be against it. Imagine how difficult it would make daily life!” she exclaimed.
“Ha ha ha...” chuckled Odaira-sensei. “But it won’t be people like us who create the future. It will be the generations after us, and we probably won’t understand what they are thinking at all, either.”
And with that, we finished discussing Amaneko-chan. It felt like today’s lecture had just finished.
My Little Sister Can Read Kanji: Volume 3 Page 5